Page 2

January 2007

“I’m bored. Wanna get some air?”

Riley felt the words against his ear, a soft puff of breath from Adam’s lips, and his heart began racing. Now? Tonight? When the team was out celebrating at a club, and Riley had spent the past hour trying to ignore the way women had been pressing themselves against Adam on the dance floor and the way Adam had pressed right back against them, eyes hooded and cheeks flushed. Riley had written the night off as a lost cause ages ago, like so many others.

But now the tip of Adam’s nose was dangerously close to Riley’s temple, and Riley wanted to tilt his head right here in this bar, to expose his neck to Adam’s lips. To expose himself to everyone.

“Yeah,” Riley said. “I do.”

He met Adam’s gaze and saw the thrilling combination of alcohol and lust there. Riley didn’t need alcohol to want Adam, but they both needed it for courage. They never did this sober.

“Let’s go,” Adam said.

Several blocks of walking, five subway stops, and an elevator [^%] ride later, they were in their apartment, locking the door against the outside world. Riley had barely removed his shoes before Adam had him against a wall, kissing him hungrily. Riley’s whole body celebrated.

“Riles,” Adam whispered against Riley’s jawline, and god, Riley loved it when Adam said his name when they did this. He loved that Adam knew exactly who he was kissing, and who he was hard for.

“Want you to fuck me,” Riley said in a rush.

Adam hummed his approval, and for the millionth time Riley couldn’t believe this was really happening.

It had taken Riley nearly three years to get Adam to kiss him for the first time. Not that Riley had been actively trying to get his best friend to kiss him, or that he’d been expecting it at all. More accurately, Riley had spent nearly three years hoping his best friend would kiss him. They’d been rookies together, both making the abysmal Northmen roster in their first eligible seasons; Adam because of his skill, and Riley because of his size. They’d hit it off immediately and had been practically inseparable ever since. All that time, Riley had dreamed of kissing Adam, longed for it, knew it would never happen.

When it finally did happen, they’d both been twenty-one, drunk, and, at least on Riley’s part, so horny he’d been ready to die. They’d been squished together in a booth at a bar for hours, out with teammates, like tonight. Adam had been unknowingly torturing Riley the entire time with the solid press of his thigh, the warm tickle of his breath against Riley’s ear, the little touches to Riley’s forearm. All of it was familiar, but had also felt electric with the promise of more. Riley had no idea, then or now, how he’d known that night would be different, but when they’d stumbled into their apartment and collapsed on the couch, it had made sense when Adam had placed a hand on Riley’s cheek, held his gaze for a breathless moment, then kissed him.

[^%] He remembered Adam pausing after the first tentative brush of lips, then letting out a nervous puff of a laugh that danced across Riley’s skin. “Is this okay?” Adam had whispered, his voice softer than Riley had ever heard it.

Riley, thunderstruck, had only been able to rasp out, “Yes,” and then Adam had been kissing him again. Riley had tipped over, pulling Adam with him, and they’d made out frantically like that, Adam grinding down on him while they’d panted into each other’s mouths.

That night, they’d stayed fully clothed. Adam had his forehead pressed against Riley’s shoulder when he came, a surprised gasp escaping him. Riley had gripped his fingers into Adam’s lower back—not brave enough to grope his ass yet—and came right after. The whole thing had probably taken about six minutes.

Riley wanted tonight to last a whole hell of a lot longer than six minutes. He wanted sex, but more than that he wanted to hold Adam after and kiss him until they were both hard again. He wanted Adam to not run away as soon as the orgasms were over. They’d been doing this for three years and not once had Adam ever stayed.

This—the sex—was the one thing they never talked about. The closest they’d gotten to having a conversation about any of it was Adam breathlessly asking Riley if he “liked doing that” after he blew him for probably the seventh time. Riley had shrugged, not wanting to give too much away, and had said, “Don’t mind it,” when the truth was that he fucking loved it.

“Will you…” Adam said, now. His voice was rough already, low and raspy and ridiculously hot. “Would you—”

Riley didn’t need him to clarify. He kissed him, then sank to his knees. As always, Adam watched him with unguarded amazement. If Riley had a photo of Adam’s face in that moment, he’d never need porn again.

“You’re so fucking good,” Adam said. “Fuck, Riles.”

[^%] Adam was still wearing his boots, and snow was melting from them into a tiny puddle around Riley’s knees. Riley didn’t care. There was nowhere else he’d rather be, with Adam looking at no one else but him. With Adam being amazed by him.

