Page 45 of The Call of Azure (Unexpected Love #3)

Liam

I’ve never seen the aquatic center look like this.

The exhibit designers and maintenance teams have always done an amazing job at keeping it clean and colorful and interesting.

There’s never been a sign that looks boring, an animal that looks sick, or a path that looks unkempt.

They’re constantly working to make sure no light bulbs are burned out, there isn’t any litter floating around, and it doesn’t smell too much like fish.

The information panels are constantly updated to ensure they’re engaging for visitors who come regularly.

Murals are repainted, and flowers are in bloom no matter the season.

When all is said and done though, it’s an educational and animal rehab facility first and foremost. It caters to families with children and school trips and couples without a lot of money looking for a relaxed and unique date night, and as a result, nothing about it could ever be described as fancy or upscale.

Tonight though. Tonight, it looks like magic.

The main street and pathway lights that line the exterior sidewalks snaking between exhibits have all been covered with colored films, dimming the normally bright beams and casting the muted colors of the rainbow onto every possible surface.

The wide-open central space where they typically hold educational talks for school trips or yoga classes in the summer is nearly unrecognizable.

The simple paved circle normally contains a few small tables and a couple of benches where visitors stop to eat ice cream and popsicles while watching the merfolk float around the largest visible section of the tanks.

Tonight, the benches have been removed, and the normal “casual summer picnic” vibes have been replaced by sparkling upscale elegance.

The perimeter is lined with a long row of rectangular tables draped in indigo cloths and laden with bite-sized desserts and three-sip beverages in tiny clear glasses with limes and berries and crushed flower petal sugars lining the rims. Waitstaff dressed in formal black slacks and gold pinstripe vests circulate with hors d'oeuvres that look like golden crispy toast with slivers of cheese and brightly colored veggies resting on glass platters. Fairy lights have been strung through tree branches and along pathway ropes. They sway in the light evening breeze, casting tiny drops of glitter across everything in their path. The section of tank I’ll be performing in is lit from the interior by bright gold and azure and violet waterproof spotlights.

Their colors swirl through the water, twisting and spinning and combining until the tank could be mistaken for a deep space image of an entire universe on fire.

The black matte rigging that supports Gabriel’s silks disappears into the darkness above the tank, leaving only thick, nearly transparent strands of aqua and jade and a deep gold that matches the color of my tail, waiting for him to join them.

They’re lit from above, a mirror of the tank’s lighting.

Tendrils from above and below reach toward one another and converge at the water’s surface.

While our previous afternoon shows were all far more successful than any of us could have anticipated when Gabriel first walked through the door with little more than a concept, they’ve all been primarily attended by our regular customer base of couples on dates and families with children.

A few local private schools arranged for their students to attend one on a special early evening field trip, and much to Gabriel’s delight, a local artistic dance and aerial arts studio attended as a part of a course on creative performance and unique choreography.

Tonight, everything about our grand finalé is different.

The catered food and fashionable décor and expensive entry tickets have been carefully curated by a team of experts, and the evening was marketed across town as a stunning event filled with unique drama and flair.

A spectacular venue and creative entertainment with an expensive price tag that will go to a good cause.

A place for wealthy socialites, potential donors, and social media influencers to see and be seen while encouraging them to take interest in the center and its achievements in wildlife education and conservation.

In truth, I was a bit skeptical that they’d be able to pull off the vision they described to Gabriel and me, but I have to admit, Emma and the marketing team have done an astounding job.

Not only does the place look like a completely different venue, this is the busiest I’ve ever seen it.

Though I arrive more than an hour before the show is set to start so I can take some time in my little cave to center myself and pretend that tonight is just another day in the tank, there are so many people in suits and swirling silk dresses that it takes me almost thirty minutes to smile and nod my way through the crowd.

I do my best to act like a normal, gracious human as I endure laughter and handshakes and the buzz of conversation that digs itself under my skin in the worst way possible, but by the time I reach my small cement room, I’m barely holding myself together.

My cave is empty when I finally manage to close the door behind me and sink gratefully into the silence.

There is nothing other than the barely audible hum of the pool pumps and the splash of water against acrylic and the sound of my own breath in this space.

The silence normally helps calm me. Tonight, it makes the press of memories and the itch of anxiety even worse because it means Gabriel isn’t here.

I wanted to steal a few moments alone with him before I climbed up to my platform to pull on my tail and wait for Emma to announce us.

I wanted him to smile at me and tell me that everything between us is normal and that the show is going to be a hit and that everything is okay.

He’s such a social creature that, of course, it makes sense he’s not hanging out in my cave just waiting to comfort me.

He’s probably out mingling and laughing and hanging on the words and arms of strangers as he shares his delight and exuberance with everyone he meets.

I didn’t see him as I made my way through the crowd, but I wasn’t really looking.

I was trying my best to keep my gaze down so I didn’t get sucked into any long conversations.

Well…that and trying not to panic over the fact I haven’t heard from him at all today.

I didn’t sleep once I got home last night.

I should have stayed in Gabriel’s bed longer.

I should have stayed for as long as he’d let me, but leaving when I did was necessary.

It was the only choice that didn’t lead to me falling to my knees and begging him to consider keeping me.

