Page 43 of To Go Against Her Heart (Pride and Prejudice Variation)

Though Elizabeth had long dreaded revisiting her past and confessing it to Darcy, she had never imagined she would be forced to confront it in such a terrifyingly tangible form—by coming face to face with the very man who had once shattered her life beyond repair.

To her, the unthinkable had happened—and she now wondered if she possessed the strength to face what lay ahead.

It was evident to her from the face of the woman who stood next to Mrs. Harrington that she recognized who she was.

During her courtship with Mr. Harrington, she had met his mother once but never his sister, the now Mrs. Kingston.

However, it was clear to her that his sister was aware of what had conspired in her brother’s life in the past.

“It is my pleasure to make your acquaintance, Miss Elizabeth. I hope you are finding your stay in town to your liking. It must be a welcome change from country life,” Mrs. Harrington said, and Elizabeth could immediately sense that she was similar to Miss Bingley in judging her.

Mrs. Kingston said nothing, and from her countenance, Elizabeth knew that she was equally troubled as herself.

“I have enjoyed Miss Elizabeth’s company here, and I am grateful to have made her acquaintance through my brother,” Georgiana said, and observed a hint of irritation on Mrs. Harrington’s face. Lady Matlock excused herself and left the women to converse.

“You must join us for dinner tomorrow or the day after, Miss Darcy. We have missed your company. I was telling my husband last night how fervently one misses true friendship after separation,” Mrs. Harrington said, and Georgiana politely declined, citing that she may have other engagements, much to the other’s disappointment.

Elizabeth struggled to stay composed, and seeing Mrs. Kingston’s discomposure did her no good.

I must leave; if he is here, I dare not remain. Not now, not in Mr. Darcy’s presence, thought Elizabeth in growing agitation. At that very moment, Mrs. Harrington pronounced what she had most dreaded to hear.

“Here he comes, and I assure you, Miss Darcy, my husband was as eager for his return as I,” she said with pride, and Elizabeth slowly turned to look in the direction of her gaze.

What she beheld shook her very soul. The sight of Darcy and Mr. Harrington walking together toward them startled her, and she felt a secret relief that Georgiana had long released her hand; otherwise, the young girl would have perceived her trembling.

She was powerless to look away, as one man had come to inhabit her every thought and dream, the other was but a shadow she had almost erased from her memory.

Elizabeth knew not how she remained standing, for a sudden dizziness overtook her, and she feared she might faint.

In Darcy’s expression, she could see the same warmth and admiration, but the other’s face was laced with iciness and shock.

With every step they drew nearer, Elizabeth felt her world collapse, piece by piece, and she had no hope in what was meant to transpire and knew there would be no reprieve from the horrendous encounter she was deemed to face.

For months, she had agonized over the notion of revealing her past to Darcy; never had she conceived of a situation in which she would be forced to face Mr. Harrington himself—let alone with Darcy walking at his side.

She earnestly prayed that no one would observe her state of distress and agitation.

As she strove to compose herself, Darcy and Mr. Harrington approached, she felt a surge of relief when Darcy immediately took his place by her side. In that moment, she realized that, however horrifying the encounter, Darcy’s presence—the man she loved—brought her both comfort and strength.

“Mr. Darcy, it is good to see you, sir, and we have missed your sister’s company exceedingly and look forward to spending time with her as before,” Mrs. Harrington said, and noticed her husband staring at Elizabeth.

“Mr. Harrington, meet Miss Elizabeth Bennet, and if I may add a good friend of Georgiana and our family,” Darcy introduced Elizabeth, and she thought fate could not be any crueler.

“It is my pleasure to make your acquaintance, madam,” he said with practiced charm; yet from the glint in his eye, she sensed iciness and censure. Elizabeth resolved not to grant him the satisfaction of taunting her or to allow him the liberty to derive happiness from her state of distress.

She greeted him with a formal bow.

“I understand you spent much time in Hertfordshire, Mr. Darcy. Did you like it there? You must have surely missed our society,” Mrs. Harrington queried.

