Page 51 of To Go Against Her Heart (Pride and Prejudice Variation)

“Do not tell me you miss Jane already; you have seemed quite lost ever since she departed this morning,” Mr. Bennet observed during dinner, to which Elizabeth replied with the assurance that it was not the case.

“It is indeed a pleasure to see her settled close by Lizzy, do you not feel so?”

“Of course! I am beyond thrilled that Mr. Bingley chose to stay in Netherfield and not his town home.”

“It seems you have spent your time in town most pleasantly; Mr. Gardiner mentioned that, through Mr. Darcy, you were brought into the acquaintance of Lord Matlock. I should very much like to hear your thoughts on the new connections you formed there.”

“Well, the Matlocks were particularly attentive to me, and I enjoyed Miss Darcy’s company as well, and she resembles Mary in many ways.

She plays beautifully and, in my eyes, is an amiable young woman.

I also got acquainted with her cousin, Colonel Fitzwilliam, and I assure you that you would enjoy his sense of humor,” she said.

“And how is Mr. Darcy?” her father asked, observing her countenance more carefully.

“I met him at Hatchard’s, and it was through him that we learned Mr. Bingley was quite unaware of Jane’s presence in town; indeed, we may safely say that her present happiness is due to his interference,” she said.

Mr. Bennet observed with some curiosity how carefully she avoided pronouncing his name aloud, and he immediately perceived that some matter had occurred which made her cautious to speak it.

He wondered if he could somehow bring her to talk about what troubled her, and unfortunately, Mr. Bennet knew that after her past with Mr. Harrington, he hardly found a way to connect with Elizabeth as before.

***

In town, Georgiana pressed her brother to accompany her to call on Elizabeth at her uncle’s house, and Darcy found it difficult to deny the request.

“I expect Bingley here at any moment, and as much as I would wish to, I am unable to accompany you today,” he assured her. She departed, unaware that Elizabeth was not in town, and when Georgiana learned of her absence at her uncle’s home, her worst fears were confirmed.

Is she trying to avoid meeting Fitzwilliam? Otherwise, she should be here when all her sisters are.

However, Jane was delighted to see Georgiana and introduced the rest of the family to her. Though Georgiana felt somewhat overwhelmed by the attention Mrs. Bennet bestowed upon her, she quickly felt a sense of comfort with Mary, as Elizabeth had often remarked upon the resemblance between the two.

“Miss Elizabeth has spoken much of you, especially about how relentlessly you pursue your music,” Georgiana said, much to Mary’s surprise.

“My sister surely had been too kind, but I do enjoy my music as much as I enjoy my books,” she replied, and Jane watched them converse with ease.

“I am truly surprised as to why Miss Elizabeth chose to stay behind. I hope she is well,” Georgiana asked Jane once again before she left, and Jane had no choice but to lie to the young girl that she was well and was eager to meet her during the wedding.

Upon her return, Darcy, who had waited impatiently to learn of her meeting with Elizabeth, was utterly shocked to discover that she had never accompanied her family.

“Miss Bennet informed that she is well and wished to stay with her father. I was very much disappointed not to see her. Do you promise to take me to the engagement party? I do not think I can wait until Miss Bennet’s wedding to meet her.”

“I promise to take you to their wedding,” Darcy said, much to her disappointment.

He met Mr. Bingley later that day, who seemed to be in the best of spirits.

“I dearly wish you could come to the party and stay until the wedding, Darcy. I should be most happy to have you and Miss Darcy with us; you are as part of our family, and I suppose you will not arrive but a day before the wedding, as the other guests are expected to do. If you still worry about Caroline, I assure you she stays to herself for most of the day and would not dare to upset you or Miss Darcy in any way.”

“I promise to attend your wedding. I am planning our return to Pemberley after that, and I am most caught up in attending business and other things in town before we leave,” he declared, much to Mr. Bingley’s displeasure.

“Very well then, I would like to invite you and Miss Darcy for supper at my house tomorrow night. I understand from Jane that Miss Darcy enjoyed conversing with Mary when she met her,” Mr. Bingley said, and Darcy had no reason to reject his invitation and agreed.

The next day, the Bennets were the first to arrive at Mr. Bingley’s house along with the Gardiners, and Mr. Bingley played the most attentive host and took great pleasure in showing the family around the home, much to Mrs. Bennet’s gratification.

She was very much pleased with Mr. Bingley’s house and was happy to know that if Jane should ever quit Hertfordshire, she would be handsomely settled in town.

Darcy and Georgiana arrived later, and the very sight of the Bennet sisters was a torment to Darcy, for it reminded him of how keenly he missed the familiar presence of Elizabeth amongst them.

He sat beside Mr. Gardiner, who struck up a conversation with ease, and it was evident to Darcy that Mrs. Gardiner did not let the details about his last call on Elizabeth reach his ears; whether she was aware of his proposal or not was still a mystery to him.

Darcy also could see Jane observing him keenly, and being aware of how close the sisters were, he suspected that she was aware of his proposal and Elizabeth’s reaction to the same.

Seeing his friend rejoice in his engagement and having won the affection of the woman he truly loved, Darcy was reminded of how fate had dealt him a cruel hand by denying him the same happiness.

He could not help but wonder whether Elizabeth would have accepted his proposal if not for the unfortunate encounter with Mr. Harrington the previous day, for he felt, somehow, that the incident had suddenly revived all the fears she had so gradually overcome since their meeting in town.

During dinner, as conversation circled around the upcoming engagement party, Jane noticed Darcy shift uncomfortably in his chair.

