Page 6 of To Go Against Her Heart (Pride and Prejudice Variation)

Elizabeth did not care to turn around and see Darcy’s reaction to her final words. She swiftly walked down the hill and did not stop until she reached Longbourn.

Insufferable man! He has the insolence to apologize to me, claiming that his comment hurt my feelings. Who is he to me? I wish I had never gone to the assembly.

She entered the house and ran upstairs to her room. Jane, having just awakened, was puzzled by her sister’s temperament.

“Lizzy, what happened? Why do you look so distressed?” she asked with concern.

“You would not believe whom I encountered in my walk today,” she cried, relating her meeting with Darcy. Jane listened keenly, without interruption.

“I do not know why he chose to apologize to me. He assumes I care about his opinion, but why would I? I wish I had walked away without listening to him.”

Jane did not reply, and her silence worried Elizabeth.

“Jane, would you not say something?”

“Don’t you think you were a little harsh on him?”

“How so?”

“Do not suppose that I credit the man merely for offering an apology despite his elevated station in society. Yet I believe his apology was sincere as I cannot attribute his conduct yesterday solely to pride. He appeared somehow uneasy—perhaps it was tiresome to attend the assembly not knowing anyone in the gathering beyond his own party.”

“You are being ridiculous. He is not a schoolboy. I think he saw us all as beneath his status, which might be why he behaved in such a way.”

“Very well then, the man we term as arrogant and ill-mannered due to pride and wealth has taken the effort to humble himself and apologize for his actions; I think you should have forgiven him or at least been civil.”

Elizabeth was astonished at what her sister said, as Jane had hardly been critical of her actions before.

“Don’t look at me like that. I think you are prejudiced against Mr. Darcy.

I agree that he did something ungentlemanly, but I do not want to discredit his apology.

As he reasoned, you were surrounded by all of us when you both were introduced; I do not think any man would have had the courage to bring up the subject in front of us, especially in Mamma’s presence. ”

Elizabeth was silent, and Jane could only hope that her sister would perceive her mistake.

“Please do not assume I have any ulterior motive in persuading you on this matter merely because of my regard for his friend.”

“I could never accuse you of such a thing.”

“Then, give it a thought, Lizzy. I have always admired your kindness, and if you had shown him some today, it would have put the man at ease,” she said and left downstairs, hoping her sister would regret her actions.

Meanwhile, the man Jane referred to was seated upon the same ledge as Elizabeth had, unable to stir from the spot. Her words tormented him beyond measure.

She did not even consider my apology. How did I become so unworthy in her eyes?

She attributes my arrogance to my wealth and status.

Was I indeed so uncivil to everyone yesterday?

I have unknowingly sabotaged my reputation here in my first public appearance.

Maybe she is right; I have allowed Georgiana’s mistake to become an excuse for my ill temper.

Even with Bingley, I have not been myself, and he is too generous not to remark upon it.

And yet, she never hesitated to make my failings plainly known to my very face.

She states she never thought of herself as a beauty; how ironic as she is the most intriguing woman I have ever met.

He fervently wished he had taken Mr. Bingley’s advice and asked Elizabeth for the dance.

Darcy pondered how differently the evening might have unfolded had he made that choice.

He also understood that, more than his insult, she disliked him because of how he had behaved with the rest of the people he met the previous evening.

As she had pointed out, he avoided anyone who wanted to converse with him and had excused himself multiple times to escape to the comfort of his own party.

He looked at the view ahead, and as his friend had mentioned, it was beautiful.

The morning sun glorified the trees and fields, radiating the day’s beauty.

Darcy suddenly realized that it had been ages since he appreciated the beauty of nature around him.

Even in Derbyshire, though he rode out often, he had hardly ever stopped by a stream or a field filled with flowers in admiration.

He realized that he had become a markedly different man since Ramsgate, and the truth was that a complete stranger had pointed it out to him quite bluntly.

He shut his eyes, finding solace in the vision of Miss Elizabeth’s face lingering in his mind.

Her beautiful eyes resonated with her emotions soulfully, and he had never felt so vulnerable in a woman’s presence before.

He found her genuinely enchanting, and it pained him beyond measure that she did not accept his apology.

Darcy was certain they would meet again and wondered how she would treat him then.

She impressed him in more ways than one, and he could not help but recall Richard’s words of hope that he would find his bride in Hertfordshire.

***

A couple of days passed, and Darcy felt restless in Netherfield.

Mr. Bingley knew of his accidental meeting with Elizabeth and his friend’s subsequent apology.

Having full knowledge of Darcy’s inability to converse amiably with new acquaintances, he was pleasantly surprised that he had apologized to her without hesitation.

“Do not be so forlorn, Darcy. You did the right thing, and although I do not know why she doubted the nature of your apology, I am glad that you took the opportunity to express your regret.”

“She somehow seemed irked with my apology, citing that my words did not matter to her.”

“She may feel so, but what you said at the assembly was beneath you, and in my eyes, you acted rightly in offering the apology. In the few times I have met Miss Elizabeth, she never appeared rude, but I cannot fathom why she behaved thus.”

“You cannot blame her, Bingley. I did not expect her to forgive me, but one thing is clear: she despises me.”

Mr. Bingley suddenly worried whether Elizabeth’s temperament would hinder his prospects with her sister, and Darcy sensed his feelings.

He hoped her animosity would not be long-lasting and looked forward to attending the supper party at Mr. Phillips’s house a few days later; he knew that Mr. Phillips was Elizabeth’s uncle and was confident she would be present.

Darcy could not imagine how she would react or converse with him, but he was willing to endure her anger as long as she gave him a chance to prove that he could change.

