Page 24

“We’re going to miss the Toronto game tonight. Are you okay with that?” Riley asked as he stepped out of his bedroom.

Adam poked his head out of the bathroom. “I don’t think they need my help anymore. I’ll just check the score lat—wow. You look…wow.”

Riley was wearing his best outfit, and it was because he wanted Adam to look at him exactly as he was now. Riley had splurged at an upscale menswear store in Halifax on the impeccably tailored aubergine trousers, the shiny black leather belt, and the flattering black jacket made from a sleek cotton sateen. Under it, he wore a simple black T-shirt that he knew showed off his broad chest.

“Thanks,” Riley said. He was excited about tonight, and it felt good to be excited about something. He wanted Adam to meet his friends. He wanted his friends to like Adam. And after…well, Riley couldn’t be sure, but the air between them seemed to buzz with the promise of something thrilling and sexy, the same way it had when they’d been younger. Riley wanted so badly to let it happen, even if it was a bad idea. Even if the timing was all wrong. He wanted to lose himself in Adam and deal with the consequences later. It felt inevitable, that they would end this day by giving in to what they both wanted.

“I’ll just be a minute,” Adam said.

“Okay. I’ll be downstairs.”

For a moment, they both smiled at each other. He must feel it too , Riley thought. He has to.

* * *

“Do they live nearby?” Adam asked as they pulled out of Riley’s driveway.

“No. They live in West Avery. It’s about twenty minutes away.”

“ West Avery? Where’s that?”

Riley didn’t look away from the road, but Adam could tell that teasing smile was there. “West of here.”

“This Avery guy really got his name around.”

“Yep. Avery River, Avery Harbour, Avery Mountain, West Avery, Avery Point, Avery Point South…”

“Jesus.”

“May as well have been, yeah.”

“Give me the rundown. Who all is going to be there?”

“Bea and Nell, who you met. They also live in West Avery, and they’ve been married for longer than I’ve known them. Bea’s from New Glasgow, and I think Nell’s from around Truro. I forget. They met in Truro for sure, at the agricultural college.”

“And Darren’s husband is…Tom?”

“Right. Really sweet guy. An enormous teddy bear, really. Darren met him when he was living in Halifax. Tom was a big shot at one of the major hotel chains, originally from Ontario somewhere. Darren worked at the bar across the street from one of the hotels Tom was in charge of. Tom started crossing the street as much as possible, always sitting at the bar so he could flirt with the cute bartender. Then Darren asked him out, and the rest is history.”

“And now they make maple syrup?”

Riley laughed a bit. “And now they make maple syrup. I guess they both dreamed of a more rural life, and the farm was for sale, so here they are.”

“That’s a big change.”

“It is,” Riley agreed. “But they’ve made it work.”

Adam could imagine a future, maybe when the kids were grown, when he might live here with Riley. Helping at the shop and in the garden. He was, again, getting way ahead of himself, but the vision was nice. “Who else is going to be there?” he asked, trying to stay in the present.

“Jackson—he’s an artist, and a professor at the art university in Halifax. And his husband is Marcel, who does something related to IT. I never really understood it.”

“I’m sure I won’t either.” Lucky poked his head over Adam’s shoulder from the back seat. “Shit, I forgot you were there, Lucky.”

“He’s being quiet, but he’ll get excited when he sees his girlfriends.” Riley had already told Adam about their hosts’ fancy French dogs.

Adam was both nervous and excited, and not only for the party. He’d already decided he wouldn’t drink at all tonight, because he was almost sure that something was going to happen between Riley and him later, and he wanted to be sober when it did. He wanted Riley to know that he didn’t need alcohol for courage anymore.

Riley looked fucking hot tonight. Adam kept stealing glances at his thighs in those excellent pants. Adam had done his best with the limited selection of clothing he’d packed, settling on his navy sweater and dark brown slacks, but Riley was definitely outshining him tonight. Which was just fine with Adam.

When, nearly twenty minutes later, they pulled up in front of Darren and Tom’s large cabin-style house, Adam was instantly charmed. “Are these maple trees?” he asked as they exited the truck.

“Yeah. They tend to make the best maple syrup.”

Adam lightly elbowed him in front of the truck. “Oh, is that their secret ingredient?”

