Page 35

Five Years Later

One part of the job that never got old for Riley was watching a kid get their very first set of hockey gear.

Today it was Emily, a four-year-old girl who was grinning from ear to ear after trying on hockey pants. Riley remembered that feeling, the simple joy he used to get from hockey. He loved being able to relive it.

“Those aren’t too big?” Emily’s mother, Kim, asked Riley.

“I know they look huge, but no. Those are perfect.”

Emily purposely fell back on her butt. “It doesn’t hurt!”

“Nope,” Riley agreed with a smile. “Your butt will be invincible.”

“I want to wear these to school!”

Riley was able to find most of Emily’s gear in the shop’s secondhand section, which smart parents knew to raid early. It was now the first week of August, and by September there wouldn’t be much left. He sharpened Emily’s new skates and trimmed her stick to the right height for her tiny body.

“And when she outgrows her gear, you can bring it all right back to us for credit toward her new stuff,” Riley reminded Kim later as he handed her the debit machine. “Even her stick if it’s in okay shape.” He made eye contact with Emily. “Though I’ll bet you’ve got a really hard slap shot, don’t you? Your stick will probably be in five pieces by the end of the season.”

Emily giggled.

They were less than an hour away from closing time on a Tuesday. It had been an enjoyable day at work, but Riley was keen to get home. For one thing, Adam had just returned home last night after being away for a week doing speaking engagements. For another, today was their first wedding anniversary, and Riley had plans.

They’d been married in their backyard, surrounded by flowers and the sea and a small group of close friends and family. Riley had never given much thought to what his dream wedding might be like, but he couldn’t imagine a better one. He was often struck by sudden moments of disbelief that Adam Sheppard was truly in his life again. That they were together. That Adam was his. But he’d never felt it so strongly as he had when they’d stood fearlessly in the sunshine and vowed to love each other always and forever; when Adam had kissed him for the first time as his husband , in front of his kids and Maggie and even a couple of his closest hockey friends.

Adam’s parents and brother hadn’t been there. Adam had felt obligated to invite them, but he hadn’t seemed disappointed when they’d declined. His parents hadn’t spoken to him much since his book came out.

Adam and Riley had kept things quiet for the first year of their relationship. Adam had traveled frequently to Nova Scotia, and Riley had gone to Toronto a couple of times to visit Adam in his new downtown apartment. Near the end of that first year, Adam came out to a small group of close hockey friends. He’d told Riley after that it had gone okay. When Riley had pressed for more details, Adam had smiled sadly and said, “They just need some time, y’know? It’s a shock.”

Some of them had needed time, and some of them, it had turned out, were assholes.

A few months later, Adam came out publicly and, with Riley’s blessing, announced their relationship. Riley never paid much attention to hockey media, and he paid even less attention to social media, but according to Adam, the hockey world “lost their fucking minds” about the news. There had been a lot of support, but there had been—and still were—plenty of loud bigots making gross jokes.

Adam was interviewed by just about every news outlet in Canada and asked to speak at events all over the place. Riley had been asked to join Adam for some of those interviews, but he’d declined. He’d never been very comfortable with the celebrity side of being a hockey pro, and he preferred not to be back in the spotlight, though he appreciated the support. Adam understood, but he still—to Riley’s embarrassment and delight—talked up Riley in every interview. When he was inducted into the Hockey Hall of Fame the following November, he gave a speech where he’d described Riley as the love of his life. Riley still teared up whenever he thought of it.

The year after that, Adam’s autobiography was released, and it was an instant national bestseller. The book was remarkably raw and honest. Adam openly talked about his mistakes and regrets, but was also critical of hockey culture and the way it encouraged men to hide important things about themselves. And he’d also called out his parents a bit for being overbearing perfectionists, but he’d stopped short of using the word abusive . Riley felt he’d gone easy on them. The Sheppards had felt otherwise, but they’d already shut Adam out almost entirely anyway since he’d told them he was dating Riley. It was no great loss, but he knew it was still painful for Adam.

Feeling braver by then, Riley had joined Adam for part of the book tour. Now that his sexuality, his mental health struggles, and his long, complicated history with Adam was (mostly) public knowledge, he’d received a lot of support and sympathy from hockey journalists and fans. One journalist even devoted an entire column to apologizing for accusing Riley of being lazy and undisciplined during his final season. Adam had been thrilled because, more than anything, he wanted the world to be in love with Riley.

