Page 11 of To Go Against Her Heart (Pride and Prejudice Variation)

It was a week after Elizabeth and Jane had taken their leave from Netherfield.

Mr. Bingley was frequently at Longbourn and showed no hesitance in making his admiration for Jane known.

As for Darcy, he found himself torn between the desire to accompany his friend and the inward voice that warned him against it.

If she still despises me even after my apology, any attempt on my part to prove myself will only make her angrier. But it does not seem so. The way she avoided me after our conversation that morning suggested that she was afraid of my company. Do I remind her of the man she favored in town?

He was tired of his thoughts, and as much as he tried, he could not help but think about her. His valet observed a certain uneasiness in his master that morning and suspected that some matter troubled him.

“Are you need of anything, sir?” he asked as Darcy changed into his riding attire.

“No, I will return within an hour.”

Darcy rode up to Oakham Mount and did so daily in the prospect of meeting Elizabeth.

Whether she avoided him by choice or he missed her by chance was indeed a puzzle to him, as he never found her there.

He returned to Netherfield in dejected spirits and found Miss Bingley and her sister in the breakfast parlor arguing with Mr. Hurst.

“Well, you have come at the right moment, Mr. Darcy. My wife and sister have been giving me no relief from their recent topic of interest,” Mr. Hurst said with irritation.

Understanding that Darcy was in no mood to get into the details, Miss Bingley chose to enlighten him anyway.

“Why, this is indeed an important topic for Mr. Darcy as well, as it concerns his friend,” she said.

Darcy wondered what she referred to.

“Charles has hardly been at home this past week and is always calling on Miss Bennet for some reason. I agree she has been unwell, and we have given her the utmost attention in her recovery while she was our guest. But now, he is giving her unwanted attention, and her mother will come to conclusions in no time. As his friend, you must warn him, sir; he cannot go about this way.”

“Your brother is a grown man, madam, very much capable of deciding his own actions. I have no say in this,” Darcy said dryly.

“But you must. I am certain he gives her unwanted hope when he has no serious intentions.”

“I assure you, as much as I am concerned about his welfare, I do not possess the ability to gauge the seriousness of his intentions in the matter.”

“Mr. Darcy, unlike the women, my perspective differs; I think Charles is very much in love with Miss Bennet,” Mr. Hurst declared.

“Even if that is the case, Jane does not love him. I am certain of it,” Miss Bingley opposed.

Darcy was silent as he was not interested in discussing his friend’s personal affairs with his family.

“Why would she not favor him when he openly follows her around like a devoted puppy?” Mrs. Hurst asked.

“She would favor and accept him for his wealth and status, as she would do towards any wealthy man who courts her. But she is not in love with Charles. I can see that, as she hardly shows him her partiality,” Miss Bingley observed.

Darcy had also pondered about the matter; as he had often wondered whether Jane reciprocated his friend’s sentiments, as she scarcely displayed any affection or made an effort to show him her regard.

The sisters became silent once Mr. Bingley joined them, and Darcy sat in deep thought as breakfast progressed. He wondered if his friend would end up being disappointed in love and decided to observe the couple more closely.

***

“How could you assume that, Charlotte? Jane returns Mr. Bingley’s regard and is sincerely attached to him. I do not doubt it,” Elizabeth cried to her friend as they walked to the village of Meryton that very day.

Mary and Maria followed them a few steps behind.

“Well, you are aware of that because she is your sister, but I think poor Mr. Bingley is still looking for a more open declaration from her.”

“Do you want her to openly tell him that she has developed a deep regard for him within a few weeks?”

“Well! Even though Mr. Bingley has not declared so explicitly, his actions speak for him, do they not? But Jane tries to suppress her natural feelings towards him while in his company. I am just saying that it will do no good in making the relationship progress.”

“I disagree with you. I am certain she is giving him sufficient encouragement.”

“Well, I hope Mr. Bingley understands her regard and acts upon it,” Charlotte said.

Mary and Maria declared their intention of visiting the shops, and Charlotte graciously offered to accompany them, understanding that Elizabeth preferred to visit the bookstore.

Thanking her friend, Elizabeth swiftly walked towards her favorite shop in Meryton; though small, it was well stocked, and ever since she was young, the shopkeeper allowed her to browse as many books as she wanted to, even if she did not make a purchase.