He took Adam as deep as he could, held him there, and closed his eyes, letting himself be overwhelmed by the man he was completely, painfully in love with.

“So fucking good,” Adam repeated. Then, to Riley’s astonishment, he trailed a gentle fingertip down Riley’s cheek.

Riley opened his eyes, and met Adam’s hooded gaze.

I love you , Riley thought. I love you so much I might die from it. I might have to tell you. I’m sorry.

Adam kept staring at him, lips parted. For a moment, Riley thought Adam had somehow heard him. That he was about to say it back.

Instead, Adam said, “I wanna suck you too.”

It wasn’t a confession of love, but it was still exciting. Riley had been shocked the first time Adam had gone down on him. It had happened only a few months ago, during the summer when Adam had visited him in Avery River. Riley knew it didn’t mean anything, really, that Adam was suddenly interested in giving head, but it had felt significant. It had been one of the many reasons those few weeks in Avery River had been magical, and Riley had felt, for the first time in his life, like he’d had a boyfriend.

Now they were back to fucking, whenever they were drunk enough, and not talking about it. But there was something there between them. Something new that had followed them from Avery River to their shared Toronto apartment. Riley couldn’t ignore it, and he suspected Adam didn’t really want to either.

Riley released Adam slowly, and Adam reached out a hand to pull Riley up. Then they were kissing again, and Adam pressed his hand against the bulge in Riley’s jeans.

[^%] “Bedroom,” Riley said.

“Yeah.”

After, Adam didn’t leave the bed right away. Usually, within two minutes of coming, he would be laughing nervously and saying stuff like, “Wow, shit. That was crazy,” and “See you tomorrow, Riles.” But that night he lingered, still lying beside Riley after their breathing had returned to normal. Riley took a chance and rolled onto his side so he could stroke Adam’s hair a bit and enjoy the view. Adam smiled sleepily at him, captured his wrist, and kissed Riley’s palm. He was so beautiful and so sweet like this, and Riley had reached his limit. He had to tell him.

“I love you, you know.”

Adam’s eyes went wide and alert, and his mouth fell open. Riley’s heart possibly stopped beating as he waited.

Then Adam laughed. “Come on,” he said. “We’re not like that.”

Riley was frozen as dread and humiliation washed over him. Adam must have noticed because he stopped laughing. “Riles,” he said gently, “this isn’t—”

“I know,” Riley said. Then he forced a smile that probably looked deranged. “Yeah. I know. Sorry. I was just…” He left the bed in a hurry before the tears came. Before the situation could get any more embarrassing.

Alone in the bathroom, Riley pressed a hand hard against his mouth and blinked at the ceiling. He’d miscalculated. He’d ruined everything. Would Adam even want to be friends with him anymore?

Later, when he returned to his bedroom, Adam was gone. Riley wasn’t surprised.

The next morning, Adam was whistling as he entered the kitchen. Riley was sitting at the table, forcing himself to eat cereal despite having a stomach full of anxiety.

“Mornin’,” Adam said. “Is there coffee?”

[^%] “Not yet. Sorry.”

“It’s cool. I’ll make it.”

The sounds of Adam opening cupboards and containers filled the kitchen, while Riley’s heart threatened to beat out of his chest. When the coffee started brewing, Adam said, “You think Coach is finally going to switch up the penalty kill today?”

Okay. So they weren’t going to talk about it. Riley was relieved that Adam was willing to overlook Riley’s confession, but he also wanted to scream. What the fuck did Riley have to do to make Adam interested in talking about all the sex they’d had? Was it really possible that Adam didn’t have a single feeling about it?

“Maybe,” Riley said, answering Adam’s question in what he hoped was a steady and casual tone. “We’ve gotta do something about it.”

“Yeah, it’s been a mess lately.”

Adam stretched his arms over his head, and Riley fixed his gaze on his cereal so he wouldn’t have to see the sexy sliver of stomach that always revealed itself whenever Adam did that. He considered, for the zillionth time, moving out. Finding his own place. Giving himself space from a man who couldn’t love him back.

He wished he was strong enough to do that. He wished Adam could be terrible, because besides his aversion to talking about the sex stuff, he was a perfect friend. Honestly, his only crime was not being in love with Riley, and Riley could hardly blame him for that.

He wondered, now that Adam knew , would the sex end? And if it did, would that be Adam punishing him, or doing him a favor? Either way, it would be agony.