Page 4

CHAPTER 4

MOTIVE BY ARIANA GRANDE

Parker Thompson:

The way Seattle Pike University is set up makes me feel like I’m walking through multiple different universes to get where I need to go. To get from the football stadium to my apartment, I walk through the main part of campus where the science and math buildings are. I have to walk through the main fountain where a giant Hornet statue is showcased in the middle. I make sure to avoid the south side of campus, which means I have to walk west past the dorms, and straight through fraternity row. A street of frat houses that look perfect on the outside but I know are disgusting the second you walk through the doors. After I make it past all the frats, I am onto the final route. I tunnel north and end up at my apartment which is still considered student housing but is exponentially cheaper than what most people pay here.

I walk up the stairs all the way to the fourth floor, no elevator in sight. I walk through the messy hallway, cluttered with doormats, and trash cans overflowing with trash that the apartment building still hasn’t collected. I sigh, making it to my door. There are four papers stuck to the door by our hall manager, someone that’s placed in our hall to keep us in line that does nothing to actually help any problems we have. The only thing she’s done is this—make little paper stickers for our door. There are three hockey sticks crossed with each of my roommates’ names—Xander, Nico, Andrew, then me. Parker. Instead of a set of hockey sticks, I have a football with a helmet. How cute.

I unlock the door and walk inside to complete chaos. My roommates have turned the living room into a makeshift hockey rink. Our apartment isn’t even slightly big enough to be considered for this kind of sport, or for three grown men wearing rollerblades.

“Out of the way!” Nico yells.

I move out of the doorway as he barrels through it and out into the hallway. I didn’t want to live with football players. I was paired together with Alexander for my freshman year in a dorm. Then, sophomore year, we all moved into this apartment together. I’m not sure why I thought hockey players would be any better than football. They’re louder, bigger, and much more annoying. I keep my eyes down and walk past all of my roommates.

“Who shit in your cornflakes, Parks?” Xander asks, rollerblading in front of me.

He continues to rollerblade backward down our hall as I walk toward my door.

“No one,” I grumble.

“Parker is always pissy, Xander. You know that,” Drew states from the living room.

“What Drew said,” I reply.

“You’re never pissy with me, Thompson. What is it? Do you need a nap?” Xander stands in front of my door, spreading his arms out so I can’t go in.

“A nap. Quiet roommates. I’ll take either,” I fake a smile and he scoffs.

“Grump,” he mumbles, skating out of my way and around me.

“Try not to put any more holes in our walls,” I tell them.

We’re never getting our security deposit back. I close my door tight, wishing it was soundproof. We got this apartment for its privacy and space. Though it’s not big enough for hockey practice, the shared living room space is pretty big. There’s a connected kitchen and we all share a bathroom. It’s set up like a dorm would be—you walk in and there are shower stalls, as well as three separate toilets and three separate mirrors. We all have our own bedrooms. They’re not big enough for much but they do have space for just what we need.

My bedroom has a full-sized bed, a desk, and a single nightstand. I also keep a mini fridge in here with a microwave on top despite that it’s a fire hazard. I have a closet, and inside, I have a dresser with drawers, but other than that, there’s nothing. I read online somewhere that this place would feel more like home if I got decorations so, my sophomore year, I bought a pillow with the words “Yes you can!” written in script. On the wall behind my bed is a small triangular SPU flag I got at orientation. That about sums up the decor. My comforter is light blue, my room is clean, and I keep it just like this at all times. It’s too small for me to let it get messy. I think I did pretty well considering I didn’t have any help.

I throw my bag in my chair and kick off my shoes. I grab my towel and go into the bathroom across the hall. I strip down and shower in the lukewarm water, not waiting for it to get scorching hot. After I get the sweat from the gym off of me, I get out and wrap a towel around my body. I leave the bathroom and go back into my room, ignoring the reckless commotion coming from the living room. I get dressed once again in sweatpants and a hoodie, my hair wet but pushed back and off of my face. I grab the book I’m required to read before classes start next week and open it. Not even two seconds into it, my phone vibrates multiple times. I contemplate ignoring it but get another text, and just from a small glance, I see it’s from Bellamy so I pick up my phone. I haven’t really seen him outside of our summer football practices besides when we all went to Haven a week ago. Since I almost kissed his sister… I look at the group message the idiots started and sigh.

Bellamy A: PARKY POO!!!

Lawson B: Parker mother fucking Thompson.

