Page 27 of To Go Against Her Heart (Pride and Prejudice Variation)

“You do not seem happy to see me here, Darcy,” Mr. Bingley said, his voice tinged with worry.

“I am surprised and quite honestly worried. When did you leave?”

“A day after you left, but I assure you, nothing about my departure was planned. I could not bear to listen to my sisters any longer, mostly because I felt they were right.”

Darcy sat along with his friend in his study. A few days after his return to town, Mr. Bingley’s sudden arrival puzzled him. He understood that the rest of his family had also returned, having made arrangements to maintain the house during their absence.

“I did not realize that you took their words seriously; they were against your regard for Miss Bennet from the beginning, and you overlooked the same. What changed now?”

“I told you before you left that I witnessed something during the ball that made me doubt her regard for me. She has been acting withdrawn from me for quite some weeks now, and at the ball, she openly expressed her displeasure about our match while her mother discussed the same with Lady Lucas.”

Darcy observed his friend intently but was unable to determine whether he had judged her right.

“Did you meet Miss Bennet after that?”

“No! I wanted to, but as I said, if she does not favor me, I do not want to force her into accepting me for her mother’s sake. I could not bring myself to look her in the eye, knowing that she could never return my feelings.”

Darcy said nothing as he was unsure of the truth. He could neither state that Mr. Bingley was wrong nor right in his assumptions, as Jane had always been reserved compared to his open approach.

However, he worried about how Elizabeth was affected by the whole affair as he knew her sister was very dear to her.

“Say something, Darcy. I have never felt this conflicted before. Have I judged her wrongly? I need to understand your opinion of my actions. Do you think I should have acted differently?”

“I don’t know Miss Bennet as well as I know you, and it would be very ill of me to judge her sentiments towards you, but I can see that she has genuinely captured your heart.”

“She has. I don’t think I can ever forget her and feel so lost now. Sometimes, I wish I had spoken to her before I left, but I felt she would be pressured to accept me. I could not bear the thought of forcing her to take my hand,” Mr. Bingley said with distress.

Darcy shook his head, understanding how complicated their lives had become recently. He wished that at least his friend would find love and happiness, unlike his own prospects, which seemed practically nonexistent.

***

After a few weeks, Miss Bingley sat with her sister in her brother’s townhouse, very content with her recent accomplishments.

“Can you believe it has already been three weeks since we left that dreadful place, Louisa? Time flies when you are situated in a place where you fit best. I am so glad that we could convince Charles in this matter.”

“Sometimes I feel very guilty for the same; he seems so heartbroken,” Mrs. Hurst declared with guilt.

“It will be short-lived. I am certain he has a welcome distraction in Miss Darcy’s company. I am delighted to renew her acquaintance, although she seems to spend much time with her aunt.”

“I assume you are not giving up on your pursuit of her brother?”

“Of course, I am not.”

“He is indifferent toward you, Caroline. Can you not see that?”

“But is he smitten with anyone else? Well, if not, then I have a good chance of securing his hand. If only Charles was to marry Miss Darcy, everything would fall into place,” she said confidently.

“Well, we have many engagements with the Darcy family until Christmas, and I am certain you can see for yourself how much Charles favors her,” Mrs. Hurst said, pitying her sister’s hopes.

However, Miss Bingley’s return to town did not please Georgiana.

She had called on her often and had insisted that Georgiana join them at her brother’s house to spend time with the sisters.

Georgiana chose to occupy herself in her aunt’s house to avoid Miss Bingley and her relentless pursuit to befriend her.

She observed that her brother’s spirits had been much disordered since his return and could not understand the cause of the same.

On the other hand, Darcy kept to himself, and every moment away from Elizabeth only tortured him more.

He knew he was neglecting his sister, but he thought it was better for her to spend time with the Matlocks due to his ill temperament.

Darcy was also aware that Georgiana had accompanied Mrs. Harrington and her sister on several shopping trips, and he knew that very soon he would have to join his sister for social engagements during the holiday season, which he dreaded.

***

It was a week until Christmas, and the general mood in Longbourn was forlorn.

Elizabeth and Jane tried their best to support each other, just as they had in the previous weeks.

