Page 46 of To Go Against Her Heart (Pride and Prejudice Variation)

Mrs. Harrington paced her chamber that night, feeling irritated beyond measure. She glanced at her husband, who sat drinking, and knew very well that whatever explanation he gave her was laced with lies.

A few hours ago, at the ball, as she was witnessing Elizabeth and Darcy dance, a servant came up to her informing her that her husband had left the gathering. Mrs. Kingston was equally surprised by the news about her brother’s sudden disappearance.

Upon returning home, Mrs. Harrington was startled to find her husband drinking heavily, a dark bruise tainting his face. When she questioned him, he dismissed her concern with a vague explanation—he had merely had an unpleasant altercation with an old friend.

“Daniel, do you hear yourself now? Who would dare to land a blow on you, that too in a ball at one of the wealthiest households in town? People know who you are, and what made you leave in haste?” she asked him again.

“I told you; I had no wish to cause a scene. He was an old friend, quite inebriated, and when he quarreled with me, matters quickly got out of hand,” he exclaimed, losing patience.

“Where did this happen?”

“In the outer corridor,” he replied bluntly.

“And pray, tell me what business took you there, away from the ballroom?” she demanded. Mr. Harrington felt, in that moment, the artful mask of a devoted husband he had worn had threatened to slip away. How, his wife’s fury only deepened at his silence.

“Your absence brought me nothing but embarrassment—everyone, including Lady Matlock, was taken quite by surprise. Why would you humiliate me so? Already, Miss Darcy ignored me the whole evening because of the newfound friendship with the country chit, and Lady Matlock hardly engaged with me. When she did, all I ended up doing was explaining your sudden disappearance. I ought to have known better than to marry a man who cannot comprehend the nature of the society to which I belong,” she scorned.

“Enough! You act as though you have bestowed upon me the most joyful prospect of a life filled with wealth and status. But trust me—when I weigh that against the ordeal of enduring your arrogance, none of it suffices,” he yelled.

Intoxicated by whiskey, he found himself unable to restrain his words.

“What? How dare you say such a thing! Do you think I ever wished to marry you? You were the one who trailed after me like a lovesick dog, begging for my hand!”

“Cynthia, distressing as you claim the evening had been, it has allowed me to unburden something long held in my heart,” he said.

“You were never my first choice for a wife, and I have regretted marrying you ever since, forsaking the woman I truly loved and had always envisioned by my side. It was nothing but your wealth that compelled me to seek your hand. And if I may add, yes, I still love her,” he said casually, taking another sip, while Mrs. Harrington sank into a chair, for she knew, though in a state of intoxication, that her husband spoke the truth.

***

At Lord Matlock’s residence, Georgiana slept soundly, feeling tired after the long evening.

She was too innocent to understand the actual reason for the strained expressions exchanged between her brother and Elizabeth at the end of the ball; she attributed their discomposure merely to the pain of separation.

However, in the same house, Darcy paced restlessly, his mind and heart wrenched with pain and anguish over the events that transpired that evening.

He wished he had proposed to her before the ball, wondering if she might have accepted him—and thus spared Mr. Harrington the opportunity to get close to her.

He had overheard enough to understand the liberty he had taken to taunt her, citing that she could never attach herself to anyone else apart from himself.

Darcy could not imagine the torment she must have endured during the introduction, and yet how gracefully she had managed to survive it all.

Now, he wished he had professed his love to her at least before the dance and cursed himself for letting her leave the ball with uncertainty.

There was something different in the way she looked at me during the dance—and later, when she departed.

It seemed as though she had surrendered herself to an irrevocable decision.

I cannot allow her to doubt my intentions any longer, nor will I permit the man who wronged her to torment her in any way.

Darcy felt devastated to realize that the very man who had once given her hope was known to him all along and could not imagine how she had felt to see him and Mr. Harrington walk side by side.

He knew that sleep was a distant prospect in his current state of mind, and in his eyes, Elizabeth deserved far more than what life had subjected her to.

