Page 5 of To Go Against Her Heart (Pride and Prejudice Variation)

Afew hours later, both Darcy and Elizabeth sat in deep thought in their respective carriages as they returned home from the assembly. At first, Elizabeth knew not the gentleman who had slighted her; but before the evening ended, Sir William introduced his daughter and Elizabeth to Darcy.

She could sense his struggle and embarrassment during the introduction; Mr. Bingley looked troubled as he stood beside him. Elizabeth was not angry with Darcy as he meant nothing to her, but the fact that he insulted her so openly only made her dislike him.

She could not help but be amused by Darcy’s struggle during their brief encounter. Charlotte was aware of his insult and could not fathom why he had spoken so, for she now plainly saw the admiration in his gaze as he beheld Elizabeth.

As for Darcy, every second in her company was mere torture.

He was appalled by his behavior and could not understand what made him say such a thing.

Darcy was disgusted with himself as his comment was not merely uncivil but completely against the principles and values he upheld in life.

Even with Miss Bingley, he had behaved with utmost civility, though she did not deserve such treatment.

To insult a lady as he had insulted Elizabeth was beneath his standards, and he immediately pondered what his father might have said were he still alive.

Now, the woman he had insulted so openly stood right before him; her expression was composed, but her eyes challenged and mocked him.

Darcy found her to be uncommonly beautiful, not just in appearance but in how she behaved in such an uncomfortable situation.

He understood very well that his friend was ashamed of his actions, and he wanted to apologize to Elizabeth, but found no chance to do so as the Bennet family left soon after the introduction.

When he reached Netherfield, Darcy avoided Mr. Bingley and retired to his room.

I cannot believe I behaved this way; I must apologize to her.

In Longbourn, Jane was upset when Elizabeth related what had transpired during the evening.

“I cannot believe this, Lizzy. A man of such status to behave in such an unpardonable way. Did he speak with you after that?” she asked in shock.

“No, we were introduced just as our carriage was ordered. His behavior amuses me, but Mr. Bingley felt uncomfortable after the incident, and I felt sorry for him.”

“Mr. Darcy seemed very serious during our introduction, however, I did not find him ill-mannered. But I suppose I was wrong in my assumption; how could he say such a thing about you?”

“Why Jane, anyone can find me tolerable and not handsome enough to tempt them for a dance. You cannot hold someone in contempt for that,” she said with a laugh.

“Don’t act as though you are not hurt, Lizzy.”

“I didn’t even know that he existed until a few hours ago, and I assure you, his words do not affect me.

However, I do dislike him, not because he insulted me, but because I would feel the same way if he had said it to another woman in the room.

The man thinks we are all below his status as I could see his indifference to Sir William.

He hardly conversed with anyone in the assembly throughout the evening, and I wonder what prompted his attendance.

He is a complete contrast to his friend and how Mr. Bingley befriended such an ill-mannered man is indeed a mystery. ”

“Well, he informed me that they met at Oxford, and Mr. Darcy was his senior, and they have been very good friends for more than five years now. Mr. Bingley spoke warmly of their friendship and informed me that Mr. Darcy had arrived to afford him assistance with the estate, intending shortly to return to town.”

“I hope he does, as he makes people around him uncomfortable.”

For the first time in many months, Elizabeth’s thoughts were occupied with something other than her own heartbreak as she retired for the night, and she wondered if she would meet Darcy again.

***

Early the next morning, Darcy departed Netherfield for a ride, aware that his friend was displeased with him.

Mr. Bingley seldom disagreed on any matter, yet Darcy could discern his disapproval at the way he had insulted Elizabeth Bennet.

Riding into the fields, he pondered how best to rectify his mistake.

I ought to have apologized to her last night. But what was to be done? She departed immediately after our introduction. And yet, should I encounter her again, how am I to justify my conduct without revealing the cause of my ill temper at that moment?

He could not rid himself of the expression in her lovely eyes, and it seemed almost as though she mocked him for the insult he had offered, as his words were utterly unworthy, for he found her to be uncommonly beautiful, even surpassing her sister in charm.

Mindlessly, he galloped up Oakham Mount, and the morning air was clean and crisp. As he reached the top, Darcy spotted someone seated on a ledge, and as he approached the woman, he was shocked to recognize who it was.

As fate would have it, Elizabeth, who had a routine of watching the sunrise every morning on the mount, was equally shocked to see him.

She hardly encountered anyone during her morning walk and enjoyed the solitude the mount offered.

To encounter Darcy was beyond coincidence, and she immediately stood, not knowing how to react.

Without thought, Darcy dismounted his horse and approached her. He knew not how she might receive his apology, yet Darcy was determined not to allow his pride to stop him this time. He noticed her trying hard to compose herself as he walked up to her, as her hands tightly clasped her bonnet.

“Good morning, Miss Elizabeth,” he said, and the very mention of her name felt strangely comforting.

“Good morning!” she said, not knowing how to avoid him.

“I…I was exploring the mount and my friend mentioned that it had a good view.”

“It does,” Elizabeth replied bluntly.

Darcy took a deep breath and addressed the matter.

“I know not how to approach this subject, but I feel profoundly guilty for my words last evening at the assembly. I wish to offer my sincere apology for what I said. I can offer no justification for my conduct, though a matter of my own vexed me at that moment, and when my friend compelled me to dance with you, I spoke out of irritation. I understand that my words have caused you pain.”

Elizabeth looked surprised by the declaration.

“It is not uncommon for you to speak whatever comes to mind when vexed and it a great luxury, indeed, that men of your status possess, is it not, Mr. Darcy?” she asked, trying to conceal her anger.

Up until that moment, she had assumed the comment had not affected her, but somehow, when he apologized for the same, Elizabeth felt as though he pitied her.

She was furious with him as he assumed he had the power to hurt her.

“Madam, I assure you, I am not the sort of person to employ my station or wealth to my advantage. I do not wish to defend my conduct; I am sincerely sorry for what I said. You did not deserve such words.”

“You believe you have the power to wound my vanity, sir? I think not. Had another gentleman spoken thus, I might have given it a moment’s thought.

But it came from you, one who entered the assembly last evening only to ridicule and diminish our society.

I should wish you to spare yourself the trouble of apologizing when your words carry no sincerity. ”

Now, Darcy was angry.

“What do you mean? Are you questioning the sincerity of my apology?”

“I am. We were introduced last night, following your kind compliments about my appearance. You might have offered an apology then, yet you chose not to.”

“Please trust me, I wanted to. But we were surrounded by your family, and I could not bring up the subject.”

Elizabeth smiled at him sarcastically.

“That is right; I am certain anyone who stood close to you would have heard your insulting words about me. I understand that you can ridicule someone in public, but your apology must be discreet. I do not doubt that your apology is heartfelt, but I am unable to accept it. What you term as an insult means nothing to me; I have never thought of myself as a beauty, nor have I lived in shame of being only a tolerable woman. Whatever you said—or intend to say in the future—will not affect me,” she said, moving past him, then halted and quickly turned around.

“I wonder what it is that you find among us so beneath your standards, Mr. Darcy? Our society may lack wealthy families or fine manners, but having lived here all my life, I can assure you that no man among my acquaintances would dare to speak of a woman in the way you did,” she said, disappearing down the hill, leaving an astonished Darcy behind.