Page 40 of Tell Me Softly

And I realized my brain was toying with me. Because I was imagining it wasn’t Taylor kissing me, it was Thiago. Thiago putting his fingers deep inside me. Thiago nibbling my ear. Thiago whispering all the things he wanted to do to me.

“Kami, you’re so wet,” Taylor said. And that was enough to make me stop liking it. That one word. Kami.

But before I could tell him to stop, someone knocked at the door. Taylor sat back and cursed. “What the hell do they want now?” he complained. “They should be out celebrating.”

Don’t ask me why, but I had a feeling about what was about to happen. I hurriedly arranged my clothes as Taylor opened the door. Thiago was standing there and barged in. He looked at me first, then at Taylor.

“We’re going back to Carsville,” he said, clenching his jaw.

“What? Why?” Taylor asked, still lingering by the doorframe.

“Coach says you don’t deserve a celebration. We’ve got two cheerleaders wounded and we barely eked out a win in a game we should have coasted through. Pack your bags. The bus leaves in half an hour.”

“What the hell? We’re supposed to play paintball!” Taylor shouted.

Thiago mocked him, twisting his balled fists under his eyes as if he were crying, then asked me if I felt better, acting as if his brother were no longer there.

An electric shiver traveled through my body, knowing he was worried about me. That he was actually worried about me. All I managed to say in response was “Yeah…”

“Good. Hop to it, then. We meet out front.”

I stood as Thiago left. “This is bullshit,” Taylor said. Then, coming very close, he continued, “Anyway, we’ve still got a lot to talk about.”

“I know,” I replied. “And we will. But let’s wait for things to calm down.”

He didn’t rush me. As I walked to the door, I turned for a last look at him.

There was sadness in his eyes. I didn’t know if it was because we’d been interrupted, or he could tell that I’d gone cold when his brother came in, or if he knew that our being together was going to cause problems… I was thinking about all that too.

“You know something, Taylor? When I was little, you were my prince, and your brother was like the evil wizard who was always trying to come between us. And it’s still that way. Maybe it’s time for us to accept that…”

He took my face in his hands to stop me. His skin was like fire, warming me when I felt frozen inside.

“Nobody’s going to come between us, Kami.

Not my brother, not anyone else. I’m so glad you and I can be together again.

I love it. It’s that simple. I always loved being around you, and it’s only natural that we want to take it to the next level.

All I ask is don’t overthink it, OK? Let’s enjoy it and see what happens. ”

I nodded and let him kiss me quickly on the lips.

“See you on the bus,” he said. “I’ll keep a seat reserved for you if you want.”

“Sure. See you inside.”

***

Taylor and I chatted nonstop the whole way back to Carsville. It had been ages since I’d laughed that much, and it helped me forget the looks on all the girls’ faces when I walked right past them to sit in the back with my best friend. If that’s still what he was…

Because…what were Taylor and I?

I loved how he’d touched me, but I had to accept the fact that the person I wanted to see when I opened my eyes was his brother, not him.

I was so confused. Could I like them both at the same time? Things with Taylor were so easy, they just flowed… But with Thiago, it was intense and deep, like a sweet poison.

Poisons were toxic, though, and I’d had enough toxicity in my life already.

Thiago didn’t interfere with us on the way back. Even when he was walking down the aisle of the bus taking roll. I didn’t know how that made me feel.

Was he not jealous anymore? Did I wish he was?

God, I was a wreck.

When they dropped us at school, my mother was there with my brother waiting for me. Her perfectly composed expression shattered when she noticed how close Taylor and I were as we stepped out. Shit . I turned around quickly and waved to him, whispering, “Sorry! See you tomorrow.”

My brother ran over and jumped up to hug me.

“Kami! Kami!” he shouted. “I’m so glad you’re back. You’re gonna be mad though because your car’s gone now.”

I set him down and looked at my mom.

“We’ll talk,” she said.

I glanced back at the group and saw my friends getting their bags. All of them gave me a strange look, and I wondered what the hell Kate had said to them. Ellie was the only one who had the decency to wave at me. I responded in kind just before following my mother to her Mercedes.

“Kamila,” she said, “would you mind telling me what you were doing with Taylor Di Bianco?”

I buckled my seat belt and acted offended. “Is that all you care about, Mom? Did you forget that I fell and hit my head? Thank God it’s just a bruise, but it could have been much worse.”

Mom pulled out of the lot and sped toward the highway.

“I talked to the coach. You think all I did was read that measly message you sent me? He told me the whole story. So sure, it could have been worse, but it wasn’t. You’re fine. So I want answers.”

“Taylor’s in my class, Mom. He’s friends with my friends, and we have to do a project together.”

“Those boys are going to get you in trouble. Ever since they came back, you’ve been behaving erratically. You’re distracted, you got detention—now you’re screwing up at cheerleading. I can’t even imagine what grades you must be getting.”

“My grades are perfect,” I murmured, looking out the window.

“I don’t want you hanging out with them, Kamila,” she continued, barely letting me finish. “I’m serious. We’ve already had enough problems out of them…”

“Problems out of them!” I cut her off, raising my voice. My mother stopped the car in front of the house, but I didn’t get out. “You’re the one who brought us problems, Mom! Or do I need to remind you of the consequences of your affair?!”

I was incensed. There was so much I’d kept stuffed down inside: so many fights, Thiago’s angry expression, Ms. Di Bianco’s sadness, Taylor’s regrets…

“Shut your mouth, Kamila,” she hissed. “Your brother…”

“Maybe my brother needs to know that our mother is a…”

She slapped me across the face before I could get the word out. “If you ever insinuate a thing like that again, I swear you’ll never enter my house again.”

I got out without even looking at her. She hadn’t even given me a chance to say goodbye to my car.

I wiped away the tear that fell down my cheek and went up to my room.

Neither of my parents came to check on me, let alone tell me who they’d sent my car to or why they’d done it without me.

Only Cameron cared. And when the shouting started in my parents’ bedroom, repeating the same scenario I’d heard all week, I found him there in the doorway, asking, “Can I sleep in your bed?” His pajamas were on inside out.

“Come here, you poor thing.” I turned around his top and bottoms so you could see the dinosaur print on the outside. “Of course you can.” I made a hollow for him next to me.

He cuddled up close to me and turned to see my face. His teeny hand came up to rub my cheek.

“How come Mom hit you?”

“Because I almost called her a bad word.”

“But I thought violence was never justicized.”

I laughed.

“You mean justified . And you’re right. But maybe sometimes it is, just a little bitty bit.”

I could tell it was killing him to see our parents pulling further apart every day.