I sigh at the texts between the three of us. Bellamy seems like the type to keep people around. Socially, he needs others to thrive. His tight-knit group was Lawson and Griffin, but after last week, Griffin is now gone. Bellamy and Lawson seem to want a new third member to join their party. I was acquainted with the trio but never close with them and I don’t like pity invites. I also don’t like feeling like I need to question people’s intentions. I have no idea what Bellamy’s are and being added into a group chat with these two… I don’t know how I feel about it, especially considering I’m the opposite of Bellamy. I’m the one who strays away from a social situation. When I’m on the field, I wish I could wear earplugs so I don’t have to hear the fans or the coaches. It would make my life a lot easier and a lot less stressful. I tap out a response quickly.

Hey.

Lawson B: “Hey” You’re so boring.

Bellamy A: Lawson fuck off hes being mysterious leave him be

Lawson B: Okay, he can be mysterious around the ladies, but not us. We’re his friends. Also, would it kill you to use correct punctuation?

Bellamy A: I’m texting so why would I need correct punctuation. Im going to incorrectly punctuate just to piss you off;

Did you guys need something?

Bellamy A: “Yeah” you should come over? Because! We’re hanging out and I bet your roommates are being loud,

Lawson B: Your so annoying.

Bellamy A: You’re*

Can’t. I’m studying for classes.

Lawson B: Okay, well now you’re coming to Bellamy and Lawson's apartment.

Bellamy A: I will show up to your place and stand outside of your window until you come over

I sigh and push my reading off of my lap. There’s no point in saying no because Bellamy truly would come to my apartment. He’s persistent. I’m assuming he feels like he has to be my friend because of my position on the field. I get it, he wants us to mesh well, but I don’t need him to pity me. Bellamy, Lawson, and I played together fine the last two years I’ve been at SPU. Now with the head receiver gone, I’ve moved up in rank on this team which means I’ve moved up in social status too. Lawson doesn’t seem like the type to pity me, but he also doesn’t seem like he really cares as long as it’s a good time. I gather my shit and head out. Bellamy and Lawson's apartment is on the west side of campus which is on the nicer side of town. It’s where most of the well-off students live.

“Where are you going?” Nico asks.

“Parker, why don’t you hang out with us tonight? We’re going to order pizza and—”

“I’m going to Bellamy’s apartment. Sorry,” I reply, and Xander wiggles his eyebrows at me.

“Didn’t Brianne Archer, his hot sister, move in a few days ago? Is that why you’re going over?” he asks and I glare at him.

“No. Brianne Archer is not the reason I’m going over there. Stop talking about her,” I tell him.

I didn’t even tell them what happened between Brianne and I, mostly because I knew they, especially Xander, would never shut the fuck up about it. Also, because nothing happened. Something almost happened and it shouldn’t have, she obviously seemed hesitant. So, it’s a good thing it didn’t.

“Why? Because you two were making sex eyes at Haven a week ago?” Nico asks and I sigh.

“I was drinking and you’re an idiot. Don’t bring up Brianne Archer to me,” I tell the three of them. “And don’t bring her up to anyone else either. The last thing I need is a fucking problem.”

Nico raises his hands in innocence.

It’s true. I don’t want problems. I was just… overwhelmed. She came out of nowhere looking drop-dead gorgeous. Not only that but she was the first and only person who’s ever… noticed my discomfort. She picked up on it in a single second… Those few words, ‘Are you okay?’ Never have I heard them before in a situation like that and even if I’ve heard something resembling them, never has anyone sounded so concerned like she was. It was… new. It was overwhelming. All of my roommates are staring at me.

“Just don’t fucking bring it up, alright?” I ask them.

Nico and Andrew at least try to hide their amusement. Xander just shows his shit-eating grin anyway.

“Alright, Parks, say less,” Andrew says.

I press my lips together and leave the apartment. My roommates might annoy the shit out of me, but they aren’t bad people. They aren’t going to cause problems for me, especially problems that have no reason to be started. Brianne Archer is off-limits… until she’s not. Until she makes it apparent that she’s not. I’m not looking for a hookup. I wouldn’t be opposed to a girlfriend but I also don’t think I have it in me to try and get one—to open myself up or take the time to get to know another person when half the time it feels like I don’t even know myself. She’s… interesting, though. She’s someone to watch. But is she too interesting for me? I don’t do much. I’m not much at all.

The look on her face when I stopped that douchebag hockey player from making a move on her—defiance and fire in her eyes—there’s something about her that interests me. But she seemed hesitant. I might have been drinking at the time, but if it wasn’t for her pulling away, I would have kissed the girl. Stupid or not, I’d still kiss her but I’m not going to actively go after her. Lawson’s words play in my head anytime I’ve thought about it this past week—that it’s a bad idea for the team. He’s right. Which means it’s a bad idea for my future, and my potential to be drafted next year. My senior year. To win The Heisman… I’d be one of the only people who’s not a quarterback to achieve the award, but I have the stats. I have the skill… That’s also why I don’t have a girlfriend. Nothing can get in the way of what I’ve done to get myself where I am. Not even a girl.