***

Meanwhile, on the other side of town, Elizabeth retired to her room after a long conversation with her aunt, who was enraged to understand what Mr. Harrington had dared to attempt.

She also expressed her displeasure at Elizabeth for not informing her of his presence, insisting that had she known, she would have ensured he stayed away from her niece.

“I just needed a few moments to myself, and that is why I ventured out into the corridor, and I never once imagined that he would follow me. I assure you, I wanted to inform you about his presence, but everything happened so fast,” Elizabeth explained to her aunt.

Now, as she brushed her hair, seated in front of the mirror, lost in thought, it seemed that the demons of her past had finally returned to haunt her.

No matter how much assurance her aunt had given her moments ago—that Darcy would never hold her in contempt for withholding the fact that she had once been engaged to Mr. Harrington—Elizabeth knew she was at fault for not revealing it to him.

She never doubted Darcy’s stand in the matter, but it was her own heart that weighed her down with guilt.

She knew that if they were to unite, his life would always be filled with the burden of protecting her past and the scrutiny that came with it, especially from his aunt.

As trivial as it seemed that one could argue that they could avoid Mr. Harrington and live a life without crossing paths, the evening had proven to her that some ghosts of the past have a way of presenting themselves and shattering happiness—and she was unwilling to drag Darcy into the web of torment she had so strongly spun around herself.

She loved him with all her heart, yet she knew that love alone could never make up for a lifetime spent carefully treading through society, constantly defending, and shielding her heart from harm.

Through the whole ordeal, she realized how foolish she had been to fall for a man of such filthy character as Mr. Harrington in the past, who had betrayed her and was now betraying his wife with thoughts about her.

The mere thought of him declaring that he still loved her filled her with disgust, and it gave her no comfort to realize that a man of such questionable character had the power to hurt Darcy through her.

She knew Darcy would stand against the world for her, but in her heart, all she wanted was to spare him from that burden—she lacked the strength to see him hurt or held responsible for her actions.

Ever since she had arrived in town, she had never felt this lost, and she found herself battling the compelling need to return to Longbourn, where the world had left her alone, to live a life she had become accustomed to, one without hope and happiness.

***

As troubled as the previous night had been, Mrs. Gardiner hoped that Elizabeth would be in a better temperament in the morning and was pleased to see her seated for breakfast with a smile.

“I hope you had a restful night,” her aunt asked her.

“I did, and I am looking forward to returning to Longbourn tomorrow. I would be the most selfish creature on earth if I did not thank you for the love and affection you have shown me during my stay, as always,” she said, her heart full of gratitude.

She resolved to quiet her restless mind by occupying herself with packing and directing her thoughts to the happy prospect of seeing Jane the next day.

Mrs. Gardiner did not want to press Elizabeth to discuss affairs of the previous evening and allowed her to keep to herself; however, within minutes, she was surprised by Darcy’s arrival.

It was still an early hour, and from his countenance, Mrs. Gardiner immediately understood that his visit was not casual but carried a sense of urgency.

She had no scruple in guessing that he had come to speak with her niece.

“My apologies for calling without prior notice. I want to seek your permission to speak with Miss Elizabeth in private,” he asked, and Mrs. Gardiner did not know what to make of the nature of anxiety in his tone or the look of anguish on his face.

She requested Darcy to wait in the library and sent for Elizabeth, who arrived with a perplexed look, and the moment she understood who the visitor was, her face turned pale.

It was not that she had not expected to see him—she was certain he would call on her with Georgiana before her departure.

“Mr. Darcy is waiting in the library, do you not wish to see him?” her aunt asked with doubt, seeing how startled she was.

“No, I shall, and I promise to keep the conversation short,” she said and left her aunt, determined that she would not succumb to her feelings in his presence.

However difficult it was, she was prepared to do the needful and relieve him from the misery she had inflicted on him since the day they met.

However, as she approached the library, she began to tremble as her hand rested on the door handle. Mustering courage, she opened the door and stepped inside.