Riley had never cared much about the world. His town loved him, his family loved him, and Adam loved him. That was all he needed.

And Lucky, of course.

Once both Lucy and Cole had gone off to university, Adam moved in with Riley. That had been two years ago, and Riley’s life had been more or less perfect ever since. Of course he still missed Dad every day, but the pain had softened over the years. People around town had really stepped up to take on the tasks that Dad had, somehow, always managed to do himself every year. Riley had thrown himself into managing the shop, introducing new product categories like kayaks, and adding a bike shop expansion. Not being much of a bike expert himself, Riley had hired a young woman named Grace who regularly did triathlons to run that side of things. She’d done a great job. At first he’d felt guilty, making changes to the shop, but both Mom and Steve had assured him that Dad would have been proud of him.

Finally, it was closing time. Steve teased Riley for rushing through the closing duties, then got stern with him. “Go home to your husband, boss. I’ll finish up here.”

Riley didn’t argue.

He’d hoped to sweep his husband into a bone-melting kiss as soon as he got home, but those plans got put on hold when he saw Mom in the kitchen with Adam.

“I’m leaving!” Mom said immediately. “I know it’s your anniversary. I just dropped by to exchange jam with Adam. I’d meant to be gone before you got home.”

“It’s my fault,” Adam said. “I’m chatty.”

“You both are.” Riley gave Mom a hug, and then Adam a quick kiss on the cheek. “You don’t have to run off, Mom.”

“Nope. I’m going. I’ve got what I came for.” She held up a jar of red jam.

“What’d you make?” Riley asked Adam.

“Raspberry jam with thyme.”

“Fancy.” Jam and pickles had become Adam’s passion. Once he’d learned how to make them, he couldn’t be stopped. Not that Riley wanted to stop him; his spicy dill pickles were incredible. “It’s a hot day for making jam, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, well.” Adam gestured to his sweat-damp shirt. It was the aqua linen one that Riley had picked out for him when they’d been in Montreal in May for Lucy’s university graduation. It was a great color on him. Adam’s hair and stubble were more salt than pepper, now, and his belly was a little larger than it used to be, but to Riley he’d never been more handsome.

“Susan brought us blueberry jam,” Adam said. “Fair trade, I think.”

“Agreed,” said Riley.

Lucky wandered into the kitchen and greeted Riley with a mild woof. He wasn’t as energetic as he used to be, but he still took his job as inspector seriously.

“Hey, buddy,” Riley said, and bent to scratch Lucky’s ears. He still came with Riley to the shop sometimes—as did Adam—but Riley didn’t blame Lucky for wanting to loaf around the house most of the time in his old age.

“I took him to the beach this morning,” Adam said. “He gave us a crab shell for our anniversary.”

“Aw. Thanks, Lucky.”

“Okay, I really am leaving now,” Mom said. Then, without budging, she said, “My god, I drove by the Anchor on the way here—or whatever they’re calling it now—and the people! Jam-packed on the patio, and there wasn’t a parking spot. Cars were parked along the street! Imagine.”

“It’s popular,” Riley agreed. The Dropped Anchor had been sold a couple of years ago to a couple who’d turned it into the Avery River Brewing Company. The locals had been wary of the change—especially since the new owners were from Halifax —but were quickly won over by exciting new features like clean floors, good beer, edible food, and windows.

The one thing that hadn’t changed was that Riley and Adam’s jerseys still hung beside each other on one wall. Riley had insisted it wasn’t necessary to display them if they didn’t match the new vibe, but the town—and the new owners—had very strong opinions about keeping them. Avery River was proud of Riley, and of the town’s adopted son, Adam.

“What are you up to tonight, Mom?”

“Oh. I don’t know.” She blushed slightly, which probably meant she’d be spending time with Lyle from pickleball. “We’ll see.”

After she left, Adam said, “Lyle is so her boyfriend.”

“I know. It’s cute.” Lyle was a nice man and a widower, so he had that in common with Mom. Riley liked him because he made Mom very happy, even if she seemed to be embarrassed about it.

“I was thinking we could go to the brewery for dinner,” Adam said. “But it sounds like there’d be a wait.”

Riley took him in his arms. “What if…” He kissed his neck. “Your husband took you to the finest restaurant in town?”

“Paula’s?”

“Of course.”

Adam laughed, then kissed him. “Am I dressed up enough for Paula’s?”

