Page 18 of Sunrises & Salvation

ADAM

I n my rush to leave, I realize I have no fucking clue how to get back to Hunter’s house. My irritation grows with every step I take, knowing that the direction I’m going in is wrong because none of it looks familiar. Or maybe it is right. Who fucking knows? Not me.

I love Danielle, I really do. She’s been one of my closest friends for the longest time, but she knows just what to say to piss me off.

Talking about her college classes is the first thing, because the lies we’ve weaved about them are astronomical now, and we don’t need to get another person involved.

Does she care? No, because as soon as she graduates, she’s planning on throwing the middle finger up to her mother.

And I understand and respect that, I really do, but my life is also on the line here.

Bringing up my trust fund was a low blow because she knows that’s not all it is to me.

It’s never been about the money; it’s been about making sure greedy people don’t end up with it.

Now that Hunter knows I have money waiting for me, he’s going to treat me differently, like everyone else, expecting me to pay their way and buy them anything they want.

I wanted the illusion that Hunter might like me for me to last a little bit longer, but we can’t always get what we want. My life is proof of that.

Money doesn’t make a person happy, no matter how much it is. But it has the capacity to help people who need it. That’s the only reason I’m doing this dog and pony show with Danielle.

The sunlight can barely be seen through the thickness of the trees overhead. An eerie silence surrounds me.

I wish I hadn’t come this weekend, I knew it was going to be a disaster. But I’m a glutton for punishment and seeing Hunter and knowing I’ll never be able to have him, no matter how desperate I am for it.

Would he give me a chance if I wasn’t me? Would he walk down the sidewalk holding my hand and tell everyone how glad he is to have me?

“Adam!” his deep voice calls, echoing off the trees and sounding like it’s coming from all angles. Or maybe that’s my brain firing off too many signals to truly comprehend.

“Adam! Where are you?” he calls again, his voice sounding panicked.

A petty part of me doesn’t want to answer.

Let him wander these woods until he tires and leaves me be.

But as much as I try to be an asshole to him, something inside of me begs me to be kind to him.

To treat him differently than everyone else. It’s a constant war inside my mind.

He’s closer now, I can hear his footsteps across the foliage and his mumbling.

“I’m here,” I say, more subdued than I should, and I mentally kick myself for sounding weak. Carter men are supposed to be strong. We don’t feel like normal people. We take other people’s emotions and use them for our own benefit.

“I’m so lucky I found you.” His huff of breath sounds… thankful. Thankful that he found me. It causes a weird flutter in my chest, knowing even after that little show with Danielle, he’s not seeing me differently. At least not yet.

He appears around a tree and his face is flushed, the bright pink contrasting with his dark hair and dark eyes. His pouty pink lips are wet, probably from how he’s been licking them. I want to put my mouth against his. I want to feel his tongue against my lips while we battle for dominance.

“What were you thinking?” he says, stopping in front of me and glaring.

His brown eyes are wide and framed by thick, dark lashes.

I thread my fingers together in front of my body to fight the urge to trace the scar on his upper lip like I did earlier.

It was a moment of weakness, but one that’s getting harder and harder to stay strong against.

“You could have gotten lost out here,” he snaps again, taking a step closer until our chests bump and my hands push against his stomach.

“But I didn’t.”

“Now is not the time for semantics. That was dumb, and I’m mad at you.” His bottom lip quivers, and his eyes soften. Oh fuck. He was worried about me.

“I’m sorry, Collins. I was just mad. I would have found my way back.” At some point , I mentally add, because I am way too stubborn to die of exposure to the elements.

I let my arms fall, and he takes another step closer, the front of our bodies fully pressed together. I follow my instincts and wrap my arms around him in a hug. The touch feels foreign, I don’t even hug Danielle.

He burrows his face into my neck and wraps his arms around my lower back, the palms of his hands pressing into me. Electricity sparks, and it flows through my veins. Rubbing my chin against his head and trailing my hands up and down his back, I murmur apologies. The words feel foreign on my tongue.

“It’s okay. I’m okay. We’re okay,” I say into his hair, the sharpness of his shampoo and the fresh smell of sweat filling my senses.

We stand like that, the two of us surrounded by the quiet of the woods, and it’s the first time I’ve felt calmness working its way inside me. No self-deprecating thoughts, no need to push people away so they can’t see how fucked up I really am. It’s just me and Hunter.

I press a kiss to the crown of his head, his smooth hair tickling my lips and my nose.

“Did you just kiss me?” His voice is hushed, trying to blend in with the noiseless world around us.

I don’t want to admit it, because he should hate me.

He needs to hate me. I’ve been an asshole to him, no matter how good my intentions are for pushing him away.

