Page 13

Riley’s house looked like a painting. Old, but beautifully restored with cranberry-red shingles and a cheerful golden-yellow door. There was a weather vane with a whale in the center on the peak of the roof. And beyond the house there was an enormous yard that sloped toward a breathtaking view of the sea.

Adam parked his rental car behind Riley’s truck. He was immediately greeted by an excited Lucky, who danced around his legs as Adam exited the car.

“You gonna show me your house?” Adam asked him. “I’ll tell you, I’m impressed so far.”

“The view is nicer when the sun is out,” Riley said, frowning at the cloudy sky.

“I look forward to it.”

Riley turned his frown to him, which reminded Adam that he was, understandably, on probation here.

“It’s a nice spot, though,” Adam tried. “Ocean.” He gestured to the water, as if Riley didn’t know where it was. “And I saw the beach there. Pretty sweet.”

Riley frowned at him for another few seconds, then said, “We can go inside.”

Lucky was already at the door, tail wagging frantically. Adam followed Riley up the short wooden staircase to the front porch. While he waited for Riley to unlock the door, Adam touched his finger to a shingle. “These look new. Did you replace them yourself?”

“With help, yeah. Took forever.”

“Worth it.”

“Thanks.” The door opened and Lucky thundered inside. He barked once, over his shoulder, as if inviting Adam in.

Adam removed his boots in the tidy mudroom, then followed Riley deeper into the house.

“So this is the living room,” Riley said.

The word that popped into Adam’s head as he gazed around the room was exquisite . Everything was beautiful and ornate and had clearly been thoughtfully chosen. Rich colors paired with dark wood and pops of gold. All of the furniture looked vintage, and the walls were decorated in dark blue wallpaper with a shiny copper floral print. The woodstove and the large area rug made the room look cozy and inviting. But the showstopper was the giant window that faced the sea.

“Wow,” Adam said. “This is beautiful. Did you hire a designer?”

“No. I just put together some things I like.”

Adam gazed up at the stunning chandelier above his head and thought about the apartment he used to share with Riley. Drab, white, and undecorated, with cheap furniture and Adam’s clutter everywhere. Was this what Riley had dreamed of for himself, back then?

“Pretty different from our apartment,” Adam said.

Riley huffed. “A bit.”

“Where do you even get a chandelier like that?”

“Antiques stores. I’ve got some local favorites, and I look online too.”

“You’ve got a great eye for it.”

Riley’s lips curved up on one side. “It’s my gay superpower.”

Adam laughed. “I haven’t figured mine out yet. Or do you have to be granted your power? Is there a council?”

“Yeah. There’s a lot of paperwork, though.”

“Pass.”

Riley’s smile grew. “You’re still shit at that stuff?”

The only reason Adam had ever had any important documents, like his driver’s license, up-to-date was because Riley—and later, Maggie—had always reminded him. “I’m slightly better,” Adam said. “Divorce is a lot of paperwork.”

Riley’s smile disappeared. “Right.” He sat on one end of the couch, so Adam sat on the other. Lucky had disappeared, but Adam could hear him clacking around upstairs.

“Sorry,” Adam said. “I don’t have to mention the divorce if you’d rather I didn’t.”

“No,” Riley said quickly. “I don’t mind. I just still can’t believe it.”

“Yeah. Well. Add it to my list of fuck-ups.”

After a pause that was long enough that Adam thought Riley might actually be mentally adding it to a list, Riley said, “Was Maggie surprised, when you told her you’re gay?”

Adam’s gaze traced a section of the intricate pattern on the rug under his feet. “When I first told her, she definitely was. But not long after, she told me it made a lot of things make sense.”

He heard Riley shift on the sofa. Adam kept his gaze on the floor as he continued, “I wasn’t a great husband. I tried, but I know I wasn’t. Maggie never made me feel like I wasn’t enough, but our relationship was…” He sighed. “I was on the road a lot, obviously, but when I was home, I still wasn’t really present. I focused all my attention on hockey, because it was the only thing I was sure of. It made sense. What didn’t make sense was having a wonderful wife and amazing kids in a beautiful house and still feeling empty every day.”

Adam turned his head and met Riley’s eyes. “I made a mess of things. It was selfish of me to marry her. I just thought I could make it work. And I sort of did, for a while. We were mostly happy. I can’t regret it completely, because we have the kids and I love them, obviously, but I regret wasting Maggie’s time.”

Riley didn’t say anything.

“So to answer your original question, Maggie has been great about the whole thing, but I still feel like the world’s biggest asshole.”

Riley didn’t try to convince him otherwise. “Do Lucy and Cole know you’re gay?”

Adam nodded. “We told them together and kind of rolled it into one big conversation about our decision to split up. Wasn’t the easiest day of my life. Cole took it really hard, Lucy was more sympathetic. But it’s been a couple of years now, and Cole is older and more understanding.”

“That’s good.” Riley huffed. “I can’t believe they’re teenagers. I saw them on the ice for your thousandth game ceremony, but that must have been eight years ago now.”

