Page 82 of The Quarterlands (Dark Water #4)

“It makes no sense,” Alex whirled around, looking at all the boxes, then at the empty spot where the Jag had once stood, and finally back at Josiah.

“None of this makes sense. I can’t forget our last night together.

Nobody could make love like that, with such intensity, and then just walk away without good reason.

What don’t I know, Joe? What’s really going on? ”

“Nothing. It’s just time to move on.”

“Is it?” Alex reached out suddenly and grabbed his arm, pushing up the sleeve of his polo shirt before he could stop him.

There, winking away under his skin, was the red dot of his microchip.

Josiah still couldn’t quite get used to seeing it there.

Alex stared at it, all the colour draining from his face.

“Joe… what have you done?” he asked hoarsely.

Josiah pulled his arm away. “What I had to do. What had to be done.”

“How?” Alex demanded. “You don’t have that kind of money. Even if you sold everything.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Then how?”

Josiah opened the garage fridge and took out a Coke. He handed one to Alex.

“I don’t want it.”

“Well, I do.” Josiah opened his and drank half of it straight down. Alex stood there, waiting, his eyes dark. “I didn’t want you to know,” Josiah told him.

“Obviously.”

Josiah sighed. “Okay, but just so you understand that this was my decision, not yours, and you bear no responsibility, okay?” He told him about Gideon’s bequest and how he’d agreed to his terms. When he’d finished, Alex sat down on the workbench again, looking completely blind-sided.

“You spent all of Gideon’s money on buying my contract,” Alex said slowly .

“Yes.”

“But it wasn’t enough.” Alex glanced around the half-empty garage.

“No. So I used all my savings, and I sold Peter’s car, and I sold the house – the sale’s only just going through now. Esther agreed to give me a loan to offset the price of the house so I could afford your contract. I’ll be giving her the money once the sale completes in a couple of days.”

“And it still wasn’t enough?” Alex looked at the microchip winking in Josiah’s arm.

“No.”

“So, you sold yourself. You only went and bloody well sold yourself into indentured servitude, and all to save my sorry arse.” Alex looked devastated. “Oh, Joe. I’m not worth it.”

“Yes, you are,” Josiah told him firmly. “You are to me.”

“No. I screw up everything I touch, and now I’m free again, I’m doing just that.

I lost my temper with the ghost writer. That’s why I drove here today.

She was driving me nuts. I hate rehashing my stupid fucking story.

I’d like to forget it, not relive it. I’m still a shit, Joe.

You shouldn’t have given up everything for me. ”

“My decision.” Josiah shrugged. “Not yours. There are no strings attached. You can screw up your life to high heaven for all I care. The important thing is that your life is your own, to make as many mistakes as you like.”

“While you’re someone’s indentured servant,” Alex whispered, looking devastated.

“It’s not as bad as all that,” Josiah told him firmly.

“To be honest, my life has barely changed. I asked Esther to buy me, and my contract is only for ten years. I’m doing the same job as always, only I wear a microchip and an ID tag while I’m doing it.

” He pulled open his polo shirt to reveal the plain Inquisitus ID tag on a necklace underneath.

“Esther agreed to this?” Alex asked, in a tone of disbelief.

“She didn’t have much choice. She knew I’d sell myself to another investigation agency if Inquisitus didn’t buy me, and she wasn’t about to let that happen.

She told me she wasn’t prepared to lose her best investigator, or one of her best friends.

” He smiled at the memory. “ She also told me, and I quote, ‘I don’t want you coming to me with any stupid indie shit.’ She wants me to carry on as normal, so there’s not much change.

Yes, I’m having to move out, but Esther’s putting me in a nice, self-contained flat next to Inquisitus, so I’ll be much closer to the office.

It’s small, but I don’t care about that. Honestly, it’s not a big deal.”

“It will be when your contract ends. You’ll have nothing. No house, no savings, nothing. Where will you even live?”

“Well, there’s always the Quarterlands.” Josiah grinned. “I hear they’re not so bad these days.”

Alex didn’t smile. He just stood there, his eyes awash with unshed tears. “I would never have asked you…”

“I know.”

“And I can never thank you enough.”

“I don’t want your thanks,” Josiah said sharply.

“I’ll save up. I’m not like Charles. I mean it. I’ll save up and find the money to free you.”

“You’ll do no such bloody thing,” Josiah snapped.

“I’m not a debt for you to be saddled with.