To his disappointment, Miss Elizabeth was absent for the evening. He understood that she had stayed at home due to a headache, but from the expression on Miss Bennet’s face, he doubted whether the reason was true.

I am certain she stayed behind to avoid me.

There were a couple of other families apart from the Bennets, and Darcy was resolved not to avoid anyone who wished to converse with him. Sir William was surprised by the change in his behavior; he paused several times during his conversation with Darcy, looking at him in disbelief.

She is right indeed; he is surprised that I would even care to carry on a conversation with him amiably. How long would I have continued this way if not for her? Darcy wondered.

Miss Bingley seemed irritated that the same man who had stayed by her side the whole evening during the assembly was now spending time with strangers away from her.

As the evening progressed, Darcy strangely missed Elizabeth.

He was confused by his own yearning to meet her again.

He could also see that his friend was very much in love with Miss Bennet; whether she returned his feelings was not quite certain to him.

He found Elizabeth’s father to be intelligent, although he said very little.

Interestingly, he enjoyed his conversation with Charlotte Lucas and could very well sense that she did not have a favorable opinion of him.

I am certain she is aware of my insult towards her friend.

Darcy’s intention that evening was not just to redeem himself in Elizabeth’s eyes had she been present, but to genuinely change his attitude towards life for his own good.

“I visited the bookstore in Meryton; apart from that, I have not explored the village much. I have enjoyed riding in the neighborhood, though,” he said, answering Charlotte’s question.

“I see; I am certain the country offers you a welcome distraction from town,” she observed, aware of his tête-à-tête with her friend on Oakham Mount some days back.

“It does. I am certain autumn will add beauty to the countryside.”

“I have heard much about Derbyshire’s beauty, and I cannot guarantee that the season here will be as spectacular as yours,” she declared and continued, “Elizabeth’s aunt is a native of Derbyshire, and she always paints a beautiful picture of the countryside there when she visits.”

“Does she continue to reside there?”

“No, she lives in town but was raised in a village in Derbyshire. Forgive me, I do not remember the name,” she said, and Darcy wondered if Elizabeth’s aunt was someone in his acquaintance.

“We may be acquainted. As she mentioned, Derbyshire is delightfully beautiful in every season, yet I cannot allow my fondness for the place of my upbringing to diminish my appreciation for other places,” he said.

Charlotte could see that he was making an effort not only with her, but with everyone else at the gathering.

As the evening ended, Jane and Charlotte wondered if Elizabeth’s words had influenced Darcy to be more cordial with everyone at the gathering.

Mr. Bingley noticed the same and was delighted when Darcy accepted an invitation to shoot with Sir William a few days later.

He was glad that his friend was finally warming up to the people of Hertfordshire, though Miss Bingley was vexed at him for the very same reason.

The next morning, during breakfast, she decided to reason with her brother to leave Netherfield.

“Charles, I trust you understand the need to return to town soon. Our friends miss our company, and I have already received numerous letters urging our return. Now that Miss Darcy has arrived, I am certain Mr. Darcy would wish for us to entertain her. I suggest we depart at the earliest.”

“Do not be ridiculous. It has hardly been a month since we arrived here. I am truly enjoying myself, Caroline, and managing Netherfield is a task I would like to excel in. If you wish to leave, I am not stopping you,” he said with irritation.

Miss Bingley looked at Darcy, hoping he would agree, but he said nothing.

“I am certain whatever you see in the people here will tire you out soon. Last evening was tedious for me; a few minutes of Mrs. Bennet’s company gave me a headache. I cannot believe you find their company endearing. What do you say, Louisa?”

“I agree; Jane Bennet is a sweet girl, but I do not have a favorable opinion about anyone else in the family,” Mrs. Hurst declared.

“I am glad Miss Eliza Bennet was absent; she came across as rude and ill-mannered during our previous engagements.”

“Caroline, that is enough! Do not speak of our friends this way,” Mr. Bingley cried, and Darcy was quite appalled by the way she spoke.

“Why, Charles, I speak the truth, and we know exactly why she is that way. Don’t we, Louisa?”

“I do not understand. What do you even mean?” Mr. Bingley asked.

“Well, the poor girl has been nursing a broken heart, as I heard from her aunt, Mrs. Phillips. It seems she was courted by a wealthy gentleman in town several months ago, who left her heartbroken and married another after raising her hopes. Her aunt mentioned that she scarcely attended parties or gatherings and kept to herself for many months,” Mrs. Hurst said.

“These country girls always travel to town hoping to make advantageous matches; I presume she did the same. I pity her—surely, given her standards, she could never find a match in society superior to her own. Perhaps she is trying to act heartbroken to gain sympathy. I cannot fathom how anyone could fall in love with her,” she said with a laugh.

To her shock, Darcy stood after slamming down his spoon.

“Miss Bingley, I warn you to stop slandering Miss Elizabeth so vulgarly. I am astonished at the ease with which you discuss the private affairs of a lady so cheaply. Bingley, you are well aware of my opinion about gossip, and I hate to be subjected to such foul talk; if at all this is to continue, I shall be forced to stay at the inn for the rest of my time in Hertfordshire,” he cried and left the room, much to Miss Bingley’s horror.

As he ascended the stairs, he struggled to compose himself. He hoped that whatever he had heard from Miss Bingley was untrue. The very account of Elizabeth being in love with someone else distressed him beyond measure.

If whatever I heard was true, then my words at the assembly would have definitely wounded her even more. No wonder she was so angry with me.

The story left him in unexpected agitation, as somehow, it brought Georgiana’s suffering to mind, and yet again, he wished with all his heart that he had refrained from insulting her at the assembly.