Page 10 of To Go Against Her Heart (Pride and Prejudice Variation)

“Our sentiments in this matter are quite similar. I have never intended to impress anyone with my company or conversation; probably, I never will. But in your case, despite the same resolution, your music speaks for itself, and I wonder if anyone subjected to the pleasure of hearing you would think anything wanting. You seem to win admiration without the least effort on your own part. As for myself, what might have seemed a trifling unwillingness to be sociable, could have cost me far more dearly than merely being deemed unsociable.”

“And what might that be?” she asked with curiosity.

“Your friendship,” he said, his voice expressing nothing but pain.

Elizabeth struggled to catch her breath and stopped walking.

In his eyes, she perceived something that left her speechless, and her heart was once more filled with a long-lost sensation.

She felt a sense of warmth around him, and it horrified her that the feeling was something she had already experienced in the company of another man.

Seeing the unease in her features, Darcy could not help but wonder if he had said too much.

“Miss Elizabeth, I did not mean to make you uncomfortable. I just wanted…”

“Forgive me; I must return to my sister,” she interrupted, leaving him in a hurry.

Darcy watched her almost run away from him, unable to understand what he had said to offend her.

He replayed their conversation and was certain he had expressed himself sincerely about losing her friendship.

But in her eyes, Darcy witnessed nothing but panic.

He stood bewildered, unable to understand her actions, and as much as he fought, Darcy could not keep Elizabeth from lingering in his thoughts for the entire day.

On the other hand, Elizabeth kept herself busy with Jane. She felt suffocated when she recalled the conversation with Darcy that morning, and Jane noticed the frown on her face.

“Lizzy, is something the matter? You do not look well,” Jane asked.

“Oh! It is nothing. I am quite well, but I was wondering about everyone in Longbourn.”

“I am sorry to have made you stay here for my sake; I am certain you are bored and exhausted, too.”

“You are mistaken, Jane; how could I be bored now that my most beloved sister is restored to her spirits to keep me company—unless, of course, you should cruelly choose Mr. Bingley over me.”

“Do not say such a thing,” Jane cried in embarrassment, and Elizabeth laughed.

The day passed swiftly, and Elizabeth and Darcy met for supper.

They had no opportunity for conversation, and Darcy observed that she endeavored to avoid looking in his direction.

As for Elizabeth, she battled her thoughts; it was clear to her that Darcy had valued her words on the mount.

But she did not imagine he would favor her company and openly declare his intention to befriend her.

More than anything, she was frightened by the look in his eyes and the gentle tone of his voice, which felt strangely comforting.

Elizabeth could not understand how the man she disliked could have such an effect on her. She wished to return to Longbourn soon, and the next day, Jane felt better and chose to join them in the drawing room.

Mr. Bingley was immediately beside her and did everything to make her comfortable. Elizabeth watched Miss Bingley and her sister keenly and understood they did not favor his regard for Jane. Darcy, for his part, longed to know what ran in her mind.

Why would she run away from me like that? What if she assumed that I was flirting with her?

Inwardly, Darcy knew he was incapable of flirting with any woman, let alone Elizabeth.

He had expressed himself with such openness, for he found a sense of comfort in her company, even after their recent quarrel on the mount.

Her words, though frank, were sincere and intelligent, and she spoke them without regard for his wealth or status.

He yearned to talk to her again and understand what she truly felt for him.

Unfortunately for Darcy, Elizabeth and Jane left Netherfield the very next day. Jane had assured Elizabeth that she felt well, and much to Mr. Bingley’s sadness, she pressed him for a carriage.

“I do not understand why you need to rush, Miss Bennet. I am certain a few more days of rest will ensure your well-being,” he argued.

“We have trespassed on your kindness long enough, sir. I feel quite well enough to return home,” she said, understanding that Elizabeth was impatient to return to Longbourn. Jane wondered if something troubled her and brought it up during their carriage ride.

“Lizzy, forgive me for being so blunt. Pray tell me, did you get into an argument with Mr. Darcy again?”

“No, not at all! Why do you ask?” Elizabeth asked perplexed.

“Because you both seem uncomfortable in each other’s presence.”

“I cannot speak for him, but I am not. I do not prefer his company much, but that does not mean we argued. We were quite cordial with each other in all our conversations.”

“Did he bring up what you said at the mount?”

“No!”

“But you can see for yourself that he is making an effort to improve his manners, don’t you?”

“You may be right, but it does not matter to me. However, I think Miss Bingley favors him and his estate to a great extent. I could see her vain attempts to secure his attention,” she replied, and Jane said nothing.

She firmly believed that Darcy had unsettled her sister, and Elizabeth was not being honest with her.

When they reached Longbourn, Mrs. Bennet was extremely disappointed to see them return that day.

“What was the need to rush back home? I just told your father that I wanted to visit you there and see the house for myself. Why did you return so soon? It has not even been an entire week,” she cried.

“I feel well, Mamma, and was much restless to return home,” Jane replied. However, their father was elated to see them.

“I am glad that you are well, my child; I hope you do not exert yourself for a few days,” he said to Jane and embraced Elizabeth with warmth.

They missed each other dearly, even if only for a few days, and Mr. Bennet was curious about Elizabeth’s stay in Netherfield.

“I am quite certain you had your fair share of amusement there, my dear. Apart from Mr. Bingley, I do not doubt that the rest of the household kept you occupied, feeding your curiosity about assessing their characters.”

“I assure you, neither did I have the time nor the temperament for such a tedious task,” she replied, inwardly ashamed of her own dishonesty, as she had spent much time contemplating Darcy’s character in the course of her stay in Netherfield.

***

Darcy and Mr. Bingley sat in dejected spirits as the steward kept them occupied with the accounts. But it never occurred to Mr. Bingley that his friend was in the temperament as he was.

“I have never felt this unsettled before, Darcy. I wonder why she had to leave so soon; I am certain Miss Bennet has not fully recovered,” Mr. Bingley cried once the steward left.

Darcy was silent.

“Well! I am going to call on her the first thing tomorrow morning,” Mr. Bingley said with resolve.

Darcy wondered if he should take Elizabeth’s advice seriously and accompany his friend to Longbourn, finally admitting to himself that, all the while, he was indeed trying to impress Elizabeth.