Page 7 of Tell Me Softly

The rest of the week passed without incident.

Taylor continued to deliberately ignore me, and I only saw Thiago from a distance when I was working out with the cheerleaders.

It was painful, but there was nothing I could do.

The things we needed to talk about could cause an explosion if they all came out.

Everyone in town looked up to my family.

All eyes were on us, and if people learned that Anne Hamilton had cheated on her husband with the Di Bianco brothers’ father, who knew what might happen.

Just as people admired and envied us, there were others who hated us and would love nothing more than to see us fall.

I had found notes in my locker insulting me or trying to blackmail me in the past; I’d even gotten a death threat once.

They were all just words. People were jealous of me, but they didn’t know how empty my life actually was.

Though the season didn’t start until later in the school year, there was an exhibition basketball game coming up, and we were all supposed to go to a party at Aaron Martin’s house after.

He was this girl Marissa’s boyfriend. It was a ritual at this point.

We did it every year, and we always had a good time.

It was an exciting way to celebrate our first outing as cheerleaders.

I was nervous because Danny had asked me to be his date. We still hadn’t talked about what was going on with us. I kept ducking him, saying I needed to take care of Cam. But tonight I wouldn’t be able to. We were going to have to have the conversation.

I put on my uniform, a short red-and-white skirt and a sleeveless top in the same school colors.

Since it was still late summer, my arms, legs, and stomach were exposed.

In the winter, we wore a sweater and tights with the skirt.

I combed my hair back and put on a tiara and some glitter makeup, painting an L on my cheek for the Carsville Lions.

I’d gotten into cheerleading because my mother made me, starting when I was in elementary school.

I didn’t like it at first, but I ended up getting used to it.

Anyway, I couldn’t have quit if I’d wanted to; it was part of my role as perfect daughter.

There were times I wanted to burn my pompoms right in front of my mother’s face.

I liked to imagine the heart attack it would give her.

When I walked downstairs, ready to go with a bag carrying a change of clothes, I found her standing in the doorway talking to someone: Danny.

“What are you doing here?” I asked when I saw him. Our agreement had been that we’d meet at school.

“Wow, you look great,” he said, coming over and kissing me on the cheek. I wanted to pull away, but I couldn’t with my mother right there.

“I called him. You told me you were going by yourself,” my mother said. I couldn’t stand the sappy look she got on her face when she saw the two of us together.

“Exactly. I said I was going by myself.” I tried to make my anger evident. My mother scowled at me, and it was chilling. Then a frozen smile crossed her lips.

“Well, now you’re not,” she said threateningly. I tried not to let her see my feelings. I hated her sticking her nose in absolutely every bit of my business, up to and including my relationship with my boyfriend.

“Shall we go?” Danny asked, heading out the door when I nodded. But before I could make it through the door, my mother pulled me aside.

“Listen to me. Stay away from the Di Bianco brothers,” she said, squeezing my arm. “Two people have already told me they saw you with them. Have you lost your mind?”

I jerked away.

“They said what they had to say, Mom. Now, if you don’t mind, I have people waiting on me.”

I didn’t want to start a scene with Danny waiting for me by the car. This was the worst time for him to be there. I was going to have to keep an eye on him to make sure he got home safe. Danny wasn’t chill; sometimes it seemed like he drank more than he ate.

On the way to the school, Danny tried to talk, but I wasn’t up for it. The confrontation with my mother had put me in a bad mood.

When we arrived, he put his hand on my thigh and turned toward me.

“You look great tonight,” he said a second time.

I knew what he was after, and I wasn’t going to give it to him.

It wasn’t just that I didn’t want to; it was that doing it even once had been a mistake.

Danny and I should have been friends. I didn’t want a relationship, and I didn’t want to owe anyone anything.

I hardly knew how to love myself. How was I supposed to love someone else?

There was something wrong with me, and I didn’t want to drag him down.

“Ever since you left for vacation, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. There’s so many things I want to do to you, Kami…” His lips were on my neck now, and I closed my eyes as his hand crept upward. I reached down and stopped it, pulling back to look him in the eyes.

“Danny, what we did over the summer…that was a mistake.” I tried to sound as serious as I could.

He blinked, confused, then opened his mouth.

“Babe, it’s always bad for girls the first time, but that changes. We just need time. Practice.” He tried to kiss me again.

“I don’t want to do it again, Danny. I wasn’t ready then, and I’m still not.”

Danny pulled back.

“You’re nearly eighteen.”

“It’s got nothing to do with my age.”

“I waited two years for you, Kamila.” His tone changed as he let himself fall back into his seat. “Do you know how hard that is for a guy?”

For a guy? What the hell did being a guy have to do with it?

I wasn’t going to say I was sorry for not doing it with him the whole time we were going out.

It’s not like I was a prude––we’d done everything but, and in the end, I had given him my virginity for the simple reason that he wouldn’t shut up about it. That was my mistake.

“Danny, you and I want different things. I need to be alone. I’m sorry, but I want to focus on my grades, on my college applications…”

“Are you breaking up with me?” he asked, confused.

“I’m sorry, but…”

“Are you fucking breaking up with me?”

I slid my hands under my thighs and counted to three in my head before answering.

“Yes.”

Danny glared at me, then looked straight ahead.

“This must be a fucking joke…” As he kept speaking, his voice rose.

“This summer you blew me off constantly. I wrote you every fucking night, and you’d maybe reply with a one-liner, but usually nothing, and you’d be like oh, I can’t get service where I’m at , and the whole time you were getting ready to dump me? ”

Fuck.

“I…I needed the time to think.”

“About breaking up with me?! Tell me you’re kidding.”

I shook my head. I hadn’t intended to do it now, but after feeling his hands on me, I couldn’t wait. I didn’t want this relationship to bring me even more headaches when I was trying to have fun that night. If this was what love was supposed to be, then to hell with it. I didn’t want to be in love.

