Page 44 of The Call of Azure (Unexpected Love #3)

Gabriel’s heartbeat is steady and strong as I lie with my head on his chest. Its unwavering rhythm against my skin echoes through my bones and overwhelms me with the strength of a hurricane.

That’s what Gabriel feels like to me - a force of nature.

He is as constant as the rush of waves upon grey sand, and as strong and wild as an undertow lurking under a surface of azure and gold.

Lying here surrounded by him makes me long to be swept away and lost at sea for the rest of my life.

Even though I know that these are the last moments I’ll get in his arms, that I’ll never again get to see the shadows his lashes cast across tan cheeks in the dim glow his bedside lamp casts our way, or the way his sex-mussed hair tumbles across his forehead.

I wouldn’t trade them. I never knew sex could feel like two souls and two bodies merging together.

All the movies I’ve watched, all the books I’ve read, and still, I thought such things were just fantasies.

Nothing more than the creators’ hopes and visions and wildest imaginings laid bare for others to enjoy and perhaps add to their own collection of dreams. I didn’t believe anything like this could possibly exist.

The thought of slipping from his side and into the cold, dark night gives rise to an ache in my chest stronger than nearly all the pain I’ve known before, though I’ve felt plenty of pain through the years.

I know I need to go. I know that I can’t fall asleep and risk ruining this perfect moment with dreams filled with wind and blood and horrors.

Such things have no place in his bed or in the memories of these moments that I’ll carry with me through all of my days.

The memories of his rope and sweat and lips on my skin will keep me going during the lows I know will surely come once he’s firmly settled into place as nothing more than my friend.

Once he’s gotten busy with work and life and other more important things and I have to watch him slowly slip away.

The feel of his tongue and the clutch of his hand on my back and his cock pressed against mine and the sound of his whimpering gasps as he trembled his release in time with my own will always be mine. Even though he never will be.

Cupcake stirs from her slumber at the foot of the bed as I slip gently from his side.

Her little ears perk up, and her tail thumps quietly against the comforter, and I fight back tears over the realization that I’m losing her as well.

I’m sure I’ll see her now and again for however long Gabriel is kind enough to let me linger in his life, but this is the last night I’ll get to curl up with them and pretend we’re a family.

This is the only night I’ll leave them sleeping together, the warmth of the three of us still filling the room the way it would each day I woke and kissed Gabriel’s forehead and gave Cupcake ear scratches before heading off to the bakery if this dream were ever allowed to become real.

I scoop her into my arms and press a kiss to her little head before settling her back down against Gabriel’s side, tucking her into the warmth I’ve left so that neither of them will get cold.

“You take care of your daddy for me when he wakes up, okay, baby. You kiss him for me whenever he seems sad, and you don’t ever let him feel lonely, alright.”

I keep my whispered words quiet enough that I don’t know if she can even hear me, but I can’t risk him waking.

I can’t risk him realizing how I feel and cutting me out of his life completely after tomorrow night’s performance.

Maybe I should. Maybe that would be kinder to myself than clinging to the crumbs of something I’ll never have.

Even if I knew that would hurt less, I’m not strong enough to go through with it anyway.

I’m proud of myself as I quietly pull on my clothes, ignoring the way the scent of coconut seems to cling to my skin, even when it’s covered by old denim and thin cotton.

I’m proud as I silently open the bedroom door, pad through the dark apartment, slip on my shoes, lock the door, and pull it closed behind me.

I’m proud because I make it all the way down the echoey metal staircase and half a block down the street before my tears start to fall.