Page 62 of Toni and Addie Go Viral

Toni

Toni took multiple connections. One of the commuter flights out of Dulles routed her through West Virginia and then to Pittsburgh, where a fifty-minute layover was all she had before boarding a flight to Vegas.

Although she preferred the tight-enough-to-have-to-run time to this indeterminable wait in Las Vegas.

A series of delays with mechanical issues and then the lack of a pilot had Toni with an eight-hour layover.

So far. By the fifth hour, she was ready to rent a car and drive to Los Angeles, but she’d been awake most of the last thirty hours.

Her three- to four-hour nap from Pittsburg to Vegas wasn’t enough to make her confident that she could drive safely on Thanksgiving Day through the desert when she wasn’t sure if service stations would be open—or that she could stay awake even with the amount of coffee in her system.

She read and reread Addie’s messages as she waited. The last one—“I’m fine. You don’t need to come.”—cut deeper because Toni knew Addie was injured and still refusing to talk to her.

A month of trying to convince herself she could move on was resulting in exactly no progress.

Toni had to fix this. She needed Addie in her life.

There was no other answer. She sat in an airport looking up tests to see if she had the genes that meant she’d end up with dementia.

Maybe that would help. Then she searched ways to decrease her odds of it.

It was stupid, unscientific, but it made her feel less helpless. That was something, at least.

Toni finally got to LAX late afternoon on Thanksgiving, and since her only bag was a carry-on, she took a car straight to the hospital. She hoped Addie had been discharged, but she also wasn’t going to go to her apartment in case she was still at the hospital.

“I’m here to visit a patient. Adelaine Stewart,” she told them at the welcome desk just inside the lobby.

Toni got her room number and headed to the third floor. By the time she reached the third floor, Toni was fairly sure she was going to make a fool of herself. She had no idea how to have this conversation, especially after that last text from Addie.

I need to see her, though. I need to know she’s okay.

But when she reached Addie’s hospital room, Toni felt a wave of relief when she saw that Addie was wearing the cardigan she’d borrowed from Toni. Surely, that meant something, right? Addie was still wearing Toni’s clothes.

“I told you not to come,” Addie said, crossing her arms over her chest. “You don’t need to be here.”

“I do. You were hurt, and I needed to see you.” Toni stepped into the room, staring at the machines. An IV was jabbed into Addie’s hand, and a monitor showed her heart rate—currently escalating—and another showed her oxygen levels. Toni was familiar with all of this from when Aunt Patty was sick.

“I’m fine.” Addie motioned at the bandage. “There were set scissors, dull enough to take effort to shove through my skin.”

Toni winced.

“Dirty blades, though, so they have me on antibiotics and stuff.” Addie shrugged with the unbandaged arm. “Bumped my head. Some minor cuts. I could’ve told you over the phone and saved you a flight.”

“Four. Four flights.” Toni dropped her carry-on by the wall where it was out of the way.

Then she walked closer. She didn’t want to sit on the bed and jostle Addie, but she needed to be nearer to her.

Her hands fisted with the twin urges to cradle Addie and to find the person responsible.

Instead, she asked, “Did you press charges?”

“What?”

“He hurt you,” Toni said.

“So did you,” Addie snapped. “Getting hurt happens to me a lot lately.”

Toni dropped to her knees beside the bed.

She was exhausted, and standing seemed too challenging when Addie was determined to cut her down.

She wanted to take Addie’s hand more than she had words to explain.

She reached out, not touching Addie. “Addie, love, I was a fool. I never meant to hurt you—”

“And yet you did.” Addie’s tears streaked over her cheeks as she pulled her hands out of Toni’s reach.

“Loving me is so awful that it means that we have to be apart if you loved me or I loved you. That was your rule. You didn’t even ask what I wanted.

You expect that it’s okay to worry about your reputation, your feelings, your career.

Did you ask how any of that affected me? ”

“I screwed up. I was wrong about so many things, love.” Toni stared at her, trying to make the words make sense, but she had been awake for almost thirty-four hours now. “I’m so sorry I fucked up. I know I was wrong, but you can’t just tell me you love me and then shut me out.”

“Says who? Is this another Toni rule? You just made it up and I have to obey—”

“I love you,” Toni blurted out. “I love you, Adelaine Stewart.”

Addie was silent for a long pause, and then she asked, “When did you know?”

“November first,” Toni answered. She knew the exact date and time when she’d realized it.

“Did you say it in any of the messages you left for me?”

“No.” Toni felt a sinking pit in her stomach.

“So you knew for the entire last month basically, but… did you email it? Text it?” Addie pressed.

“No.”

“Then why tell me now?” Addie asked in a deceptively calm voice. “Because honestly? I already knew you loved me when we were in New Orleans, Toni. I knew you were falling when I walked toward you in that wedding. Half the country knew when they saw the pictures.”

“Addie… I never wanted a relationship,” Toni started.

“Right. Do you think admitting this now changes a damn thing? I don’t deserve to be merely tolerated. I am worth a lot more.” Addie glared at her. “I stopped talking to you because of your rules.”

“You are worth everything.” Toni stared at her, imploring her to understand. “I want everything with you. I want you in my life and—”

“No.”

“Addie… I have been miserable without you because I love you. I understand that now, and when you were injured, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I needed to see you, tell you, know you were safe.”

“Well, you told me, and you saw that I’m doing better.” Addie gestured toward the door. “You can go now.”

Toni stared at her. “I don’t want to go.”

“Don’t you have classes to teach?” Addie said, voice trembling.

“Monday.” Toni took her hand, flipped it over, and pressed a kiss into her palm. “I’ll be in LA for the weekend.”

“There’s probably a museum or something you can see,” Addie said.

“I want to see you. Help you. Be here to take care of you,” Toni explained. “Please, Addie.”

“You don’t want a relation—”

“I do. I want that with you,” Toni stressed.

“I have a career in LA, and you live in DC. None of this even matters,” Addie countered.

“You set the rules. You set the terms, love. Tell me what to do.” Toni stared up at her. “You’re in charge, Addie. What do I need to do to try this for real? I love you, and I want to make this thing between us work.”

“Well, Addie,” a man’s voice came from the doorway. “Give the poor woman a break. She’s already married you once.”

“As if that matters,” another voice, a woman’s, said. “Marriage is a trap by the patriarchy to control women and—”

“Hi, Mom. Daddy.” Addie squeezed Toni’s hand. She whispered, “Get up, please.”

And Toni turned to meet Addie’s parents.

“Marlene. Lenny. This is my… this is Toni. She was just leaving.” Addie’s smile was brittle. “Toni, my parents.”

Toni stood, stepped forward, and held out a hand to Addie’s mother, who shook it, and then her father, who used it to pull her in for a hug.

“Don’t give up on her,” Lenny whispered.

Toni walked over to the bed and took Addie’s hand gently. “I love you, Adelaine. Let me know when you’re willing to talk.”

At first Addie said nothing, then she shook her head. “I don’t want to talk to you.”

Toni smiled. “Then I’ll wait until you do.”

Then Toni left in search of a taxi to a hotel where she could collapse and sleep. Addie was going to be fine, and Toni was going to find a way to make them okay, too.