My walk was uneventful, but the second I open the door to Bellamy and Lawson's apartment, I’m greeted with screaming and yelling. Feels just like my own apartment.

“You’re really going to look at me and tell me that mermaids don’t fucking exist?” Bellamy raises his voice at Lawson who sits across from him at the island in the center of their kitchen. Bellamy is standing with his hands out, anger coursing through him visibly.

“I never said they didn’t exist, dipshit. I said the probability of merpeople existing over Bigfoot is unlikely. It’s fucking Bigfoot,” Lawson argues back.

“The probability of merpeople existing over bigfoot is-—Oh, grow up, Lawson. Bigfoot doesn’t exist. You’re telling me a giant man that lives in the woods hasn’t been fucking discovered yet? He’d be hard to fucking miss, don’t you think?” Bellamy yells.

“Are you fucking kidding? People have spotted Bigfoot. He hasn’t gone undiscovered because there’s proof he exists. In the wild! And it’s not just one person, it’s a species which makes the probability more likely. We literally live in Seattle, dude, woods everywhere and you’re going to tell me there’s no bigfoot out there?”

“Merpeople haven’t been discovered yet because they’re smaller and slippery. Do you know how much of the ocean hasn’t been explored yet? Have you seen Aquaman?”

His first point was valid but the second was complete idiocy.

“THAT’S FUCKING FICTIONAL!” Lawson stands up, screaming at the top of his lungs.

I slam the door hard, hopefully announcing my presence.

“Hey guys…” I speak out and they both look at me.

Bellamy smiles and Lawson gives a small wave.

“Hey, Parky,” Bellamy speaks first.

“Hey, Parks,” Lawson chimes after.

“I just think that you don’t have enough evidence to back up what you’re saying,” Bellamy goes straight back into the argument, and I sigh, walking toward both of them, standing between the two of them.

“Evidence? I have way more evidence than you do. Have you heard of this thing called fucking Google? Read a fucking book, dude,” Lawson crosses his arms and leans back into the high-top chair.

“Maybe you’re both right, and they both exist… What about Vampires? Werewolves?” I ask.

“No chance,” Bellamy tells me.

“There’s no way,” Lawson shrugs me off.

I stare between the two of them, wondering if they’re serious.

“And either way, it’s not about if they’re both real, it’s about which one is more likely to exist over the other. Bigfoot,” Lawson tells me and I nod.

“Got it,” I nod.

“Anyway, were you really going to spend your night at home doing nothing?” Bellamy asks me. I shrug.

“I went to the gym earlier,” I tell him. They both look at me like I’m crazy. “What? Don’t both of you have girlfriends to fill your time? Why do you care where I am?” I ask, shoving my hands in my hoodie pocket.

“Our girlfriends are hanging out tonight and we weren’t invited. That’s beside the point. We still do other things that don’t involve them or football, like video games. Or drinking. Lawson reads books and we go out, and… and we do college. You don’t do college,” Bellamy tells me.

I roll my eyes.

“I do college just fine,” I tell him.

“You haven’t been sexually involved with anyone in the past three years, have you?” Lawson asks, and I look at him blankly.

I look at Bellamy and he raises his eyebrows, waiting for me to answer. I already wish I never came over here.

“He’s right. You haven’t gotten laid, have you?” Bellamy asks, crossing his arms.

“Why would I talk about my sex life with either of you?” I ask them.

“Because, we’re your friends, and friends talk about sex stuff. I had sex last night. Lawson?” Bellamy looks to his friend.

“This morning,” he tells both of us. They look at me.

“Doesn’t matter. Maybe I’m not into the whole hookup thing,” I tell them.

Yes, it has, in fact, been a while. For lack of trying, because I don’t want mess and problems. I don’t need to waste time getting to know people. I wouldn’t want to, there’s no point. Every part of our lives is in segments. College is a segment and all of us are going to go separate ways. Attachments aren’t worth the hassle. Hookups aren’t worth the mess. I’m not necessarily opposed but I’m not seeking it out. I’m not going to put excessive effort into it when no one usually puts that kind of effort into me either. My mind drifts to Brianne before I snap myself back. What am I thinking? Her brother is right here…

“Spill your guts, Parker. One year? Two?” Lawson asks.

