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THIRTY-SEVEN

Owen

D ecember came in the blink of an eye, and every day brought us closer to the holidays. Unfortunately, that also meant my family’s quick trip was over.

“It’s always great to have you guys here,” I said, wrapping my arms around my mom for a hug. I loved when they came up to visit.

There were so many things I missed about Portland. But the NHL didn’t have a team there, and I was just glad to be in Seattle. What would happen if the team tried to transfer me somewhere like Florida, on the opposite side of the country from my family? I wasn’t sure I could accept that, because I couldn’t imagine leaving here. But hockey wasn’t forever.

One day, I liked to think we’d end up back in Portland, raising a family there.

My dad hugged me next. “Don’t be a stranger, son.”

I looked over at Ellie, who was animatedly talking to my sister, her eyes bright and cheeks pink. So fucking happy, and she lit up the whole damn room when she smiled. I cleared my throat, looking away. “I’ll be home in a few weeks,” I promised. “We’re bringing Zambi down for Christmas.” For the first time in a long time, I was really looking forward to going home, because this time, Ellie was going to be at my side.

“Let us know if you want us to make up your old room,” Mom added. “Or if you and Ellie want to stay somewhere else?—”

“I will, Mom,” I said, cutting her off. The back of my neck was probably red, but I definitely didn’t need to discuss my girlfriend and I’s sleeping habits with my mother. Nor did I need her talking about it with Ellie’s mom.

We hadn’t discussed it yet, but I didn’t really care whose house we slept at, as long as I could sleep with her in my arms. It was the thing I missed the most every time we were on the road. With Ellie nestled against my body, and Zamboni sleeping at our feet, I had my entire world right next to me. God, I fucking loved it.

Mom lowered her voice. “Take care of her, Owen. I know how much she means to you. Don’t let her go.”

“I don’t intend to.”

Another promise I didn’t plan on breaking. I’d started ring shopping, and I was going to ask her dad when we got into town. Just like I’d asked him all those years ago for permission to date his daughter.

It was crazy to think that almost ten years had passed since then. Since I’d taken her to prom, and she’d been the most beautiful girl in the room. I’d been a goner long before that, but damn.

Ellie was it for me. Always had been.

“Love you guys.”

Penny and Ellie hugged, and then she came to stand at my side, wrapping her arm around mine and leaning on my shoulder as we stood at the curb.

“Hi, baby,” I said, pressing a kiss to the crown of her head. “You good? ”

“Yeah.” Her voice was soft. “I just didn’t realize how much I missed them until they came up to visit.”

We watched my family load up in the car and drive away, and I hugged her tight. “We’ll be home in a few weeks,” I said to her.

“I know.” She snuggled into me. “And while I’m looking forward to it, I’m also glad to have you back to myself for a bit.”

“I couldn’t agree more.” Cupping her cheeks, I looked down at her. “I wish I didn’t have to leave you again so soon.” Just when we were alone, I had another away series.

“I hate that you have to go,” Ellie said, giving me a little pout.

Running my hand down her hair, I cupped the back of her head. “I know.” This was our longest road trip of the season—with six away games in a row—and I already hated the idea of being gone for so long. But at least at the end, we’d be that much closer to leaving for Portland.

Ellie sighed as she rested her head against my chest. “Hockey is important, Owen. I know that. I don’t expect you to sacrifice anything for me.”

Little did she know I would sacrifice the world for her. Gladly. If I had to, I’d give up my career tomorrow to be with her. I could go back to school and finish my degree, plus I’d already made more money than I knew what to do with for my entire life. If I invested wisely, there was no reason I’d have to worry. “You’re worth it,” I said against her lips. “Don’t ever doubt that, Ellie baby.”

She smiled, tugging at my hand. “Come on. Let’s go upstairs and snuggle with our puppy. I think she’s feeling a little neglected.”

“Spoiled princess,” I said, snorting as I followed her to the elevator. Our dog had figured out how to manipulate everyone to get the maximum amount of pets this week .

Ellie pressed the button for our floor and then leaned back against the wall. “Yeah. But she’s kind of the cutest thing ever, isn’t she?”

I stepped in close, arching my back to lean over her, my mouth only a breath away from hers. “That’s you, Daisy.”

“Owen,” she murmured.

“It was so hard to stay away from you the last few days,” I said, settling my hands on her hips. “But there was no way we were going to be able to stay quiet with my parents in the apartment, huh?”

She shook her head, brushing her lips over mine with the motion. “No.” Her voice was breathy, and I helped guide her legs so they wrapped around mine, pressing my cock against her pussy. Layers of fabric kept us apart, but we both groaned at the sensation. “ Fuck , Owen.” Ellie dropped her head against my shoulder.

“I know, baby.” Nipping at her shoulder, I dropped my lips against her ear. “I’d fuck you right here in the elevator if I could.” She squirmed, whimpering. “Does that turn you on, my dirty girl? So needy.”