So I went home and tossed and turned until warm morning light peeked through my curtains to tell me that it was time to begin another day.

I got up and poured a bowl of cereal I barely touched before it dissolved into mush.

I sat on the cushion I keep in the corner of my front room and tried to meditate before giving up and standing in the shower until the water ran cold.

I tried everything I could think of to avoid spending my day spiraling over the fact that my second night with Gabriel, the best night of my life, will never be repeated.

I sent Gabriel a text - a simple thing, thanking him for the way he took care of me.

For breaking his one-night stand rule and offering me something life-changing.

I told him that I hoped his day would be restful and calm and that I was excited for our final show.

He never replied. He’s the one who made it crystal clear last night was a one-time-only encounter, so I can’t imagine he’s upset with me for leaving instead of sticking around for us to suffer through an awkward morning after, but the weight of his silence is crushing.

I want him with me in this cold cement room.

I want him to tell me that once this is over, we’ll still be friends.

I want to ask him if we can play with his ropes again, the way we did the first time, if I promise not to turn it into something sexual ever again.

I want him to tell me that last night was as amazing for him as it was for me.

I want him to change his mind and run into my arms and let me keep him forever.

This should be one of the most exciting nights of my life.

Not that I’ve spent my life chasing the spotlight.

Quite the contrary, really. I like hiding quietly in my bakery kitchen or silently smiling and waving at children as I float by, safe and separated from the world by drops and gallons and barrels of water.

Being the center of attention is awkward and uncomfortable and panic-inducing for me.

It always will be. But tonight…tonight should be different.

For one last handful of moments, there should be nothing but Gabriel and me, alone in the spotlight.

We should lose ourselves together in movements and music and choreography, aware of nothing other than water and silk and one another’s bodies and breaths and glances.

It should feel flawless and uncomplicated.

It should feel like it does in his ropes, like the two of us are one body and one soul working toward a common goal.

It doesn’t feel like that. It doesn’t because he’s not here with me, and I don’t know if everything is okay or if I get to keep him in my life once we walk out the front doors.

It feels like every breath and heartbeat and second that passes is moving me closer to the end of something that felt like it mattered.

It feels like he’ll be distinctly above, and I’ll be distinctly below, and there will be no way for me to reach up through the azure surface.

No way for me to touch him or cling to him or beg him to stay, to give me something, to let me hold on to something, anything. It feels…wrong.

When the sound of the metal door echoes through the room, I’m already wearing my tail, sitting alone on the cold cement platform.

I don’t remember climbing the ladder or struggling to squish my legs into the latex.

I’m so close to disappearing into another time and place.

There are only a few minutes to go before they announce us, and I’m not entirely sure I’m going to be able to pull myself together enough to do this.

I can feel the tingling in my fingers and toes and lungs that warns me my mind is trying to run.

That it’s being pulled away, even though I don’t want to be anywhere but here.

“Hey.”

“Jesus Christ.” Even though I’m sitting on my ass with my tail dangling in the water, I jump so far I nearly fall into the tank before strong, warm hands grip my shoulders and a smooth chuckle rolls across my skin.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry. You’d think I’d know better than to startle you when you’re staring into space, but honestly, I thought you’d heard me climbing up here. It’s not exactly a quiet metal ladder.”

“Don’t be sorry. Of course you thought I heard you. I should have heard you.” It’s obvious that my attempt at a smile comes out as something closer to an “I’m having gas pains” grimace as Gabriel’s excitement instantly drops from his gorgeous face.

“Are you okay? You don’t look okay. If you’re not okay, we don’t have to do this.”

“We absolutely have to do this! We can’t just tell all those people we’re not doing this five minutes before the show starts.”

He cups my jaw in one hand, and I lean into it as if his touch is the oxygen I need to survive. Maybe it is. “Hun. You matter more. If you’re not okay, we don’t have to do this.”

And there it is…absolutely everything that’s made me fall in love with him in one simple gesture.

I know how much this performance means to him.

I know that since I haven’t heard from him all day, maybe things aren’t quite right between us, and yet, he’s more than willing to give up everything we’ve worked for simply because he’s kind and thoughtful and caring.

I have no idea how anyone who’s ever been lucky enough to snag even a single date with him hasn’t been able to see into the depths of his soul without even trying.

He wears his heart on his sleeve and cares about everyone else so much more than himself.

He’s flashy and brash and outspoken, but that’s just the surface.

He is wildly complex and absolutely perfect, and even though he’ll never be mine, even though I don’t know what will happen after tonight, I want him to have this. I want to be perfect for him.

“I’m okay. I promise. I was just nervous that you’d gotten sucked into the dessert table and I’d have to perform alone.” My soul might be breaking, but my smile is real because even though I know it’s not much, I can give him this night.

His eyes hold mine for a long moment, his expression serious as he searches my face and tries to decide whether I’m telling the truth, while his thumb slides along my jaw one last time before he offers me his brilliant smile. “It was a close call for sure, but there was no ice cream, so here I am.”

I snort out a laugh that has his smile broadening further. “One last time, then?”

I swear his smile falters just for an instant before he recovers.

“Ya, babe. One last time. Let’s go show them what we’ve got.”