Page 38 of To Go Against Her Heart (Pride and Prejudice Variation)
The next morning, Elizabeth found herself in the parlor, struggling to compose herself, and she was conscious of Jane’s steady gaze upon her and the man seated next to her.
None of them in the household expected to see Darcy the very next morning, after they dined at Lord Matlock’s residence.
Her uncle was the least surprised by his arrival, as he had suspected since meeting Darcy that he was determined to win Elizabeth’s hand.
“Good morning, Mr. Gardiner. I wanted to call on Miss Elizabeth if she is not otherwise engaged at this hour,” he had said confidently as he arrived in the Gardiner house around half past ten.
Had he witnessed even the slightest hint of displeasure on Elizabeth’s face, Mr. Gardiner would have acted otherwise. However, when he saw nothing but surprise and how her eyes brightened upon Darcy’s arrival, he left her with him in the parlor with Jane acting as a chaperone.
“I hope I did not interrupt your occupation this morning,” he asked Elizabeth with sincerity.
“Not at all as I am quite unengaged at the moment.”
“Your cousins do not need you?”
“They are with their nanny but may join us soon. May I dare to ask, why Miss Darcy did not accompany you?”
“Am I to understand that you do not favor me coming alone?” he asked, his eyes fixed on her face.
“That is not true. I am merely surprised.”
“I must remind you, Miss Elizabeth, that if I am calling on you without my sister, it is because you permitted me to do so; unfortunately, some acts cannot be reversed. I suggest you think twice before giving me consent next time,” he said, making Elizabeth blush.
“And what are you reading this morning?” Darcy asked, eyeing the book in her hand, and Elizabeth found the change of subject a welcome relief.
As Elizabeth explained what had first drawn her to the work and why she was rereading that particular story, Darcy listened with interest, captivated by her reflections on the tale and her discernment of its characters.
“I am tempted to reveal how the story ends, Mr. Darcy, but if you wish to, you could borrow it and let me know if you find it as interesting as I do,” she said, and handed him the book, which Darcy took readily.
Despite Jane’s presence, the couple conversed without hesitation, and Darcy could not help but rejoice in the outcome of his decision to see her that morning, without the company of Georgiana. He had made his intentions open not only to Elizabeth but also to her family.
Jane observed them in the same room with overwhelming happiness for her sister.
However, in the corner of her heart, she could not ignore her own sentiments that surfaced after Darcy’s arrival.
She knew that Mr. Bingley’s regard for her remained unchanged since Hertfordshire—it had been evident from the moment they first met again in London.
However, Jane was conscious that she had subtly hinted to him that she no longer wished to see him in town.
Suddenly, she felt a strange sensation in her heart, a mixture of helplessness and longing that engulfed her mind and body as she came to terms with her own folly in her relationship with Mr. Bingley.
Jane did not doubt that he had no involvement in Miss Bingley’s schemes, nor did she have any suspicions about the sincerity of his apology.
She saw, with some mortification, that in seeking to punish him by her avoidance, she had suffered most from her own resentment.
As tough as it was to accept, Jane finally realized that she had behaved spitefully, without understanding the repercussions of her own actions.
Now, everything looked hopeless to her as she understood that she had made Mr. Bingley believe that she no longer cared for him.
Darcy’s arrival that morning reminded her of all the numerous occasions Mr. Bingley had called on her in Longbourn.
As disheartening as it was, Jane now understood that she had pushed away everything her heart had always yearned for, and the very thought of returning to Hertfordshire now devastated her.
Her thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of her cousins, and Darcy immediately engaged with them, much to their delight.
Among three young children, Darcy seemed to look a lot younger in his manner, and Mrs. Gardiner pressed him to stay for dinner, which he politely refused.
When he took leave, he looked at Elizabeth.
“I hope you would be less surprised if I call on you again tomorrow,” he said with a smile, not caring if anyone heard it.