“They tried palm trees, but…”

“I can’t stand you,” Adam lied.

Lucky ran ahead of them, barking excitedly. Adam knew how he felt. The door opened and two large, beautiful dogs ran out to greet Lucky. Then Darren appeared in the doorway, waving and smiling. “Our favorite hockey players are here,” he called out.

“He doesn’t watch hockey at all, does he?” Adam said quietly.

“Not a minute of it, as far as I know. I don’t think anyone here has. Maybe Tom.”

Adam wasn’t used to being in rooms where no one knew who he was, but he was pretty sure he’d like it.

They were the last to arrive, so Adam was introduced quickly to everyone once they’d reached the living room. He was surprised to find that Marcel was significantly younger than his husband, Jackson. He was a light-skinned Black man, originally from Montreal, who was very slim and stylish, with thick-framed glasses. Jackson, by contrast, was a large white man with shoulder-length curly gray hair, and he was wearing a white T-shirt that just said Yes I Am in a plain black font. Was the shirt art? Adam was already in way over his head.

Adam liked Tom right away, though. He was chatty, which Adam always appreciated, and, he quickly learned, had grown up not far from Adam’s own hometown in Ontario.

Bea remembered Adam from the market, of course, and introduced him properly to her wife, Nell. Even though no one in the room recognized Adam as a hockey player, they all seemed very interested in him. Adam wondered what Darren had told everyone about him.

They all lounged on the living room furniture, grazing from an exciting spread of snacks on the coffee table. Riley was drinking soda water with lime, so Adam was doing the same. Everyone else was drinking wine. Adam was used to people wanting him to tell them hockey stories, but tonight he stayed mostly silent. Riley seemed the most relaxed Adam had seen him since…well. Probably ever. He smiled a lot, laughed easily, and even got animated a few times when recalling a funny story from his recent past. The more these friends talked, the clearer the picture became to Adam: Riley had lived a whole life without him. He’d lived a life full of hookups with men, some disastrous and some hot; a life full of parties and celebrations with queer friends; a life full of community and family that had nothing to do with hockey.

These were the people who had been there for Riley when he’d been at his lowest. When he’d gotten sober and gotten professional help with his mental health. And they’d been there when he’d bought his house and adopted Lucky and started working at the store again.

Adam was only visiting.

He tried not to let the melancholy that had settled in him show on the outside as they gathered in the dining room for dinner. He realized that no one here even knew that Adam was gay. Did they assume? Maybe Riley had told Darren, but Adam doubted it. Riley would ask first, he was sure.

Why did they think he was here, with Riley? What did Adam want them to think, and, more importantly, what did Riley want them to think?

Adam started to wish he was also drinking wine, but dismissed the idea immediately. He realized he’d zoned out of the conversation that was happening, and when he snapped back to attention, he heard Jackson and Marcel trashing Halifax’s newest gay bar.

“It’s not accessible at all,” Marcel complained. “Like, really? In 2024?”

“It’s hard to get to?” Adam asked in a weak attempt to enter the conversation.

Marcel frowned at him, confused. “It doesn’t have a ramp, and there’s no elevator. The dance floor is up a flight of stairs. It’s terrible.”

Adam hoped he wasn’t blushing. “Oh, right. I get it.”

Jackson smiled warmly at him. “But like all things in downtown Halifax, it’s also not easy to get to.”

That launched most of the table into a rant about Halifax’s abysmal mass transit system and the endless construction that blocked sidewalks.

Finally, Riley changed the subject by saying, “Adam helped me a lot this week in the shop, getting it ready to reopen.”

“Oh, that’s so sweet of you, Adam,” said Nell. “I’m glad you weren’t alone doing that, Riley.”

“Me too,” Riley said quietly. Adam’s heart glowed.

“So,” Jackson said, “I have to ask—you two have been friends for a while?”

“Yeah,” Riley said. “A long time.”

“I think what you’re really asking,” Adam said with a slight smile, “is where the hell have I been before now?”

Everyone laughed. “Right,” Jackson said. “Thank you for seeing through my bullshit.”

Adam wasn’t sure how to answer. What did Riley want him to say? “We didn’t talk much, for a while there. But it’s been really great, seeing Riley again.”

