Page 18

CHAPTER 18

ISN’T IT OBVIOUS? BY KATHERINE LI

Parker Thompson:

I lay in my bed, my single throw pillow hugged to my chest as I watch Netflix on my laptop. If I’m honest, I’ve been zoned out and don’t know what’s going on, not even slightly. Not that I need to necessarily know what’s going on in Criminal Minds. I don’t feel like it right now. It’s Sunday. I haven’t had a moment of peace since my last dance lesson with Brianne on Thursday night. On Friday, I stole glances at her at the away game we had in Portland. We barely scraped a win again but we did and it didn’t matter because I still can’t play.

I really don’t understand this attachment I have formed around her. Maybe it’s the fact that I can’t seem to be anywhere without seeing her or being reminded of her. Maybe it’s her care and nurture, or maybe she’s just a good person. I never really grew up forming any attachments to anything or anyone. I’ve been in the foster system since I was 4. My dad left before I was born and my mom passed away when I was too young to remember her. I moved around most of California up and down the coast all throughout elementary and then in middle school, they told me I could stay if I got my act together. The counselors and workers basically bribed me to get myself straight so I tried my best and then I ended up with a family near my private high school. That high school offered me a full ride to their school if I played football for them. That high school made me the player I am today.

That family was… They were alright. They had been fostering five other kids. Most of them were five years or more younger than me. They had their hands full and I wasn’t much of a bother, mostly because I was scared to lose everything. I guess the only thing I’ve ever held onto was football.

For some stupid fucking reason, I can’t shake Brianne either. After being in dance lessons with her, learning small things about her, watching the way she speaks, and seeing how easy it is for her to make me understand without making me feel like an idiot, I was hooked. Brianne is the most caring person I’ve ever met and she wants nothing to do with me.

When SPU recruited me and offered me sponsorship and a full ride to their school, I felt excited. Probably for the first time in my life, I felt like everything had been worth it. Then, when I got here and met Xander and he practically forced me into a friendship, I felt different. I could actually try my hardest at something normal. I could stick to a routine. I could stick to something. I was sure I would be getting a new roommate my sophomore year until Xander asked me to move in with him, Drew, and Nico. Rent is cheap. I had no reason to say no. I also had no one to stop me. I’m glad I moved in with my roommates but no one really knows my story, not the full thing or many details.

Except Brianne.

No, she doesn’t know everything but the one time I mentioned growing up around a lot of kids, she remembered. She asked me about it. She listened when I explained and when I did, she didn’t apologize. She didn't look at me like you expect people to when you tell them you don’t have parents. That’s small but it’s huge too.

I’ve also never really been around someone who doesn’t feel awkward when I don’t make conversation. She takes up the space that I don’t feel comfortable filling but I know if I ever wanted to take up more space, she’d move to the side and let me. She’s… She’s just interesting. I have never wanted to know more about someone, mostly because I never want to pry into people’s lives, but I want to know more. I want to ask. I want to find out everything about Brianne Archer.

I’m not doing a great job at that, though. The first person I’ve met that I don’t just tolerate has to tolerate me. It feels like a joke especially considering the fact that I still see her in my head. The night we had. The sound of her moaning. The way her body fit against mine like a puzzle piece. The way she laughs. The way she doesn’t fake a smile when she’s with Dakota. The way her hands feel in mine. Flashes of our lesson on Thursday roll through my head like a movie. I’m not bad at what she teaches but I’d be a horrible liar if I said I didn’t screw up on purpose sometimes so she’d touch me. It’s intimate… It’s safe.

“Pookie!” Xander crashes into my room and I jump, startled by his entrance.

“Don’t call me that and go away,” I grumble, tapping on my laptop to start my episode over considering I have no idea what’s happening.

“Get out of your grumpy depressive episode,” he groans, hanging on my door, moving back and forth. The hinges squeak with every single movement.

“No. Leave, now,” I throw my pillow at him and he catches it right in front of his face.

“Yes, because Brianne is here,” he tells me and I move with such haste that I fall off of my fucking bed.

I move from the floor and Xander leans against the doorframe, his arms crossed over his chest, a smirk on his lips. I instantly get mad. He tosses the pillow onto my bed and I step forward.