But I’m weak now and I can’t do it anymore.

He’s burrowed himself inside of me, with his bright smiles and scarred upper lip.

His sunshine and constant state of joy that he shows other people.

His smartness and quick wit. There are so many amazing things about him, and I’m worried I’m going to poison him.

To take away his sunshine and make the world a depressing place.

I’m selfish, though, I always have been, and I’ve never cared about the repercussions before. I’m not going to start caring now.

“What would you say if I said yes?” I ask, my voice sounding strange to my own ears. Excitement and nervousness thrum in the air between us.

“I would tell you it’s a bad idea for you to do that.

” I can sense a but coming, so I keep him wrapped up in my arms, refusing to budge an inch.

He doesn’t try to step away, though. If anything, I can feel his body shudder.

“You have a girlfriend.” I do have a girlfriend, but I could not give less of a shit about her right now.

I can’t tell Hunter that, because it will make him feel awful.

He’s too good, with morals and a sense of righteousness.

I don’t have the conscience to do the right thing right now.

I have the compulsion to splay him out underneath me and give him everything I have.

I’ve never wanted to bare myself to another person, but I have to fight the craving not to do it with him.

“Would you stop me? If I leaned down right now and pressed my lips to yours? Would you push me off?” His Adam’s apple bobs.

“Tell me, Collins, tell me no. And I won’t kiss you.” Silence.

I lean back, grabbing his chin in my hand and tilting his head up to make his eyes meet mine. There’s a war inside of them, just like mine. But he is worrying about doing the right thing. I want to see how far I can push him.

I’m holding contact with his brown eyes, seeing the slight gold flakes inside of them, and committing them to memory like sunflowers in a field. Growing freely and being nurtured by the sunlight.

“You need to stop me.” I give him one more chance, waiting to see if he’s willing to defy his moral compass for just a taste.

I’m willing to risk more than I thought possible for another person.

My inheritance, my life, every tangible thing I know could disappear, but with him in front of me like this, those things don’t matter.

The only thing that matters is his mouth on mine.

Hunter rolls his lips inside his mouth, the tanned skin turning pale from the pressure. He’s not telling me no. He’s not telling me no.

I swoop in, pressing my mouth to his in an uncoordinated move. The impulse to open my mouth and shove my tongue down his throat and swallow him whole is strong. But Hunter deserves more than that. He deserves soft kisses and nice words every day.

But he got me, and I’m not letting him go now that I have him in my grasp.

He lets out a startled gasp and pulls back. Eyes glazed as he stares at me, his lips pink and wet. Wet from my mouth. I can’t hold in the deep rumble in my chest. Hunter tries to pull back, but I don’t let him. His face is stricken, and his breathing is speeding up.

“Calm down, Collins. It’s just us out here. You’re okay.” My attempt at soothing falls flat because he’s pushing on my chest now.

“No! No! This is not okay! Your girlfriend is my friend. My only friend, need I remind you.” I don’t need to be reminded, because the thought went through my head before I kissed him.

“My girlfriend has nothing to do with me and you.” His eyes widen and then narrow.

“She has everything to do with me,” he snaps. He paces in a circle, grasping at the hair on the back of his neck and pulling tightly on the short strands.

“Hey, stop that. You’re going to hurt yourself,” I say, gently pulling his hand away from his hair and wrapping my hand in his. I can’t give him much, but I can try to be better for him. I need to be better for him.

“Stop! Just stop, Adam. We are going to walk back to get Danielle. Then we’re going to go back to my house.

We’re going to pretend that never happened.

And when we get back to campus Sunday, I never want to see you again.

” I nod, even though I have no intention of letting that happen.

I’ll let him think he won this time, but there will be no forgetting that kiss.

The only kiss I’ve shared with another person, and Hunter is going to be the only person I kiss.

Whether he wants to admit it or not, he’s mine now.

Hunter forces me to apologize to Danielle, and we are off, back to his house.

He and Danielle are walking in front of me, talking about whatever two people with nothing in common talk about.

Maybe they do have something in common—talking shit about me.

By the sneaked glances over Danielle’s shoulder and then Hunter following suit, it’s pretty obvious they’re talking about me.

That’s fine by me, because nothing can kill the high I’m floating on right now.

I can still smell Hunter’s scent embedded in my nose and feel the press of his lips against mine.

My only regret is that I didn’t get to trace his scar with my tongue.

That will be the next thing on my agenda when I get him all alone.

Back at the house, they beg off to go work on something in Hunter’s room, leaving me in the kitchen with his mom.

I’m awkwardly twiddling my hands in front of me, no matter how much I want to fake confidence. His mom has those eyes that tell me she can see right through me and my bullshit.