Page 57 of Toni and Addie Go Viral

Lilian leveled her with a stern gaze. “If I wasn’t willing to bet on the impossible, I wouldn’t have sold those songs, or gone on stage, or kept my baby, or married your father.

Sometimes, you have to take ridiculous chances if you want to win big.

Your dad and I had that in common, you know?

Gambler’s hearts. You never saw it, though, did you?

He and I had that in common. No one else saw that side of me.

Just him. He saw me, you know? Warts and all, and he loved me. ”

Toni felt like she was having a long overdue conversation, and she was inordinately grateful for her mother’s lucid window. “Even though he did all those things that hurt you? You still don’t regret it?”

“We had a lot of fun, and I wasn’t always a picnic myself.

I think Patty took you with her the first few times because of my temper.

” Lilian looked a little sheepish. “I cut the crotch out of all his trousers the one time. Told him if he couldn’t keep his pecker in his pants, I might as well make it easier. That was an expensive choice.”

“If you could do it all over—”

“I’d still pick the life I had, bad times and good. I had you. I still sang. And I had a man who made my toes curl every time he kissed me,” Lilian said. “It wasn’t always easy, and he made mistakes. But I did, too. Love’s worth it, though. Nothing in the world feels like that.”

Toni shook her head.

Lilian continued, “Have you ever been in love? Felt like you might just die if you have to wait much longer to see your person? Like your heart might thump right out of your skin when you see them? Like you don’t care what other people say or think or do?

Like the sun is inside them, and you feel warm and happy and safe in their arms?

Like you are invincible because they believe in you?

” Lilian stared off with a small smile. “That was how your father made me feel every day, even when we fought. I never wanted a life that wasn’t with him.

The hard times were worth it because of the good times. ”

And it occurred to Toni in a horrible flash of clarity that she knew exactly what Lilian meant. She understood every word her mother had said, and with each question, she thought, Addie.

Toni swallowed, trying to deny the clarity she’d been running from, trying to push this far down to wherever delusions lived so she could not lose Addie. I can’t love her. I won’t. I don’t. Toni wasn’t sure when or how it happened, but it had. She was in love with Adelaine.

“Patty?” Lilian reached out. “I forgot what we were talking about.”

Toni gave her a strained smile. “My brother.”

Lil laughed. “He’s ridiculous. Do you know he bought me a sapphire as big as a baby’s thumb? We’ll end up pawning it when he gets in too deep, but…” She shrugged. “What can you do?”

Toni tried to think of something to say, but her words were dry. She nodded, and she wasn’t sure whether her mother’s mental shift was a blessing or a curse in that moment. Lilian was laughing and telling stories now, and Toni was left reeling from her own epiphany.

What do I do now? I love Addie.

When she came out of the home, Toni had a distinct disjointed feeling at seeing Kaelee pacing beside her Jeep. Her mind was on Addie, not her job.

“Kaelee? Is everything okay?”

“Did you ask Ms. Haide to sign me? I mean if you did, thank you and all. I just want to make it on my own.” Kaelee crossed her arms over her chest tightly. “I’m not trying to be disrespectful. You know that, right?”

Toni stared at her. “Slow down.”

Kaelee nodded.

“Haide as in Emily? My Emily?” Toni prompted.

“Yes. Your agent.” Kaelee held out her phone. On it was an offer of representation from Emily. “I want her to be my agent, but if it’s just because of you—”

“It is not.” Toni stepped closer. “I’m not going to recommend your book if I haven’t read it.”

“So you didn’t make her offer to repr—”

“No one could make her offer representation,” Toni interrupted. “Hell, she wouldn’t have offered it to me if she didn’t like my book, and I’ve known her since I was a kid.”

Kaelee looked like her knees were going to buckle. She stared at Toni and muttered, “I think I have an agent. Holy fuck.” She swayed.

Quickly, Toni wrapped her arms around Kaelee. “Whoa! Don’t fall.”

Kaelee hugged Toni tightly. “I think I might puke. I should stay here until I’m safe to drive.”

“You can get your car later.” Toni steered her to the passenger door of her Jeep. “You will not puke. I’m going to drive us to campus now, and you will not puke in my vehicle. Do you hear me?”

Kaelee nodded. “I’m an author. This is my thesis, and Ms. Haide is going to sell it.”

“Right, well, hook your seat belt.” Toni pointed.

As she turned, she saw a man with a camera, thought about the photos of her and Addie, and promptly decided she was being paranoid. No one knew her mom was here, and if they did, they couldn’t get past security.

Once she was at campus, she was going to call the front desk of the memory care home anyhow.

She didn’t care about a lot of people, but she wasn’t going to have her mother splashed all over the media.

It was hard enough when someone had dug up her music.

The renewed interest meant royalties for Lil, but the invasion of privacy sucked.

That’s what Addie’s life was always going to be, too. Media. Toni already hated her own career’s lack of privacy. She didn’t want her life analyzed by strangers—and yet it was.

No wonder my fake wedding was such a story.

The wedding might be fake, but I’m actually in love with Addie.

Toni could figure this out. She had to—or she’d lose Addie, and Toni wasn’t ready to do that.

Maybe I can hide it.

Keep from telling her.

The thought of lying to Addie hurt almost as much as the thought of losing her.