“Do you have any idea how many chicks I’ve turned down for you?” he screamed.

I stared at him, seeing a part of him he had never shown me…or almost never.

“You’re right,” he continued. “We should have broken up a long time ago.” He slammed his fist into the steering wheel and kept talking. “You know what? You’re a sanctimonious little bitch.” I blinked, unable to believe his words.

“You’re a fucking tease; you’ve been playing with me since I met you, with your stupid skimpy dresses and your seductive looks and your touchy-feely bullshit that never leads anywhere. I waited and waited, and now you’re telling me you were never really that into me?”

“You can say what you want,” I said. “It won’t make me change my mind.

” I tried to get out, but the door was locked.

We were far from the school building, with just a sea of empty cars around us.

If Danny wanted to keep me in there, there wasn’t much I could do.

I tried the lock button, but he had the power locks engaged.

“Let me out, Danny.”

He laughed bitterly, and I was gripped by an irrational fear that I tried to ignore.

“Open the goddamn door.”

I looked into his eyes just then, and I saw that people have many different sides. They show us the one that’s most convenient for them at that moment, and they hide the bad ones until the right moment comes—and then it comes out and leaves you frozen.

“Or what?” he asked. He’d never looked more frightening than in that moment.

I tried to think how the hell to answer him, but someone knocked at the window. Standing outside Danny’s Range Rover was Taylor Di Bianco.

Danny forced a smile and rolled his window down.

“You ready to kick their asses?” Taylor asked, but his eyes were on me.

Could he see how tense I was? Could he see the fear behind the forced smile I put on?

“Yeah, be there in a few minutes,” Danny said calmly. “We’ve just got some couple stuff to deal with, right, Kami?”

I weighed my possible responses.

“Honestly, I should go warm up,” I said, trying the door again and finding it still locked. “Could you open the door for me?”

He ground his teeth, but he did as I asked.

So it was over. No more fights. No more boring, bitter nights. I had loved him—I really had, but I hadn’t loved myself. And he should have known that.

I got out and walked to the gym while Taylor stayed behind talking to Danny. I made sure none of the fear or sadness I felt was detectable on my face. I walked over to my friends by the front door, so angry I wished I were stepping into a boxing ring instead of onto a court with stupid pompoms.

“Are you OK?” Ellie asked with a chuckle.

“I’m fine,” I said, trying to remain calm.

The sun was setting, and it was starting to get dark in the shadow of the building by the parking lot, where students were gathering along with some parents and the kids from the rival school.

My cheerleader friends were excited and chirping like birds, and I tried to join them until I felt someone’s eyes boring into my neck.

I turned to find Thiago getting off his motorcycle. He walked straight to the gym entrance.

He passed me, but if he saw me, he didn’t show it.

I tried to act as if it didn’t matter as I focused on my warm-up. When it was time to go out on the court, I tried as hard as possible not to think of anything else, but the Di Bianco brothers had overtaken my mind.

Still, it was nice to shake the pompoms and move to the music.

I missed a step, and Ellie shot me a nasty glance that forced me to focus.

It was right when I was being lifted in the air and had to fall into my teammates’ arms. I needed to be careful.

Any mistake could leave me bruised…or with a broken neck.

Luckily, years of practice helped me through it. We put on a show, and all the applause and cheering from the stands left us in a good mood. We still had it.

We walked over to the sidelines to watch the game, and I had to pass right by Thiago and Coach Klebb.

I couldn’t keep myself from staring. Thiago was so handsome, and it was impossible not to notice.

I’d seen him grow up. I remembered what he looked like when his two front teeth fell out; I remembered him in some of the lamest outfits imaginable.

He’d always had something special, though.

He and his brother. They had both turned out handsome. Much more than I expected.

What would it feel like if Thiago kissed me again?

I asked myself, then immediately tried to pretend I hadn’t; I focused on the conversation with my friends, who were already excited about the party after the game.

I walked over to the cooler by the balloons to grab a bottle of water and caught Thiago peeking over at me, but I wasn’t sure what his look meant.

I took a drink and tried to ignore him just as Victor Viani, the forward, came over and wrapped an arm around my wrist, pulling me toward him.

“What are you doing?” I asked, pushing him away and taking another drink. I could see the lust in his eyes as he grinned.

“Nothing. I just wanted to welcome you back. You’re all grown up now.”

I rolled my eyes, irritated. “ You’re not,” I said.

I had my mask on that night. And no one was going to make me take it off.

“Don’t get mad. I’m just saying, you’re a real woman now. That’s something to celebrate.”

Cold sweat dripped down my back, and a chill ran up my spine.

“What the…?”

“I gotta admit, I was one of the guys who thought you’d still be a virgin when you went off to college. But hey, congrats, Lady Kamila. Now that we know Danny broke you in for us…” He spoke loudly enough for his teammates to hear, and they all started laughing along with him.

I felt sick to my stomach. I wanted to vomit. So much passed through my head just then: violent thoughts, little-girl thoughts. But I didn’t manage to say anything. Before I knew it, Thiago had grabbed Victor’s head and pulled him in to whisper something in his ear, audible only to the three of us.

“You say something like that again and I’ll have the coach suspend you for the rest of the season…after I wipe the floor with you. Got it?”

Victor nodded, silent.

“Now, get out of here,” he said, clapping him on the back before he returned to the game.

Many of the people around were looking at us.

There was surprise in Victor’s eyes, but the strongest feeling in them was fear, and he didn’t put up a fight before turning around and leaving.

His friends were quiet too; they turned to cheer on their teammates, who were winning.

Thiago shot me a few more sidelong glances as he coached, but I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. Was it disappointment?