Page 4

There was a gathering at Riley’s parents’ house the night of the funeral, because that’s what people did here. Especially when someone like Harvey Tuck died.

“Here,” Lindsay said, handing Riley a paper plate full of food. “Eat.”

“Not hungry,” he said, but he took the plate. Lindsay sat beside him on the love seat in the sunroom at the front of the house. They were mercifully alone in there. Riley had needed an escape from people.

“There’s ham,” Lindsay said. “You like ham.”

“Thanks.” Riley did like ham. “How are Katie and Allison holding up?”

“They’re going to miss their grampy,” Lindsay said, “but they seem okay. Josh has been a rock for all of us, God love him.”

“That’s good. I’m glad you have them.”

Lindsay sighed and leaned her head against his bicep. “I want you to have someone.”

“I’ve got Lucky.” He nodded at the large, golden-brown lump snoring away on top of the heat vent in the corner.

“I saw Adam Sheppard was at the funeral.”

“Yep,” Riley said stiffly, recognizing the obvious segue. “I think everyone did.”

“Did you talk to him?”

Riley’s hand started shaking. He set the plate on the floor. “Not much.”

“Nice of him to come.”

“Is it?”

“Is he staying in town for a bit, or—”

“I don’t know , Lindsay. Jesus.” A horrible silence filled the room, then Riley said, “Sorry.”

“It’s okay. It’s been a hell of a day.”

Riley exhaled. “Yeah. Fuck.”

“I keep expecting to see Dad in there, with everyone,” Lindsay said, nodding behind them at the crowded house.

“Me too.”

They were silent a while, then Lindsay said, “You should stay here tonight. Sleep on the couch or something. You shouldn’t be alone.”

“I won’t drink. I promise.”

“That’s not what I meant. But that’s good. It’s probably tempting.”

Riley ran his hand through his hair. “Yeah.” He waited a beat, then said, “I think I’ll go to the store tomorrow. Not to open it, but just to, I don’t know. See what needs doing.”

“It might help,” she agreed. “Good to stay busy, they say.”

“They do say that.”

“Well…” Lindsay stood and brushed down her skirt. “I left poor Josh talking to Sherry Greenlaw, so I’d better rescue him.”

Riley managed to smile.

“He’s going to hear about her plans to keep the deer away from her tulips this year.”

“So that battle continues, does it? I miss so much in Halifax.”

She pointed at the abandoned plate of food. “Eat. Before Lucky wakes up and notices a plate full of ham.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Riley picked up the plate but didn’t eat. Instead, he stared out the window at the rain that was still spitting against the glass and thought about the last time he’d seen Dad. Had it really only been five days ago? They’d closed the shop together, then, as usual, had lingered outside the entrance, chatting in the cold even though they’d been working together for hours and would again tomorrow. Riley had planned to drive to Truro later that week to pick up some gardening supplies ahead of the planting season and had asked if Dad needed anything from town. Dad had said no and then had proceeded to list several things from four different stores that Riley could pick up if it wasn’t too much trouble. Riley had assured him that of course it wouldn’t be too much trouble, and he should let him know if he needed anything else. It had been a dull conversation, really. Completely unremarkable, but Riley would replay it forever, probably. He didn’t know how long they’d stayed outside talking, but he did know that he’d thought Dad had looked tired. He’d figured it was only because Dad had been busy lately, with the minor hockey season wrapping up and the upcoming awards banquet (now postponed).

Alone in the sunroom, Riley said, “Of course you waited for the hockey season to be over before you died.”

An unhinged-sounding laugh escaped from him, which woke up Lucky. The dog stood and stretched, then noticed the plate of ham.

“Yep,” Riley said, then held out a piece of ham for him. He watched Lucky happily devour it and wished, for the millionth time, that he could trade lives with his dog. “You don’t have a single regret in the world, do you?”

Lucky licked his own nose, his tail thudding against the floor in the laid-back manner of someone whose concerns were mostly ham related. He didn’t have to deal with the grief of burying his father, plus the heartache of coming face-to-face with the love of his fucking life, all on the same day. Riley was sure Lucky missed Dad in his own way. Of course it was impossible to know, really, but Riley was pretty sure Lucky had noticed Dad wasn’t around.

“He’s not coming back,” Riley said, more to himself than to Lucky.

Lucky sat with a sigh and stared at the ham.

“Dad’s gone, and Adam Sheppard is here.” Riley massaged his own forehead. Lucky rested his head on Riley’s knee and gazed up at him with sad eyes. “Yeah,” Riley agreed. “It’s fucked.”

Adam probably wasn’t still in town, though. Why would he be? Riley hoped he was already back in Toronto.

It was nice, though, that he’d bothered to come. That he still thought about Riley at all. Riley had assumed Adam had long forgotten about him. It would have been easy for him to move on from…whatever they’d had. It had never meant much to Adam.

It had meant everything to Riley.

Anyway. Adam was gone, and Riley could go right back to not thinking about him. Or trying not to think about him.

Lucky shifted so his head was leaning toward the ham. Riley scoffed, then gave him another piece. “I guess we should mingle.” It was the last thing Riley felt like doing, but the house was full of people who’d loved his dad, and he could keep it together for a little while longer.

As soon as they were back among people, Lucky took off, weaving through the crowd in search of whoever seemed most likely to give him attention. Riley drifted like a ghost toward the kitchen, hoping no one noticed him at all. He gave quick nods of acknowledgment to a few people—Jessica and Addie, who were the high school kids who worked part-time at the shop; his cousin Cory; Robert from the hockey board—but didn’t linger. Holding a paper plate that needed to be disposed of gave Riley a mission.

