Page 51 of Tell Me Softly

It had been two weeks since the cold in Carsville had settled in, dragging off any last traces of summer, any sunlight, leaving us with torrential rains, tornado warnings, and few reasons to go out and enjoy ourselves.

But then, I didn’t have money to do anything anyway.

Dad’s situation was only getting worse. I’d have done anything to go spend an evening in town, drop by Mill’s and have a strawberry shake or a coffee and a chocolate muffin…

But I could forget that, I didn’t even have a car anymore.

At least I could still look out my window. But even that was a double-edged sword. Because I couldn’t stop following the movements of the girl who had been there for half an hour passing Thiago his tools and showing off her long legs in a miniskirt that barely covered her ass.

It was fifty-two degrees out. Wasn’t she cold?

And where had this chick come from? How had he met her?

She was pretty, I couldn’t deny that. Her hair was long and dark, her eyes blue, I was pretty sure.

She was standing far away, but there had been a second when she’d turned, and in that same second the one ray of sunlight we’d see that day had broken through the clouds, revealing her irises the color of the sea.

Damn it. She was beautiful. Tall, thin, perfect.

This naturally made me think of my own self. Five-seven, shoulder-length blond hair starting to fade to a dusty brown since I hadn’t seen the beach in months… I felt like a damn frog compared to her.

I saw those hands. Those hands wrapping around the girl’s waist, the same hands that had stroked me in Thiago’s car in the middle of a storm.

If I closed my eyes and remembered it, my heart started speeding up, my body got hot, and my thighs squeezed together involuntarily.

I flew back to that day and imagined what would have happened if we hadn’t stopped at kissing, if his hands on my breasts, my skin, had gone lower down and touched me, if he had stared at me as he pleasured me and our bodies joined together in…

Someone knocked on my door and spoiled the daydream.

“Kamila, your father and I want to talk to you,” my mother said, peeking in. “Come down to the living room please.”

She didn’t say any more before closing the door. I heard her feet as she walked down the steps. I looked out the window; there was Thiago kissing her…

Something ached inside me. I don’t know what it was. My heart was bleeding from lovesickness, or desire, or I don’t know what. I was hurting. Bad.

I closed my curtains and stood.

What did my parents want now?

For weeks, I’d been shut up in my room, blasting music so I wouldn’t have to hear them shouting, trying to travel far away in my mind.

Taylor had tried to get me out of there a few times.

He had driven me to Stony Creek in his car to catch a movie or just sit at Starbucks and chat for a few hours.

We were getting closer and closer by the day, and I felt an almost addictive need for his company, his kisses, the way he cared for me and made me laugh.

I don’t know how he did it, but every time we were together, he just made our problems disappear. I even forgot about Thiago when I was with him. It was like nothing existed except for Taylor and Kami, best friends forever…or a little more than that.

And yet, when he wasn’t with me, I couldn’t help but feel split in two. My heart wanted one guy, but I was hungry for another one… And that made me feel like the worst person in the world.

When I went downstairs, my brother, Cameron, was splayed out on the sofa, absorbed in his Nintendo Switch, the sound of Mario Brothers filling the room.

He had been standoffish as hell the past few days.

He didn’t want anyone to hug him, he didn’t want to play in the yard, he just spent all his time there in front of the TV, playing video games or watching cartoons.

I could hardly remember the little six-year-old tadpole who used to be able to turn my mood around in an instant no matter how upset I was.

“So what’s up?” I asked my parents, settling down next to him.

Dad had been stacking logs up beside the fireplace. He stood up straight, put the tongs aside, and looked at us and then at Mom, who announced, “Kids, your father and I are getting a divorce.”

My mind froze at the same time Cam hit mute on the Nintendo and the entire room went silent.

“What?” I asked, once I’d recovered somewhat from the blow.

I got it: my parents fought. My mom was unbearable. But they loved each other, didn’t they? They’d even gotten over her having an affair. Dad was someone who knew how to forgive, or so I thought…

“We’ve been talking it over, and we don’t think it’s healthy for you two to live in an environment where two people are fighting all the time…” Dad said.

“ You never fight,” I reminded him. “It’s always her.”

Fear, rage, and impotence were boiling up inside me and I felt like a pressure cooker about to explode.

“Kamila!” Mom shouted indignantly. “This isn’t some kind of joke and you don’t have anything to say about this! It’s a simple reality, sometimes the love isn’t there anymore and…”

“Oh, please!” I cut her off, standing up. “Don’t come at me with this love bullshit. It has nothing to do with love running out. It’s the money!”

I tried to see Dad’s reaction, but he looked down at the floor. Christ. I could tell Dad didn’t want this.

“How dare you…”

“How dare I?” I screamed back. I was beside myself. “He has one setback, and you leave him in the lurch! Things get a little complicated, and you can’t go to the spa, you can’t blow money every day at the mall, Dad merely suggests you might need to get a cheaper car, and bang! You want a divorce.”

“That’s enough, Kamila,” Dad said.

“I don’t know what makes you think you can talk to me like that, you spoiled little brat,” Mom hissed, and I roared back at her incredulously, “Spoiled! I’m the one who’s spoiled?”

My mother’s mouth opened to respond, but then Dad’s fist struck the coffee table, and we all fell silent.

“That’s enough!” he shouted. “This isn’t up for debate. We’ve made our decision, Kamila, we’re getting a divorce, and we know perfectly well that you don’t like it. But we need to talk about how things are going to proceed and…”

“I’m going with you,” I told him without hesitation. “I’m not living with her. And I’m sure as hell not leaving you alone, Dad.”

“No. You’re staying with your mother.”

I looked over at Cam, who was frozen and listening attentively.

“We want to do this in the most civilized way possible. And right now, I’m not even sure where I’m going to be living.

There’s not much work for financial advisors in Carsville, so I’ll have to go somewhere else.

I’m trying to stay as close to home as possible, but there are no guarantees.

You and your brother are halfway through the school year, and you don’t need the disruption, especially now, when you’ll have to start applying for college.

You need stability, and that means staying here at your home with your mother is the best thing. ”

“What?” My eyes were filling with tears. “Dad, I… I don’t want you to go.” I felt like a little girl, completely unequipped to deal with my emotions.

“I’ll try to come see you guys on the weekends…”

“Maybe, Roger. Don’t get ahead of yourself. There’s a lot that’s still up in the air. You shouldn’t go making promises to the girl you can’t keep.”

I looked at her with hatred. “Don’t call me girl . And don’t come at me with any bullshit about promises and whatever. He’s my father, he loves me, he will come see me, won’t you, Dad?”

“No one said you won’t see him,” my mother said with irritation. “But as long as you’re in this house, I’m your guardian, I make the rules, and visitation is something your father and I need to work out together.”

I laughed bitterly. “I’m eighteen, Mom. Try me with your rules and see if I don’t just move out.”

“Kamila…” my father rebuked me.

“Don’t you start in, too,” I told him. “If I want, I’ll move in with you right now, there’s not a damn thing she can do about it legally.”

I stood up, walked around the coffee table, and stomped upstairs.

I couldn’t believe it.