Page 35

THIRTY

Owen

THEN

Sophomore Year

M y bed was empty. It was a sight I should have been used to. I’d never come back here to find a woman in my bed before. But today, waking up next to her, finding her snuggled beside me had been everything I’d ever wanted. I’d pressed a kiss to her head before dragging my body out of bed for morning skate. I hadn’t wanted to, but I’d done it.

The t-shirt she had been wearing was folded neatly in the middle of my bed, the sheets pulled back like no one had ever slept in it. And there was a note on top.

My heart sank. I could almost delude myself into thinking she was in the shower, but her stuff was gone, too. The bag of breakfast I’d gotten us sat on my desk, forgotten. I’d set it there the moment I came back to my room and finding it empty.

Ellie had left. What had I done? Had I hurt her? Last night had been something I’d waited for. I’d waited for her. And it had been special, because it was her. Us.

I’d never even looked at another girl. Didn’t even want to, because I had her. Because I knew that smiling, sunshine girl was waiting for me back home. The only one I’d ever wanted. I thought she’d felt the same way.

Hands trembling, I picked up the note on my bed.

Owen,

I can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry.

Ellie

What did she mean, she couldn’t do this anymore? Last night, we’d shared everything . And now she was just… gone?

I didn’t even bother putting shoes on, rushing out of my house to the spot where she’d parked her car. But it was gone. Ellie was… gone. It was like it had all been a dream. A dream I’d never wanted to wake up from.

“Are you okay, Harper?” One of my teammates asked me. I was only vaguely aware of it, still looking at the empty spot of pavement.

I turned to him, blinking. “I… Uh… Did you happen to see my girlfriend this morning?”

He frowned. “I think she was leaving as I came back from the rink.”

“Oh. Okay.” I ran a hand through my hair. “Thanks.”

Heading back to my room—at a normal pace this time—I grabbed my phone and sat down at the edge of the bed.

She hadn’t called. Hadn’t texted. No, she’d let me take her virginity, let me give her my virginity, and then fled as soon as I’d gone to morning skate.

I clicked her name from my contacts list, calling her.

“Pick up, pick up, pick up,” I chanted to myself.

But she didn’t answer the phone.

“Fuck!” I exclaimed, throwing my phone across the room.

Owen

Ellie. Come back, please. Can we talk?

No response.

I’m begging you, Daisy. I can’t live without you. I don’t want to.

What happened? Did I hurt you? Fuck, if I hurt you, I just…

I pinched the spot between my eyebrows. All of my messages were still unread. Which, if she was driving, would make sense. What could I do?

Flopping back on my bed, I threw my arm over my eyes, blocking out the light.

“Mom,” I said, my voice hoarse.

“Hi, honey,” she said, tone full of concern. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

I shook my head, even though she couldn’t see me. No, I wasn’t okay, not in the slightest.

“She’s gone. She’s gone, and she broke up with me, and I don’t even know what happened, but she left. ”

I didn’t know when I’d started crying, only that I’d never felt heartbreak like this before. Almost twenty years and I’d never felt a level of devastation like this. My entire future vanished in front of my eyes.

“Slow down, Owen.” They were words meant to soothe. “Start over from the beginning. What happened?”

Suddenly, all I wanted was my mom. For one of her hugs that always seemed to make everything better. For the scent of baked goods & roses that always permeated our house. Instead, I was here—alone.

“Ellie came up this weekend to see me,” I started. “I thought everything was great. But I left for morning skate, and grabbed breakfast for us on the way back and when I got back to my room, she’d left.”

“And she didn’t say anything?”

I rubbed a hand over my face. “No. Just a note. I tried to call her, but she didn’t answer. She told me she loved me, Mom. How could she do this?”

“I’m so sorry, Owen. I wish there was something I could do to make it better.” But what could she say? My mom wasn’t there last night. She didn’t know what we had shared. And then to lose her after that—after the most precious, special moment that I thought meant something to both of us—was gutting.

And I still had to go play a hockey game later today. After having my heart pulled out of my chest and stomped on. It was even worse, because I knew the Seals were looking at me. Debating on calling me up early.

“I don’t know if I want to come home for Thanksgiving this year,” I said, looking at the giant calendar on my wall. I’d circled the date I got to go back home, but in the end, every moment there would be one spent around her. My life was too entwined with Ellie’s.

And how could I face her after she left me?

I couldn’t.

“Maybe we’ll make the trip up there,” Mom offered. “It might be fun for the four of us. Seattle’s a great city. Who knows, it might give me inspiration for my next book?”

I let out a small groan at her last comment—we loved to tease her for writing romance novels, but really, I was damn proud of my mom. And the way she’d raised us, we’d grown up with books all over the house. Reading was practically second nature to me. Some guys on my team struggled with assignments because they didn’t enjoy it, but I would happily devour a fantasy novel whenever I had free time. Even the ones that my teammates joked could be used as a brick.

“I’d really like that,” I admitted. “It would be nice to have you up here. And then you could come to my game that weekend.”

It would have been a quick trip, anyway. Unlike most students on campus, I didn’t have the luxury of a long weekend.

“Done. I’ll talk to your dad tonight when he gets back from the University and we’ll book hotels. I love you, Owen. You’re so strong. You’ll make it through this, I promise.”

“But why?” I blinked rapidly, trying to clear the tears. “Why do I have to? It was supposed to be her and I. We were supposed to be together.”

“I can’t pretend to know the way the world works, hon. All I know is it’s what you do after that matters. You’ve got so much life ahead of you. We talked to your coach, and I know he sees the promise in you. The NHL drafted you.”

I nodded, reminding myself that was what was important. Hockey. My career. I loved it. I could love it enough even without her here. “Yeah. You’re right. Thanks, Mom.”

“See you in a few weeks. If you need me—or your Dad—we’re always right here.”

I wished I could hug her. “I love you.”

“Love you too, O-Bear,” she said, calling me my childhood nickname. “Good luck on your game tonight.”

We said our goodbyes before I hung up the phone, staring up at the ceiling.

I still didn’t understand.

Still wanted to cry and scream or break something.

But my mom was right. I had to be strong. Had to not let this affect me.

I’d wall off my heart with a sheet of ice, so it could never get broken again. Keep giving everyone the grinning, cheerful guy that everyone loved.

Even when I was dying on the inside.