Page 40 of To Go Against Her Heart (Pride and Prejudice Variation)

Miss Bingley locked herself in her room after she returned from Cheapside and collapsed to the floor with humiliation and turmoil.

That which tormented her most in the whole affair was the expression of pity evident upon Jane and Elizabeth’s countenances as they beheld her disgrace in their presence.

Never could she have imagined that the honor and self-respect she had so carefully maintained would be so utterly shattered, and all by women she considered inferior in birth, fortune, and charms. Her rage knew no bounds when she realized that she owed her livelihood in the same house to them.

She was vexed with herself for yielding to fear and permitting her brother’s threat to unsettle her.

She had never felt so disgusted with her own inability to control her life and situation; yet, as much as she fought it, tears streamed down her cheeks.

In her mind and heart, only one thought prevailed.

The humiliation she had suffered that day carried a price, and when the time and opportunity presented themselves, she knew she would destroy Elizabeth and Jane once and for all.

***

“Your sister apologized to Miss Bennet? Did I hear that right?” Darcy asked Mr. Bingley that same evening.

“Yes, and I understand why you act surprised as she did not do it out of free will,” he replied, explaining why she was forced to do so.

“Do you think that she truly feels guilty for her acts?”

“Honestly, Darcy, I do not believe she repents her actions; but she now understands that there will be consequences for them, and that she has no right to interfere in my life any longer. All I know is that she will no longer dare to separate Jane and me or cause any trouble,” he said with confidence, but Darcy looked doubtful.

He wondered whether there was a sinister motive behind Miss Bingley’s actions, and whatever the current situation was, he was not willing to let her call on Georgiana.

Mr. Bingley left his friend, not wanting to disclose what he planned to do the next day. For once, he sought no advice or suggestions in his personal life and was resolved to act according to his heart.

The next morning, he visited the Gardiners. Jane was once again surprised to see him, and this time, Mr. Bingley boldly requested permission to speak with her in private.

Mr. Gardiner looked at her niece, and Jane nodded at him.

They left the couple in the parlor, and Mr. Gardiner allowed them ten minutes.

Jane glanced at Mr. Bingley nervously, unsure of what he intended to say.

She had supposed he had come either to apologize once more or to persuade her of his sister’s change of heart but was shocked upon discovering his true intentions.

“Miss Bennet, ever since I learned of your presence in town, I have been foolishly striving to prove my innocence, when instead I should have made every effort to explain something that ought to have been said in Hertfordshire—before I left,” he said and went on to reveal his true feelings and expressed how sincerely and ardently he loved her.

Every word he uttered came without premeditation or constant worry of being misinterpreted in the eyes of the woman he loved so deeply.

Mr. Bingley no longer doubted himself nor did he doubt Jane’s affection and regard for him.

He confessed that he had overheard her outburst at the Netherfield ball and misjudged her feelings towards him.

“I now understand that my sister had planted a seed of doubt in your mind about my relationship with Miss Darcy, as disgusting as it is. Had I known of this, I would have put an end to your torment long ago. I have wronged you many times—blaming everyone around me, the circumstances, even your silence. But what I failed to do was act upon my feelings for you—and help you understand just how much you mean to me. I wanted proof for all that I saw—and still see—in your eyes, through your words and actions. It was cruel of me to demand it. How could I ever expect you to openly acknowledge your feelings when I never dared to open my own heart to you? Your beauty is not merely superficial, Jane—it is your kind heart that truly shines through. I love you deeply and would be honored if you could accept my proposal and marry me,” he finally said, and he wondered if he had used up all the ten minutes her uncle had given him.

He observed Jane’s face, and every feature on it reflected something that warmed his heart—joy.

“Yes!” she said without contemplation, and Mr. Bingley felt the whole world disappear from his sight.

“You are too generous to take the complete blame on yourself. I fell prey to your sister’s plans to separate us, and I did nothing but believe her blindly,” she confessed and went on to explain her struggle during the ball and the embarrassment her mother had caused her.

Jane professed how blind she was towards her own heart and feelings, and that she had decided to distance herself from him, holding him in contempt.

Every word she said made Mr. Bingley understand how lucky he was to earn affection from a woman with such kindness and warmth, and still, he could not believe that all she had ever expected from him was to take the first step towards their future.

He wanted to reassure her that he would never let her taste anything but happiness in their life together.

However, they were interrupted by a knock on the door, and in walked Elizabeth, looking guilty for disturbing them.

Mr. Bingley and Jane immediately stood upon seeing her, and Elizabeth could not mistake the expression on her sister’s face.

Oh! Jane, I hope you do not disappoint me.

“Mr. Bingley, I apologize for intruding. My uncle asked me to keep you both company, but I can return in a few minutes if you would want me to.”

“You cannot leave now, not without congratulating us,” he said with a broad smile, and Elizabeth immediately ran up to her sister and embraced her with joy.

