Page 9 of The Call of Azure (Unexpected Love #3)

The way people love me is superficial. Once situations shift to something that requires a bit more emotional depth, they assume I’m not the right man for the job, and they take off.

Even though I’ve tried for years to find a stable, long-term relationship, no man has ever stuck around more than a month.

And while I've had the same group of friends for six years now, they're still quick to take off when the parties start to die down.

Everyone has left me but Blue.

Even though he hasn’t left me, things are different with him, too, these days.

For years, we were each other’s ride or die.

We were more than friends and roommates - we were almost brothers, and now all of that has changed.

It’s okay though. It’s better than okay; it’s good.

Or at least I’m trying to convince myself that it is because life is amazing for Blue now.

He fell in love, moved out, and is living in a glorious, mushy romance bubble with his partner, Ethan.

Yada yada, happy for him. With his history, he deserves that kind of sticky-sweet happiness more than anyone else I know, and I really am trying my best to be nothing but supportive by moving on with a smile, even though I miss living with him.

It’s just that now, I don’t have any reason to sing loudly and horribly in the shower because there is no one around for it to annoy.

There’s no one to eat ice cream with when I come home from yet another frustrating night of being dumped.

There’s no one to wiggle my eyebrows at in a pout as I attempt to persuade them to tell me about their latest sexual escapades.

It’s okay though. Really, it is. I love Blue, and I want nothing but the best for him.

I’ve built a really good life for myself.

I have a nice apartment, a sweet baby girl pup, I enjoy my job, and I get to pursue my passions.

I guess being the guy who gets left just gets old sometimes.

I kiss Cupcake’s tiny, wet snoot one more time before setting her on the floor and making my way to the bedroom to get changed.

Tonight is Friday, and that means that no matter what’s not happening with my pathetic excuse for a love life, no matter how many hours I’ve put in at the coffee house, no matter how hard I’m rehearsing for my next performance, I put everything on pause and spend time with my friends.

At least on Friday nights, I get a momentary reprieve from my loneliness.

There are six or seven of us who get together every week, but there’s never any pressure to show up every time or anything.

Someone just picks a place, sends out a text blast, and everyone who feels like showing up…

does. No one ever winds up alone, and it's rare that more than a couple of people miss any given Friday, so we’ve never bothered with things like head counts or RSVPs.

I know that no matter what, on Friday nights, someone will be happy to see me, even if it’s just for a little while.

Blue and Ethan are different. Even though we’re no longer roommates, Blue and now his boyfriend, Ethan, are more than just my friends; they’re my family.

They know how important it is for me to have a few hours of reliable connection, so even though their lives and schedules are busy, they’ve made it a point to come to every single Friday Night Friends Date since they moved in together.

A handful of times, they’ve even brought Ethan’s sort of, kind of adopted brother, Namid, and his boyfriend, Jayce.

When Blue first met Ethan, for a heartstoppingly terrifying moment, I was absolutely petrified that even though I’d had Blue in my life for years instead of days or weeks like everyone else, he’d finally hit a place where I wasn’t needed and he’d leave me too.

For a long time, we were all the other had, but with his one true love by his side, and a new supportive family welcoming them both, he had no reason to keep me around.

He hasn’t left me though. If anything, the four of them go out of their way to make sure I always feel included.

They’ve even dragged me to a handful of Sunday dinners out at Ethan and Namid’s dad’s house over the past few months.

It's something, I guess. It’s not the kind of unconditional love and acceptance that comes with a side of handholding, surprise floral arrangements, and mutual orgasms, but it’s the closest I’ve been to having an actual family in a really long time, and absolutely every cell in my body hopes beyond hope that I can somehow manage to keep them in my life.

That somehow, they don’t see whatever supernatural, mysterious trait I possess that makes me so inherently unlovable and drives everyone away.

Even though I have no idea what it is about me that screams “This is a guy you shouldn’t keep around for long,” it can’t be buried very deep if absolutely every man I’ve dated in my twenty-nine years has seen it before I’ve managed to get married or engaged or even live with any of them.

As long as I can keep Blue and Ethan, though, the rest of the men who haven’t wanted me don’t matter.

I’m living my life on my own terms now. I’m enjoying laughter and fun and Cupcake and friends.

I’m not going to give anyone else the chance to reject me again.

I just have to keep hoping that Ethan and Blue can make peace with having me around as their third wheel for the rest of our lives.