Page 21 of Toni and Addie Go Viral

Toni

Toni felt foolish saying it, since walking on the beach had become such a romantic cliché, but she still asked, “What about the beach? You mentioned it in your email, and it’s starting to get cold at home, so…”

“Santa Monica Pier?”

“Is that a terrible idea? I’ve never been, and the ocean sounds better than a hotel lobby,” Toni admitted.

Toni already felt a bit overwhelmed by the traffic of Los Angeles, and even though she was with someone she’d met before the book sale—literally right before—she was still in Los Angeles, having been on the set of a TV adaptation of her book, and she wasn’t entirely sure how to cope.

It was all good—exciting, even—but she felt… small.

The speed at which her life had changed was daunting at the best of times.

She was hella grateful, but it was all so fast, so public, so much attention.

And she had not expected any of it. She’d worked on her PhD for years, steadily researching, writing, and revising.

Life had been a series of late nights in the library or early mornings finishing grading for her assistantship.

And during it all, Toni was invisible. She was just another TA, no one of note.

Flights and interviews and places like LA weren’t her usual speed, even now.

“I would like to walk on the beach with you,” Toni blurted out, trying not to think about how date-like it was. They’d talked for a year. They were friends. Friends went to the beach. It was a normal thing, a calming thing, like emailing Addie when she felt overwhelmed, but in person.

“You’ll have to hold my hand when we walk,” Addie teased after a quiet moment. “There are beach rules. If you take a pretty woman to the beach, you must hold her hand at some point.”

Toni looked over at her, wondering why this vivacious woman wanted to be with her, but Addie’s very serious expression continued as she said, “And we must eat ice cream before dinner if we are to have any.”

“Dessert first?” Toni clarified.

“California law. I can’t make exceptions just because you’re a schoolteacher.”

Toni smiled. “Well, if that’s the law…”

She glanced over at Addie and noticed that she also seemed more relaxed now, more than the night they met or earlier in the lobby, and Toni liked that. She wanted to see Addie smile and be the reason for it.

It’s a normal friend thing to want, she told herself.

The drive to the pier really wasn’t any faster than if they had gone to the restaurant, but Toni relaxed more all the same.

There was something like a weight that had slid off her shoulders the more she was around Addie.

The only things Addie seemed to want were things she’d already had—a romantic interlude—and time with the person she met in Scotland and chatted with online.

“So… you failed to mention that you moved back to the States,” Toni said once they were out of the car with a plan to get picked back up later.

“Not that long after you sold a book, I think.” Addie gave her a look. “Anything you forgot to mention?”

Toni felt briefly chastised. “I wanted a corner of the world where I was neither professor nor writer. I have been a bit overwhelmed the last year.”

“I feel lucky that I was your corner, you know.” Addie tucked her hand in the bend of Toni’s arm as they strolled along the promenade. “This is about three blocks, car-free, food and shops.”

Toni nodded. “I can’t believe you knew my name the whole time.”

“I didn’t know how to bring that up. I did try, though. I told you my full name the night we met. You didn’t share yours,” Addie pointed out.

“Err, I don’t usually share my whole name with women I meet at bars,” Toni admitted.

“I figured.” Addie looked away, but Toni caught the tense way she held her shoulders.

“You’re angry that I didn’t tell you?”

“Not that first night… it was part of why I left, though. Sex isn’t something I take lightly, and you couldn’t even tell me your last name.

I ran. Later, I was a little disappointed a few times.

You still didn’t even tell me your whole name, even though we talked every week,” Addie pointed out. “Did you think about it?”

“I had two new careers launching at the same time, and you were in Scotland as far as I knew and—”

“So no?” Addie interrupted.

“Actually, yes.” Toni glanced over, feeling like these were the sort of things they probably would’ve eventually had to discuss, but now, being face-to-face was different.

It was a lot easier to control perception in email.

In person, there was no dodging awkward topics.

“I wanted you to know my name, and about the sale, and I almost emailed to ask about using your first name in the book.”

“I almost emailed to ask why you used my name,” Addie said softly.

“How did you know?”

“I put an alert on your name, and I saw the news on your book deal and…” Addie shrugged, like it was no big deal that she had known the very things Toni angsted over confessing.

Addie gave her a sheepish smile. “I wasn’t trying to be weird.

I liked you. I liked your lecture. And I liked what happened when we were… when we… when you…”

“The garden,” Toni filled in helpfully.

“Yes.” Addie’s face reddened. “The garden.”

“Me too.” Toni gave her a smile before she teased, “Although no one has ever left me with my trousers down before.…”

Addie pressed her face against Toni’s shoulder, hiding her blush. “I didn’t mean to overreact like that. I swear. I was undone, and you weren’t even sharing your whole name, and I just felt so exposed.”

“She says to the woman whose trousers were at her knees,” Toni murmured quietly.

“Fair.” Addie giggled. “At least no one saw you like that.”

Toni gave her a look. “I guess that was lucky.”

They fell into silence as Addie directed them closer to the actual beach and the oceanfront restaurant where they could eat.

The restaurant was still a bit fussier than Toni wanted, but the view was gorgeous enough that she honestly didn’t care.

