Page 13

ELEVEN

Owen

NOW

T ying the laces of my right skate—then my left—I stood and observed the scene of the locker room. It felt right, all of us back here. Even if the entire team wasn’t playing tonight for the exhibition game, seeing all the guys in their Seals blue felt like coming home.

“Hey, Harps. Have any plans tonight after the game?” Brooks nudged me.

I shrugged. “Not really.”

“A group of us were talking about going out tonight for drinks. Let loose a little before the regular season starts.” My friend gave me a warm smile. He was quieter and more subdued than his brother, which was probably why I spent more time around him than Maverick. Still, they were my best friends.

“Sounds good,” I nodded. It had been a while since I’d gone out with the team, and maybe I needed this. To blow off some steam and let go. To feel like I was a part of the group.

Mav stared at me, mystified. “Sorry, did he just agree to go out tonight?”

“I think he did.” Brooks shook his head .

“Fuck off,” I muttered. “I go out plenty. Unlike Rhodes over there.”

He flipped me off, going back to his pre-game ritual while getting ready.

Grumpy asshole that he was, I couldn’t fault him for being an incredible hockey player. He had a record for the most assists in history with our team over his last decade that he’d played, and so I tried not to give him too hard of a time. Even if I rarely saw the guy smile.

One day, someone was going to come into his life and completely knock him off his feet, and he’d have no idea what to do with himself. I chuckled to myself, pulling my jersey over top my shoulder and elbow pads.

Hopefully, I’d be around to see it. After all, some guys on the team had been here for their entire career. I hoped I would be the same. I loved the Pacific Northwest, and I didn’t want to leave it. Though I missed Portland, they didn’t have an NHL team there, so at least I was close to home.

Imagining leaving this place… even now, it felt wrong. I couldn’t imagine how rough it would be to hear I was being traded. Hopefully, the day would never come.

That was why I had to keep my head in the game and stay serious. It was my fourth season in the NHL, and while I didn’t feel like I was at risk of being sent down to the AHL anymore—proving my worth over the last two seasons—anything could happen.

I needed to stay focused. Sharp.

It wasn’t long until we stepped out onto the ice, a giant stack of pucks being knocked onto the ice by Finn Evans, who entered before me. We all took turns shooting at the net, our man Farkas in goal, doing his best to block our shots. Since he didn’t play most of the games during the season, these would give him the extra practice he needed as our alternate goalie.

After a few turns around the ice, I skated over to the boards, coming to a stop next to Brooks. He was almost the same height as me, only an inch shorter. Sometimes, it felt like we could read each other on the ice so well that we didn’t even need to communicate. That was one reason it felt like we worked so well together. We were both damn good at blocking the other team’s shots and had a record number of hits between the two of us.

He tipped his head, looking across the ice. “Hey, she’s pretty cute.”

“Huh?” I asked, looking back at him.

He motioned with his stick. “Over there. Blonde. Standing next to the kid in the corner.”

I perked up. There was no way. It couldn’t be. She wasn’t here at my game.

We hadn’t talked to each other since I’d left that morning. The group chat I never took part in didn’t count, though it seemed like she’d been doing okay.

I wasn’t even aware I was moving, skating across the ice, until I was right there. The only thing that separated us was the half inch thick piece of plexiglass.

“Ellie?” My eyes were wide.

But it was her. She was here.

Her lips moved, and a hesitant smile covered her face. “Hi,” she mouthed, and I wished I could hear her voice.

She moved her hand, placing it against the glass and splaying her fingers wide.

Fuck, I couldn’t believe she was standing in front of me. I blinked a few times, trying to decide if it was really my imagination. Had I just hallucinated her?

But no.

“You’re here,” I said, unable to keep the smile off my face. God, she was beautiful in Seals blue, wearing one of our jerseys. It wasn’t mine, but she wasn’t mine anymore, either.

Ellie nodded.

Where was she sitting? I wanted her closer to me. So that I could watch her during the game. Something told me she would disappear all too quickly after it ended.

