Page 40

CHAPTER 40

CAME TO THE PARTY FOR YOU (DEMO) BY LEXI JAYDE

Parker Thompson:

I push into the party, into the house I was at only a few days before with Brianne, cuddled on the couch that people are currently mauling each other on. I avoid that mess altogether, brushing past everyone dressed in sparkles, wearing insane accessories with the upcoming year marked on their glasses and headbands. There are noise makers going off already despite the fact that there’s an hour until midnight strikes. Everyone is antsy I guess? I’m not sure. I’ve never been to a New Year's Eve party. Mostly because I was always told that it’s a dangerous night to be out so I always stayed in.

Bellamy is throwing a giant party though, and a party at Bellamy’s is an excuse to see Brianne so I’m here now, even if I am late. It wasn’t my fault that I was late either. I was caught up with my stupid idiot roommates. All of them were holding up the entire process of leaving and making it here at a reasonable hour. Andrew had issues with his almost-girlfriend. Nico didn’t know he was invited. Xander was constantly changing his outfit and his mind on whether he even wanted to come because he was apparently scared to see Leah. He wasn’t even positive if she was coming. But as I’m walking into Brianne and Bellamy’s apartment I see her right now, leaning against the wall, kissing someone. Great. I sigh and turn around.

“Dakota! Hey, where’s B?” I ask her best friend who is wearing a sparkly mesh top that shows off far too much of him. It’s very in character for Dak though.

“Wouldn’t you like to know. Thanks for finally showing up big boy.” Dakota pats my chest and I roll my eyes.

“Yeah, it wasn’t by choice to be late, my roommates suck. Tell me where she is,” I tell him.

“Why?” he asks, joking and poking fun as usual.

“Because I’d like to find her before I’m found by her brother or Lawson. She said she was telling him about us when she was at her grandparents and she’s barely talked to me since she said she was going to tell him. I need to see her now,” I urge and he nods his head behind me.

She’s walking off of the balcony that is pouring in frigid air. Wearing something that she shouldn’t wear in the cold like she just was. She’s going to freeze I swear. I nod.

“Thanks. You look good, have fun.”

I pull him in for a side hug and bound off toward Brianne, getting a full look at what she’s wearing. I notice that it’s not a dress, but a two-piece outfit. She’s wearing all black, yes, but the sparkles that litter the strapless top and tiny skirt are a million different colors. The top pushes her up far more than normal, and the skirt takes mini to a new meaning. But she looks drop-dead gorgeous, her hair down again. I could actually thank a higher power for that… My fucking favorite.

I’m instantly pulled by Xander before I can make it to Brianne, before she even sees me. He grabs me by the front of my shirt and tugs me to the side of the living room. I shove him off and press my hands over my chest, situating my clothes again.

“What the hell are you doing?” I ask him. He reaches for me again and I smack his hand away.

“Should I try and kiss Leah at midnight?” he asks and I roll my eyes.

“You’re manhandling me in the middle of my girlfriend's house because you want to ask if you should kiss a girl who has no interest in you? Are you a fucking idiot?” I ask. “Actually don’t answer that, it was rhetorical, I know the answer. Yes, you’re fucking stupid. I need to talk to Brianne, right now actually.” I start to walk away and he stops me.

“You’re making it sound weird, it’s not weird. She could totally be into me. She’s warming up to me I promise,” he argues.

“If warming up means she doesn’t completely ice you out and insult you when she looks at you, then sure,” I pick on him and he rolls his eyes.

“We hooked up in my car the other night,” he spills and my jaw slightly hangs slack.

“You… I thought she hated you?” I mumble.

He nods his head behind us and my eyes follow his movement.

“What?” I ask. I see Leah there, no longer kissing the guy she was with when I first walked in.

“You see her? She’s been looking over at me all night. Don’t look at me, look at her, she’s going to look over here.” He nods his head and pays attention to me.

I watch her like he says to and I see it, just as he suggested. Leah turns over her shoulder and her eyes land on him, scouring him like he’s her next damn meal. Then, she notices she’s been caught by me. She stares ahead and I raise my eyebrows at her. She just pretends I’m not there and that I saw nothing, turning back around.

“She actually did look at you… like she was actually interested, too. What did you do besides sleep with her? Hypnotize her?” I ask.

“I flirted with one of her friends in front of her,” he tells me.

“And? That seems like the opposite of what you should do,” I shake my head.

“Well, I told her friend I was going to flirt with her so Leah would talk to me. And the friend said it was a good idea. I wanted to kiss whoever that cheerleader was for being in on it.” He nods and I narrow my eyes.

I feel like this was not going in his favor, that maybe it was a setup. But Xander is the kind of person who can’t be told not to do something, he’s got to learn on his own.

“Then go for it, buddy.” I clap him on the shoulder and he starts to open his mouth but his eyes catch and he furrows his brows.

“Why is Brianne talking to Ashton Baxter?”