Somehow, the man who had looked comfortable in their company in Elizabeth’s presence was no longer to be seen, and all she perceived was the proud gentleman who had earned the displeasure of everyone at the Meryton assembly.

Later, the women sat in the music room where Georgiana and Mary played to entertain them.

Darcy’s mind wandered towards the vision of Elizabeth playing the piano-forte weeks ago, and he dearly wished to know whether she was well or as distressed as he was after his proposal.

Sometime later, Mr. Bingley finally decided to part from Jane and led the men for a game of Billiards.

Mrs. Gardiner and Jane looked at each other; each felt the pain in Darcy’s eyes due to Elizabeth’s absence.

“Would you like to spend some time in the library, Miss Darcy? I am certain Mary would like to show you what interests her. Mr. Bingley has quite a vast collection, to my knowledge,” Jane suggested to Georgiana, and she readily agreed.

The three of them walked to the library, and Mary and Georgiana busied themselves with the books. Jane wondered if she could get a moment of privacy to speak with Darcy and sat down by the fireplace.

About a quarter of an hour later, Georgiana and Mary expressed their wish to return to the drawing room, and Jane declared she would join them momentarily. She was still contemplating what to disclose to Darcy to make him understand the struggle her sister was battling with her own heart.

She rose, intending to find a way to speak to him, but was taken aback by the sudden appearance of the same gentleman, who seemed as astonished as herself at the encounter.

“Forgive me, Miss Bennet, I was looking for my sister,” Darcy said.

“She left a few minutes ago to join the others in the drawing room.”

“I see,” Darcy said and turned around to leave, but Jane called out to him.

“Mr. Darcy, if you could spare a few moments, I have something I wish to say to you.”

Though surprised, Darcy wondered if it was something related to Elizabeth.

“I would not be so grateful and happy in my engagement to Mr. Bingley were it not for you and Elizabeth. I have thanked her many times, but I have not yet had the chance to express my gratitude to you in the same way. Allow me, therefore, to express my sincere gratitude for the role you have played in bringing about my union with your friend.”

“As gratified as I am to understand your sentiments, you owe me nothing Miss Bennet. I merely did what was right, and you have made my friend a very happy man by accepting his proposal,” Darcy said, and he was unable to hold his words, “Forgive me, is Eli…Miss Elizabeth in good health?” he asked wanting to know how she fared.

“She is, as much as her mind would allow her to be,” she said, witnessing the pain in his eyes.

“Since the moment I arrived in town, I have been most impatient to see you. I am aware of everything that transpired at the ball and later your proposal,” she said, much to Darcy’s shock.

“Mr. Darcy, my sister has felt lost ever since she returned to Longbourn; having known her since she was born, I have always witnessed her strength and courage, and it is a quality I have admired and often envied in her. Now I see a woman who is constantly struggling to come to terms with her own decisions. We have never argued before, but since I became aware that she rejected your proposal, I have been most angry with her.”

“You must know your sister better than I, and as painful as it is for me to endure, she said everything possible to make her sentiments clear.”

“Do you believe her?” she asked bluntly, much to Darcy’s astonishment.

“I don’t, and I know in her heart she has a place for me, but she does not trust me. She does not trust me enough to take this step along with me towards her future, and I can honestly deem it my own failing.”

“There is something you should know about her association with Mr. Harrington: she was not just courted by him, but they were engaged.”

“Good Lord!” Darcy cried in horror. Jane quickly explained the nature of their engagement, as to how Mr. Harrington had asked Elizabeth to keep it a secret, and no one except her aunt and Jane were aware of it.

She revealed how devastated her sister was when Mr. Harrington broke the engagement, citing his need for money.

“Even before she met you, she had perceived that the gentleman never deserved her affections; yet she was furious with herself for allowing her heart to become so entangled. I have witnessed her torment every day. Almost the entire village knew someone in town courted her, and gossip followed her at every gathering. Not to mention, our own mother showed little understanding towards her. When she refused Mr. Collins, my mother was positively furious, insisting she was too arrogant to reject him and that no one would ever offer for her again. And finally, when she met you again in town, it took her great strength to set aside her own inhibitions and trust her own heart once more—only to suffer the cruel shock of encountering Mr. Harrington at the ball.”

“I would have killed him had I known how far he played with her feelings. I cannot believe he was engaged to her, and surely, she must know that I would not waver in my sentiments because of it. She could have revealed this to me when I proposed. Why did she inflict this misery on us both?”

“Honestly, she appears to feel guilty for not disclosing about Mr. Harrington to you earlier, and maybe the fateful encounter that night lingers in her mind as something of that sort could happen in the future. With Mr. Harrington being acquainted with you already and you aunt also, everything is weighing down in her mind,” she said and noticed Darcy looking unconvinced.

“If you look at it from her point of view, she is trying to protect you in her own way, and you must know why.”

Because she loves me as well.

“I have failed miserably to reason with her, and her current state of distress alarms me. Though she rejected you quite convincingly, the mere thought of facing you again terrifies her. That is the reason she did not accompany us here, and I am even more troubled by what she said before I left,” Jane confessed and hesitated to continue.

“Miss Bennet, I am in no condition to suffer further torment than I already have. I beg you—pray, tell me, what did she say?”

Jane drew in a breath and recounted how Elizabeth had threatened to absent herself from the engagement party, and, thereafter, what she had declared concerning her attendance as Jane’s bridesmaid.

And the moment her words reached his ears, Darcy felt an unsummoned emotion rise in his heart—rage—and, to his own astonishment, it was directed at none other than the woman he loved.