“If you were fucking joking I’m going to be so fucking—”

“Not joking. I left her in the living room,” he tells me and I would normally care how I’m perceived by my roommate, but right now, I don’t care. I lean down to look in the short floor-length mirror in my room to make sure I don’t look like a fucking idiot.

“What does she want?” I whisper and shake my head. “I mean. Why? What… Is she mad? Does she seem like she’s going to yell at me?” I ask him and he narrows his eyes, his smirk unyielding.

“You’re nervous,” he teases and I sigh.

“Yes. Yes, I am. I admitted it, now get over it and help me. What should I do?” I ask.

“Change out of that shirt first of all because…”

He shakes his head and I strip it off of myself without hesitation. I reach into my closet holding up a hoodie.

“Sure, yeah. Anything is better than that ratty ass shirt,” he jokes and I throw him a middle finger. He approaches me and pushes my lips up, revealing my teeth. I shove him halfway across my room and look at him like he’s fucking lost it.

“What the fuck are you doing?” I grumble.

“Checking your teeth for food, duh,” he reaches forward again and I shove him.

“Okay, fuck off. She’s going to think we’re doing something in here. Do I sit on my bed? Or should I—”

“Yes, sit on your fucking bed, watch your show, and calm down. Where did Parker go? Who is this?” Xander asks, pulling at my hoodie.

“Fuck off,” I grumble.

I climb back onto my bed. My heart is thundering as I hug my pillow, wondering what the fuck is going on. I was balls deep in thought about her then she just… appears? I guess maybe I shouldn’t start thanking God yet. She could be here to yell at me again… I turn when I hear her shuffle to the door.

She’s the prettiest person I’ve ever looked at in my entire life.

Her brown hair is in wavy curls hanging haphazardly over her shoulders. She’s wearing a dance studio hoodie and pink leggings that match the ballet slippers on the hoodie. Her face is covered in a blush that makes me wonder if she’s just as nervous to see me as I am to see her. Jesus fucking Christ I’ve never had to pretend to play it cool until she danced into my life.

“Hi,” she speaks softly. I feel the corner of my mouth twitch up into a smirk.

“Hi…” I speak back.

I don’t know what else to say to her. I know what I want to say. Want and should are two separate things. Hi Brianne, what the fuck are you doing here? What do you want? Why do you hate me? Can you give me a chance? Can you sit on my face? Can we kiss again? Can you stop making me feel absolutely out of my mind insane every time we’re in the same room?

“Can I…” she motions and I close my laptop,

“Always,” I mumble and wish I could smash my head between my laptop. Always? Really Parker? You’re an idiot.

She walks into my room. She throws her bag on my desk and sighs as she sits on the corner of my bed. I watch her carefully. My hands sweat as she looks at me, her big blue eyes staring straight through me. I’m pathetic.

“So—”

“What—”

We both start and I hesitate.

“You first,” I nod my head and she sighs.

“I didn’t want to talk to you at first but I have to talk to you after this past week because I’m confused and just need clarity so I know what to do. Actually, since the game when you almost crushed me really…” she explains.

“What changed?” I ask her, trying my hardest to mask my nerves.

“Dakota said this has been eating me up and if I don’t talk to you he's going to drag you to me and make us talk… I know we did what we were supposed to, what you wanted. We hooked up and things ended after that, which is exactly what was supposed to happen. I heard what you were saying to Lawson and Bellamy and you had been trying to hook up with someone and get yourself out there, and I was that for you which is fine. Though, personally I want to know if I’m going to be a conquest or something to check off of a list before I help you complete that task. Either way, I get it. I see what happened now. I get why you came to my birthday stuff. That’s over with, but what I don’t understand is why you’re still acting like you care about me. I thought it was the big brother type of angle but after our last lesson… After the past week, you caring about my injuries and the slight flirting you’ve been doing, or the fact that you’re actually trying to talk to me. I’m confused what you—”

I have never felt or looked more confused in my life. I’m sure of it. I shake my head and sit up on my bed.

“Hey Bri, slow down,” I tell her.

“—want from me. I’ve been racking my damn brain. At the game, you actually seemed concerned when I got hurt. And before the game you were… You were flirting with me. At least, I think you were flirting. I could be looking into it too much but you seemed flirty. Your roommates obviously know what happened because I’ve never met that guy out there but he knows exactly who I am which means you told them something. You wouldn’t tell your friends things unless it was significant, which I assumed that and I probably shouldn’t be assuming things. I can’t ignore the fact that I caught you staring at me and I want to know why. I’m demanding to know why even though I shouldn’t—”

“Brianne…” I stop her finally.