I look and see just that. Brianne talking to someone I’ve never seen in my entire life. But someone who seems to know her. Then the name clicks. Ashton, her ex-boyfriend who she had a history with. The most history out of all of her exes. Every part of me is rigid because I can’t approach her. I can’t say anything. I just get to stand here and pretend it’s fine.

“That’s her ex,” I bite the words out and Xander’s jaw unhinges slightly.

“Really? He’s actually really nice. Considering you’re who you are I would think Bri’s type is the opposite of nice. Grumpy asshole seems more accurate,” he jokes and I glare.

“They have a lot of history. She hasn’t run into him the whole semester so why the hell does it have to be now when Bellamy is in the room?” I ask Xander.

“Maybe he’s just catching up with her.” Xander offers, but the second he does I watch Ashton’s hand move right over to her hip, skimming and brushing the small space of exposed skin on her midriff. I flinch the second I see her struggle to get his hand off of her, and push him away slightly.

“Maybe not,” Xander mutters.

“I want to kill him,” I admit.

“Maybe not a good idea,” he suggests.

Ashton leans forward, brushing his mouth against her cheek so he can whisper in her ear and once again, touches her. I flex my hand and lose my composure.

“Back off…” I step in, removing the guy who is just as tall as I am and just as big. I try to be calm and casual about it despite the fact that my hands are shaking.

“It’s fine Parker, it’s fine.”

“No, I could see that it wasn’t. You put his hands off of you and he put them back on.”

“Who is this guy Bri? Why is he being a—”

“Don’t finish that sentence, Ashton,” she snaps.

“Did you fucking touch her?” I ask him.

“You don’t know our history bro, seriously. It’s fine.” He seems drunk.

Now that I’m standing here, I know he probably means no harm. He probably doesn’t get the cue that he needs to calm down. But that’s not an excuse and it doesn’t make me any less mad.

“I know plenty of the history and I need you to walk away from her now. Even if there is an ounce of history that doesn't give you permission to put your hands on her whenever you want, back off.” I step up and Xander steps in.

“Hey, what’s going on Parks?” Kamryn walks up too and I shake my head.

“Come on Kam…” Brianne takes her hand and I’m thankful both of them walk away when they do.

“Hey, Xander,” Ashton nods to his teammate then looks between us and nods. “I see. You two are friends, aren’t you? And you know Bri?” He asks both of us.

“You could say that,” I nod.

“It’s just best if you don’t talk to Brianne Archer again,” Xander nods.

“Oh, shit. Aren’t you on the football team? I get it, she’s your teammate's sister but I respect her, I promise. Swear.” He holds his hands up and I clench my jaw wishing I could hit him just to get my annoyance and anger out.

“Ashton, you’re going to get punched. Shut up. Stop being a fucking idiot or I’m going to rat you out for being here to Coach Elliot. He’ll bench you and I won't feel bad. Go,” Xander snaps and I watch Ashton walk away, annoyed by the intrusion.

I shake my head and sit on the couch, annoyed by the couple next to me making out. Annoyed and upset I can’t do the same damn thing with my own girlfriend. I came here for her. I can admit that. Not Bellamy. Not my other friends. I spent far too long getting ready even though it really didn’t matter.

I don’t want to pass the time drinking. I want to be sober. For her. For us, so we can go back to my place. I clench my jaw, wondering why I even came in the first place. I’ve never been a fan of parties. I’ve never been a fan of any of this stuff. I guess I came thinking it would be our first outing as a couple, but it’s not plausible especially since I haven’t even had a single chance to talk to her about how her conversation with Bellamy went. My anger and annoyance is growing every second until I see Brianne walking back down the stairs with Kamryn by her side. I swoop in instantly.

“Can I steal my girlfriend for a second?” I ask Kamryn with alert eyes. Kamryn smirks and steps to the side.

“I’ll distract him, you guys go,” Kamryn tells me, and then she squeezes Brianne’s arm.

“We can go on the balcony, no one is out there right now,” she tells me and I do just that, walking onto the balcony alone, Brianne in tow.

“What were you and Kamryn upstairs talking about?” I ask her, a sinking feeling deep inside my chest after how this night has gone.

“I didn’t get a chance to tell Bellamy,” she blurts out and my lips part in disbelief. That sinking feeling really settles and sets in now.

“Please don’t look at me like that…” she mumbles and I clench my jaw.

“I’m trying not to get mad right now,” I admit.

I don’t lose my temper a lot. Not ever actually because honestly, nothing has mattered enough for me to do that, but tonight everything is sitting at the top of my emotions. Like it’s weighing on my chest trying to crush me.

“You left me to tell him all by myself, okay? I didn’t want to do it in front of my grandparents and cause a huge fight or scene.” She admits and I scoff.

“I didn’t leave you to do anything. I’ve been trying to get you to be with me so we can tell him together for the past month and you won't let me… You’re just fine with the secret. You’re fine keeping me and this as something unknown and I’m not,” I tell her and she sighs deeply.