Mr. Bingley watched the sisters with gratitude, feeling fortunate to be part of their family. At last, Elizabeth noticed him and warmly congratulated him, her happiness shining through.

“I must meet with your father without delay and obtain his approval,” Mr. Bingley said, and Jane nodded. The rest of the family joined them and were elated with the news. Mr. Bingley conveyed his wishes to travel to Hertfordshire immediately to get Mr. Bennet’s approval.

“That would be the best course of action, and I would be delighted to accompany you all,” Mr. Gardiner said, and Mr. Bingley pressed to leave the very next day. However, Jane mentioned that Elizabeth was looking forward to attending the ball in a few days.

“We need not wait until the ball,” Elizabeth said. “I will inform Miss Darcy, and we can return to Longbourn tomorrow.”

Yet Jane, well aware that something was blossoming between Darcy and her sister, hesitated—unwilling to spoil their growing happiness.

Mrs. Gardiner made a suggestion, which all of them welcomed, as she suggested that Jane leave with Mr. Gardiner, allowing Elizabeth the chance to attend the ball, with her aunt acting as her companion.

“I cannot believe it, Lizzy! I cannot believe that he has always loved me, and I doubted him for nothing. I am so happy, and I do not deserve it!” Jane said.

“You deserve all the happiness in this world, and so does he,” Elizabeth said and hugged her sister once more.

***

“Engaged?” Darcy cried in shock as Mr. Bingley conveyed the news to him.

“You met me last evening, and you did not inform me of your intention to propose to her. This is very surprising,” Darcy exclaimed.

“I just took your advice to heart, Darcy, and acted upon my instincts. This time, I was confident in my own actions, and the result is the lifelong happiness Jane has given me. I am to return to Netherfield tomorrow and wish to speak with her father.”

“Forgive me, I should have said this before. I am thrilled with the news, and my congratulations to you on your engagement.”

“I cannot tell you how excited I am to finally claim her hand.”

“Is Miss Bennet leaving tomorrow?” he asked, his thoughts immediately circling towards Elizabeth.

“Of course she is,” Mr. Bingley said and smiled, seeing Darcy frown.

“But, her sister is not. I understand she is to attend a ball as your aunt’s guest, so do not frown so much,” he said with a laugh.

Darcy’s heart was troubled with envy as he looked at his friend, for he had wished to declare his intentions to Elizabeth before the ball.

Yet, now he found himself doubting whether it might appear too sudden, merely on account of Mr. Bingley’s engagement to his sister.

His friend took leave after conveying the news to Georgiana, who was equally surprised by the sudden development.

“Brother, this is all so very sudden, and does this mean Miss Elizabeth will return to Hertfordshire soon? I assume she will want to spend every moment with her sister now,” she said, looking forlorn, not understanding that Darcy was equally tormented to part from Elizabeth.

“I understand she would leave after the ball; we can call on her tomorrow if you wish,” he said.

“Of course I was planning to as the ball is just two days away, and I wish she could stay at aunt’s house after it ends,” she said, continuing to express her wishes about not wanting to end her friendship with Elizabeth because of her departure from town.

That night, both Elizabeth and Darcy lay awake for a long time. Though equally happy for Jane and Mr. Bingley, their thoughts lingered on a similar moment in their own lives.

Elizabeth looked upon Jane, who slept peacefully beside her, and her heart swelled with joy at the sight of her sister’s happiness.

Yet she could not banish the memory that crept upon her—for it was in the same room, a year ago, that they had shared a similar evening when Mr. Harrington had offered her his hand.

To Elizabeth, the very thought of the man and his proposal disgusted her, as deep down in her heart she knew that someday Darcy would seek her out the same way, and she could never accept him without revealing that she was engaged to someone in the past.

Elizabeth had often wondered how he might respond to her confession, and in her heart, she knew that—despite all she had done to drive him away—she could still see the same love and admiration in his eyes as they beheld hers.

She did not doubt that nothing would change in his heart once he became aware of the truth about her past, but what she feared was her own feelings.

It had been a long time since Elizabeth understood that whatever she had felt for Mr. Harrington in the past was not even close to what she felt for Darcy now.

In Mr. Harrington, she had once seen the very picture of a perfect gentleman—one who had won her heart with ease, by displaying every mark of kindness and integrity—none of which, in the end, proved to be true.

Darcy had, at first, done nothing but provoke her anger; yet, throughout their acquaintance, he had shown that his affection for her was sincere enough to temper his pride and amend his arrogance.

Beneath the stern exterior he once wore, she could now discern all that she had ever wished to love and esteem in a gentleman.

The only unease that lingered in her mind was whether she might ever bestow upon him the love he so truly deserved, unhindered by the ghosts of her past.

She closed her eyes in quiet agony, praying for the strength as Darcy’s face flashed through her mind. She could not help but wonder if his nights, too, were troubled by thoughts of her, as hers were always filled with him.