“I don’t know. They’ve got a pretty strict dress code. Do you have anything in Mossy Oak?”

“I have a T-shirt with paint stains on it.”

“Perfect.” Riley kissed him again. “Are you hungry?”

“Always. But, um, kiss me like that some more and I may forget about food for a while.”

Riley kissed his nose. “Later. Let’s eat.”

After they’d both finished off Paula’s deluxe fried seafood platters—hey, they were celebrating—Riley said, “I have a surprise.”

Adam’s face lit up. “Yeah?”

Riley glanced out the window beside their table. The sun was setting, but he’d like it to be darker. “Let’s go for a walk first.”

They walked down Main Street, greeting anyone they passed. The shops were all closed for the night, but plenty of people were out for a stroll. They did end up at the brewery, but the only available table happened to be, to Riley’s mortification, the one directly under their jerseys.

“Did you plan this?” Adam teased.

“Definitely not.”

“Hey! It’s the real guys!” Dustin, one of the owners, said cheerfully as he approached the table.

“Business is good, I see,” Adam said.

“It’s nuts,” Dustin agreed with a huge smile. “We’ve got a new nonalcoholic Belgian wheat beer on tap.”

“Sounds good,” Riley said.

“Make it two,” Adam added. He didn’t abstain from alcohol completely, but he rarely drank these days.

Later, when they were halfway through their pints, Adam said, “I can’t believe this is the same place.”

“I know.”

“Like, who knew it was so big?”

“Just needed some light.”

“So what’s the surprise?” Adam asked.

“Not telling.”

Adam kicked him gently under the table. “Come on.”

“Nope.”

Adam sighed, then leaned in. “Okay, then I’ll tell you mine.”

Riley raised his eyebrows. “You have a surprise?”

“It’s more of an idea than a surprise. Here it is: let’s go to Iceland.”

“Today?”

“This winter. I still want to sit in a thermal pool and watch the northern lights with you.”

“Still?”

“Yes, Riles. We talked about this, remember?”

“No. When?”

Adam’s cheeks turned pink. “I guess it may have been a while ago.”

“Like when we were twenty-two?”

Adam mumbled something.

“Pardon?” Riley said.

“Twenty- three ,” Adam said. “And, okay, yes. It’s weird that I still think about it.”

Riley put his hand on Adam’s wrist. “It’s not weird. It’s sweet. And I’d love to go to Iceland with you.”

“Yeah?” Adam’s eyes crinkled. “Cool. We haven’t gotten to travel together much.”

“I know. We’ve been busy. But we should.”

Adam glanced up at their jerseys. “I wish I could go back in time and tell the guy who signed that jersey that, one day, he’d be married to you.”

“Seems mean.”

Adam kicked him again. “Stop it.”

They stayed for another drink, and by that time Riley felt it was dark enough to finally reveal his surprise, though he worried about Adam’s raised expectations.

Adam guessed his plans when Riley turned onto an unpaved road.

“Hey, wait. Are we going to that little beach?”

“Thought we could have a bonfire,” Riley said mildly, though his stomach was full of butterflies.

“Riles!” Adam exclaimed. “That’s so fucking romantic.”

Riley smiled. He liked being romantic. He’d been trying to be romantic the first time he’d brought Adam to this beach, nearly a quarter century ago.

“I was really charmed that first time,” Adam said, as if reading Riley’s mind. “Obviously I didn’t deal with my feelings very well at the time, but, yeah. I was swooning.”

“It was one of my favorite nights ever,” Riley admitted.

“Mine too. But tonight will be better.”

“Will it?”

“Yeah, because tonight I can swoon openly. I’m gonna swoon all over you.”

“I think you swooned all over my hand last time.”

Adam laughed. “God, and then you made me go in the dark, scary ocean.”

“It’s a shallow cove, Shep. And I didn’t make you.”

“You lured me with your naked body.”

“Well. I can’t promise I won’t do it again tonight.”

“Does that mean you plan on shoving your hand down my shorts?”

Riley laughed. “Honestly, I mostly wanted to do this because there might be shooting stars tonight.”

“Oh, this star will certainly be—wait, really? Shooting stars?”

Riley nodded. “Meteor shower.”

“You’re a master of seduction, Tuck.”

They reached the beach and struggled to carry the supplies Riley had hidden in the back of the truck over the rocks to the sand. Had the climb down always been this steep, or was he just getting old?

