Page 11

June 2010

“We’re going to win the Cup! We’re going to win the fucking Cup!”

Riley was screaming the words in Adam’s face. They were on the bench, and Adam’s expression was stoic, as if it was too early to start celebrating. As if having a 5–1 lead with just over a minute left to play wasn’t enough of a guarantee.

Riley put a hand on Adam’s shoulder and shook him, “We fucking did it, Shep!”

Adam watched the clock, and Riley watched him. A smile broke through, lighting up Adam’s face. “We’re going to win the Cup,” he said.

They were going to win it at home, in Toronto, where the fans had waited decades for this moment. They’d won the series in five games and had dominated Chicago for this entire final game.

The whole bench was standing; the whole arena was standing. The noise was deafening but Riley kept adding to it, screaming until his voice was hoarse. His heart was racing, his dick was half-hard. Every part of him felt like it could burst, but in the best way possible. Finally, the last seconds ticked away, and the Toronto Northmen spilled out of the bench, throwing their gloves and helmets and sticks aside. They crashed into each other, forming a chaotic pile of bodies on the ice. Riley ended up flat on his back, Adam on top of him.

“We fucking did it, baby,” Adam yelled. His nose bumped against Riley’s. All around them, their teammates were holding each other, straddling each other. Adam and Riley didn’t look any different, but they would look different if Riley gave in to the urge to roll Adam to his back and kiss him into the ice.

Instead, Riley kissed his cheek. “We did it.”

Adam raised his head and held Riley’s gaze, and for a moment everything felt still and silent. Riley recognized the flare of heat in Adam’s eyes, even though he hadn’t seen it in years. Not since Adam had gotten married.

Then Adam blinked and rolled off of him. He stood, and immediately hugged one of their teammates.

* * *

“We won the fucking Cup!” Adam yelled in Riley’s face. He was grinning from ear to ear, his eyes wild with adrenaline and alcohol.

“Yeah we fucking did,” Riley yelled back. He was pretty drunk himself. They were at a club where the team had been steadily drinking after steadily drinking in the locker room. Riley couldn’t even remember how they’d gotten here. Was it next to the arena?

He remembered Maggie being in the locker room for a bit, and he remembered Adam kissing her, holding her in his strong arms while she wrapped her legs around his waist. He remembered them smiling at each other, foreheads pressed together.

But Maggie wasn’t here now. The families had gone home to let the Northmen celebrate as a team. Adam would go home to Maggie at the end of the night and then spend the summer with her and their kids, but for now, he was with Riley.

He’d been touching Riley all night. An arm around his shoulders; a hand on Riley’s knee; a hug from behind, draping himself over Riley’s back. Or, like now, when he was holding Riley’s face with both hands.

“I love you,” Adam declared loudly. “I fucking love you, Riles.”

Riley kept smiling, though his chest suddenly hurt. The thing was, Adam told Riley he loved him all the time, but he said it the right way. The way that was acceptable. Riley had said it only once, and it had been the wrong way.

So he didn’t say it back now either.

Adam’s expression turned serious, and for a moment, he looked confused. His gaze fell to Riley’s lips, and his brow furrowed.

Then he laughed and let go of Riley’s face. “Fuck. I’m hammered.”

Riley managed to smile back. “I know.”

“I’m gonna stop drinking now.”

“Good idea.”

“Yeah.” Adam looked around, then nodded. “Fuck. I live really fucking far away.”

Riley laughed. “Yeah.”

“You live near here.”

“Dude, I have no idea where we even fucking are.”

Adam waved a hand. “We’re at that club that’s fucking…near you. It’s called…fuck, I don’t know. It’s near you.”

Even drunk, Riley could see where this was going.

“Can I crash at your place? I don’t—I don’t want to go home like this, y’know?”

It would hardly be the first time. Riley lived close to the arena, and sometimes Adam would stay in his guest room when it was convenient. Absolutely nothing sexual had happened between them for years, and Riley had no reason to think tonight would be different.

“Yeah,” he said, “all right.”

* * *

“We won the fucking Cup,” Adam panted against Riley’s lips. He had Riley pinned against the wall, just inside the door of his apartment.

“I know,” Riley said, then kissed him hungrily. He hadn’t dared to hope for this, not after so many years. Not after Adam making it clear he’d never feel the same way as Riley did.

“Oh fuck,” Adam gasped. He was already rock-hard and grinding into Riley. “I fucking want you so bad, Riles. Missed you.”

Those words made Riley’s blood sing. “I missed you too. God, Shep. I fucking missed you.”

Riley wasn’t drunk enough to not know how wrong this was. But he’d wanted it for so long, and he’d been turned on for hours, and he had no defenses left. This felt right .

They stumbled their way to Riley’s bed, grabbing each other and kissing along the way. When Adam was spread out naked on the bed, he grinned up at Riley and said, “We won the Cup.” That sent Riley into a giggle fit, but he did his best to kiss Adam everywhere while they both shook with laughter.

Later, when Adam was fucking him, Riley could only think about how perfect it was. The man he loved was in his bed, inside him , and the dagger hanging over them faded away. There would be a mess to clean up later, but Riley was sure they would clean it up together. Adam couldn’t deny them this anymore. It would be impossible now.

“Riles,” Adam panted as he thrust into him. “So good.”

“I know,” Riley agreed. “I know.”

A few minutes later, it was over. Adam was on his back beside Riley, his eyes closed and his breathing heavy. Riley was on his side, brushing Adam’s damp hair away from his face. The words were on the tip of Riley’s tongue, and Riley almost had the courage to say them. To try them again.

But then, Adam’s eyes opened, and Riley knew immediately that the switch inside him had flipped.

Adam sat up with a jolt. “Fuck,” he said, his voice shaking with fear. “No. Fuck. ” He scrambled out of bed and swore to himself as he searched for his underwear.

Riley’s stomach sank like a stone. Adam wasn’t going to choose him. Not ever. And he’d been a fucking idiot to think he ever would.

“Don’t” was all Riley could say. “Please don’t.”

“I can’t,” Adam said, his voice still shaking. “I fucking can’t . Why did you—fuck. We shouldn’t have—”

“You wanted to,” Riley said desperately. “You want this .”

Adam shook his head. “No. I want—I need to go home.”

Riley crawled to the end of the bed and began to beg. “Adam, please don’t do this.”

Adam’s eyes changed then. There was something more than fear there, more than sympathy. It was like Adam was looking at everything he’d ever wanted, but also knew he was about to walk away from it.

“I’m sorry,” Adam said, barely more than a whisper. “I’m so fucking sorry, Riles.”

Riley reached a hand out, absolutely pathetic. “Don’t go.”

Adam squeezed his eyes shut. “I have to.” He exhaled hard, his breath shuddering, then began to get dressed.

Riley left the bed and stood, naked and furious, in front of Adam. “You do want this, Shep. Stop fucking lying to yourself.”

Despite his damp eyes, Adam’s voice was steady when he said, “This was a mistake. And it never happened, okay?”

It was a killing blow. Riley deflated instantly, then watched silently as Adam finished getting dressed. He didn’t bother following him out of the bedroom, but he flinched when he heard the apartment door close.

And he knew, in that moment, that he needed to get away from Adam for good.