“I assure you, I have scarcely spent a more agreeable time than during my stay there, and I very much look forward to returning,” he replied, and to this, Elizabeth observed a disappointment in Mrs. Harrington’s face. She proudly took her husband’s hand and stood beside him.

“Miss Elizabeth is from Hertfordshire as well, my dear, and has traveled to town for amusement, I am sure,” Mrs. Harrington said.

“I assure you, my trip here was not merely for pleasure as I also came to visit my aunt and uncle and spend time with my cousins,” Elizabeth said.

“But I suppose your visit brings with it other, more advantageous prospects too, such as evenings as these,” Mr. Harrington said, and Darcy found his words insulting and had no notion of letting anyone disrespect Elizabeth. But before he could give him a befitting reply, Elizabeth spoke.

“You are quite right, sir. My visit this year has been most memorable and has afforded me the true pleasure of something I had not expected. To your eyes, it may appear as mere evenings of merriment such as this, but I speak rather of the true delight of a most beautiful and genuine friendship—one I have found in Miss Darcy. I assure you that this visit stands in striking contrast to the last,” she said, and Mr. Harrington found her final remark to be as sharp as any blade.

She spoke with a touch of sarcasm in her smile, and Mr. Harrington’s face turned pale.

He knew well why he had been so irresistibly drawn to her when they first met, precisely a year prior—it was not merely her beauty, but the intelligence uncommon for any woman of her age that had drawn him to her like a magnet.

Georgiana and Darcy observed that Mrs. Kingston looked extremely uncomfortable suddenly, and in truth, she was not as well-versed as her brother in hiding her feelings and struggled to compose herself.

Darcy offered Elizabeth his arm and excused himself as he wanted to introduce Elizabeth to some of his friends. Georgiana stayed behind graciously, wanting to give them some privacy.

As they took their leave, Elizabeth felt every muscle in her body relax. Each step she took away from Mr. Harrington seemed like a step towards freedom.

“Forgive me. Are you feeling unwell? I hope you are not tired,” Darcy asked Elizabeth, sensing that somehow her countenance looked distressed.

“I am well, and I thank you!”

“We could sit down for a while, if you wish to,” he said, and Elizabeth politely declined.

Darcy sensed that something troubled her, and as they walked, he introduced her to several of his acquaintances and friends, sparking curiosity among the crowd upon seeing the attention he bestowed on her.

Some were mutual acquaintances of Mr. Bingley, and thus, Elizabeth soon found herself engaged in conversing with several men and women and hardly had a moment to reflect on the horrendous encounter she had been subjected to.

Georgiana soon joined them, and from the expression on her countenance, Darcy at once perceived that her time with Mrs. Harrington and her sister had been far from agreeable.

“I hope it is not time yet for the dance,” she asked her brother and Elizabeth.

“Not yet!” Darcy replied.

“May I fetch something for you to drink, Miss Elizabeth?” Georgiana asked.

“I should like something to drink; allow me to accompany you,” she said, and Darcy had to restrain himself from following the two women who meant the world to him.

Somehow, the very moment she released his arm, Darcy felt an undeniable need and worry to be by her side.

He assured Elizabeth that he would find her when the next set commenced.

As Elizabeth and Georgiana made their way toward the refreshment table, Georgiana turned to her and said, “I apologize, Miss Elizabeth, I could sense that Mrs. Harrington was not very kind in the way she conversed with you.” Georgiana felt guilty for introducing Elizabeth to women who saw nothing but wealth and status in anyone they viewed.

“I wonder why you would make yourself uneasy. It is not uncommon for society to assume that country life would be boring,” she said, trying to ease the girl.

“You are too kind. I often feel quite suffocated in a company such as this, and I spent a great deal of time in their presence while my brother was away in Hertfordshire. Sometimes they shower attention on me, yet I dare I say it, they do not truly see me, for I care little for fashion and have no fondness for idle gossip.”

“I assume they are good friends of Lady Matlock.”

“They are as Mr. Kingston’s family has been one of the closest friends and a long acquaintance of my aunt and uncle.

We were acquainted with Mr. Harrington and her sister some months ago when they married into the Kingston family.