That seemed vague enough to be safe, while also being true.

“They were roommates,” Darren said. And there was definitely something in his tone. Mischief, maybe.

“We were,” Adam confirmed, cautiously.

“Riley was so cute back then,” Darren said. “You’re a total fox now obviously, Riley, but you had such a baby face and all those muscles. Absolutely deadly combination.”

Adam felt a ridiculous pang of jealousy, remembering that Darren had gotten to touch Riley before he had. “He was cute,” Adam said, as mildly as he could manage. “But now he’s gorgeous.” He punctuated his declaration by taking a sip of water. Let them draw whatever conclusions they wanted from that. Adam was done with hiding.

He could practically feel the heat of Riley’s blush beside him, but he didn’t look at him.

Jackson broke the tension by clapping his hands together with delight, then saying, “Well, thank god that mystery has been solved.”

“What mystery?” Riley grumbled.

“You can’t show up here with the World’s Most Beautiful Man and not expect us to have questions.”

Adam sputtered a bit at that. “Um, thank you?”

“We’re friends,” Riley said firmly. Which, yes, was true, but also: ouch.

“But, if what you’re really asking is if I’m gay,” Adam said, then pointed to Jackson’s T-shirt. “Yes. I am.”

Everyone loved that, laughing and cheering. Adam laughed too, feeling relieved. He still wasn’t used to saying those words.

“I’m new at it, though,” he added. “So go easy on me.”

Bea pressed her fingers to her cheeks. “A baby!”

“Welcome aboard, Adam,” Tom said.

Adam did turn to Riley then, and found his friend smiling at him in that unfamiliar relaxed way. A smile that wasn’t tinged with sadness or regret or longing. Just happiness, and maybe pride.

Under the table, Riley put a hand on Adam’s knee and squeezed, once, before taking it away. Adam wanted to grab it back.

The conversation moved on, and Riley said, low enough so only Adam could hear, “Gorgeous?”

“Well,” Adam said, feeling a little lightheaded even without wine, “it’s not like you’re the World’s Most Beautiful Man or anything.”

* * *

Riley had been worried during the dinner that Adam wasn’t comfortable. He’d been uncharacteristically quiet all night, and Riley had been cursing himself for dropping Adam into an awkward situation. But then Adam had surprised him, and then surprised him again. He’d told everyone he was gay, and he’d said that Riley was gorgeous . Riley’s heart was still fluttering.

After dinner, the group had begun to separate into pairs and trios. Darren had Riley alone in the kitchen and was, of course, losing his mind.

“He’s so hot for you. You know that, right?”

Riley folded his arms across his chest and leaned back against the counter. “I don’t know where you’re getting that from.”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Darren glanced up from where he was loading the dishwasher. “Maybe the way he’s always caressing you with his eyeballs.”

Riley scoffed. “Caressing.”

“Oof, those eyes, though, right? Breathtaking. I can see why you were head over heels.”

“It wasn’t because of his eyes.” Riley sighed, and amended, “It wasn’t only because of his eyes.”

Darren closed the dishwasher, grabbed his glass of wine, then perched on one of the stools at the island. “Go on.”

“He was…” Riley couldn’t think of how to summarize everything he’d loved about Adam. “We were…” he tried again, then shook his head.

“I get it,” Darren assured him. “Like with Tom, I can’t even remember the why of it. I met him, and I fell in love.”

“Yeah,” Riley said, loving how simple the explanation was. “The why doesn’t matter.”

“So why don’t you take that hunk home and love him all night long?”

Riley glanced at the entrance to the kitchen to make sure Adam wasn’t within earshot. He spotted him in the far corner of the living room, talking to Bea. “I want to, believe me, but it might not be the best idea.”

“Oh, come on.”

“Hey, the other day when I told you about him you called him a monster.”

“But that was before I saw him,” Darren argued.

Riley huffed. “You’re a terrible friend.”

“No! Let me rephrase that: It was before I saw how he looks at you .”

“Caressing me with his eyeballs.”

“Right! Anyway, he’s in love with you. Deal with it, gorgeous .”

Now Riley was really blushing, but he was smiling too. “He lives in Toronto,” he pointed out, needing to keep things grounded.

“So what? So did Tom. There’s a cure for Toronto.”