But today, she intended to buy quite a few books and walked in eagerly.

The store was deserted, and she knew it was often the case in the afternoons.

She quickly busied herself with the collection stacked on the new arrivals shelf.

Within minutes, the shopkeeper joined her.

“It is good to see you, Miss Lizzy. I hope your sister is well, as I heard she had taken sick.”

“Good morning, Mr. Ronald. Yes, she is well.”

“Please pass my regards to her, and I shall be inside. Do ring the bell if you need me. I am certain it will not be a busy day,” he said, leaving inside.

Elizabeth sat in her favorite corner and began browsing through the books she had selected. Suddenly, she heard the door open, and much to her shock, in walked Darcy. It had been over a week since she had seen him, and his sudden appearance caught her by surprise.

She immediately stood, and the books on her lap fell to the floor. Within moments, Darcy was beside her, helping her gather them.

“Allow me,” he said as he gathered the books and placed them on the table. Elizabeth felt completely unsettled in his company and stared at him without saying a word.

“Forgive me; I did not mean to startle you,” he said, to which she pursed her lips.

But you did!

Sensing the discomfort on her face, Darcy retreated a few steps and moved away from her.

Why does she not say anything?

“I hope your sister has recovered,” he asked, hoping that she would reply.

“Yes…Yes, she has. Thank you!” she replied, not understanding why she felt so vulnerable in his presence.

“I was just running a few errands in the village and thought I might pay a visit to the bookstore,” he said, observing the books she had gathered.

“Mr. Ronald has stepped inside. If you would like, I can ring the bell,” she said, wanting to relieve herself from his presence.

“It would merely waste his time, for I have the habit of spending a good while before I make my selection.”

Understanding that Darcy would not leave soon, Elizabeth wondered whether to stay or return to Charlotte. She was torn between looking at the books she intended to buy and leaving the store to avoid him.

“I see you have quite the selection at your disposal. Would you mind if I have a look at them?” Darcy asked, impressed with the collection beside her, and Elizabeth nodded.

“These are all novels; I had presumed you were fonder of poetry.”

“I peruse all kinds of literature, sir, yet I have long been partial to poetry since youth.”

“Since you are so devoted a reader, I suppose your early fondness must have eventually given way, and some other genre has surely claimed your interest. I, for one, have always loved poetry, though of late I have grown quite devoted to reading about history.”

“I cannot agree with you, Mr. Darcy. One grows fond of certain things over the years or within moments. No matter how many welcome distractions or finer prospects may cloud our lives, what you once held dear to your heart will always remain so. Irrespective of how many novels I read, my heart will still remain occupied by the numerous sonnets I have enjoyed over the years, and I assure you my regard for them will never change,” she said, staring into his eyes.

Darcy was silent; it was evident to him that her words had a hidden meaning, and he was not a simpleton to fail to understand it.

“If you would excuse me,” she said and walked past him and rang the bell.

The shopkeeper appeared, and she quickly paid for her purchase and left the store after bidding them goodbye.

Darcy slowly made his way to the far end of the store and seated himself in the very chair she had just left.

Somehow, her words had pierced his heart, and he could not help but dwell upon what she had said.

She must suspect that I feel something more for her than just her friendship, and she has indirectly warned me never to think in that direction.

As Darcy sat contemplating, Elizabeth struggled to compose herself as she returned to Longbourn. As much as she tried, her countenance betrayed her, and Charlotte noticed her state of agitation.

“Are you well, Lizzy?” she asked out of concern.

“Yes, I am. Why do you ask?”

“You do not look well; you look flushed.”

“I met him at the bookstore.”

“Who?”

“Mr. Darcy!” she said with a sigh.

“Very well, and you argued with him again?”

“Charlotte, why would you assume so? We merely conversed for a few minutes.”

“And he said something to upset you.”

“No!” she denied.

He did not say anything to upset me, but his eyes conveyed something more than his words. Why does he make me feel so?

“Then what is it? You look as though you have seen a ghost.”

“His sudden appearance took me by surprise, that is all. I wish he could be more easygoing like Mr. Bingley, but Mr. Darcy is always rigid.”

“Is that so? You blame the poor man now that he is not as amiable as his friend. Honestly, in my observation, he has changed after your brutal set down on the mount.”

