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TWENTY-NINE

Ellie

THEN

Senior Year

I clutched the sheets to my chest as I sat up, the voices outside of the door stirring me awake as the flood of memories from last night invaded my mind. And then there was the soreness between my thighs that confirmed I hadn’t imagined it. A smile lit my face. I’d lost my virginity. And it had been pretty close to perfect. Owen was perfect. He was so gentle and caring.

And he… wasn’t here. I suspected he’d had hockey practice, and I couldn’t fault him for sticking to his schedule when I hadn’t even warned him I was coming up. I’d wanted to surprise him. And I had. His face when he’d come outside of the house, seeing me standing there… It had been worth it.

I sat up, finding a glass of water on the nightstand along with a sticky note.

Headed to morning skate. Will bring breakfast when I come back. Love you. - O

Smiling, I snuggled back into his sheets, closing my eyes again. I was surrounded by his scent all around me—clean and crisp, like the mountains and ice, and something uniquely him—and I breathed in deep.

I knew how badly he wanted me to be here next year. And I wanted that too. Wanted to not have the miles between us, the space that made my heart ache. But I also hated the idea of being so far away from my family. Maybe it was because I was the baby of the family, and the youngest of all the cousins until Lucy had come along, but I couldn’t imagine not seeing them all the time.

Was it the right call? I didn’t know.

I fell back asleep, my thoughts full of Owen and the future.

Sometime later, I woke up to the sound of voices outside Owen’s door. He wasn’t home yet, but clearly some of his teammates were. I tried my best not to eavesdrop, but the walls weren’t very thick. Either that, or the door was just exceptionally thin.

“You ready for practice later, man?”

A second voice chimed in, “Totally. We gotta stay in top shape so we can get into the playoffs this year. I’d love to win the Frozen Four before we graduate.”

“We’ve still got another year after this. And I think we have a shot with Harper, huh?”

“He’s good, I’ll give him that. They wouldn’t have drafted him if he wasn’t.”

The first guy said something I couldn’t hear, and I strained my neck, knowing they were talking about Owen.

“I heard they want him to start early.” I held my breath on the other side of the door. Really? The Seals wanted him to sign a contract before graduation? That was the first I’d heard of it. But maybe Owen just hadn’t mentioned it. “Lucky bastard. I’d give anything for that chance.”

“We’ll get there. We just gotta prove ourselves.” A sigh .

“What’s he doing with her, anyway?” The second voice said, loud enough that I could hear him perfectly. I furrowed my brow.

The other boy snorted. “I know. Like, why date a high schooler when there’s so many puck bunnies who would want to ride his—” I stopped listening, disgusted by their conversation as the realization shocked me to my core.

Me. They were talking about… me . They couldn’t believe he was with me.

“He’s been distracted lately,” one of them grumbled. “We need him at the top of his game.”

“Hard to do when his pretty little girlfriend shows up for the weekend.”

Then the voices moved farther away, and I couldn’t hear the rest of their conversation. My eyes filled with tears. The way they were talking about me—like I was some clingy girl who wouldn’t let him go—made me want to curl up in a ball and never come out.

His teammates didn’t even know me. They had no idea about our plans for the future. That we’d grown up together and had been friends forever. In elementary school, when a bully had pushed me to the ground and I’d skinned my knees, Owen had been the one to pick me up. He’d wiped the tears off my face and held my hand as we walked together to the nurse’s office so I could get bandaids for my skin.

He’d always been there for me.

But was I holding him back? Distracting him? If there was a chance I was putting his career in jeopardy, I couldn’t live with that. He needed to put himself first. Not me. Maybe coming here had been a mistake.

I’d wanted something just for us. And now that I had it… What? What was left?

“Ugh.” I groaned out loud. “Am I an idiot?” I flopped back onto the bed. Was I trying too hard to hold on to something that I should just let go? I only had eight months left until graduation. That wasn’t very long, so why was I panicking ? Why did my world suddenly feel so small?

I was supposed to come here for college. We were going to be together. But if he was this distracted just from our long-distance relationship, how bad would it be when we spent every day together? When every weekend was like this one? Or worse, if I was here—alone—and he didn’t have time for me because he was too busy with class and practice.

But I knew Owen would put me first. He always had. And that was the problem. He was too good to me. Too noble. He’d come running whenever I asked him to. If I asked him to jump, he would ask me how high. And I couldn’t keep doing that to him.

Pulling my knees to my chest, I buried my head in my lap and held myself tight in a ball. But I couldn’t stop the tears from falling. This was too much. Everything was too much.

But I couldn’t bear to be the one to ruin it. To drag him down. Because I was a distraction. I knew it, but I hadn’t wanted to acknowledge it. I was always going to be a distraction, and he needed to be at the top of his game if he was going to make the NHL his career. And I knew how much he wanted this. How badly he desired a career on skates, spending his time on the ice.

My eyes filled with tears. I couldn’t breathe. I just kept thinking about their words.

What is he doing with her?

Why date a high schooler?

He’s been distracted lately.

And I couldn’t. I just couldn’t.