Whisky at the beach. It sounded altogether more relaxing than her best of unwinding attempts most days.

And it matches both of our dream meals…

which is not an odd thing to remember. She remembered everything Addie had told her, probably because she’d saved their email exchanges and reread them.

Before they went inside, Addie said quietly, “You know, you were my first, Toni. I was terrified of doing something wrong. That was the other reason I ran.”

“We’ve all been there,” Toni offered, although in fairness she couldn’t remember how long ago it was that she’d been there. “Coming out young like I did and looking more masc meant that every girl who was questioning knew I was safe to hit on, to flirt with, to proposition.”

As they were being seated, Toni thought about how different things had been for her overall.

She’d been very visibly out in high school, and by then, Lawrence v.

Texas had already changed the laws for same-sex relationships.

So while gay marriage wasn’t legal yet, being in a same-sex relationship was not illegal by the time Toni was a teen.

That decision brought a level of tolerance that seemed to make every thinking-about-being-a-lesbian woman decide to try easing out of the closet completely, and Toni?

Well, she was out and proud, and back then, perfectly happy to be the metaphorical training wheels for plenty of women.

Was that what I was for her, too? Was Addie looking for a set of training wheels?

They took their seats and menus, and Toni weighed whether or not they ought to have a drink. She was pretty sure they both were looking for a sort of repeat of Scotland. And Toni wanted Addie to go into whatever was happening with a clear head.

When the server arrived far too quickly to ask about drinks, Toni said, “We need a minute.”

Addie gave her a curious look. “What’s up?”

“I’d rather not drink if we’re going back to my hotel later.…” Toni held Addie’s gaze. “This is not me asking you to come back, but if we are having a drink, we should plan on not drinking much.”

Addie nodded. “I’d rather leave the options open.”

Whisky or woman? That felt like the choice.

Addie blushed again when the server returned for the drinks order, but she glanced at Toni and ordered a mocktail. Then she added, “If you want to have your whisky, that’s okay. You’re a lot better at drinking than I am.”

After they ordered drinks, Addie leveled an astute stare at Toni. “Drinker in the family?”

“Father.”

Addie nodded. “Both my parents drink and… other things. It makes me very California-stereotype, though: plenty of baggage thanks to my parents.”

“Sounds like I could get away with moving here, then, since I’d need a trailer to carry my family baggage,” Toni caught herself admitting. In for a penny, in for a pound. “I sold the book because my dad took a second mortgage on my mom’s house and then gambled or otherwise pissed it away.”

Addie’s mouth formed a perfect O for a moment. Then she said, “Ouch.”

They paused as the server dropped off drinks.

“My parents are more like a unified pair of hippies.” Addie shook her head. “They have a duplex up near San Francisco. He lives in one half, and she’s in the other half. Currently, they’re dating each other.”

“Dating?”

“They’ve been divorced a few times,” Addie said lightly. “From each other but also from other people. They’re honestly a train wreck. Can’t stay together. Can’t stay apart. They think I’m the weird one because I’m not hopping from bed to bed.”

Toni was at a loss. “There’s a lot to unpack there.”

“So my therapists have told me.” Addie sipped her brightly colored fizzy drink. “Short version that’s relevant to you : I don’t bed-hop.”

For a moment, Toni almost replied with a glib “I do,” but she thought better of it.

Instead, she replied, “I used to do so, but that changed when work got in the way. Calling in naked isn’t really a viable excuse in grad school or for teaching.

Sleeping with fans or students? Cringey.

I don’t want that kind of power dynamic. ”

“Do I count as a fan?”

“Not unless you’re a time traveler.” Toni caught Addie’s gaze. “I don’t want anyone in my bed because of my book. You were willing to be in my arms before, when I was a broke-assed new college professor and not your professor.”

“So I’m grandmothered in?” Addie giggled, covering her mouth with her hand, as if to stop the sound.

Toni cut a look at her. “I think I’m a bit older than you, so I’m not sure about your terminology there.”

“I do own historical drawers,” Addie said mildly.

“Oh, I remember, Lady Stewart. I definitely remember.”

As they chatted, Toni relaxed as much from Addie’s exuberance as from the view and the whisky.

There was something about her that made Toni feel calmer, freer, and she wanted more of it.

More Addie. Toni could admit that much to herself.

She always wanted more when they talked, even in the short email exchanges.

Honestly, Toni said, “I’m glad I met you.”

“Same.” Addie looked at the menu and then told Toni, “We ordered food before dessert! Why do I keep breaking rules when I see you?”

Toni chuckled and stopped the server. “Excuse me. Can we order dessert to come before dinner?”

The server smiled. “Of course. Would you like to see the dessert tray? Or just list the options?”

Addie looked to Toni to answer, and Toni reached out and took Addie’s hand. “Whatever the lady wants.”

The delight in Addie’s expression was really all that Toni registered.

Whatever she ordered was fine. Toni would have a couple bites, but really, it was about that smile.

Addie was exactly the kind of friend Toni needed in her life—someone who lived with joy, someone who was a little silly, a lot impulsive, and absurdly attractive.

Friend with benefits, I hope.

She’s perfect.