Page 61 of Sunrises & Salvation

I have to cough into my hand to cover up my laugh.

Hunter is patting his pockets furiously, looking for the ring he’s been doing a horrible job of hiding.

We’re standing in line at TSA, and he’s behind me, trying to figure out what to do with it before he goes through.

If he had put it in the suitcase, I would have found it, but I bet it’s dawning on him now that he’ll have to take it out of his pocket.

At first, when he started acting secretive, I thought something else was going on.

Not that he was cheating, but that he was losing interest in me.

In our relationship. When he started constantly calling Kian and asking him to come over, I thought they were brainstorming ways for Hunter to leave me.

But one day, when I came across a black velvet ring box underneath the sink in our bathroom while I was looking for a replacement blade for my razor, I had to hold in my gasp of surprise.

He was lying in bed, relaxing before he had to go to work.

I calmly put the box back in the drawer and covered it with a spare loofah.

When he left for work, I tucked it under his boxers in his underwear drawer, hoping that he would think he just misplaced it. And that night, he looked happier and more carefree than he had been for a month. He must have thought he lost it.

Now we’re on our way to California, we’re staying in a condo on the beach, watching the sun and moon on the water, and enjoying each other’s presence.

I wanted to propose to him first, but now I’m going to let him have his moment.

I still have the ring I want to give him, but I keep it on a chain, and it’s tucked into a fold in my wallet, hidden behind the picture of him from two years ago, when he was telling me a funny story about a customer.

He looked so perfect in that moment, I knew I had to capture it and keep it forever.

Our plane lands, and I navigate us through the airport while Hunter looks around and talks to me about all the different stores he wants to visit while we’re here.

When he says Burberry, I know my wallet is in danger.

Just kidding. I wanted to give him a black card linked to my account, but he wouldn’t go for it.

Now he just trades sexual favors in turn for using my money.

I have more than enough, and he knows that.

The only thing besides him that might make me go broke is Trent and Kian’s twins, those two know how to sucker me into anything.

Even if Kian taught them to call me Uncle Dum, but since they’re cute, I’ll allow it.

The car is waiting for us in pickup. I throw our suitcases in the back while Hunter scrolls on his phone. Hopefully he’s looking up something for dinner, because I’m starving, and the snacks they give on the plane are never enough to satisfy me.

We get to the condo, and I park the car in front of the garage door. If we’re planning on leaving for dinner later, there’s no point in putting it up now.

My phone chimes in my pocket, and I reach in and grab it.

Hunter lets the two separate group chats know that we made it safely.

There’s a chorus of ringtones, and I flip the switch on my phone so it won’t bother me anymore.

I love my friends and my future in-laws, but after a long day, I need a break. My mind is at capacity.

“Pizza for dinner?” Hunter asks, stopping beside me in the kitchen and resting his hip against the counter.

“Sounds great,” I say, exhaustion lacing my tone. He smiles at me and wraps me in his arms. I tilt my chin up so I can rest it on his head, smelling his coconut and honey shampoo, the one smell that relaxes me.

“Good, because I already called it in while you were off in lala land.” He kisses my Adam’s apple, and I hold back the shiver of pleasure that wants to course through my body.

“Thank you,” I tell him sincerely. Even after all these years, he’s still the best caretaker in the world. He reads other people’s emotions better than anyone I’ve ever met, and I’m the luckiest man in the world to get to spend the rest of my life with him.

He drags our bags to our bedroom and starts taking the clothes out and sorting them by what he wants to fold and what he wants to hang up. I hand them to him at his request, and he pecks me on the mouth every time he grabs something from me.

When the doorbell rings, he follows me into the dining room. He starts grabbing plates while I get the pizza.

He turns on a movie, an old action flick from back in the early 2000s. The graphics are awful, but the fighting is entertaining enough while we eat.

Hunter burps, covering his mouth and flushing red in embarrassment. I reach my hand out and wipe a smidge of pizza sauce from his face.

I gather our dirty dishes and the leftovers.

I wash the dishes quickly, not wanting to leave a mess, because Hunter is the type of person to wash dishes as soon as he gets them dirty.

It’s one of the small details I’ve learned about him since we moved in together.

Separate darks from colors in the wash, dishes done the same night, and sweep the floors every day.

If that’s all it takes to make him happy, I’ll sacrifice a little lounging time to do it for him.

“Do you want to take a walk by the beach?” he asks, walking into the kitchen and wiping his palms on his khaki shorts.

My heart is in my throat, and I try to swallow down my excitement at what this could mean.

A romantic walk on the beach, right at sunset, the waves lapping against the shore. It’s perfect.

I clear my throat and say “yes” more confidently than I feel. He lets out a long exhale and smiles.

Our walk on the beach is not when he proposes. Neither is the next day. Or the next. I’m getting antsy, wondering if I’ve been thinking about this all wrong.

My birthday is tomorrow, and the last thing I want to do is celebrate.

We’re currently sitting at some expensive restaurant on a pier overlooking the ocean, and I can’t even enjoy it.

I push around the lobster ravioli on my plate, not taking a bite but just making a mess with the sauce.

I thought for sure he would have already asked me, but he hasn’t, and the more time that passes, the more worried I get.

What if he changed his mind? What if he realized he doesn’t want to get married, and he’s fine with us living together for the rest of our lives with our fur babies?

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t need a piece of paper to tell me that Hunter is mine.

But I’ve been holding on to a dream that one day we’ll share the same last name.

I think Adam Collins has a nice ring to it.