Elizabeth watched him depart, her book in his hand—and, if she were to confess honestly, not merely her book, but her very heart seemed to follow him in his carriage.
***
“Brother, was she surprised? Did she enquire as to why I did not accompany you?” Georgiana asked as soon as Darcy returned.
Before leaving that morning, Darcy had explained that he wished to call on Elizabeth alone, and the young girl was not ignorant enough to misunderstand his intentions.
“Yes, she was. The first thing she enquired about was you.”
“I assumed so; shall I invite her to dine with me tomorrow?”
“I do not know her plans, but maybe I can ask her when I call on her tomorrow,” he said with a wink.
However, Georgiana was unwilling to stay home again the next day and spent the next half of the day arguing about the same thing.
Meanwhile, at her uncle’s house, Elizabeth tried to process everything that had happened that morning.
His intentions appear quite clear, and he must be aware of my regard for him. What is to happen now? Will he eventually ask about my past? What if he does not? Am I equal to the task of revealing my past to him?
Although several questions haunted her, she did not fail to notice Jane’s demeanor.
“You have looked troubled since morning, Jane. Is something the matter?” she asked out of concern.
“No, nothing is, I assure you.”
“Do not lie to me. What is it? I am certain it is something regarding Mr. Bingley,” Elizabeth pressed, and to her horror, Jane started sobbing. It had been many weeks since Elizabeth had beheld her in such emotion.
“Good Lord! Jane, talk to me. What has happened?” Elizabeth cried, horrified at her state of distress.
“You are ever calling me kind, Lizzy, yet I acted with the utmost cruelty and I cannot forgive myself,” she said, before proceeding to reveal what she had at last come to understand about her sentiments towards Mr. Bingley.
“He has not changed—he looks at me the same way he did at Hertfordshire. Yet from the moment we met again in town, I convinced myself that I no longer felt anything for him. I presented numerous reasons to support my thoughts, but none were true. I still love him, Lizzy, but I made him believe that I no longer wish to see him again. I saw the pain in his eyes, and perhaps, I wanted him to feel the anguish I endured because of the separation he imposed upon us.”
Elizabeth embraced Jane and comforted her, unable to witness her despair.
“Nothing has occurred that cannot be mended, and you know that as well as I do. Mr. Bingley loves you dearly, and he shall not make the same mistake twice. Whatever you may have said to him at his house will not alter his affection for you.”
“All this while I believed that I bore no ill will towards anyone. But the truth is—I did. And it was that anger, born of his sister’s schemes, that led me to act with such vengeance toward him.
I still cannot comprehend how I was capable of such spite towards the man I love. I do not deserve his affections.”
“I am certain he does not hold you in contempt for anything. Please do not lose hope, Jane, and I have not—in your case. You deserve all the happiness in the world,” she said, consoled her sister, and wondered if she could do anything to help the couple.
That very evening, Mr. Bingley visited Darcy at his residence and was rather surprised to learn that he had called upon Elizabeth that morning, and alone.
“You seem to be surprised,” Darcy said, looking at the expression on his friend’s face.
“Well, I knew you were on better terms with Miss Elizabeth since you met her in town, but I did not realize that you wanted to take this course of action.”
“My intentions and sentiments towards her have always been the same, and I do not wish to procrastinate anymore. May I dare to ask you something?” he enquired, and Mr. Bingley nodded.
“What do you plan on doing now? Why haven’t you called on Miss Bennet?”
“Because she asked me not to.”
“What? You must be jesting.”
“She did not openly state so,” Mr. Bingley said, and went on to explain how Jane had only hinted, in a customary manner, at her wish to see him in Hertfordshire.
“Is there a chance you could have misinterpreted her words?”
“I am not that na?ve, Darcy. This is what she wishes, and I have lost her forever. I know not what I might do to win her heart, for I have undone everything by my own folly, and worse still, I allowed my own sister to destroy my happiness. I feel lost and do not know what to do,” Mr. Bingley said with despair.