“Did I talk too much?” she asks.

“Has anyone ever told you that you talk a lot but never say what you’re actually thinking…” I mumble, trying not to smile at the blush that creeps onto her cheeks—her perfectly freckled cheeks.

“No… Most of the time people just say I talk too much,” she admits.

“I’m fine with you talking as long as you’re not saying something so completely untrue… Bri, I didn’t come to your birthday party or hang out with you on your birthday so I could hook up with you,” I tell her, finally making sense of what’s been going on the past month.

I should have made my intentions more than clear. Crystal clear.

“You… But... I mean, I’m the little sister. I’m everyone’s little sister and I’m an Archer, you know that, obviously. I was... I mean I ran out at first the morning after. I had thought about it and was going to talk to you that day but… Then you were talking to my brother about hooking up and he was encouraging you so I thought—”

“Can you stop?” I ask her and she does.

“Stop defining yourself by your brother. There’s a lot of really cool things about you that have nothing to do with him. I don’t think you’re being very fair to yourself. Before Brianne, Bellamy’s sister. You’re Brianne, the dancer. You’re Brianne, the cheerleader. Brianne, the teacher… You’re Brianne, the country singer,” I joke and she looks at me like I said words she’s waited for her entire life.

The whisper of a smile hits her face. I say a quick prayer that I’ll have the chance to make her smile like that again.

“I’m not asking you to be anything but Brianne. Can I explain and you listen with an open mind and also not interrupt?” I ask, talking now with more truth than I normally do in an entire day.

“You never talk. I think I can manage letting you do that for a little,” she jokes.

“I was with your brother and Lawson, and they both said I needed to… To do college the way everyone else does. They said I didn’t experience enough and they said that I was out of practice in the hookup department. They said it would help me on the field and they made me promise I would try to hook up with someone. That I would try casual sex or possibly the girlfriend thing. I agreed… but I also already saw you, Brianne. I had you in my head from the beach. Then the bar. You were already on my radar and when I agreed to hook up with someone, I had every intention of not doing it and lying about it. So no, I didn’t hook up with you to check you off a list or whatever it was you were thinking,” I explain.

“You said you were going to lie and tell them you hooked up with someone. Why?” she asks.

“Because I’m not the kind of person that will ever put myself out there to flirt or talk to girls at a bar. I’m actually not one to go out to a bar. I don’t like being in a loud social setting unless I have to be…”

“So you just wanted them off of your back? Got it. What about my birthday? Why did you even come to my party?” she asks.

“I already told you why I hung out with you on your actual birthday. You can choose whether you want to listen or believe me this time. I came to your party because it seemed like you only invited the people you wanted to be around. So since you extended that to me, I didn’t take it lightly. I had no intention of… of bringing you here or sleeping with you. I’m happy I did. I mean I like… It was…” I stop myself and sigh. “Moral of the story, it wasn't my intention. Whether I enjoyed it doesn’t matter. I would have been happy coming home alone,” I tell her and she stares at me.

“So what… what is…. Why?” she asks and I shake my head.

“You really don’t get it, do you?” I ask her and she just stares at me.

Honesty is tricky with me. It’s not that I don’t want to talk about myself or my feelings, it’s that I never usually have an opportunity to. Even if I do, I never feel the need. I never feel safe doing it. Most people don’t care, so I don’t have to worry about how I feel or sharing that information. That’s not going to be the case with Brianne, I can feel it.

“I like you, Brianne… I want to see you in and out of my bedroom. I asked you on a date, didn’t I? Or did you forget that detail…” I ask, that blush returning to her cheeks. I fight the urge to let it appear on mine.

“Well, I thought you were doing that because you wanted to sleep with me… I’ve never really dealt with this kind of thing so that’s what I’ve been thinking for the past month. That’s why I didn’t want to be in lessons with you and when you said I would be an issue—”

I shake my head instantly at her response.

“Jeez, now I get why you ignored me… That’s a really shitty thing to do and I wouldn’t do that. You aren’t an issue and never have been, that’s not what I meant. So, I’m sorry… that any of this has felt the way it has. That was never my intention, Brianne. What… What potentially happens between us, if anything, is between me and you. Even the date I had asked you on,” I tell her, staring directly at her.