“He has kids there.”

Darren frowned at this. “Oh. Well, that’s a bit tricky. How old?”

“Fifteen and sixteen.”

“Pfft. I thought you said kids . They probably haven’t noticed he’s gone.”

Riley shot him a withering look.

“Seriously,” Darren insisted. “You know what I was doing at that age? Smoking weed and making out with you. I didn’t care what my parents were doing. And you moved away to play hockey when you were how old?”

“Sixteen,” Riley mumbled.

“See? All grown-up.”

“Hardly. And anyway, he’s not abandoning his kids, and I’d never want him to.”

Darren sighed. “Fine. And I never said abandon . He could fly to Toronto once a month, or, you know…FaceTime.”

Riley pushed away from the counter. “You made the right decision, not having kids.”

“God, I know.”

“I’m tired, so I’m going to see if Shep’s ready to go.”

Darren’s brow furrowed. “Who’s Shep?” Then he smiled. “Is that your little nickname for Adam? That’s sexy.”

Riley rolled his eyes. “It’s what everyone calls him.”

“What does he call you? Tucky?”

“Good night, Darren. Thank you for a lovely evening.”

“Wait. Does he call you Ri-Ri?”

Riley flipped him off, then left the kitchen. He found Adam still talking to Bea. Lucky was resting at Adam’s feet.

“Riles,” Adam said, all smiles. “I’m learning about honey!”

Riley’s heart fluttered again at the nickname. He’d told Adam not to call him that, but it wasn’t because he hated it. It was because he fucking loved hearing it again. He crouched to scratch Lucky’s head while Adam asked a few more questions about bees.

Finally, Adam said, “You tired?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, let’s go.”

They said goodbye to everyone, Adam even getting a few hugs. Riley was standing beside him when Tom hugged Adam and said, “Remember what I told you.”

“I will,” Adam said. “Thank you.”

That certainly captured Riley’s attention.

When they were back on the road, Lucky’s head peeking over Adam’s shoulder again, Riley asked, “You had an okay time?”

“I had a great time. Your friends are awesome.”

“They are. You had some good conversations then?”

“I did.”

Riley waited for Adam to elaborate. Finally, Adam said, “I always knew honey came from bees, but I’d never really thought about how it was actually made, y’know?”

Riley sighed.

“Did you know they use smoke to put the bees to sleep?”

“Yes, Shep. Everyone knows that. What did Tom tell you?”

“Tom? Oh! That.”

Another silence passed where Riley tried not to scream.

“Tom wanted me to know that he was in his thirties when he came out, and that he’d actually been engaged once. To a woman.”

Riley nodded. He’d known all this, though Tom rarely talked about it. It had all been before he’d met Darren.

“He said that he felt guilty sometimes, about how happy he was after coming out. To do it, he had to hurt the woman who’d been planning to marry him. And he told me that if he’d waited longer, if he’d married her and had kids, and then came out, he probably would have felt even worse about it.”

“Oh,” Riley said, understanding now.

“Then he said that letting myself be happy now, being who I really am, doesn’t have to mean I regret Maggie, or the amazing kids we raised. People might think it does, or that I’m freeing myself from my family, but it doesn’t matter what they think. Because I’m not. I would never do that. I wouldn’t want to.”

“I know,” Riley said quietly.

“But,” Adam continued, “I think I’ve been caring too much about it seeming that way. Maggie has been seeing someone for a while now, but I’ve been…stuck. I live in the same neighborhood—which I don’t mind, I do like being close to Maggie and the kids, but it’s probably not necessary. Honestly, we barely see the kids these days, either of us. But it felt like, if I really do this, if I fully come out and, I don’t know, move downtown to a swanky condo, and live my new gay life, I’ll look like an asshole.”

“To who?”

Adam sighed. “I don’t even know. I just don’t want that gossip, y’know? Did you hear Adam Sheppard left his family and now he’s having gay orgies every night in his penthouse?”

Riley’s eyebrows shot up. “Every night?”

Adam laughed. “I’d take Mondays off, probably.”

Riley snorted. “Maybe there’s something between living next door to your ex-wife and nightly penthouse orgies.” He glanced at Adam and saw him smiling as he stared straight ahead.

“Maybe,” Adam said.