There was a small cluster of people in the kitchen, but they’d formed a tight conversation circle that Riley could easily bypass. He disposed of his plate, then busied himself for a while rinsing out the empty bottles and cans that had collected around the sink.

“There he is,” said a voice Riley knew well. He turned to see his oldest friend, Darren, crossing the kitchen with his husband, Tom. “God, come here.” Darren wrapped Riley in a hug and kissed his cheek. “I’m so sorry, love.”

“Thanks.” Riley glanced over Darren’s shoulder. “Hey, Tom.”

“How are you holding up?” Tom asked as he took his turn hugging Riley. Darren wasn’t a small man, but Tom was huge . Taller even than Riley, and built like an offensive lineman. He had a thick beard and a kind face, and he absolutely adored Darren. Riley liked him a lot.

“I’m doing all right,” Riley said as Tom released him from his bear grip.

Darren held his hand and squeezed it gently. “It’s us. You can be honest.”

Riley exhaled. “I’m barely holding it together.”

“Of course you aren’t. What can we do to help?”

A shaky, humorless laugh escaped Riley. “Nothing. I mean…right?”

Tom nodded, his warm brown eyes full of sympathy. “Do you need any errands done, or maybe some help around your house? It’s planting season…”

“No, it’s fine. I’m okay,” Riley said. He really was. He’d already put a lot of work into starting his seeds for spring, and everything was going smoothly in the greenhouse. “It’s just a hobby anyway.”

Darren looked horrified. “Don’t pretend that garden isn’t your life.”

Riley smiled a bit. “I’ve got a handle on it. Besides, it’s still sugar season. You guys are busy enough.”

“Never too busy for you,” Darren said. “Especially now.”

“Why don’t you come to dinner this week sometime,” Tom suggested. “Just us.”

Riley appreciated the clarification. Darren and Tom often hosted dinner parties for what they liked to call the “who’s who of queer Maritimers.” They were popular hosts, with their beautiful cabin-style house on their scenic and secluded maple farm. “Yeah,” he said. “Okay, maybe.”

“You can come every night if you want,” Darren said earnestly.

Riley glanced around the kitchen, which was heaving with food containers that hadn’t even been opened yet. “I think I’ll be good for dinner for a while.” If he ever felt like eating again.

“The invitation is there. Anytime.” Darren hugged him again. “We love you.”

“Love you too.” Riley had grown up with Darren, though they’d traveled in different circles. Riley had been a local star hockey player with hockey player friends, and Darren had been…well. Probably pretty lonely. He’d been singled out as “different” from an early age. Riley hadn’t paid much attention to him until they were teenagers. By then Riley had figured out he himself was attracted to men, and he’d also noticed that Darren—tall and slim and blond—was sort of beautiful. They’d fooled around in high school, before Riley had gone to play junior hockey in Moncton, and then again during his summers home. It was an easy arrangement that was certainly convenient in a small town. When Riley went to Toronto, he’d stayed in touch with Darren, and they’d hooked up during that first summer too, but it had never been romantic. Eventually, Darren met Tom and fell hard in love. Riley had been deep in love with Adam by then, and jealous that the man Darren loved actually loved him back.

“You guys should head home,” Riley said. “It’s getting late.” It was already dark, and the farm was a twenty-minute drive away.

“Can you head home?” Tom asked. “This is probably torture for you.”

“Kind of. But it’s okay. I’ll stay a bit.”

“I’m texting you tomorrow morning,” Darren warned. “And if you don’t reply I’ll call . I swear to god.”

“Okay, sweetheart,” Tom said affectionately, “don’t threaten your friend.” He clapped Riley on the shoulder. “Get some sleep tonight, okay?”

“People keep suggesting that,” Riley said. “I’m starting to think I don’t look amazing.”

His friends laughed politely at his sad joke. “You’re stunning as always,” Darren insisted.

They left, and Riley stayed for another hour or so. By that point he was barely registering what was going on around him. Mom found him leaning against a doorframe with his eyes closed.

“Riley,” she said gently, “go home, sweetie. People are leaving now anyway.”

“I’ll help clean up.”

“We have plenty of people who have offered to help with that, but I’ll be shooing them out soon too. I need to go to bed.”

Riley nodded. “Yeah. Okay. Is Lindsay…?”

“She put the girls to bed and conked out with them. Josh is still mingling, God love him.”

“She married a good one,” Riley said.

“She did. She learned that from me, you know.”

They both smiled sadly. She deserved so many more years with her husband. They’d been an amazing couple. Absolute relationship goals, in Riley’s opinion.

“Did you talk to Adam Sheppard at all?”

Riley rubbed his forehead. His family was not subtle. “A bit.”

“I was talking to Deb, and she said Adam is staying for a few days.”

Riley blinked. Deb co-owned the River Bend Motel with her husband. “Why?”

“Maybe he wants to reconnect with you.”

Riley barely managed to stop himself from rolling his eyes. Adam could reconnect with the bottom of the fucking sea for all he cared. “He’ll leave soon.”

“Well, Deb is certainly excited about her celebrity guest. And it might be nice for you to catch up with him. I know you drifted apart, but you were such good friends once.”

“Maybe,” Riley said, just to end the conversation. If they kept talking about Adam Sheppard, he was going to punch a wall.

Instead, he wrapped his mom in a hug and said, “I love you.”

“I love you too. Now please get some rest.”

“Okay.”

He left a few minutes later. He may have taken an unusual route home that happened to take him past the motel, but no one needed to know about that except God and Lucky.