“Do you… I mean is that still…” she stumbles over her words.

“It’s still on the table. If you’re not going to reject me again,” I tell her.

She looks at me for a long second, debating and deliberating over my words. I see the question swirling in her navy eyes but I cut her thoughts in half when I speak again.

“I’d like to have a chance. A real chance,” I offer and wait for her answer, watching her think and deliberate.

I know her thoughts are most likely going a mile a freaking minute in that beautiful head of hers. I think I’d be scared to be inside of her head, but I appreciate it, mess and all…

“Slow. This moves slowly.” she tells me and I fight the urge to smirk.

My heart thumps in my chest.

“Yes, ma’am,” I nod my head.

“Don’t do that,” she tells me and I wipe the smile off of my face.

“Why?” I ask.

“Because it makes me want to ignore what I just said,” she admits, her eyes trailing to my lips.

“We should probably talk to Bellamy before—”

“Are you crazy? No, absolutely not,” she fights. “We do this on my terms. Bellamy doesn’t know. He can’t know, not until there’s something to tell. You’re taking me on a date, not proposing to me, and fathering my kids… We see… We see where things go. Then, we decide later if we tell. He still thinks I’m dating or doing something with Dakota like I said before. We have a cover, we should use it,” she tells me.

I get a bad feeling in my stomach. No, he’s not my best friend but he is my teammate. I trust him and he trusts me. I don’t want to lie to him.

“Are you sure we shouldn’t just—”

“I’ve known him my whole life. I’m sure. No stipulations. Bellamy doesn’t find out. It’s not lying it’s… omitting the truth,” she tells me.

“Isn’t that just as bad?” I ask her.

“Semantics,” she fights back and I look at her straight on.

Is it worth it? The potential of ruining my semi-friendship with the guy? Looking at her, I think it seems worth it but I also know that she never keeps anything from him. It can’t go too far without her telling him. I can keep it quiet for a few weeks.

“I see where you’re coming from Parker, but it’s best that we keep it to ourselves. This isn’t serious. Neither of us knows if it will ever be more than just fun. So, don’t complicate it,” she adds.

“Fine,” I agree.

“Fine,” she repeats.

“Then you’ll be mine for a day?” I ask and she narrows her eyes at me.

“You get one date. One. Now that I know what I know, I think you deserve that,” she explains.

“Alright. I’ll text you then,” I tell her.

“Alright then,” she gets up and I do too, following her out of my room and to the front door. “Are you going to introduce me?” she asks, turning to my roommate sitting by himself in the living room.

“This is Xander. Xander, this is Brianne,” I tell him. He nods and waves to her.

“When he fucks up, you can totally rebound over here with—”

“Shut the fuck up,” I shake my head and usher her to the door.

“I’ll see you…”

“Whenever… Soon, I mean. Definitely soon,” I tell her, walking her out of the door.

“Bye, P,” she mumbles.

“Text me when you get home,” I tell her and she looks over her shoulder, a smile on her lips. I watch her walk to the flight of stairs and then close the door behind me.

“Text me when you get home. Oh, Bri. Be so safe, Bri,” Xander makes fun of me and I shake my head, ignoring him. I pump my fist to myself, not caring if he sees.

“Wait, wait! Tell me what happened.”

He follows me to my bedroom, not letting me close the door. I grab my shoes, a smile on my lips.

“I need a car,” I tell him.

“What? What does that have to do with Brianne? What happened dude?” he asks.

“I have one date to impress the pants off of Bri. Not literally because she

expressed very clearly that we are going slow but I have a shot. I can’t fuck this up. I need a car. Because what kind of loser doesn’t take her out in his car on the first date? Dealership now,” I snap my fingers.

“Man on a mission but she’s not shallow. She’s not going to care if you have a car—”

Xander follows behind me.

“I know that but it’s about more than that. It’s about the effort and she’s worth the effort. I’ve been saving for one for a while anyway. It’s time. If it’s ever been time, the time is now. Let’s go. Hurry up,” I snap and Xander follows.

Now I get it when people say things like ‘She’s the kind of girl someone would move mountains for,’ or ‘She’s the kind of girl someone would fight a war for.’ I’m not moving mountains or fighting wars but I am going to buy a car… that’s got to count for something.