“If you expect me to offer guidance or counsel on how you ought to proceed with Miss Bennet, then I must beg your pardon, for I have no wish to interfere. Think about it, Bingley; this is your life, and whatever the outcome may be, your actions must be based on your own reasoning and will. Please do not allow anyone, including me, to dictate your life. I would advise you to reflect upon all that has passed between you and her, and to be guided by your own heart. If you truly love her, you will not be at a loss for how to proceed, nor will you require validation from others,” he said, hoping that he had steered his friend in the right direction.
On his ride back home, Mr. Bingley pondered over Darcy’s words and, for the first time, realized how utterly unaccountable he had been in everything that had transpired with Jane.
I have allowed my sisters to manipulate and deceive me all this time.
How would Jane perceive me, a weak man with no ownership of his life or actions?
Clearly, that is the reason why she is unable to forgive or trust me again.
I chose to blame everyone else around me when I was the sole reason for my current misery.
Instead of leaving Netherfield in haste, doubting her sentiments, I should have expressed my love for her and earned her trust. I have hurt her beyond measure, and despite everything, I have not done anything to ease her pain.
He stormed into the house and found his sisters seated in the parlor.
“Charles, what is wrong?” Mrs. Hurst asked with concern, and Miss Bingley looked at him with surprise.
“Louisa, I do not want you to interfere; I want to have this conversation with Caroline,” he said, and Miss Bingley stood.
“What is it? I seem to get a headache just by looking at you now,” she said with irritation.
“You might not have taken my words or actions seriously before, but I suggest you start now. I have been lenient with you ever since our parents died and have failed to correct your flaws, which has now resulted in my current state of torment. Your actions towards Miss Bennet and me have been nothing but devious. From the moment I learnt of your interference in our separation, you have never once sought my forgiveness, nor have you done anything to amend the pain you caused us.”
“You are right, and I do not care to do so now or in the future.”
“I do not seek an apology from you. But rather than confining you to your room that day when she dined with us, I ought to have insisted that you offer her an apology. I failed in that duty because I lacked the confidence that you would not insult her again. And I am ashamed to admit, I doubted my ability to restrain you from such ill-mannered conduct.”
“I do not understand what you want me to do now, and I am tired of listening to your hysterics about the Bennet girls.”
“Enough! Listen to me now: I will no longer allow you to insult them, nor will I hesitate to invite Jane Bennet here, worried about her encounter with you. I want you to apologize to her and treat her with the respect she deserves.”
“Apologize? What nonsense! Who is she to me? A country nobody,” Miss Bingley said with spite.
“Be quiet! You know my regard for her, and if I were to marry anyone, it would be her, only if she were willing to give me a chance. Now you have two choices before you; you will either apologize to her sincerely or else leave this house and stay with Aunt Helen in Yorkshire, until you find yourself a husband.”
“You must be out of your mind, you cannot force me to leave this house, for the sake of that chit,” Miss Bingley cried in horror.
“I very well can as I will not allow you to be the mistress of this house or meddle with my affairs anymore. God knows what evil intentions you have in mind, and I am not willing to take a chance. If you apologize to her wholeheartedly and stay away from causing trouble, you are allowed here; otherwise, you have no choice but to leave,” Mr. Bingley said with determination.
“Charles, please do not be hasty. You cannot send her away. What will people say?” Mrs. Hurst pleaded.
“The choice is hers, Louisa. We have both failed to correct her, and now we have one last chance before we allow her to ruin our lives,” he said, casting another look at Miss Bingley.
“Do not take this as an idle threat—by tomorrow morning, I expect an answer from you. For once, be sensible, but if you cannot bring yourself to do what is right, then be prepared to pack your trunks.” With that, he left the room, and for the first time in her life, Miss Bingley felt truly threatened—she no longer recognized the brother who had once been submissive and na?ve.