Page 162 of Vying Girls

I nod, guessing as much. That fucking girl.

‘She messaged me asking how Nic is. Course, I didn’t have a fucking clue what she was going on about.’

I take in a breath. ‘I’m sorry. Nic made me promise. Haz, she was really freaked out. About her heart, about you finding out and killing her for it.’

Haz snorts. ‘I’m gonna kill her alright.’ The disappointment in her eyes almost cuts me down. ‘I told her you don’t fucking lie.’

It’s like a punch to the stomach.

A liar.

It’s what Nic accuses me of being. It’s what I can almost convince myself I am. What Mum wishes I’d been. It’s a knife twisting in the wound to hear it from Haz.

‘I just never know what to do for the fucking best!’ I grab at my arms, hurting the skin there, feeling like Nic as a sudden urge to run grips me. ‘Telling the truth to you means lying to her. And keeping her promise means lying to you. I just keep messing up everything.’ I breathe out some short breaths, that roaring from the other day back in my head. ‘Who told Coach?’

‘I did.’

‘Why?’

‘Why? Because I know she was given orders to rest. Because you weren’t there last year when I thought she was going to fuckingdie.She needs to know there’s consequences to her actions, that she’s not fucking immortal.’ Haz looks away. ‘And yeah, I was just mad at her and wanted a way to get back at her.’

‘Nice. Great. Well, I can tell you it’s me she’s punishing. It’s me she’s angry atyet again.We were actually doing alright, Haz. For fucking once, things were going good.’

‘She’s got no right to be mad at you. You didn’t say shit. That was all me.’ She tosses up a hand. ‘And Skylar, I guess.’

‘Yeah, but she doesn’t believe that, does she? And now she’s gone, thinking I betrayed her when I fuckingpromised.’Hot tears flood my eyes. ‘Fuck’s sake, we were actually getting somewhere.’

‘What do you mean she’s gone?’

‘Just gone. To her tent, probably. She just ran off at practise just now. You know, after telling me to get the fuck away from her. A little warning would have been nice, Haz.’

Haz looks at the kitchen window, spoon poised in hand. The wind’s changed direction, hurling rain right at us.

‘Take over this.’ She drops the spoon into the pot. ‘Take it off after another twenty. I’ll go find her.’

I wipe my eyes. ‘Not if she doesn’t want to be found.’

‘I’ll find her.I don’t want you worrying about this.’ She captures my wrists, eyes lancing into mine. ‘Are you mad at me?’

‘A bit.’

She nods, letting me go. ‘Fine. I’ll sort it. Not the first time I’ve been here with her. I’ll deal.’

I watch her put on shoes and raise the hood of her tank hoodie. She needn’t bother. The thing’s going to be soaked through in seconds.

‘When you find her, Haz, just…make sure she knows I care about her.’

‘Yeah. Text me the coordinates of where her tent is. If I’m quick, I might get there before she moves it.’ She opens the door.

‘Wait! Does Elly know?’

‘No.’ She steps out into the wind. ‘You can tell her yourself.’

‘Does Elly know what?’

I glance over as Elly steps into the kitchen with an inquisitive smile. I gently shake off the spoon and turn off the hob. It’s nothing that can’t be taken care of later.

‘Just me fucking everything up as per.’