Page 46 of The Call of Azure (Unexpected Love #3)

I have never known a high like this before.

Not in all my years of performing. The spotlights shine on Liam and me as we move in perfect unison.

The slight splash of the water as he surfaces.

The way we’ve choreographed and practiced our movements until we are perfect mirror images of one another.

I’m low on my silks, crashing down and eliciting gasps from the crowd as I fall toward the water’s surface every time he flicks his tail and his large shoulders rise up toward me.

I’m close enough in the moments we nearly touch that I can see his chest expand when he surfaces for a breath and individual strands of his golden hair swirling around him like a halo below the water.

I only catch glimpses of a crowd dressed in dark blacks and navies and bright swirling satins.

Trees whose leaves rustle in the light breeze, faerie lights strung through their branches, and the glow of warm, pale rainbow colors lining pathways rush past as I fall and twist and climb.

The murmur of conversation loud enough to cover all the other subtle sounds here tonight disappeared the moment we started, and there is only the whoosh of silk and the splash of water and gentle tones of a piano hovering in the air.

It’s everything I could have hoped for and more.

It’s grace and elegance and risk and perfection.

It’s eyes watching and hearts racing and fabric billowing around me as Liam and I swirl and twist. I soar, and he dives.

We race toward one another and fall away.

So close and yet an eternity between us…

and isn’t that exactly the way I always feel in his presence?

I know I shouldn’t have ghosted Liam today.

He deserves so much better than that. He deserves someone who appreciates all he has to offer.

Someone who can wrap him up and keep him safe and never let him feel alone again.

Someone who will stand by his side when his past catches up to him and make him laugh in the moments he takes life too seriously.

He deserves someone who will be as open and vulnerable with him as he’s been with me, and I can’t let myself be that person.

I can’t spill all my hopes and dreams and fears into his hands and simply hope that he won’t crush them to dust. I’m not strong enough to take that risk.

Last night was the most intense and intimate experience of my life.

I’ve never known my ropes could feel like that.

Never known sex could feel like that. The scent of skin and the taste of sweat have never made me tremble with want and need and lust so strongly.

Having someone so pliant and beautiful and strong in my arms has never made me want to keep and care and love so completely.

No matter how much I try to lock my feelings for Liam in a fireproof box in the furthest corner of my mind, I know that if I’d responded to his texts or heard his voice without the audience and lights and sounds of the show to focus on, I’d have done something stupid.

I’d have let myself believe that we might be able to have more.

That there might be a chance I could have everything I’ve searched for my entire life.

I lose myself in the feel of the silk and the emotion of the performance, and time stops in the way it always does when I’m on display under the lights.

Then…only moments after it begins, it’s over.

The crowd is whistling and cheering and clapping, and this is the part I live for.

The moment all my hard work and financial investments and sore shoulders and sprained ankles and tears all pay off.

I’ve succeeded in creating something emotional and beautiful and unique.

I’ve offered a piece of my heart and soul to the world, and this time, just like I always hope they will, those in the audience seem to understand and appreciate all I’ve put into these moments that burn hot and bright before fading into the past. Only this time, I don’t hop off my silks and smile and bow and revel in their cheers.

This time, their smiling faces and shouts of encouragement fade into the background, and all I can think about is Liam.

Our routine ends with me hovering high up in midair, my silks wrapped around my waist and a single leg.

When we’ve finished our previous shows, I’ve secured my wrapped foot tightly, stood, and taken one final bow before letting myself drop in one final show-stopping twirl downward before catching myself just over the water’s surface and reaching for the grab bar to pull myself to safety as Liam swims away toward the tunnel’s entrance cave.

Tonight, when I glance down one final time before standing up to begin my exit, Liam doesn’t look like he’s ready for this to end any more than I am.

Instead of swimming away, he’s relaxing at the top of the tank, arms folded together over the edge of the glass as he leans his head back and smiles up at me with a grin bright enough to blind me.

He looks happy and content and fulfilled in a way I’ve rarely seen him.

There is no trace of panic or anxiety. He is simply… here with me.

Suddenly, I want to end our run with a splash.

Literally. I want to know what it’s like to live in Liam’s world for one teeny tiny second.

To hug him tightly and celebrate the end of our amazing collaboration the way we should…

together. Even though it’s not the leap my heart secretly wants to take, it’s the closest thing I can manage.

I wiggle an eyebrow, and confusion and curiosity appear in those silver-blue eyes that perfectly match the color of the water… then I let go.