Page 24 of To Go Against Her Heart (Pride and Prejudice Variation)

I have no regard for him, and how could I have feelings for any man, let alone Mr. Darcy? She was utterly mortified to think that her heart gave way to him so easily after being tortured brutally in the past.

What sort of woman am I to fall in love again, not even a year after a broken engagement?

she asked herself in horror. All these weeks she had brushed aside the matter, but this morning, she was resolved to put an end to it.

She wanted to end everything Darcy was doing to her, and Elizabeth doubted if he was even aware of how she felt in his presence.

She was also confident that her own sentiments would alter should he stay away or care less about her welfare.

At the break of dawn, as chilly as it was, Elizabeth headed out for a walk, and this time, somehow, her intuition told her that she would meet him at the mount.

Every step she took that morning, she walked with determination to bring closure to whatever she felt in her heart.

She could not name the feeling, but it was a helpless torment she felt around him.

She was certain that her life would return to normalcy if she could persuade him to distance himself from her.

She reached the top, sat on the ledge, and did not have to wait long.

A quarter hour later, the sound of a rider reached her—the rhythmic gallop of his horse was etched in her memory.

Elizabeth turned around and saw Darcy dismount his horse, and from his expression, she was certain that he had ridden with the same intention of seeing her.

She did not wait for him to approach her, instead, she confidently walked up to him.

Darcy’s horse seemed to sense the tension among them and grunted.

“I hoped to find you here this morning,” he said, his eyes scanning every feature of her face, and Elizabeth strived to keep the conversation short.

“Trust me, Mr. Darcy, I walked up here with the same intention, and I do not intend to discuss anything about what happened yesterday.”

“But I wish to. I acted out of concern, and beyond that, I have no intention to interfere in your personal affairs.”

“But you did, and I do not understand what made you think that I needed to be rescued from Mr. Collins or anyone else in the matter. I have no wish to waste your time. I have always lived by my own will and never begged for anyone’s care or concern in this world.

If I somehow gave you the impression that I consider you a friend or someone who has the liberty to interfere in my life, please understand now, I forbid you from doing so,” she said with composure, but her voice expressed anger and agony.

Darcy fought hard not to pull her into his arms and declare his love. He knew very well that she would reject him if he did so, but it took every resolve on his part not to venture down that lane.

“You really do not consider me a friend? I cannot believe that to be the case, for you would not have attempted to clear my name otherwise.”

“I do not have to consider you as a friend for that. I just acted by judgment and will do so for matters concerning my well-being as well.”

Why are you lying, Elizabeth?

“Forgive me, I do not believe you. Since the moment you arrived in Netherfield to care for your sister, I have observed you. You seem to profess the exact opposite of what you feel towards me, contradicting your own words and actions. Just last evening, you said you forgave me, but now you stand before me, trying to convince me that you detest me. I do not believe a word you say,” he cried, struggling to compose his anger.

“I assume you are not accustomed to honesty, sir; that is why you doubt my words. Yes, I did forgive you for your insult at the assembly, but considering your recent actions, I wish I had not. You seem to ascertain my feelings at your convenience,” she said, suddenly shivering.

The air was cold, and though she wore a coat, Darcy could see her trembling.

The chill had painted her cheeks a vivid red, and her eyes glistened with unspoken anger.

He immediately removed his coat and offered it to her, but Elizabeth stepped back.

“I do not need it,” she said sharply.

“You are shivering and may fall sick,” he said, his eyes expressing the deepest regard for her welfare.

“Why is it so difficult for you to leave me alone? Why do you care whether I would fall sick, topple down the hill, break my leg, or be condemned by the world for spending time in the library alone with a man? What is it to you, Mr. Darcy? Why do you care about someone so wholly unconnected to you?” she cried, unable to control her words.

“Because I am unable to. If I may speak plainly, I have cared about you since the earliest moments of our acquaintance and will do so irrespective of how you feel about me. I don’t think I have the ability to even alter my own feelings in this matter,” he said with resolve.

“If at all you cared about me, you would not make me stand here begging you to leave me alone,” she said with pain, and Darcy was horrified to see tears streaming down her face.

“Miss Elizabeth, I…” She did not allow him to complete his thought and ran down the hill, not wanting to endure his words anymore.

Darcy was torn between following her and deserting her as per her wish.

He sensed that she cared about him and maybe even loved him, but she could not bring herself to even acknowledge it.

Darcy was deeply tormented to witness her struggle, and he at last perceived that her suffering exceeded all he had imagined.

Having seen his own sister endure heartbreak, he now understood that Elizabeth suffered in the same manner.

Having concluded that Georgiana was easily deceived because of her age and innocence, he could not assume the same about Elizabeth.

She is too intelligent to fall for flattery or lies. He must have earned her love and trust and betrayed her later. No wonder she does not want to give me a chance. Maybe she can never trust me.

Darcy’s conscience pricked him. All the while, he was intent on acting on his feelings, yet he never considered that she was not in a position to reciprocate his sentiments.

The tears he witnessed in her eyes proved to him that instead of soothing her grief, his actions had tormented her even more, forcing her to face her past agony through him.

I cannot allow her to suffer because of me. All I want is for her to be happy. If my attempts to win her heart only serve to torture her, then I have failed miserably.

He decided to leave Netherfield immediately. Though he knew he could never forget her, Darcy was sure he could not force her to endure his presence and sentiments. All that mattered to him at that moment was to avoid being the cause of Elizabeth’s tears.