“Probably freshman year? Maybe? I don’t remember, and it doesn’t matter,” I admit to both of them.

I do remember. It was my freshman year and it was a mistake. Like I said, it turned into a mess. They always do.

“You not remembering is a problem, Parky. Sex is good, sex is a stress reliever, and you my friend are always stressed, and all panicky and alone. And you’re grumpy. And on the field you get super angry and stuff,” Bellamy tells me.

Like he even slightly knows me. I’ve never opened up. He knows nothing about me. He has no room to make these claims.

“Why does how I am and who I fuck matter to either of you?” I ask them.

I feel uncomfortable with the conversation, mostly because I have no idea if this is normal. Do guys talk about shit like this with each other? Or are Bellamy and Lawson weird?

“Wow, you have got it all wrong. I don’t care who you fuck, I don’t want to know, neither does Bell,” Lawson tells me and Bellamy shakes his head.

“I don’t want to know, he’s right,” Bellamy agrees, smiling his normal goofy smile like he always does. “But I care about you and the team, and I feel like all of your college experience has been inside of one box, and maybe you should potentially step outside of the box. There are no rules in college. It’s about experiencing things, figuring shit out, messing up, and doing whatever feels good for you. I feel like you should totally do that this year.”

I nod. I’ve never really been given advice from a friend because I don’t know who I actually consider friends and not friends. I don’t think I even understand the word myself. I’ve never really considered these two in front of me as friends. Just teammates.

“That’s part of why we wanted you to come over tonight,” Lawson tells me.

“Why, to tell me I’m a loser who doesn’t get laid?” I ask and he rolls his eyes.

“No. But you are a loser who doesn’t get laid…” he tells me and I glare at him.

“We asked you to come over because we wanted to ask you something that’s kind of a big deal. So big that we convinced Coach Corbin to let us talk to you about it instead of him,” Bellamy tells me, and I furrow my eyebrows.

That’s ominous and kind of terrifying. I shake my head, waiting for someone to talk.

“You know there’s always at least three Team Captains, and with Griffin gone this year, we need to fill his spot. Normally, it would go to a senior, but since you took our last captain's role on the field, we think it’s a perfect time to move you up. You went from 2nd to 1st on the team so you deserve this because not only can you do it, but you need the confidence boost. The team will need a leader for next year, someone that’s going to run the field. There’s not a single senior that will be starting quarterback, it’s probably going to go to that sophomore Samson,” Bellamy explains.

I know the guy in the same position as Bellamy. He’s got a lot of work to do but he’s really good.

“I have confidence,” I tell them.

“No, my friend, you do not. You have the confidence of a teddy bear. Which is weird considering you’re grumpy and moody all the time. Are you sleeping enough?” Lawson asks, and I sigh.

“That’s beside the point. Lawsy is right. You don’t have the confidence on the field. You kick ass, your stats are off the fucking charts, Parky. But you act like you’re nothing special when you’ve basically got a one-way ticket to the NFL after you graduate. You could even win The Heisman which is crazy considering you’re not a quarterback,” Bellamy tells me.

My chest tightens at the words. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. Since I learned what the award was, I told myself I’d win it one day.

“All I’m saying is you deserve the spot, and you have the talent to be a little cocky sometimes. You never do a touchdown dance or celebration when you scored plenty last year, and you weren’t even a first-string WR then. Parker, this is your year, take it,” Bellamy tells me.

“Will you be our team captain buddy?” Lawson asks, and I nod, pushing down the excitement so I can play it off cool.

“Yeah, of course I will,” I agree. “But I don’t know what that has to do with me getting laid?” I roll the conversation back and Lawson pinches the bridge of his nose.

“It’s like talking to a child,” he mumbles to himself.

“It’s about confidence. When you’re getting laid, you’re getting boosted. Plus you’re in college, you need to act like it,” Bellamy tells me.

Sex doesn’t equal being in college in my head, but I guess Bellamy, Lawson, and I all have different definitions of what college is really about.

“So, using a girl for a confidence boost?” I ask them and both of them get defensive.

“No. Absolutely not,” Bellamy cuts his hands through the air.

“Never use anyone unless it’s a mutual benefit. You’re not using said girl to boost your confidence without her knowledge. I’ve had sex to boost my confidence. Usually with a confident, badass woman themself, but I made sure that they knew this was just that. A small moment in our big lives,” Lawson tells me.

“So don’t use her without her knowledge. Platonically use her?” I ask.

“You’re missing the point. It’s not about necessarily hooking up. If you want to date someone, do that. Friends with benefits is an option. I love having a girlfriend. I’ve always been more of a relationship guy. It’s about your preference,” Bellamy tells him.

