Page 35 of Sunrises & Salvation
ADAM
H unter is sitting up in bed, staring at the black screen of his phone, when I crack my eyes open, the bright sun peeking in through the blinds and coating his skin in the golden sheen.
“Good morning.” My voice is deep with sleep, feeling like gravel spilling up my throat and out of my mouth. “How long have you been awake?”
He doesn’t say anything, he just clutches his phone tighter in his palms while he flexes his jaw.
Something’s wrong, really wrong. He wouldn’t act like this for no reason, not my little ray of sunshine.
When he has woken up before me in the past, he’s always trailed teasing fingers across my chest until I’ve awoken.
Whatever is wrong, I need to fix it. Now.
“What’s wrong, Collins?” I lean up on my elbows, letting the blanket pool around my waist, and reach a hand out to brush along his forearm. He flinches away from my touch, and I feel an ache make its way through my chest. “Baby, please talk to me,” I plead with him, watching his blank stare.
“Do you think I’m a bad person?” he finally asks, his tone cold.
I shake my head quickly, reaching out for him again and wrapping my hand around his forearm, pulling him closer to me. He barely budges.
“No. No, ” I state, steeling my voice so he can hear how serious I am. “Why would you think that?” The real question I want to ask him is why he thinks so lowly of himself constantly.
“Thomas texted me. Heard I kissed you at the party last night.” Fuck. Fuck. This is not Hunter’s fault, and I should have known that it would come down to this.
Everything we’ve done has been because of me, because I was selfish and wanted him all to myself. I didn’t even consider how it would come across to other people.
But Hunter is mine, damnit. Thomas was not right for him in any way, shape, or form.
“He wants to talk today.”
“Are you going to?”
“Obviously, I think I owe it to him to tell the truth.” My gut clenches. I don’t want Hunter to do it by himself, because he’s already so empathetic, and feels more feelings for other people than I could ever understand. He didn’t want to hurt Thomas, and he still doesn’t.
“What are you going to say?” Don’t deny us. Don’t deny me . I won’t be able to stomach it if he goes there and Thomas worms his way back into Hunter’s life and replaces me. I’ve never felt this way about anyone, and I never will again.
The words I want to say are on the tip of my tongue, begging me to release them and let them take on a life of their own. But that’s not fair to Hunter, not now, when he’s already struggling.
“I’m going to tell him the truth, I won’t tell him that it’s you, but I’m going to tell him I moved on.
It’s not fair to him, and I’m already sick thinking about it.
I just feel… awful. That I let this happen.
No one deserves to have that happen to them.
And I did it. I lied and kept telling myself that it’s okay.
” He sniffles, a stray tear falling out of his eye and trailing down his face. “But it’s not okay. It was never okay.”
I try to say something, but he keeps going.
“Aren’t you worried I’m going to cheat on you, too?
How could you not be? There’s a whole saying that if they’ll cheat with you, they’ll cheat on you.
I don’t want to be like that.” The tears are streaming down his face faster and I cup his cheeks in my hand, turning his head toward me, staring at his red-rimmed eyes, his eyelashes sticking together.
I kiss his forehead, then both his eyelids, both rosy cheeks, and then the scar on his upper lip that I love so much.
“I’m not worried about that at all. Do you want to know why?
” I stare into his brown eyes, willing him to listen and understand what I’m saying.
Understand how hard it is for me to put myself on the line like this, but I’ll do it for him.
I’ll do anything for him. “Because that’s not who you are, Hunter.
What we are is inevitable. We were meant to be together.
My body was made to be yours; my heart was meant to be owned by you and only you.
It fucking sucks that we had to hurt other people.
” I don’t care about other people’s emotions as much as he does, but I won’t say that. “But we did what we had to do.”
His laugh is choked, and he closes his eyes. “That’s a shitty way to justify cheating on someone.”
I shrug my shoulders, my ruthless upbringing wanting to rear its ugly head, but I push it down. “It’s life, Collins. Someone’s always going to get hurt.”
“I wish it wasn’t me that was hurting people, though.” I don’t know what to say to that. I want to take all of the blame off his shoulders and put it on mine. Let me confront Thomas and tell him that it was all me, and Hunter was an innocent bystander. But that won’t do us any good.
Hunter doesn’t want to talk about it anymore though, he closes his eyes and leans his head back against my headboard, inhaling and exhaling deep breaths. The tears have stopped, but his body is still slightly trembling.
I let go of his face and straddle his thighs. He doesn’t open his eyes, but that’s okay. I want to comfort him in any way that I can. I’m not the best at it, but I’ll try my fucking hardest to make sure he knows he’s not alone. He’ll never be alone again.
I wrap my arms around him and rest my head on his shoulder, holding us together.
We lay like that, wrapped up together, until my bladder screams in protest from being neglected for so long.
“I’m going to make breakfast,” Hunter says, pushing off the bed and kissing the nape of my neck while he walks by me.
“Please tell me it’s crêpes.” That’s one of the recipes his mom taught him when we were over there, and those things have something addictive in them. That’s the only thing I can come up with because I ate five in one sitting for dinner after helping Hunter’s dad put up their new fence.
“I’ll never tell.” He smirks and swats me on the ass, leaving me to take care of my bladder while he goes to the kitchen.
He’s definitely making crêpes. I made sure to purchase all the needed ingredients and way too many options for toppings for them.
We’re probably going to burn out on them at some point, but as my stomach rumbles in appreciation, I know that today is not that day.
The crêpes are delicious, and I’m not even surprised because Hunter puts so much time and effort into making them perfectly thin and crispy, but not too crispy. He even topped them with fresh blueberry syrup that he made from the blueberries I picked up at the store.
After breakfast, we sit on the couch with The Office streaming in the background while Hunter works on some art for his next bookmark he wants to release. He keeps flipping his screen around for me to oohh and aahh at. I don’t know much about creating art, but it’s his strong suit.
I watch him furrowing his eyebrows and nibbling on his bottom lip while he concentrates on the screen. I should be working on my own homework or researching, but sitting here just existing with him is something I don’t want to miss.
“I’m going to meet with Thomas for dinner,” he finally says, grabbing the remote off the coffee table and pausing in the middle of Michael Scott saying something.
“Okay. Where?” I’m not going to show up. I’m not. I’m just purely curious.
“The Mexican restaurant right off campus, I’m going to walk there and meet him.
“Want me to walk with you?” I offer, wanting him to know that I support him in doing this, and I’ll still stand proudly by his side.
“No, it’s okay. But I was wondering if you could talk to Danielle tonight as well?
I don’t want this to come out and for her to feel betrayed by either of us.
” I gulp. I know I should talk to her, but a part of me is still holding off on doing it.
I don’t know why, and it doesn’t make sense.
But I wanted to keep it from her, just a little while longer.
“Yeah, sure.” I force the words out with confidence I don’t feel. The thought of talking to Danielle stresses me out, but I know I have to do it because that’s the only way I can have him.
Hunter kisses me and walks out of my dorm room, taking the little slice of happiness that I feel with him away. He’ll be back soon, bringing the happy feeling back with him. He’s my only reason for existing at this point.