Page 44

THIRTY-EIGHT

Ellie

I couldn’t stop crying, and Zamboni was licking my face. She whined, and I knew she was trying to make me feel better, but what could she do? She couldn’t fix this. She couldn’t bring Owen back.

It was my fault that I’d pushed him away.

I should have told him sooner. I’d been waiting for his family to leave, and then I’d just been so happy in our little bubble that it had completely slipped my mind. I didn’t even think about my landlord texting me to ask for an update.

Sophia

Are you okay?

I heard that Owen’s been in a bad mood ever since they left.

Ellie

Honestly, babe, I don’t even know.

I’m just… numb.

We’ve never fought like that before.

I’m here if you need me. Just say the word.

Even if it’s just to bring over a bottle of wine to commiserate. I’ve had my fair share of shitty breakups.

Not that this is a break-up. Just… I’m in your corner.

Thank you. You’re such a good friend. I’m lucky to have you.

Right back at ya, Ellie.

“You look like shit,” Maggie said, leaning against the door of my classroom a few hours later. Both of us had the same period as our planning period, though I wasn’t exactly getting any planning done. At least I was here, trying to put on my best face for my students.

I blew out a breath. My eyes were red and puffy from crying. “Yeah, well, I feel like it, too.”

“What happened? Did you and your hockey boy break up?”

“Not exactly. We just got in a fight, I guess?” Now I just felt like I was being dramatic.

No, we hadn’t broken up. He’d had to go, and yes, he’d left , but he looked just as devastated as I had. The pain in his eyes had broken my heart. Because I’d done that to him. I was the one who was ruining everything. Again.

I couldn’t let us go another five years apart. I wanted him forever. Wanted to be by his side every day for the rest of my life. Wanted the future I’d been dreaming of. He was the only one who held the key to my heart.

She came over to me, rubbing my back. “Then why are you crying, babe?”

“Because he left. And it just brought up all these old feelings and I feel like my life is imploding. I want to be with him. But I just…” I dropped my head against my desk. “What am I going to do, Mags?”

“Go after him.” She quirked an eyebrow like it was obvious. “Tell him how you feel. You love him, right?”

Shaking my head, I frowned. “You say that like it’s that simple. I can’t just go. He’s gone on a long away series, and I have a job. I have to teach.”

She nodded. “Well, I guess that’s fair. When does he get home?”

“Like, a week and a half,” I said, biting my thumbnail, pretending I didn’t have the Seals game schedule basically memorized at this point.

Maggie hummed, looking deep in thought. “Is there a game this weekend?”

“Yes. Why?”

She shrugged. “Just a thought.”

Could I really book a flight and just go? Show up at his game and tell him how I felt? That I’d never planned on moving out. That I’d told my landlord I was happy where I was. That I loved him.

My god, I loved him so much.

My friend headed out of my classroom, turning to look at me as she got to the doorway. “Go get your man, Ellie. Don’t wait to tell him.”

I nodded, hearing the truth in her words. Honestly, I couldn’t deny there was some logic to her point. This wasn’t a conversation I wanted to have on the phone—if he’d even pick up—and I didn’t want to wait almost two weeks to see him in person.

But there was something I needed to do first.

Something that was just for me.

I looked at the rink, and then back to my ice skates Owen had bought me. They were still in my hands. I could do this.

We’d come to the iceplex a few times over the last few months, ever since he’d brought me here the first time. Still, I’d never gotten back on the ice without him. The anxiety was still there, even after all this time. My chest felt tight, and I wanted to shut down.

My thoughts were filled with Owen.

How soft and tender he was with me.

The way he made love to me.

His face when he’d brought Zamboni home.

The way he’d looked at me when I’d worn his jersey for the first time.

Every time he’d gotten up early and made breakfast just so we could have time together in the mornings.

The way he believed in me, wholly and completely.

I didn’t deserve him. Not by a long shot. He was everything good and right in the world, and I was hopelessly, desperately in love with him. He was my other half. The Hockey Boy to my Skater Girl.

I thought about how proud of me he’d be if he was here, watching me skate all on my own.

But I wasn’t here for him. I was here for myself. So I sat down on the bench, pulling my boots off and letting them drop to the floor. Lacing up my skates, I took the time to appreciate the smooth white leather. I’d broken them in well enough, but they were still like new. Beautiful .

I walked over to the wall, popping in my earphones and putting on one of my favorite playlists. Putting one foot in front of the other, I stepped onto the ice, employing the breathing methods my therapist had taught me years ago.

Owen’s words rang out in my head. Put one foot in front of the other. Remind yourself that the world isn’t over. Pick yourself up and dust yourself off. Try again .

I would. For him, for me, and for our future, I would try again a million times.

Then, I skated. Gliding across the ice, I let my muscle memory take over. While running through one of my old routines that I’d always loved, I remembered everything I loved about figure skating. Maybe I couldn’t do a triple axel anymore, and I definitely wouldn’t be attempting any jumps, but the rest of it came back to me like an old friend.

What I missed the most? This . Not the competitions or the insane regimen my coach had me on. The moment I’d walked away from that life, none of it had mattered anymore.

I just missed loving the ice. Feeling the wind whip around me and the ice under my blades. The smell of the rink. It was a smell that would always remind me of Owen.

I remembered what it was like to fall in love with him, slowly, then all at once. Being that five-year-old girl, mesmerized and begging her mom for skates. I remembered being the teenager who couldn’t help but stare at her best friend’s brother. The girl who had him—and lost him.

I stayed out on the ice until my muscles cried, screaming at me to take a break.

The rink had always been where I’d done my best thinking.

It was also where I’d fallen in love with Owen Harper.

And it was time to do just what Maggie said.

I picked up the phone, clicking on the only person in my contacts that I knew could help me.

“Hey, Sophia? I need a favor.”