“I was not rude; I merely conveyed what I felt about him.”

“Of course! I am not accusing you of being uncivil, but one must assume that for someone as proud as Mr. Darcy, being called out for his actions by a stranger must have made him even more hostile towards our society. However, he has taken your words to heart and changed.”

Elizabeth remained silent, yet Charlotte perceived that, after the arrival of Darcy, her friend had finally laid aside the anguish related to her past.

You like him, Lizzy, and I know he favors your company. But you do not realize it yet.

Once she returned home, Elizabeth was surprised to see the commotion in her house. Her mother was arguing with the housekeeper, and she wondered what might be amiss.

“What is it? Why is Mamma angry?” she asked Jane with worry.

“You will know soon; Papa wants to see you,” Jane informed.

Elizabeth hurried into the library and saw her father seated looking amused.

Mr. Bennet handed her a letter, and she read it anxiously.

However, as she progressed, her father noticed her expression change to surprise.

He waited patiently for her to complete reading it and smiled as she looked at him with disbelief.

“I assure you, my dear, I have been well entertained this morning; I do not envy the time you spent at the bookstore.”

“Is this the first time he is corresponding with you?” she asked.

“Yes, it is. He is well versed, I believe, in leaving an excellent first impression,” he said with a wink, and Elizabeth laughed.

“So, he is the one our estate is entailed to.”

“Yes, Mr. Collins, or must I say the humblest servant of Lady Catherine, Mr. Collins.”

“Is Mamma upset that he is to stay with us for a few weeks?”

“I assume she does not want him to set foot on our property. Do not worry; I intend his visit to be a harmless attempt to introduce himself to us and probably look at the property he would inherit after my death. If I understand the man correctly, he may view this trip as a practice for the future, when he turns up in tears to attend my service. But unlike your mother, I think it would not be so soon.”

Elizabeth turned white when her father mentioned the unlikely event of his death, and he noticed the same.

“My dear, do not be upset; I was merely joking.”

“I cannot derive amusement from it; I beg of you not to speak this way,” she said, unable to imagine a life without her father. Mr. Bennet hugged her, hoping it would be many years before he had to bid goodbye to the world and his beloved daughter.

Elizabeth then sought out Jane to discuss the matter.

“I have not read anything as hideous as his letter, Jane. I lost count of how often he mentioned his patroness, his declarations about his past misfortunes when he upset her, and his future promises to earn her respect. I cannot fathom how many hours he must have spent writing this four-page letter.”

“It was amusing to read; whatever said, the letter made Papa smile. However, Mamma is not ready for his sudden visit; I assume she perceives him as our enemy. I cannot blame her, though; this is all too sudden. Could he have a sinister motive, Lizzy?”

“I wonder what that could be, maybe to give his noble patroness particulars about the exact size of the estate he would inherit,” she said with a laugh.

The day passed quickly, and Mr. Collins was expected to arrive within the week. That night, Mrs. Bennet retired to bed with irritation. She found it intolerable to entertain the man as a guest in the same home he would deprive her of one day.

***

“What do you mean by saying you are to leave in a few days, Darcy?” Mr. Bingley asked in shock as they sat together in his study that night.

“I can see that you are managing quite well with the estate; you do not need my assistance anymore.”

“But I need your company. I thought you were finally warming up to the society here, and now you want to leave?”

“Georgiana is awaiting my return, and I have overstayed my intended visit.”

“I wish you could stay for a few more weeks; at least promise me you will return soon. I shall invite Miss Darcy to stay here too; I know if she is here with you, you would be much more relaxed.”

“It is indeed an enticing prospect. I assure you; I will put thought into it,” Darcy promised.

Mr. Bingley felt dejected to hear about his plans, but Darcy had made the decision after his encounter with Elizabeth at the bookstore.

I must leave; I cannot allow myself to fall for a woman who so intelligently warned me that she would never favor me. Clearly, she cannot see beyond my insult at the assembly and holds me in contempt or is still tormented by the past, just like my sister.

Somehow, it pained him to see her uncomfortable in his company, and he was not intentionally willing to put her through such distress. Darcy believed it best to leave Hertfordshire, entertaining hopes of returning to his past life where Elizabeth no longer occupied his thoughts throughout the day.