Page 26 of Tell Me Softly

I focused on those blue eyes I liked so much, felt the trust that he transmitted to me with his kind expression, and decided I could tell him. “I was with Danny for two years, so yeah…we did it.”

“And…how was it?”

“I don’t think I’ll answer that.”

“That means it sucked. I’m not surprised.”

“Taylor,” I said, “you were just talking about how much harder it is for girls to enjoy sex.”

“And I stand by my word.”

“Trust me, it’s not.”

“Of course it is, Kam. Check the statistics.”

“I don’t need statistics. I know my body. I know perfectly how to…”

I stopped, feeling the blood rush into my neck and cheeks as I realized what I was about to reveal to him. Taylor smiled, but his look was deep, intense, and I thought, Dammit, Taylor, don’t look at me like that!

“Were you about to tell me you touch yourself?”

“No!” I fired back.

“You do, though.”

I wanted to run out of his house, but instead, I got defensive, saying, “So? It’s perfectly natural anyway.”

“It sure is. I do it basically every day.”

I laughed and shook my head.

“And you can bet I’ll do it tonight thinking about the image you just put in my head…”

As he said that, you could hear a pin drop. My breathing quickened. He was staring straight into my soul. “I don’t think it’s appropriate for you to imagine your friend…”

“Touching herself beneath the sheets?” He interrupted me, scooting his chair closer. “OK, then, let’s make a deal. I won’t imagine you doing it to yourself, but I will imagine me doing it to you…”

For an instant, I saw that too. Me in bed, Taylor touching me, kissing me, making me enjoy sex for the first time.

“You can’t even imagine the things I’d do to you,” he finished.

How had we ended up in this situation? First we were talking about a class project on human reproduction, and now we were hinting at what we’d do to each other in bed?

I guess the assignment did sort of pave the way for it; it’s just that I never thought that way could exist between Taylor and me. Between my friend Taylor and me.

As he edged close to me, despite every rational thought in my head, the only thing I wanted was for him to kiss me. I closed my eyes, I felt his breath on my face, his hands touching my knee, his fingers slowly climbing upward…

“Did you like the cake?” Taylor’s mother interrupted us then, and as she walked in, we jumped back to our place. Katia must have seen something, but she pretended everything was normal. Taylor leaned back, still looking at me, and answered his mother calmly.

“It was delicious, Mom.”

“Have you figured out what you’re going to do for your project?” She placed her cup in the sink and took a glance at the notebook on the table. It lay open with not a single word in it, just a few of my doodles.

I wanted to run away. I needed to take in what had been about to happen just then. Taylor was supposed to be my friend, we weren’t supposed to be any more than that…or were we? Did he have feelings for me?

“I think we have, Mom,” Taylor said, pulling his laptop toward him.

“What?” she asked, surprised. But she wasn’t really paying attention. She had started rummaging around in the refrigerator, looking for something she could make Taylor for dinner, I assumed.

“We’re going to discuss myths surrounding female sexuality. What do you think?”

I blinked, wondering where the hell he’d gotten that from.

“Myths, huh?” his mom said.

“Yep. We’re going to reveal what everyone’s been getting wrong.”

I smiled and nodded.

“I like it,” she said.

Taylor looked at me and mouthed the words I like you . My God. I really did need to get out of there. I was feeling a tingling in my stomach, and I didn’t know what to do with it, and I needed time to myself to think all this over.

“I’ve got to go,” I said. “If I’m not home soon, my mom will kill me.” I looked up at Katia, who was beating a bowl of eggs, and her warm smile made me wish I could just spend the night there.

“Of course, honey,” she said, wiping her hands on her apron. “It’s late. You can come back any time, though.”

This made me feel loved and awkward at the same time, and that feeling only worsened as Taylor walked me to the door.

“That was fun, right?” he asked, hands in his pockets and smirking.

I paused, trying to be calm. “Taylor…”

“You don’t have to say anything,” he said, stopping me, covering my lips softly with one of his fingers. “I like being with you. I always have. Everything else can wait.”

I didn’t understand what that was supposed to mean, but I also didn’t want to stick around to discuss it. I stood on my tiptoes to kiss him on the cheek, but surprised myself by sliding over to the corner of his lips. Don’t ask me why—I just did it, without thinking.

Taylor grabbed my arm, and I thought that touch would make me melt.

What had happened in the kitchen was continuing now, and this time, I was the one who’d started it.

I wanted badly to kiss him; maybe that would make clear to me what I really felt, maybe then I could see if risking it all was worth it, if being lovers really meant more than being friends.

For days, I realized, I’d been thinking about it without admitting it to myself and dwelling on everything I felt when I was close to him: security, heat, attraction…

If anyone had told me then where I was headed, I’d have gone back in time and sat next to someone else to get a different partner for my biology project. Screw that: I’d have avoided any contact with Taylor Di Bianco whatsoever.

But nobody can tell us where our decisions lead, right?

Poor little Kamila…if only you knew what was in store for you.