Thank fuck, the doors opened. I didn’t waste another second, throwing the apartment door open and heading directly for the bedroom, ready to show my girl exactly how much I’d miss her.

It was a chilly morning as I took Zamboni out for a walk, already dreading having to leave later today. We had practice this morning, and then we’d hop on a plane to start our long east coast road trip.

She was still a puppy, one who loved to nip at our fingers with her sharp little teeth and who tried to eat her leash when I took her out. I was working on leash training her, enjoying our time together and these little moments each morning. There was no way I was asking Ellie to get out of bed any earlier than she already had to, especially since I was the one who had brought home a dog.

It was selfish, but coming home and seeing my girls cuddled up on the couch reinforced that I’d made the right decision. Because seeing how much Ellie loved Zambi, and how attached our puppy was to her mommy? Yeah. I was smitten. With both of them.

My feelings were bubbling up inside of me, but I hadn’t told her how I felt. I’d confessed to her I was scared, and yet I still couldn’t say the words.

Maybe because last time we’d said I love you, everything had fallen apart.

What if she didn’t feel the same way? I thought she did, but she hadn’t said it either. Or what if she left again, and I fell apart?

In college, I’d been a mess for weeks afterwards. I’d missed blocking shots that cost us goals against. I’d missed passes that would have helped us score. It was only when my coach had told me to get my head out of my ass or I’d lose my opportunity to work in the NHL that I’d finally shaped up. I’d given my all to hockey, and the next year, when I’d gotten called up to the NHL for my rookie year, I hadn’t looked back.

Now… I didn’t know. Of course, I still loved her. I’d always loved her. And I wanted to ask her to marry me. Wanted her to be my wife.

“Fuck me,” I groaned.

Why was I being this stupid? I needed to tell her how I felt. Preferably, before I got on a plane and left for a few days.

I headed back upstairs, Zamboni happily trotting through the apartment and finding one of her bones once I took her off her harness. Heading into our bedroom, I saw Ellie’s phone was sitting open on the nightstand and I heard the shower running. I didn’t mean to look at it, but I noticed she had a notification from an unknown number, and I frowned.

Unknown

Did you decide what you wanted to do with the apartment yet?

If you’re going to move back in, I just need to know in the next week.

Move back in? What ? I frowned. Ellie hadn’t mentioned her apartment in months. Honestly, I’d forgotten about it entirely. That place was a shithole. She wanted to go back there?

Did she not want to live with me anymore? I thought everything was going great. How could she want to leave? I sat on the bed, trying to process the idea. I was out shopping for wedding rings, and she was planning on moving out?

“Owen?” Ellie’s voice called out. I looked up, finding her wrapped in a towel, her damp blonde hair hanging down around her creamy skin. “Are you okay?”

“I—” I blinked at her. Was I okay? No . “You’re moving out?”

She paled. “What?”

Fuck. “So it’s true? You’re moving back to that shitty apartment?”

“Owen. Wait. Let me explain.”

I shook my head. “You don’t have to. I just… Fuck, El.” This was the worst possible timing. “I have to go. I need to get to practice and then I have to catch a flight.” If I was late to practice, I risked not getting to play the next game at all.

Her eyes filled with tears. “Please don’t leave right now. I was going to tell you when I got the call that they were done repairing it, but you had a game that night, and I didn’t want to be a distraction.”

“Dammit, Ellie!” I smoothed a hand over my face. “And what is this? How long have you known? ”

She bit her lip. “A week?”

“A week ?” She’d known about her apartment for a week and hadn’t told me? “I can’t do this right now.”

“Please, Owen.” Ellie grabbed my wrist. “Don’t leave. Don’t walk out on me.”

“Like you did?”

She crossed her arms over her chest. “That’s not fair.”

Fuck. I knew it wasn’t fair. But I couldn’t help it.

I grabbed my duffel bag off the floor, followed by the suitcase I’d packed last night. “We’ll talk later. I just…” I leaned in, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “I don’t want to fight.”

Tears streamed down her face, and I knew this was the worst possible thing I could do to us. But what else could I say?

I love you.

I want you to stay.

I want you.

But I didn’t. Instead, I left.

This time, in the middle of the day. No note need.

Maybe in the end, this would be the thing that destroyed us.

And it felt like my world was falling apart.

Boarding the team plane, I popped my earphones in, not wanting to talk to my teammates. Even Brooks and Maverick had questioned why I was in such a bad mood earlier, but I didn’t know what to say.

How do you explain to your friends that your girlfriend—the one you wanted to marry, that you’d been looking at rings for—had been keeping a secret from you like that? That she had been considering leaving me?

I wasn’t enough for her .

Maybe I’d never been.

My job made it so I was gone for half the season, and I was sure it couldn’t be easy. But didn’t she love me? Didn’t she love Zamboni?

Why weren’t we enough?

Why wasn’t I enough?