You’ll spend any money you make on building a life for yourself and on taking care of your dad and your brother.

I’m fine. There’s no way you’ll make enough to buy me back, anyway.

I mean it, Alex. Don’t you dare even try. ”

“I must do something. I can’t just let you give up everything you’ve worked for all your life.”

“Like I said, it was my decision,” Josiah said firmly. “My choice, not yours. You don’t owe me anything, Alex.”

“It’s wrong. I can’t let you?—”

“You can and you will,” Josiah thundered. Finally, he saw a grudging acceptance creep into Alex’s eyes.

“Okay,” he whispered.

“But I’m not free to be with you,” Josiah told him. “We can’t be in a relationship, Alex; not while I’ve got this chip under my skin.”

“You and your stupid bloody pride! You know Esther wouldn’t mind, don’t you?”

“ I’d mind,” Josiah said fiercely. “I wouldn’t be able to pay my way, my time isn’t my own, and I always have to account for my whereabouts. It’d eat away at me, Alex, and ruin whatever we had. I can’t do it.”

“Surely there must be a way…”

“No.” Josiah shook his head. “Esther paid way over the odds for me so that I’d have enough money to buy your contract. I have to give her my all. I won’t short-change her. I can’t have any other demands on my time and attention. You know me: when I’m in, I’m all in.”

Alex stood there, staring at him, for a long time, his eyes full of tears. Then, finally, he brushed them away. “I understand,” he said, pressing a little kiss to Josiah’s cheek. “Thank you, Joe. The words aren’t adequate, but I should say them anyway. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Josiah managed a faint smile.

“Can we at least be friends? Can I visit you? See the new flat? Hang out with you occasionally?”

“Sure.” Josiah shrugged again. “But don’t wait for me, Alex. You’ve been waiting for your life to start for long enough. Don’t wait any more. Please.”

Alex gazed at him sadly and then nodded. “Okay, Joe. I won’t.”

“Good. Now I need to finish up here, and you need to go and get on with your life.”

He leaned forward to kiss him goodbye, but Alex flung his arms around him and held on tightly for several long minutes, his chest heaving. Josiah kissed his hair, inhaling the scent of him, longing to keep him there forever.

“The universe doesn’t seem to want us to be together,” Alex said finally, drawing back. “We never seem to catch a break.”

“It does seem that at least one of us is always destined to be an indentured servant at any given time.” Josiah gave a wry grunt.

“I can’t believe this is how it ends,” Alex whispered. “How we end, after all we’ve been through.”

“For what it’s worth, I still think you need time, love,” Josiah told him, holding his face gently between his hands as he gazed at him. “Time to figure out who you are and what you want from a relationship. You’ve never had that. So maybe it’s for the best.”

“I know what I want. I’ve always known. It just all became so confusing and impossible with everything that was going on.

I was in such a dark place, but you dragged me out of that, Joe, by never giving up on me or my cause.

By reuniting me with my family, by bringing friends to visit, by fighting my corner when I was too shattered to do it myself.

You hung on in there, even when I tried so desperately to push you away because I was so sure I destroyed everything I touched and everyone I loved.

And it happened anyway.” Alex placed his thumb over the winking red dot under Josiah’s skin.

“It happened anyway, Joe.” His voice broke.

“I destroyed you the way I destroy everyone I care about.”

“No, you didn’t.” Josiah took firm hold of his shoulders.

“I’m not destroyed, and you’re not to blame.

I don’t regret what I did — I’d do it again in a heartbeat.

” He drew back. “Now go. I’m setting you free a second time, love.

Free of obligation and regret. Free to be Alex, whoever he is.

That’s all I want for you. That’s all that matters. ”

“I won’t let you down.” Alex pressed one last kiss to Josiah’s cheek, then raised his chin and gave a firm nod. “I’ll be the best person I can be. I’ll make you proud of me.”

Josiah shook his head. “Just be you. That’s all I ask. Find out who Alex is and never let him go again.”

“I can do that,” Alex said softly, turning to go. “Thank you, Joe. I know it can never be enough but thank you.”

Josiah watched him walk slowly from the garage, his head held high and his shoulders set in a determined line, as if he’d made a vow to himself.

Josiah had never wanted him to find out, but what use had secrets been to either of them? It was for the best.

Everyone at work was careful to treat him exactly the same as always. They knew, of course, even if he kept his shirt sleeves rolled down and his collar always buttoned up. They knew, but they never once mentioned it, and he was grateful for that.