Page 36 of Tell Me Softly

We must have been entertaining to the cashier, but I didn’t care.

“Some people may be a little too hot for you to handle.” What was he getting at?

“I’m sorry, Thiago, are you trying to tell me who I should sleep with?”

He grabbed the bag with his things and took his change. “Almost. I’m telling you who not to sleep with.”

Just then, Taylor walked in. Kate came up behind me and laid her things down on the counter. Thiago looked at his brother, then made a show of looking back at me and saying loudly, “Good night, Kamila.” Then he walked outside.

The cashier scanned my items, and Taylor came over to say hi. I could tell that he hadn’t liked his brother and me talking at all. I tried to grab the condoms and shove them in my pocket just as Kate asked, “What the hell do you need those condoms for?”

Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

I blushed and Taylor looked down, amused but suspicious.

“Strawberry, huh? Very tasty,” he said as I shoved everything into the bag.

“Yeah, it’s my favorite flavor,” I responded in a neutral tone, trying to let him know I didn’t feel like talking about it.

“Well, if you get the craving for it later, let me know.” The door opened again and Danny, Harry, Lionel, and Victor came in as a group.

I wished I could vanish and prayed for the conversation to end so I wouldn’t give them more to gossip about.

Kate asked Taylor out of nowhere, “So, party in your room at midnight, right?”

Taylor nodded. “You’re invited too, Kami. Bring those condoms. We need to make sure everyone stays safe.”

I struggled to pull the corners of my lips into a friendly expression. “I’ll think about it.”

I waited for Kate to pay and exhaled the giant breath of air I’d been holding as Taylor went to buy his food. She turned to me and asked, “Dude, are you and Taylor going to have sex?”

I rolled my eyes and grabbed her arm. “Listen, if I decide to, you’ll be the first one to know about it. I promise.”

A bunch of us ate in my room and talked about everything and nothing: the next day’s game, the other cheerleading squad, who had a crush on whom.

“I think my brother likes you,” Kate said.

I remembered Julian asking if we could watch a movie and replied, “I told you, we’re just friends.”

Kate’s expression turned strange just then. She looked out the window, and I knew she was hiding something.

“Kate, is something up?”

She shook her head, but then Marissa started pushing her, and she opened up: “It’s just…you know, it hasn’t been easy. Having him at home, you know.” She looked uncomfortable and was biting down on the inside of her cheek.

I had forgotten about how weird their whole relationship was. Kate had barely known him before he came to live with them. That had to have been hard for her.

“Yeah, I get it,” I told her. “It must be hard, adapting to someone else at your house.”

“That’s not it. It’s Julian. He’s a difficult guy, you know.”

I thought of when I had hung out with him and couldn’t imagine what she was talking about. But then, what did I know? Lisa asked her what she meant, grabbing the last of the Pringles out of the tube.

“Mom told me when Julian was little, he used to spend the weekends with us. She said he wasn’t like the other kids his age. And, like, I was always super relaxed, but whenever he and I were in the same room, I’d supposedly start crying my eyes out.”

“Probably you didn’t like him messing with your toys,” Ellie said, taking a big swig of Coke.

“You can’t remember it, though?”

Kate shook her head. “All I can remember is things changed whenever he came around. My parents would fight, my mom was tense—I had these fits.”

“It can’t be easy, having your husband’s son with another woman coming around. And, like…I mean, when they had you, how old was Julian? One?”

“Something like that,” Kate said, digging into more snacks.

“It’s hard to say this, but I wish sometimes he didn’t live at my house.

It’s sad, but the way he just ignores us, how he never opens his mouth except to say Pass the salt , and how he locks the door to his room and blasts his music all the time… ”

“I thought you guys liked each other.” This was making me ask myself a lot of questions.

“We do…but you know when someone’s trying too hard? Like, he’s nice on the surface, but I feel like maybe he doesn’t even like me.”

“It’s normal for brothers and sisters not to get along, Kate,” I said, trying to reassure her.

“Sure. But, like…I don’t know. Let’s talk about something besides my brother.”

I remembered things that Julian had told me. Was it his homosexuality that made him so reserved? Kate’s family was mega-conservative. It was probably impossible for him to even think about telling his father, his sister, and his stepmother that he liked guys…

I didn’t think about it too much more as I started cleaning up and my friends poured their first drinks into their red Solo cups.

“Are you really going to Taylor’s room?” I asked. “It would be better for everyone to party together tomorrow, after the game.” There I was, trying to be team captain again. Kate blew me off: “We’re just going to be there for a little while. Are you seriously not coming?”

I shook my head. “I’m just going to hang out and watch a movie. If I’m going to get drunk after we beat the shit out of Falls Church, I need to save my energy.”

Everyone nodded enthusiastically, and weirdly, no one but Ellie seemed to really care that I wasn’t going. Did they always have more fun without me?