“I don’t want to keep it a secret, Parker. It’s more complicated than that. I’d love nothing more than for everyone to know that I love you, but I am scared,” she tells me and I nod.

“I know you’re scared and I get that, but it’s not an excuse anymore. He needs to know. I’m not doing this,” I admit.

“What do you mean?” She furrows her brows.

“I’m not going to be your dirty secret anymore. Tonight this ends or we…” I stop myself, wondering where the sudden words come from.

I don’t want that. I would rather it be a secret than not have Brianne in my life… I’m just so… Hurt. Hurt that it feels like I’m not enough. Not enough to tell her own brother about.

“Or we what?” She crosses her arms and shivers, her breath visible as she shakes.

“Come on, let’s go inside you’re freezing Bri.” I put my hand on her shoulder and she shrugs me off.

“No. Or we what? This ends or we end? Is that what you were going to say?” she asks.

“Yes. It’s what I am going to say. We tell him immediately or I’m done. This is important to me. It has been since the moment I knew I wanted to be with you which was far sooner than you. I’m fine being open with my feelings toward you Brianne. I don’t want to feel like your best-kept secret because I want to feel important enough for everyone to know about. I don’t feel that way to you right now. I don’t feel important or more than a secret sometimes when I have to pretend in public and I can’t see you when I want or call you when I want. This doesn’t feel real.” I admit.

“It is real. We are real, what I feel for you is real,” she tells me and I nod.

“When I think about it, of course I know that. But it’s about action, not words and empty promises. I can’t sit here and force myself to be okay with this. I’m constantly telling you to choose yourself, but I’m not listening to my own advice. I waited until you were ready to date, I respect you, and I respect your boundaries, but I’m not respecting my own. I’m not doing this anymore,” I clarify again, trying not to choke on my words.

They taste bitter in my mouth. I know how childish ultimatums are. They feel like acid in my lungs, but I have to do this. I know she won't back away from us… From loving me. Deep down I know she won't do that to me or us and what we’ve built, but that doesn’t mean I’m not terrified as I stare at her right now.

“Tonight is really important to Bellamy. I can’t ruin his night or make his life harder with this right now.” Her voice is just above a whisper.

“What about me? What about you? What about anyone beside Bellamy?” I ask her.

“This isn’t about me or you, it’s about—”

“Him. Yes, once again it’s about him. But you’re not understanding me. When is it ever going to be about you Brianne? What has to give for you to be able to see that you sacrifice everything good just to make him more important? It’s not fair to you or anyone around you.” I argue, finally letting the words off of my chest that I’ve held in for what feels like ever. She just stares at me.

“I don’t have to sacrifice anything. I haven’t yet. I’ve got you. I’ve got my friends… I…”

“You have me to what extent? Behind closed doors and through quiet phone calls just in case Lawson is near? That’s not having me. Not the way… Not the way I deserve,” I admit.

“You can’t make me choose,” she tells me.

“I never asked you to choose me over your brother.” I clarify.

“Well, that’s what it feels like.” She crosses her arms over her chest and I scoff.

“Because you refuse to see the fact that if what you’re saying is true, if you’ve never had to sacrifice anything then you wouldn’t feel like telling him would be choosing between me and Bellamy,” I tell her and she looks at me with tears in her eyes.

I don’t want to say anything else. I hardly want to look at her because it hurts. Looking at her right now hurts, but I force myself to.

“We tell him tonight or I’m going home,” I say it again.

“I can’t do that to him… Not tonight,” she whispers.

I want to argue with her. I want to keep up this conversation and try to get her to understand but I know there’s no point. I know her love for her brother is blinding her from the reality of her situation. It is not my job to show her that, it’s hers. That doesn’t stop the choking feeling in my throat that’s clawing its way up right now.

“I’m sorry Parker… I love you, I just—”

“You don’t need to say anything else, Brianne, honestly right now I can’t hear it, I just need to go home. I…” I take a deep breath. “I hope you can see what I see one day too,” I mumble and walk away, leaving Brianne on the balcony, and heading for the front of the apartment, trying to leave.

“Parky!” Bellamy grabs me by the shoulders and I fake a smile and nod.

“I was actually just heading out, but thank you for inviting me and stuff,” I mumble, trying to shove past him.

“Parks? What do you mean? What’s up?” He asks, his voice laced with concern. There’s nothing I can say to him about what’s wrong because even in my anger I’m not going to disrespect Brianne’s wishes like that.

“We can talk about it another time. Have a good night Archie,” I mumble, brushing my hand over my jaw.

I shove past everyone and leave the party and the apartment altogether, wishing to be anywhere else. She didn’t say it. She didn’t say that she chose him, but she didn’t have to. And I didn’t want that. I didn’t want her to make a choice between him and me. He’s the most important person in her life and I get that. I wanted her to choose herself. And maybe my delivery was off, but none of that matters anymore considering the two of us are… I don’t even know what we are.