“Remember when we all used to say YOLO? You only live once?” Lawson asks, and I raise my eyebrows at him.

“Are you about to unironically tell me YOLO?” I ask him, and he nods.

“I am. Parker Thompson. You only do college once, do it right. Get laid, go to parties, go out to bars, hang out with us. We’re awesome.” He motions to Bellamy and himself. I nod.

“Whatever you say.”

This is the easiest way to get them to quit. I don’t want to get close to them or anyone else for that matter. Once again, disappointment is not something I’m a fan of. That’s exactly what all of the things they’re suggesting would lead to… even if the thought is somewhat inviting. The thought of having someone else warming my bed right beside me.

“Promise. Just try some stuff, have fun. I want to see you let loose this year. I’m hoping my sister does the same, and I gave her similar advice. You’ve been here for two years and this is your third, it’s time for you to have fun,” he tells me, and I nod with a sigh.

I can try. Trying is not promising. It’s not saying yes. It’s halfhearted.

“I’ll promise to do whatever if you promise to end this conversation,” I tell him, and he nods.

“Deal. Can we watch The Barbie Movie?” Bellamy asks, and I furrow my brows.

“Isn’t that a girl movie?” I ask him.

“Movies don’t have genders, first of all, and if you haven’t watched it, you have to. It’s actually really funny,” Lawson tells me, and I realize now I have no room to argue, and I honestly don’t care enough to. A movie is a movie, maybe I’ll like it.

* * *

I’m not surprised Bellamy cried. He’s a softie. I didn’t but I did get that warm fuzzy feeling in my chest. It was good, I’ll give it to Bellamy and Lawson. They were right.

“Okay, I have to go to bed or I won't make it to practice tomorrow on time,” I admit.

I’m the type who doesn’t do well without an obscene amount of sleep the night before.

“And you’re going to have fun, and do fun things, and live your life to the fullest?” Bellamy asks as he walks toward his bedroom.

“Yes, I will.”

I shake my head, not knowing how, where, or who I will start with, but I will have to figure it out if I want him off of my back. I said I would try. I never said I would try really hard. Maybe if something pops up. Maybe if something falls into my lap… but it still feels like I’d be using someone. I don’t want to do that. If I want anything, I want a connection. I want to be drawn to someone. I want them to want me first. Saying all of that feels foreign to even my own thoughts, but it’s true, even if I don’t like admitting that.

“Goodnight! Get laid!” Lawson tells me as he walks up the stairs in their apartment.

I walk myself to the front door as Lawson walks into his bedroom. They told me to get laid like it’s easy. Who? If I’m going to have fun with someone, if I’m going to do what they say, and potentially start something with someone, I have no idea about who it should be, or where I should start. You have to be social to get laid and I’m the opposite of that, and don’t want to change that. I’m not going to go out on my own volition. Invitations will be required.

I open the door and someone runs straight into my chest. I look down to see Brianne. She’s smiling, her lips curving around her teeth. Her cheeks are perfectly rosy and bright, what I’ve come to know as the drunk glow that girls get. I stare down at her, and her lips part, the smile disappearing as she looks up at me. She’s just as pretty now as she was the night in Haven. Not surprising.

“Hi,” I say to her, her hands still on my chest.

“H-hi,” she mumbles quietly.

She’s perfect. Blue eyes, perfect lips, rosy cheeks, and the sweetest fucking voice. She’s a bad idea wrapped in the most irresistible package. I put my hand on her hip and nudge her slightly, her boyfriend approaching behind her. He’d be a problem—the only problem I’m seeing in pursuing Bellamy’s sister. Like I said, I don’t want to chase. I don’t want to put in severe effort to get to know someone if they aren’t willing. It feels like it might be easier to get to know Brianne. I feel like I already know her partially. She’s already made the effort to care about me, even if it was a small thing… This could be a huge mistake but…

“Hey,” her boyfriend speaks behind her.

“Parker, have you met Dakota?” she asks me, and I shake my head, holding my hand out to him.

“Nice to meet you,” I say.

Shaking the hand of the guy whose girlfriend I want for myself… That’s horrible for me to think about, but it doesn’t stop my thoughts. Not even slightly. Yeah, this is a bad idea but I don’t think I care.

“Same to you. Let’s go, baby,” he speaks, guiding her by her back.

I don’t let my eyes roam, but I do let my mind wander. Maybe Bellamy is right. Maybe I should try something new… I don’t think he meant his sister, but he also never said not to. Only if she bites first. If she does then… Then maybe I’ll bite back. Maybe.