Page 55 of The Call of Azure (Unexpected Love #3)

I made it better. I stormed out of the house after announcing I secretly love him.

Then I caught him as he was leaving, only to tell him it doesn’t matter that I love him since I can’t risk being with someone I love because they might leave me.

Then he poured his soul out and basically told me that he thinks I’m amazing, and even though he didn’t say it outright, it sounds like he might love me too…

and then I laughed at him, and his response was to say that, for some reason, my laughing like a crazy person at the most inappropriate moment of all time has made the whole situation…

better. What am I supposed to do with that?

Do I jump into his arms and ask him to marry me?

That sounds like the most terrifying scenario I’ve ever come up with, but there’s no way for me to just turn around and walk away and go back to the way things were before I realized his aunt was a demon and I spilled my secrets to everyone I know.

“What do we...what do we do now? I mean, I’m sure you didn’t miss me telling you that I’ve fallen in love with you before running away, but that seems like sort of a crazy thing to say, seeing as we’ve never even been on a date or anything, and you said you wouldn’t leave me, but there’s no way for you to know that.

Are we just like…together now?” I can hear the way my voice is getting high and squeaky as the panic takes over, but Liam’s still smiling, and his kind silver eyes don’t look upset or frustrated, and his arms are still loosely draped around my ribs, holding me close.

“What if we pretend for a while?”

“What?”

“What if we pretend that everything that happened here today, like you blurting out that you’re in love with me and calling my aunt a witch or an alien, and me almost telling you that I love you in return but still being too scared to say it out loud in case it spooks you. What if we pretend it didn’t happen?”

I shake my head, overwhelmed that he basically just told me he loves me, too, and not really understanding why we’d want to erase everything that happened, even if we could.

Is this him leaving already? We haven’t had any contact in more than a month, aside from the couple of texts he’s sent that I’ve ignored. Is that what he wants to go back to?

Almost as if he can sense my rising panic, he tightens his arms around my ribs as he continues.

“I know you're afraid that I’ll learn something about you I won’t like, and I’ll leave you.

I don’t know why you’re so scared that will happen, aside from the fact that you seem to have exclusively dated assholes in the past.”

I can’t help the way a shaky, almost hopeful smile fights its way onto my face.

“I know you’re scared to let me in, but, sweetheart, even though you didn’t mean to, you’ve already started.

Clearly, the idea of trusting me terrifies you, and believe me…

I know what it's like to be afraid. I know what it's like to be so, so afraid.

I'm so afraid so much of the time. So afraid that the memories will rush back when I close my eyes.

So afraid that I'll never be more than a sad, pathetic no one, who’s lost and alone and broken.

I've spent my life searching for a family or love or a place to belong, and I'm so afraid that aside from Mar, I'll never find that. I think that’s really what you're afraid of too. So, what if we agree to be afraid together? To recognize that the other is scared of the very real fact that, even if we both try our best, nothing is guaranteed, and this thing between us might not end in happy ever after.”

I scrunch up my nose to stop him as my heart plummets into my stomach, but he shakes his head and keeps right on talking.

“But what if we tried anyway? What if we face our fears together, knowing that it won't be easy?

Knowing that you're a feisty, sarcastic pain in the ass and that I’ll never be able to do all of the normal things you love, like going to random clubs with you and your friends.

Knowing that I get up at four a.m. and like quiet and books, and that you'll rarely get a good night's sleep with me beside you because you'll have to deal with talking me down through nightmares. What if we recognize how different we are and that we'll have fights about who should cook dinner and who left their socks in the front room and where to go on vacation? But we choose to do it anyway because maybe if we really try, and we’re really lucky, this might just work. That maybe Mar…”

I glare, and Liam just chuckles.

“That maybe fate was right, and we could be happy together. I mean…we already know we’re never going to find anyone else who could possibly live up to how amazing we are in bed together, and we already have the L feelings that we’re pretending we didn’t already say out loud.

So, what if we pretend that we just finished our performance and tomorrow is a normal day, but instead of us both being afraid, we try and see if we just might be able to do this? ”

“So we just what…go home and wake up tomorrow and text each other congrats on the show and then…I mean…what then?”

I want this. I want everything he’s saying so very much, and I am so absolutely, completely terrified by his confidence and the way he’s making it sound so easy, like it just might work.

“Well, what if we don’t do anything crazy like get married tomorrow or start trying to decide whose house to move into next week?” He winks with a grin. “Definitely yours, by the way.”

A giddy rush of joy and hope and love and possibility rushes through me at the way he seems so willing to hold my hand and talk me through this.

At the way he’s already planning a future, the way I always have at the start of relationships.

And more than anything, at the way he’s talking to me and holding my hand and telling me that he thinks I matter. That he thinks I’m worth fighting for.

“What if we just start with exactly what you said?

We wake up tomorrow and send a few texts.

Then on Wednesday, since we don't have a show to practice for anymore, but we know we can both manage to take a few hours for ourselves on Wednesday evenings, we grab takeout and Cupcake and head to the park or something on a date, and then we just…see what happens.”