Page 20 of The Quarterlands (Dark Water #4)
Alex lay on the bed, his chest heaving but his mind curiously empty.
When, finally, he got his breath back, he hauled himself off the bed and out to the pool.
He fell into it rather than jumped. It felt wonderful, like falling into bed.
Maybe he could drown, if Tyler’s men didn’t insist on pulling him out of the water and making him live.
He floated to the surface and lay there, gazing up at the stars, feeling the water wash him clean, gentling the pain in his flesh. He was free here. Nobody could touch him. This was a good place to die.
A splash beside him caught his attention but he couldn’t be bothered to look at it. Then his face was grasped between two hard hands.
“Look at me, damn you,” Tyler screamed. “You’re still in there. I know you are. Look at me.”
He was aware of a sharp slap across his face, and he managed to force himself to gaze at Tyler. “Oh, hello, sir. Isn’t it a beautiful night?” he murmured, as if by rote. It was the kind of thing people said, wasn’t it?
“Fuck the night,” Tyler raged. “Where are you, Alexander? Where have you gone?”
“I’m not sure. You took away my song, you see,” he whispered. “And my yoga. I don’t have my anchors anymore, so I’m drifting.”
“Don’t go nuts on me. It’s not who you are,” Tyler snapped.
“I was thinking, these are the Falls.” Alex gestured to the edge of the infinity pool.
“The Reichenbach Falls. We could go over together? Like in the picture.” He swam towards the edge, then tried to lever himself up, but lack of food had robbed him of his strength.
Tyler threw himself after him, pulling him back.
“Here we go.” Alex smiled distantly. “Over we go. We can be each other’s fall, sir. We already are, I think.”
“Stop it.” Tyler slapped his jaw.
Alex wished he could feel it.
“Stop this now, Alexander!”
“Just let ourselves go.” Alex thought what a relief the fall would be, after all these years of fighting.
To finally let go and just fall – how glorious.
Solange wouldn’t mind, not if he took Tyler with him, and he could.
If he could just grab him and hold on, they could fall together. “Come on! Let’s go.”
He wrapped his arms around Tyler and tried to pull him to the edge.
Tyler yelled and struck out, sending him backwards into the pool.
He went under and then felt himself being dragged back up to the surface, winded.
When he came to, he found Tyler’s hands around his neck, Tyler’s dark eyes boring into him, as brooding and obsessive as when they’d been gazing at those holograms.
“You should do it,” Alex whispered. “Please, kill me, sir.”
Tyler’s hands tightened around his throat and he pushed Alex’s head under the water. Alex couldn’t breathe but he didn’t care. He didn’t struggle. He would go to his death like a baby, docile and serene. Tyler pulled him up, his hands still wrapped around Alex’s throat.
“You’re mine,” Tyler rasped. “I can kill you if I want.”
“Yes, I’m yours,” Alex whispered. “I’m happy to die, if that’s what you want.” He spread his arms, offering himself up. Let me fall, let me go, please…
A look of absolute horror crept into Tyler’s eyes as sanity slowly returned, and he released Alex abruptly.
“Oh, God.” He ran a hand over his smooth scalp. “What have you done to me? Oh, God, Alexander.” He took Alex in his arms and held him close, kissing his wet hair. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”
Alex felt nothing, only a vague sense of sadness that he was not, after all, to die out here tonight in this beautiful pool.
“We’re destroying each other,” Tyler hissed, his shoulders hunched. “I love you, but I hate you. You obsess me. It has to stop.”
He tilted Alex’s chin towards him and kissed his unresponsive lips. Then he stepped back.
“I’m leaving. You’ll stay here. I can’t let you go.
You know I can’t let you go, don’t you?” His voice was full of despair.
“I would, you know, if it weren’t for her , but I can’t because I don’t trust you.
” He released Alex, waded back across the pool, and heaved himself out.
“I need a break from you. Jabir will look after you. You can have the song back and the yoga, if they mean so much to you. Just…return to yourself, and to me, Alexander. Please.” He wrapped a towel around his waist and strode away.
Alex watched him go, then turned onto his back and floated, gazing up at the stars as they moved overhead.
Only when the first light of dawn began to glow on the horizon did he finally force himself out of the water.
He walked unsteadily along the hallway to the room he shared with Tyler, only to find it empty.
Hearing the whirring of helicopter blades, he glanced out of the window to see Tyler step onboard.
The chopper took off into the morning sky, taking his tormentor with it.
He sat on the bed, feeling empty and listless. Then he lay down, gazing out at the morning sky blankly. He’d won a victory of sorts, a respite, if nothing else, and that was a good thing, if only he could feel it. He should be pleased, but he wasn’t.
He felt absolutely nothing.