Did she drive up just for the night? While my family came to my games fairly often, since Seattle wasn’t too far from Portland, Ellie never had. I puffed up my chest, knowing I shouldn’t feel this way but unable to rein myself in. I’d enjoy knowing she was watching me for tonight, and after that, I’d go back to moving on. Letting go of our shared past.

Maybe we could be friends again. We’d been best friends before I’d ever asked her out, and I missed her as my friend as much as I missed her as my girlfriend. She’d always been the one who would sit on the bench in the rink with me growing up as we talked about anything and everything.

That was where it had all began. It felt fitting that we were here once again—me on the ice, and her in the stands. Like this was fate. Like it was meant to be.

Looking around, I shook my head before holding up a hand. Unfortunately, she couldn’t hear me through the plexiglass, so I just had to hope she understood the universal sign for wait. Especially with my gloves on.

Skating back to the bench, I caught the attention of Coach Monroe, and she walked over to the edge. She was wearing her dark hair back in a tight bun and a powder blue suit for tonight’s game. “What’s up, Harper?”

“I need a favor.”

She raised an eyebrow, but nodded at me to continue.

“There’s a girl,” I said, looking backwards over my shoulder at where Ellie still stood. “At the glass over in section 110. Can you upgrade her seat? Maybe somewhere behind the bench?”

“I can try, but… ”

“Please.” I wasn’t above begging. Not for this. Not when it came to her. “She’s my—” What was she to me? Ex-girlfriend felt wrong. Childhood best friend didn’t quite communicate the depth of feelings for her. She was a lot of things to me. “We’ve known each other since birth,” I said instead. “Our parents are best friends. I’ll pay for it. I just need—” her close by . To see her. Knowing she was really here was almost enough to have me jumping out of my skin. I shook my head.

“Oh, if she’s family, you should have led with that. I’ll see what I can do. Keep skating, and I’ll have someone go get her. What’s her name?”

“Ellie. Ellie Bradford.”

She nodded, pulling out her phone and beginning to type furiously on the keyboard. A few moments later, she looked back up at me. “I’ve got it taken care of.”

“Thank you.” I turned around, heading back out to the middle of the ice to continue warm-ups, hitting a few slap-shots towards the goal and practicing a few maneuvers with the puck.

It was everything I could do to keep my eye off of the girl who once held my heart.

Especially when a staff member came down the stairs, and she hesitantly followed behind him before they disappeared at the top of the stairwell. I knew I couldn’t focus on the spot for too long—even pretending to stretch wouldn’t give me enough time to wait for her to reappear—but finally, she did.

Standing rink side, right behind the player’s box. During the game, she’d be right there. I couldn’t afford to get distracted—there might not be points awarded at the end of the game tonight, but Coach Donovan would be making decisions for the season based on how we played in these pre-season games.

Nevertheless, knowing she was close enough that I could see her filled me with a sense of ease. She wasn’t mine, but tonight, I could pretend she was .

For just one more night.

After the first period, we headed back to the locker room. I pulled off my gloves once I got into the tunnel, putting them in their spot so they’d dry out during intermission. After dragging my jersey over my head, I pulled my phone out, sitting on the bench as I opened my text message app and found Ellie’s contact.

God, I still couldn’t believe she was here. It was a struggle to stay focused on the ice, knowing how close she was to me. I was desperate to talk to her face to face.

Would the guys mind if I invited her out tonight? Probably not. Some of them would be too busy entertaining whatever girl they picked up on at the bar. While I hated the term puck bunny, there were plenty of girls who were interested in being with a professional hockey player. Hopefully, they’d be too wrapped up in themselves to even notice me bringing Ellie along.

Because even though I knew it was a terrible idea, I needed to talk to her. Needed to hear her voice. Needed to know why she was at my game, when she’d never come to one before.

Not in years .

I missed her being in the stands for me. My junior years felt like a distant memory now.

For a long time, I’d been jealous of the guys on the team whose wives would come for the games and watch warm-ups or hang out in the wives room until they were done and ready to go home. I wanted that. To know someone was there for me. That at the end of the night, we’d be going home together. That I wouldn’t be sleeping alone in a cold, empty bed .