Adam smiled. “You watched that?”

Riley’s cheeks turned pink. “For a minute or two.” He shifted again. “You got photos of them?”

“Yeah! Of course.” Adam pulled out his phone and quickly pulled up a recent photo of Lucy and Cole together. Riley moved closer to see it.

“Lucy really looks like you,” Riley said.

“People say that. Not sure she likes hearing it.”

“Cole is tall. He’s fifteen, right?”

“Yep. He’s on the high school basketball team. He’s good too.”

“That’s cool,” Riley leaned back. “Did either of them play hockey?”

“A bit when they were really young. It didn’t take. I’m not sure I was the best advertisement for the sport, given how often I was out of commission at home. Always nursing some fresh injury. It was probably scary for them.”

“Probably.”

“Lucy was at the game when I fucked up my shoulder the first time. I was down on the ice for a while. She was nine and, yeah. Not a great memory for her.”

“Or for you, I’ll bet.”

Adam didn’t like to think about it. “No. Not for me either.”

They were quiet a moment, Adam staring at his smiling kids, and Riley breathing beside him.

“Are you hungry?” Riley asked. “I have a whole lasagna in the fridge.”

“Starving,” Adam said, wondering how long this fragile peace between them would last. “Lasagna sounds amazing.”

The kitchen was also beautiful, with weathered wood cupboards, a pale blue tiled backsplash, and butcher-block countertops. The window faced the trees that lined one side of the property.

“I can’t believe you did all this,” Adam said. “Like, you made a house.”

“I fixed up a house,” Riley said as he turned on the oven. “But yeah. I’m happy with it.”

“You should be.” Adam studied the ornate light fixture above his head. “That another antique?”

“Yes.”

Adam tapped his foot on the gleaming wood floor. “Did you install the floors too?”

Riley opened the fridge door. “I restored the original flooring throughout the house.”

Adam whistled. “You must impress the pants off dates you bring here.”

Riley snorted. “Dates.”

“What? You never tell a guy, ‘Hey, wanna see the amazing house I basically built?’”

Riley set the lasagna on the counter. “Nope.”

Adam tried not to think about how he was here to see the amazing house Riley basically built. “Never?”

“Are you asking if I ever invite men here to have sex?”

“No?” Adam tried.

Riley’s eyes narrowed. “I do, yeah. A bunch of times. I don’t, like, give them a tour.”

“Oh,” Adam said. “Cool.”

“Anyway.” Riley put the lasagna in the oven, then leaned against the counter with his arms folded, facing Adam. “I’d offer you a beer, but I don’t have any.”

“Right. Of course. That’s okay.” Truthfully, Adam really could use a drink. “So…”

Riley rolled his eyes. “You can’t drop it can you?”

“I can.”

“Okay then.”

Adam ran his hand over the countertop next to him, then said, “So there are men here? Like, men to hook up with?”

“Why? Are you looking for one?”

“ No. I just thought it would be harder for you. Here.”

“I’m not the only queer in town,” Riley said bluntly. “But okay. I’m not really hooking up with locals. Like you said, the apps are helpful.”

Adam nodded eagerly. “Yeah. They’re great, right?” When Riley looked away, Adam said, “Sorry. I just haven’t had anyone to really talk about this sort of stuff with.”

That made Riley unfold his arms, and his expression soften. “No one?”

“Not really. Not, like, a friend.”

Riley held his gaze, and Adam wondered what he was thinking. Maybe that Adam didn’t deserve gay friends. Adam had often thought the same thing.

“That sucks,” Riley finally said.

“Basically, yeah.”

There was another long silence and then Riley said, “Is that why you’re here then?”

Adam threw his hands up. “Jesus, Riles. No. Would you stop?”

“Stop what?”

“Stop trying to make it seem like I’m here for selfish reasons.” Even as Adam was saying it, a voice inside his head asked, “Aren’t you?”

“I’m not,” Adam said firmly, both to Riley and to the voice.

Riley looked away.

Lucky entered the kitchen, tail wagging, and Adam welcomed the distraction. He crouched and reached out a hand. Lucky immediately pressed his head against it, so Adam scratched his ears.

“You have a lovely home, Lucky. Did you choose the wallpaper in the living room?”

Riley huffed.

“It’s very fancy,” Adam continued, ignoring him. “When I lived with your dad he had a Gladiator poster in his room.”

“You can’t prove that,” Riley said.

Adam smiled. “If only we had smartphones back then. I’d have so much evidence.” To Lucky he said, “It was framed .”

“We had cameras , and it was just one of those cheap poster frames.”

“As if I knew how to use a camera. Anyway, Lucky, your dad used to be pretty tacky.”

“No, he used to be horny for Russell Crowe. But who wasn’t back then? Also, that poster was only up for a few months. I can’t believe you even remember that.”

Adam stood. “Was it? Why’d you get rid of it?”

Riley glared at him. “I guess it didn’t work out between us.”