“Here,” Adam said, reaching out to him. “Give me the cooler. You’re carrying too much. Let me use my bionic shoulder powers.”

Riley scoffed, but he handed Adam the cooler. Adam’s shoulder had been pain free since his replacement surgery, and he loved opportunities to use it. Adam still had issues with his back, and his right ankle complained sometimes, but overall he was in decent condition now for someone who’d played pro hockey for twenty years.

When they reached the sand, Riley began digging a firepit while Adam laid out the blanket. Once the fire was blazing, Riley joined him on the blanket and accepted the cold Avery River Brewing Company nonalcoholic beer Adam handed him. They clinked their cans together and Adam said, “Happy anniversary, gorgeous.”

“To my husband—the World’s Most Beautiful Man.”

They both laughed and then drank.

“This is nice,” Adam said, after they’d both watched the fire for a few minutes. “Thank you.”

Riley gazed at his profile in the firelight. Jokes aside, he truly was the most beautiful man in the world to Riley. And now he could admire his husband as much as he wanted, not having to quickly look away whenever Adam noticed.

“I love you,” he said, because that was something else he could do now.

“I love you too, Riles.” Adam smiled mischievously. “Wanna make out?”

He ended up underneath Riley as they kissed each other breathless.

“Are we too old for this?” Adam asked giddily as he pressed his erection against Riley’s.

“I don’t ever want to be too old for this.” He unbuttoned Adam’s shorts and slid his hand inside.

“Oh, fuck,” Adam gasped. “Yes.”

For the next several minutes, the hermit crabs and any other beach creatures around were treated to the sounds of two middle-aged men panting and moaning and laughing as they jerked each other off. It was probably the most Riley had ever giggled during sex.

“Riles, shit. I’m—fuck, I’ve gotta—” Adam frantically yanked his shirt up under his chin, then came all over his exposed stomach and chest.

Riley groaned, then aimed and added to the mess there with his own release. After, he flopped to his back and grinned at the stars.

“That took me back,” Adam said sleepily.

“Mm.”

“Except this time I don’t know how I’m going to get up.”

Riley chuckled. “I’ll help you.”

“I’m so glad I married a younger man.”

Riley kissed his cheek, then, in a demonstration of his enduring youth, sprang to his feet.

“Show-off,” Adam complained.

Riley pulled his own shirt off, then his shorts and underwear.

“Oh,” Adam said, and sat up.

Riley extended his hand. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”

For a moment, Adam only stared at him. Then he said, “Goddamn, I’m lucky.” He took Riley’s hand, and, when he was standing, let him remove his clothes. They ran to the water and waded in until they were chest deep.

“This is nice, actually,” Adam said. “Not as freezing as I expected.”

“Shallow cove,” Riley reminded him.

They kissed, under the stars and a sliver of moon, as the water lapped gently against their bare skin.

“Tell you a secret?” Adam murmured. “I loved that summer here so much—the one with the bonfire. I sometimes wished, after, that I could stay in that summer forever.”

Riley smiled. He’d felt the same way. “Yeah?”

“I feel like I did it. Being with you feels like that summer every day.” He touched their foreheads together and pressed a wet palm to Riley’s cheek. “You make me so happy, Riles.”

Riley squeezed his eyes shut because he didn’t want to cry. Of course Adam made him happy too, but the most important thing he did was make Riley feel steady . “You walked into that church on the worst day of my life,” he said, “and made me stronger. Happier. Better.”

“Eventually,” Adam reminded him.

Riley huffed out a laugh. “Eventually.” He kissed him. “Thank you for being brave enough to come find me.”

“Thank you for being brave enough to love me, way back when it terrified me. I know it didn’t seem like it at the time, but it helped. I don’t think I could have gotten to where I am now if I hadn’t heard those words then.”

Riley’s throat tightened. “Fuck,” he said. “You’re making me cry.”

Adam took his hand under the water and squeezed it. “You can, if you need to.”

The truth of that made Riley’s chest relax. He could always be himself with Adam.

Eventually, they left the water and lay together naked on the blanket, with another blanket over them. Riley’s head was tilted against Adam’s shoulder as they both watched for shooting stars. He held Adam’s hand and occasionally nuzzled his hair and let himself be overwhelmed by how much he loved him.

“Hey, there’s one,” Adam said excitedly. “Make a wish.”

But Riley couldn’t think of a single thing he needed.

* * * * *