Unable to help myself, I typed in a message.

Owen

Hi.

Short, sweet, and to the point. I held my breath as I waited for her to respond, the dots finally appearing on my screen.

Ellie Daisy

Who’s this?

Owen

Ellie.

Just kidding.

Hi.

It’s just been a long time since you’ve texted me.

I know.

You never changed your number.

I know.

You never changed yours, either.

I can’t believe you’re here.

Do you want to come out with me after? Some of the guys and I are going to get drinks. We can talk.

Sure.

You didn’t have to upgrade my seat, by the way. This is way too much.

Nah, it’s not. Besides, I like it. It was fun being able to turn around and see you there. It’s been too long since you were at one of my games.

Yeah. It has.

Alright. I gotta go. I’ll see you after.

Good luck tonight, Hockey Boy. You got this.

Thanks, Skater Girl.

I shut my eyes, trying to center myself. To focus on the game, and not the excitement I felt at seeing Ellie afterwards. I was supposed to have moved on, so why did I care so much that she was here?

Because no matter how hard I tried, she was always going to be ingrained under my skin.

But I couldn’t risk having her and then losing her again.

She might have been here tonight, but that didn’t mean anything. So I needed to be strong. I couldn’t be weak and sleep with her again. Even if every cell in my body screamed for it.

What I needed was for us to be friends.

I was tired of being on the outside of her life. When we’d been teenagers, we’d told each other everything. Now, I heard about her through my mom. It was the worst. Like hearing about her skating accident second-hand, months after the fact.

All I’d wanted to do was to drive down to Portland, wrap my arms around her, and tell her everything was going to be okay.

But I hadn’t been able to. Because she wasn’t mine anymore.

That was the slap to reality I needed.

So from now on, I couldn’t touch her. Not until I stopped being so weak.

After the game, I texted Ellie to meet us at our favorite bar, a hockey themed one aptly named The Penalty Box. We loved hanging out here, because people didn’t normally bother us, even though it was close by the arena and most of the other patrons were Seattle Hockey fans.

Brooks and Maverick were right behind me, still horsing around with each other after the game. They were two of the closest brothers I knew—well, besides the twins, Zach and Wes. I’d grown up with them, so I was used to their ribbing. Still, the Hendrix brothers always had some good-natured teasing going, and that extended to the other players on the team as well. After so many years together, it really felt like we were all brothers, and this team was my extended family. When you ate, slept, and breathed hockey, it just happened naturally.

Heading inside, I looked around the bar for the head of blonde hair I would recognize anywhere.

Not seeing her, I moved to the bar, ordering my usual porter. It was a label by a local Seattle brewery. I loved supporting the local beer scene. Considering how large the micro-brew scene in the Pacific Northwest was, it was fairly easy. Waiting for Ellie to arrive, I stayed in my spot with a view of the door.

“Who are you waiting for, Harps?” Mav asked.

“Probably that girl he was staring at the entire game,” Brooks said with a snort. “Did you give her your number or something? Ask her out?”

Some of the other guys were right behind us, joining us here after the game, and we normally ended up with one of the larger booths crammed full of hockey players. Which was a feat, considering most guys on the team were over six feet tall. Even our shortest on the team, Carter Meyer, was still 5’10. Though no one was as tall as Rhodes.

I shook my head. “I wasn’t staring at her the entire game. ”

“She’s cute. Who is she?”

They had no idea , I realized. Probably because I’d never shown them a picture of the girl who broke my heart when I was nineteen years old.

“She’s…” How did I even answer that? I tried, but nothing came out.

And then… there she was. She’d taken the jersey off, wearing a coral sweater with her straight blonde hair hanging loose around her shoulders. Ellie had always been beautiful, but now she was stunning . I’d noticed it at her graduation party, when I’d barely been able to look away from her all night.

Was it any wonder that I’d followed her up into that treehouse and kissed her? That I’d driven her back to her apartment and spent the night with her? No.

Her eyes lit up as she saw me, and she walked towards me with a bounce in her step.