Adam laughed. He’d missed Riley’s sense of humor: dry, a little mean, and lightning quick. Adam had always been the chatterbox, and Riley had always been able to slice through Adam’s noise with a cutting remark that would make Adam howl with laughter.

Riley was smiling too, that same bemused little tilt of his lips that he used to always get whenever he made Adam laugh. It was like he didn’t understand what Adam was laughing at, and that would only make Adam laugh more.

“Anyway, you were the one who always wanted to watch that movie,” Riley said. “Although that makes a lot more sense now.”

“I watched it for purely heterosexual reasons!”

“There are no heterosexual reasons to watch Gladiator , Shep.”

Something bounced inside Adam’s chest at the nickname. It was the first time all week that Riley had used it without it sounding like a weapon. It was friendly and comfortable.

“There totally are,” Adam argued. “It’s a classy movie about history.”

“Uh-huh.”

“I’m serious!”

Truthfully, Adam hadn’t thought much about the movies he’d liked when he was younger, and whether or not he’d been attracted to the actors in them. He could say with certainty that he’d liked sharing a couch with Riley for two and a half hours while they watched Gladiator together. He’d liked how Riley usually fell asleep against him in the middle of it. The DVD they’d owned reliably froze about two hours into the movie, and what Riley didn’t know was how long Adam would stare at the image of a blurry horse, being careful not to wake his friend. He’d loved having the weight of Riley’s head against his shoulder, or sometimes even on his thigh, and the soft sounds Riley would make while sleeping peacefully.

God, Adam had been stupid. How could he not have realized how in love he’d been?

Riley’s smile faded, as if he was realizing how relaxed he was being with Adam and he didn’t like it. He folded his arms again. Adam tried to think of a way to make him smile again, but at that moment the phone rang.

Like, an actual phone that was attached to the wall. It had a cord . It was pink .

Riley glanced at it, still frowning. “Not sure who that would be.”

“You have a landline,” Adam said.

“Mostly for emergencies. Cell service isn’t always reliable out here and storms take the Wi-Fi out all the time. Not many people have the number.” The phone rang again. “Shit, I’ll bet it’s Darren.”

“Darren?”

Riley answered the phone. Adam deciphered that it was in fact someone named Darren calling, and that Riley had been ignoring his texts and calls. That was all he got before Riley made a “do you mind?” face at him and Adam left the kitchen.

It was pretty adorable that Riley still had a landline and that he’d filled his house with antiques. Back in the living room, Adam noticed a record player sitting on a small, sturdy cabinet. The shelf underneath held a small collection of vinyl records. Adam crouched and flipped through them, curious. Riley had always been a country fan mostly, and Adam could see that hadn’t changed. Dolly Parton, Patsy Cline, Linda Ronstadt, Waylon Jennings, Johnny Cash, Emmylou Harris. All of the sleeves were well-worn, probably all purchased in secondhand shops. Adam wondered if Riley listened to them very often, and what he did while the music played. His house was so tidy, maybe he cleaned while listening to old crackly records. Adam found himself charmed by the image.

Lucky sneaked up behind him and nosed his thigh, as if letting Adam know he’d been caught snooping.

“Sorry,” Adam said. “I was just curious.” He slid the Roger Miller LP he’d been inspecting back into the cabinet. “I don’t even know how to use a record player. My parents would never let me touch theirs when I was a kid.”

“It’s pretty easy,” Riley said from behind him.

Adam jumped to his feet, startled and embarrassed. “Is it? I wasn’t—”

Riley’s lips tilted up again. “You’ve discovered my dark secret: I own a few records.”

Adam laughed nervously. “Yeah. Shocking.” He wouldn’t tell him how thrilling each tiny piece of information about Riley’s current life was to learn. He was so different now, so impressive and attractive for completely new reasons, but at the same time Adam could see how this man had always been there, waiting inside the young, emotional, and somewhat chaotic hockey player Adam had known so well.

“Takes a while to heat up a lasagna,” Riley said, almost apologetically.

“It’s okay.” Adam gazed around the room, trying to find a new conversation topic. He landed on the television. “You gonna watch any of the games tonight?”

“What?” Riley said.

“The playoffs start tonight.”

Riley’s eyes went wide. “Shit. Right. I forgot.”

“Toronto doesn’t play until tomorrow night,” Adam said quickly.

“Yeah,” Riley said quietly. Adam watched the color drain from his face, hating that he’d even mentioned hockey. Of course Riley had probably planned to watch the playoffs with his dad.

He took a step toward Riley. “We could watch together, if you want.”

Riley let out a slow, uneven breath. “I’m not really in the mood for hockey. Or anything, really. I should try to go to bed early.”

Adam tried not to feel disappointed. “Right. Yeah. Good plan.”

“Um,” Riley said, “I’m going to go check on the, uh—” He turned and left abruptly, but not before Adam could hear the strain in his voice.

Adam looked at Lucky, who was staring at him with a vaguely accusatory expression.

“I don’t think I’m helping much, Lucky.”