My brother engages with them on occasion but not quite often,” she said, and Elizabeth did not dare to ask anything further, but Georgiana continued.

“I feel at ease when my brother is around during my engagements with them; somehow, he always puts me at ease with his presence. I surely admire your ability to meet new acquaintances and converse without inhibitions. Honestly, I did not know how to handle the questions Mr. Harrington directed towards me after you and my brother took leave.”

“Pardon me, I do not understand.”

“He appeared most eager to learn about our acquaintance and the nature of our friendship. I daresay he now fears I shall neglect his sister and wife on account of it. What struck me as most peculiar was his decision to question me so openly on the matter, as if he felt offended that I was neglecting them. Sometimes people confuse me, Miss Elizabeth, and I fear that after you leave town, I may have to reconnect with their family during dinners at my aunt’s place, and somehow, I do not see myself up to the task,” she said innocently.

“Lady Matlock enjoys their company, I understand.”

“Oh yes! They are invited almost every week, and my aunt is kind enough to include my brother and me as well,” she said, and just then, Elizabeth, unable to steady the tremble in her hand, let the cup slip, spilling some of its contents on her gown.

“Oh! Dear! Please allow me to assist you,” Georgiana said, concerned, attempting to blot the stain from her gown, but the mark refused to fade, much to the likeness of the stain in Elizabeth’s heart.

“I suggest we use vinegar or maybe find a maid in the retiring room,” Georgiana proposed.

“Miss Darcy, I shall tend to it myself. Would you be so kind as to inform my aunt that I shall join her shortly? I fear I have already neglected her company far too long, and honestly, she may be worried.”

“Yes, of course! I shall join you soon. I believe the room to the right is the closest to you,” Georgiana said, and hurried to the other end of the ballroom.

Wasting no time, Elizabeth walked as swiftly as her legs could carry her and departed the ballroom.

She approached the doors that led to the dimly lit outer corridor.

To her relief, she saw no one and kept walking, not knowing where she aimed to go to find solace.

As her legs dragged her, she finally reached a small balcony at the bend of the corridor.

She stepped into the space and shut her eyes tightly, her hands gripping the balcony wall, unable to believe what she had endured the past hour.

The excruciating pain in her heart multiplied as Darcy’s face flashed through her mind, but the tender way he had noted even the slightest change in her expression somehow gave her hope.

In reflecting upon all that had transpired within the past hour, she understood one thing with certainty—had it not been for Darcy, she could never have borne to remain in the same room as Mr. Harrington.

How cruel fate can be! Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine Mr. Darcy would move within the same circles as Mr. Harrington.

How was I so blind to this possibility before?

I cannot conceal the truth from him any longer.

Whether or not he intends to propose, he does not deserve to be in the dark anymore.

She knew it was not merely a matter concerning Darcy, but also Lady Matlock, and once the truth was out, it would cast a web of chaos in every direction it touched.

Had she witnessed the slightest hint of regret or guilt in Mr. Harrington’s countenance, she would have brushed aside his ability to complicate the matter further.

If he were truly a man of honesty and integrity, she knew he would withdraw from her company.

Yet, all she had seen in his eyes—and later heard from Georgiana—suggested otherwise, and she knew that he would go to great lengths to preserve his own reputation.

Elizabeth cared little for her own future or how the revelation might affect her standing with Darcy; yet she was resolved that he should learn the truth from her own lips and by no other means.

She drew a deep breath and calmed herself to reenter the ballroom, knowing that the dance was about to begin.

She vowed to reveal the phantoms of her past to Darcy, no matter the torment it might cause him.

If this be the last time I dance with him, let it—I care not what may follow once the truth is revealed.

I must tell him, she resolved silently. Just then, she sensed someone behind her.

Just as she could perceive Darcy’s presence—his warmth, the admiration in his eyes that had melted her stone-cold heart, now she sensed a presence that made her skin crawl with unease, and Elizabeth did not doubt as to who could cast such an effect upon her.

Mustering courage, she slowly turned—and in the faint glow of moonlight, she beheld the figure of the man whose image she had all but forgotten until this very evening.

Mr. Harrington stood before her with a smile that sent a chill down her spine.