“Hi, El,” I said, trying to look normal. Casual . And also trying to ignore the fact that my two best friends were right behind me, clearly also trying to scope out my girl.

Nope. Not mine anymore . I needed to remind myself.

“Should we go somewhere we can talk?” Ellie asked, tucking her hair behind her ear.

I nodded. “Want to get a drink first? We can grab a booth at the back.” Away from the nosy, prying eyes.

“Okay.” She turned to the bartender, ordering a whiskey sour. We were quiet as we waited for her drink to be made. Once she had it in her hand, I grabbed my beer, the two of us walking back to one of the empty booths.

I resisted placing my hand on her back to guide her there, because that wasn’t something you did with your friend. And that’s what we were to each other now. Or at least, that was all we could be.

Taking a long pull of my beer, I set it down on the table and looked at her. “Why are you here? ”

Ellie bit her lip, running her thumb over the rim of the glass. “What do you mean?” I couldn’t help but notice how she tugged at the hem of her sweater. Okay—she was just as nervous as I was.

“At my game,” I answered. “It’s a long drive from Portland. Are you staying the night, or?—”

“I moved here last week,” she answered quickly. “You’re looking at the newest fourth grade teacher at Pine Creek Elementary.”

My eyes widened. “You… what ? Ellie, that’s…” I wasn’t sure I had words. But I was so proud of her. She gave me a hesitant smile. “Amazing. Congratulations.”

“Thank you. I wasn’t going to come tonight, but I saw an ad for the game, and I guess I just wanted to see if it felt like old times. Watching you play.” Her eyes connected with mine, and I held her gaze.

“And did it?”

She nodded. “Better now, I think. God, you’re amazing, Owen.”

It was my turn to thank her, but the words tasted strange on my tongue. Maybe because we’d never exchanged pleasantries like this before. We’d never had to. I dipped my head. “Thanks. The regular season will probably be more exciting, but?—”

“No, I thought it was fun. A lot of the guys who played tonight are trying to get a spot on the team, right?”

I gave her a nod of acknowledgement. “We lost to the Warriors in the playoffs last year, so that also had something to do with the game tonight.”

The guys had been feisty, ready to drop their gloves and chirping at the opposition. And while I tried to keep my time in the penalty box to a minimum, I was always ready to defend my teammates. It was practically an unwritten rule when you saw someone on the opposing team messing with one of your guys .

“You really didn’t have to get me a better seat,” she said, looking down at her drink. She’d barely touched it, and I was almost done with my beer.

I shrugged. “I know.” Maybe I shouldn’t have done it, but it had made me feel better. After all, who knew what sort of guy she could have sat next to? Especially being new in the city. She would have been an easy target. “Where are you living?”

She winced. “Oh, well, I’m teaching in Bellevue. I wanted to be closer to the school, but I had to find something I could afford on my salary, so I’m a little farther out. It’s okay though. I rented a small apartment, and it’ll be fine. It’s just for this year, anyway.”

It certainly didn’t sound fine. And what was a little farther out ? I wasn’t her dad, or her brother, though. Being this overprotective wouldn’t serve me well. And what did she mean by it was just for this year? Would she be going back to Portland after that?

A frown covered my face, and she bit her lip. “What?”

“You said one night.” My voice was low. I didn’t know how else to bring it up. Were we ever going to talk about it? I’d left because I had to. Because she’d left me once before, and the idea of her kicking me out had felt like a punch in the gut. “But you’re here.”

Ellie nodded. “I know.”

Right, then . I took a deep breath, forcing the words out. “I think we should try to be friends again. Like we were before.”

She frowned. “Before?”

“Yes. Before we dated.”

“Oh.” Her face fell.

Fuck, I was an asshole.

Of course, she wouldn’t want to be friends. I’d fucked her and then left in the middle of the night. What was I thinking? Sure, we’d always be connected by our families, but maybe that was all we’d ever have anymore .

Maybe that was all I deserved.

No matter how much I wanted Ellie Bradford again, I couldn’t have her.

Not anymore.