Page 27 of Sunrises & Salvation

ADAM

W hen I woke up alone in my bed, I thought for sure Hunter was just an early riser and hanging out somewhere in my dorm, waiting for me.

He wasn’t. He left me, without a note or a goodbye. That was a horrible way to start my morning, and the pathetic sadness I felt was a constant reminder of it throughout the day. I didn’t pay attention in my classes. I didn’t have the energy to fake enthusiasm when my friends came over.

The most energy I could muster was texting Hunter. He probably thought I was insane when I kept texting with no response, but I was desperate. Miserable as I watched all of my messages go unread and the clock ticked later and later.

He never texted me, and this morning, when I texted him again, no response. But worse than the no response was the green bubble that popped up, not blue like it had been sending.

In a moment of weakness and idiocy, I text Danielle.

Adam: Have you heard from Hunter?

Danielle: Yeah, he texted me last night. Why?

Fuck, why was I texting her? She had been suspicious last night when I was all but shuffling her out of my dorm, but I can’t tell her about Hunter. Not yet. But I will.

Adam: He left his notebook in my car, it looks like it’s his note for Physical Science.

Danielle: I’ll swing by and get it after class, we’re meeting at the library.

I can’t let her come here, because I very obviously do not have a notebook of Hunter’s.

Adam: Is it cool if I meet you there and I’ll bring it with me? I have some studying I need to get done as well.

Danielle: Sure, third floor bay 5. Bring snacks though, I’m hungry.

Showing up at the library with an old notebook of mine is not my finest moment, but I’ll do whatever it takes to see Hunter. I need to see him, to lay my eyes on him and make sure he’s okay. Because if he is okay, why didn’t he come over after his date? Why did he go radio silent on me?

The library is closest to Hunter’s dorm, and that explains why he’s here so often. I swore after the first time I happened to see him that it was just a coincidence. That coincidence turned into walking across campus to the library just to get a glimpse of him.

I won’t be walking out of this library today without an explanation. He said he would give this thing between us a chance if I promised to tell Danielle, and I will tell her. Soon.

Fuck. This is the worst because not only will I be keeping a secret from Danielle, I’ll also be keeping a secret from Hunter.

I could solve the problem if I told Danielle.

But my problem is, I don’t want her to know.

I want to keep this thing between me and Hunter just between us, until I can put into words what’s actually going on inside my head.

I don’t even know what’s going on in there; all I know is that I want Hunter.

Danielle would understand, because Hunter is the easiest person to want to love.

And she’s my best friend, aside from Brittany, and even Brittany doesn’t know our relationship is fake.

If Danielle slips up, even accidentally, it would send my whole world crumbling.

I approach Bay 5 with my bag of snacks for Danielle and Hunter, and the notebook securely tucked under my arm. Here goes nothing.

I push the door open, and there are three people in the room. Danielle, Hunter, and Thomas. Thomas, who took Hunter on a date last night. My Hunter.

“Thank god, have I mentioned how amazing you are?” I hand her the bag and take the open spot at the desk. Beside Danielle and in front of Hunter.

His head is tilted down while he looks at the notes scribbled on a printout of a slideshow.

He avoids my eyes as I sit, as I set a pack of freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies in front of him.

They’re not his mom’s homemade ones, but I thought they would work in a pinch.

Turns out, he’s not interested in anything to do with me.

“Did you bring Hunter’s notebook?” Danielle asks, and Hunter’s eyes snap up to hers. He opens his mouth to call me out on my bullshit lie, but I beat him to it.

“I left it in my dorm room. I was more worried about making sure you got food in your system before you turned into the wicked witch.” She glares at me, but Hunter won’t even look my way.

Thomas distracts Danielle when he asks her a question about whatever they’re studying, the number of notes and textbooks spread between them taking up a majority of the table.

I pull my phone out and attempt to text Hunter.

Green, my messages are still turning green. And when I don’t see his phone on the table light up with an incoming notification, I know he has me blocked.

My eyebrows crease as I stare at him, cocking my head to the side to watch him make notes.

“What are you studying?” I ask him, trying to make any conversation I can with him.

“English lit, we have a test tomorrow.” I still can’t see his beautiful brown eyes, and his cheeks have lost their rosy color.

“Want help studying?”

“No.” Well, I can take a hint. But one thing he doesn’t realize is that I’m not giving up on him that easily.

While they study, I take out my laptop and get back to work on my project. The hidden folder is tucked deep where no one will ever look, but it’s better to be safe than sorry. If I ever want to escape from the Carter name, it’ll take all the resources I can find.

My eyes are bleary from staring at the dim screen of my laptop for too long. I found a few legal documents that might help me, but the hardest part is making sure there’s no other legal jargon that opposes my argument.

Maybe I’ll be a lawyer one day, just like my dad wanted. But instead of helping rich people find loopholes for cheating the system, I can help minorities fight for the basic human rights they deserve.

“I’m done for the night,” Danielle says on a yawn, standing up and stretching. Thomas closes his textbook and rubs his eyes with one hand, and with the other, massages Hunter’s shoulder. My eye twitches as I stare at his hand on Hunter.

“Me too,” Thomas says and starts organizing and putting away his notes.

Hunter finally looks at me, and a look of desperation crosses his face. But desperation for what ?

“You want me to walk you back to your dorm?” Thomas asks, and I see red.

“I’m walking with him. We have to go by my room to get his notebook,” I snap at Thomas, and he looks taken aback before he straightens and looks at Hunter.

“Is that okay with you?”

Hunter nods. His teeth are clenched, and I watch as his jaw flexes. I feel triumphant as he packs his bag and slings it over his shoulder, not looking at me. I have him backed into a corner. And if he doesn’t want to talk, that’s fine. But he will listen to what I have to say.

He can play these games all he wants, but what he has forgotten is that not only am I selfish, I’m patient. Short-term games are fine and fun, but I excel at the long game.

Thomas grabs Hunter’s hand, and they walk out of the bay and start down the hallway. I follow behind at a respectable distance with Danielle.

“Did you find anything good?” she asks, her voice hopeful.

“Maybe. I’ll have to search a little bit more, but it looks promising.” I hate to get her hopes up, but when I started looking at ways to go around my parents’ will, I had to include Danielle. I didn’t want to inadvertently fuck her life up with mine.

Now that our lives are woven together, the decisions I make affect her. The only secret I’ve been keeping is the biggest one that could implode and destroy everything. But Hunter is worth it, and I’ll work tirelessly to find a way around the stipulations.

Having a college degree was a fine requirement; it was more of an annoyance than anything.

The marriage aspect is what fucked us both over, because the agreement between my parents and her mom was supposed to be a courtship.

We should have been able to end it at any time because we were teenagers, two sixteen-year-olds who should have been able to experiment.

But of course, when they died, the courtship turned into binding language in the eyes of the law.

The friendship we’ve formed in our time together has saved me from the darkest days, but now it’s weighing me down.

“Keep me updated and let me know what I need to do.”

I will, I always do. And no matter how many times we get our hopes crushed, I still dust off my jacket and start again from scratch.