Instead, I’m pouting over a plate of food while Hunter furiously texts someone on his phone. He puts it into his pocket and reaches his hand out to mine, that’s grasping the fork.

“You okay, love?” His eyebrows furrow over his dark eyes, and I feel a stab of pain in my chest, ricocheting through my body while I try to fight through the ridiculous pain.

“Yeah, fine. Just don’t feel well.” His lips downturn and he comes around the table to stand by me, placing the back of his hand against my forehead.

“You don’t feel warm, what’s wrong? Let me flag down our waiter, and we can take this food to go so you can rest.” I don’t want to rest, are the words I want to say to him.

I try to fake a smile, but he sees right through it.

“Go wait in the car, in the passenger seat. I’ll take care of this and drive us home.

” Tears burn the backs of my eyes, but I do what he says, pushing back from the table and standing up, walking out of the restaurant with my head lowered.

It’s stupid of me to be this worried, there’s no reason to be.

Hunter loves me. He has chosen me, time and time again over the years.

I get in the car and check my phone, there’s one notification, so I open it up.

Trent: How’s everything in California?

Great, fantastic, amazing. Obviously all sarcasm, but I can’t let Trent know anything is wrong. Because as much as I love the guy, he’ll tell Kian. And then Kian will tell Hunter, and it’ll become one big thing. I need to fix this on my own.

Adam: Great, we just finished dinner and we’re about to head back to our condo.

The text bubble pops up immediately. I stare at it, waiting for the swooshing sound of an incoming message.

Trent: Already?

Adam: That’s what I said, isn’t it?

Okay, the snarkiness was uncalled for. I’ll apologize to him about it later, but right now, I just want to be alone.

I want to take a minute and decompress from all these wild thoughts running through my head.

Thoughts that my therapist would have a field day with, no matter how many times she claps for my improvement.

There will always be that part of me that’s scared to lose Hunter again.

He opens my message and doesn’t respond. No typing bubbles or anything. I toss my phone into the cupholder and stare out the window, taking in the array of red, orange, and yellow as the sun casts its glow over the city.

Hunter opens the driver’s door and I startle, not expecting him so soon.

“Ready?”

“Yeah,” I answer blandly, not looking at him. I know he’ll see my thoughts written on my face, and I’m trying my hardest not to make him upset right now.

The ride back to the condo is quiet, not even the radio playing a song to fill the awkward silence brewing between us.

“Can you wait right here? Just for a minute,” Hunter requests as soon as he parks the car in the driveway.

“Sure.” He leans across the console and kisses my temple.

I don’t have to wait long, and he’s back opening my door and helping me out of the car.

“Did you have fun tonight?” Hunter asks me, holding my hand in his, and I can feel the clamminess of it. I try not to get my hopes up again.

“It was fun, the ravioli was good,” I offer lamely, and he chuckles, turning his head toward mine and reaching on his tiptoes to kiss my lips.

I kiss him back, letting myself fall into him.

This is easy. Having his lips on mine reminds me that this is Hunter, my Hunter.

He would never let me fall; he will always protect me.

“You barely ate any of it.”

“I wasn’t hungry.”

He pushes open the door, and the lights are all off. There’s a slight glow coming from the backyard. Hunter leads me that way.

“I love you. I’m sorry I haven’t been showing it as well as I should have these past few days,” he says. I shake my head.

“No, it’s been perfect,” I tell him, and Hunter scoffs, pushing the back door open.

“No, it hasn’t been, but maybe this will make up for it.”

I lift my eyes up, and the backyard is covered in small tea lights. There’s a table in the center of the yard, and from afar it looks like… a letter? Like a folded-up piece of paper propped up against the elements.

I look at Hunter, and he tilts his head. I approach it carefully. Honestly, with my stealth, they should hire me for the bomb squad.

Behind the note is a framed photo of me and Hunter, both of us smiling widely. Not at the camera, but at each other. So much love and joy is radiating from this picture, I have to brush a tear out of my eye.

I pick up the letter, letting my eyes scan the words through the blur of moisture, and I let out a choked sob when I get to the end.

Turning around, Hunter is down on one knee, looking up at me and holding the ring in his hand.

“Adam, will you?—”

He doesn’t get the last words out before I’m hauling him off his feet and squeezing him to me, feeling his heartbeat in his chest match the rhythm of mine. And I know that home isn’t a place. It never has been. Home has been this man, and it always will be.

“Yes, for fuck’s sake yes,” I mumble into his ear. Tears are streaming down my face, but I don’t wipe them away. I bury my face into his shoulder and let my emotions escape me. He’ll anchor me. He maneuvers my hand and slips the cool metal band onto my finger.

“It’s about damn time,” a voice says, promptly followed by an “Ow, that hurt.”

I look over my shoulder and see six people staring at us from the side of the porch. Trent, Kian, Harley, Oliver, Cheryl, and Daniel. Our family.

“You did all of this?” I ask him, shock lacing my tone.

“They were supposed to get here the same day as us, but someone”—he cuts his eyes over to his best friend, and I see Kian shrink a little in on himself—“got sick and couldn’t get out of bed.”

“That’s why it took you so long? Collins, I was panicking,” I admit, ashamed of myself for ever doubting him.

“I know you were, but I didn’t want to do it without our family here. I wanted them to see the day we began the rest of our lives together.”

They come over and congratulate us. Harley and Oliver are tasked with picking up all the candles. Kian promised them a surprise if they got it done fast. I just think he didn’t want to be on clean-up duty.

I hold Hunter to me all night, taking in every moment and knowing that no matter what comes next, I’ll have him.

Forever.