The more she tried to forget Mr. Bingley, the more Jane understood how deeply she was attached to him.

The youngest sisters had nothing to look forward to as the regiment had left for Brighton, and there was no excitement for them without officers and parties.

But the family looked forward to the arrival of the Gardiners, who always spent Christmas with them.

Elizabeth struggled to draw Jane to share her pain, and yet the more she urged, the more Jane concealed her sorrow.

“I feel miserable, Charlotte, and I am unable to endure her suffering. I could not convince her to accompany me to see you today,” Elizabeth confided to Charlotte at Lucas Lodge.

“What I say now may sound cruel, but I think you are finally getting a taste of your own medicine, Lizzy,” she said, watching Elizabeth frown.

“It is true. You were miserable in the past and continued to be so until a few months ago. You must allow your sister the same liberty.”

“What do you mean by stating until a few months ago?” she asked with irritation.

“Well! You don’t require me to explain, but since you feign ignorance—or perhaps you are not aware of how you have changed, I will explain it to you. Are you the old Lizzy? Well, not quite yet. But the Elizabeth who was heartbroken, miserable, and lost is no longer visible to me.”

“Pray tell me, then, what do you see in me now?”

“I see someone struggling to acknowledge her own change of heart. I am unsure what it is, but something has caused you to forget the man who never cared for you. But you are struggling to acknowledge it, and my only question is, why are you ashamed to do so?”

“I am sorry to disappoint you. I remain unchanged, and nothing can erase the reckless way I surrendered my heart. My actions do not warrant sympathy just because I was deceived. I do not want you to believe me, but this is the truth.”

“You are a most pitiable liar, and I wish you would at least have the decency to spare me from such deceit,” Charlotte remarked with irritation.

The friends conversed for a while, and Charlotte promised to call on her soon. She knew very well that Elizabeth’s change of heart was somehow connected to Darcy and hoped her friend would stop punishing herself.

A week later, the Gardiners arrived in Longbourn on a cold December morning, and Elizabeth was thrilled to see her cousins. She was particularly fond of her sensible and caring aunt, Mrs. Gardiner.

“It is so good to see you, Lizzy, dear, and I can see that you are doing well,” Mrs. Gardiner said, recollecting the happy girl who stayed with her in town the previous year.

“I am so glad to see you all, especially my dearest cousins. I have missed them exceedingly,” Elizabeth exclaimed as the children excitedly surrounded her.

Her stay with the Gardiners the previous year had been delightful—until the moment she fell in love.

Never had she imagined that the visit would leave her wounded for life.

After breakfast, the children settled in with their cousins, and Elizabeth and Jane found them a welcome diversion. Nevertheless, Mrs. Bennet seemed unable to restrain herself from burdening her brother with her sorrows regarding the failed prospects of marriage for her eldest daughters.

“How could this happen to our family, brother? In Lizzy’s case, she missed getting settled, not once but twice.

Can you believe it? I can never forgive her for rejecting Mr. Collins.

But my dear Jane, she was used very ill by Mr. Bingley; I never imagined him to act so prudently,” she cried, and her husband had to warn her to stay off the topic.

The day passed quickly, and the Gardiners brought many gifts for the family.

Elizabeth thanked her aunt for their generosity.

“I am glad you find them to your liking. Your uncle had the fabric procured from one of his close friends who had a shipment from overseas. I was determined to get the gowns stitched in satin for all of you this time.”

“They are exquisite, and I cannot thank you enough for all the trouble you went through,” she said, and her aunt smiled.

“How have you been, Lizzy?” she asked with concern.

“I am well, and you have nothing to worry about.”

“I am unable to look at you without guilt, and trust me, your uncle suffers in the same manner.”

“None of it was your fault, and honestly, I cannot blame anyone except myself. I cannot allow you or my uncle to bear the burden of my misfortunes. I am no longer affected by the past, I assure you.”

“Even if you are, I know you conceal it very well. I cannot believe Jane is facing the same fate as you.”

“It is indeed unfortunate; everything happened so suddenly. We do not know why Mr. Bingley left in haste, but Jane believes it is to avoid her.”

“It does sound strange indeed, and you are certain he was in love with her?” she asked with doubt.