Page 49 of Tell Me Softly

Epilogue

Thiago

The next week was tough. We had to pack up all my sister’s things and tell them goodbye. My mother kept her pajamas, a stuffed animal, probably more—she said she wanted a drawer of keepsakes she could hold when the pain of missing Lucy got to be too much.

We took everything to a church downtown and we said goodbye. Then we went to the cemetery and left a colorful bouquet of flowers. We didn’t say a word for a few moments.

Only when I put a lollipop down by her gravestone did I force a smile as I said, “That’s for you, Lu. But you can’t eat it until you finish your dinner.”

I closed my eyes and imagined her responding with a giggle. She’d never listened to me. I’d give her a lollipop, I’d say what I’d just said, she’d promise she wouldn’t eat it, and then later, she’d come downstairs and her tongue would be glowing red.

I had decided to go away for a few hours, be alone, think… I even had the idea of spending a few days in Falls Church or in DC, where I could catch up with old friends. I just needed out of Carsville for a bit. That much I knew.

I told my mother to take care when I dropped her off at home, got back in my car, and looked over at Kam’s house. She came out the front door and went to see my brother.

I reached in my pocket and brought out that wrinkled piece of paper I’d taken off her desk in detention. I needed to look at it again. Even though I’d already done so a hundred times.

I smoothed it out. There we were, the four of us.

Taylor, Lucy, Kam, and me.

It was the same image from a photo we’d taken on her birthday.

We were smiling, and you could tell I was trying to catch Kam’s eye.

I remember wondering even then if I should ask her to be my girlfriend.

It was funny to think about now. Boyfriend and girlfriend at ten and twelve years old.

It sounded so stupid now. But it still made me sad.

I needed to forget about her.

I put the car in drive and looked at her again.

Taylor didn’t even bother glancing over, but she did.

Wait for me, Kam… Wait, and next year we can be together.

That’s what I’d wanted to say to her when I dropped her off the night before.

But who was I kidding?

My brother deserved her. She was sweet, pretty, talented, and intelligent, and she liked him. And she was there next door waiting for him. She deserved him too, I knew.

I didn’t have anything to offer her. Nothing good. And I no longer had the strength to keep fighting for her.