Page 34 of Sunrises & Salvation
HUNTER
M y palms are sweaty, and I wipe them against the polyester fabric of my Halloween costume. The fundraiser that Zoey worked on was fun. Adam was by my side the whole time, pointing out different people he knew and introducing me to the few acquaintances he’s met around campus.
It was… Nice being in an inclusive environment and not having to hide my sexuality. Even though I can’t walk around holding my… Adam’s hand. It would cause an upset of epic proportions. Because I still haven’t talked to Thomas, and I doubt Adam has talked to Danielle.
The reasonable part of me is guilty, knowing that we’re deceiving not one but two separate people.
But Danielle will understand, I know she will.
She’s my closest friend, and she’ll be happy to know I’m happy.
And one day when she’s standing on the altar marrying the love of her life, I’ll hopefully be standing beside her.
Thomas is a whole other story. He’s been so stressed with exams, and it doesn’t feel right to put that hurt on him.
But last weekend with Adam and my parents was perfect.
The four of us hung out around the house, my mom teaching me a few different recipes, and while my dad and Adam were outside working on the fence, I pictured bringing him home with me all the time, watching my parents welcome him with open arms.
Our phones were thankfully silent while we were gone, and I haven’t seen Thomas since we got back from fall break. So maybe talking to him and telling him it isn’t working for us will be easy since we’re already becoming distant.
Adam’s hand brushes mine, the soft touch soothing.
“Ready?”
Ready as I’ll ever be, I guess.
We walk into the house, the loud music pumping and the bass from the pop song shaking the ground below my feet.
My teeth chatter against each other, the combination of the music and people’s yelled conversations already stressing me out.
I was not built for this. I’ve never been to a party.
I don’t know how to act in a public setting like this.
“Breathe, baby. You’re fine,” Adam whispers into my ear. The smooth fabric from his costume tickles my bare arm.
He’s right, I am fine. Just a little stressed and overwhelmed and wondering what the absolute heck we’re doing. The vibes we’re giving off with our matching Halloween costumes leaves little to imagination, this is different than two dudes being bros, this feels… Couple-y.
The white fabric of my angel costume soaks up the color from the flashing strobe lights by the speakers, bathing me in an array of colors.
My wings haven’t snagged on anything yet, thankfully.
The cropped top lets a breeze blow across my midriff, but it’s a welcome sensation in a house packed full of bodies.
Adam is dashing in his costume, the black, velvety material loosely draped across his chest. He has it completely unbuttoned, showing off the lines of sinewy muscle.
His eyes are lined with a dark charcoal eye shadow that he borrowed from Danielle, and it makes his blue eyes look ethereal.
He looks like the villain in every way, but I know underneath that he’s the exact opposite of a villain.
He’s my prince charming, asshole ways and all.
“Hunt!” Danielle squeals, and the crowd of people parts like the Red Sea to let her pass by.
She’s dressed like Greek royalty. A white sash adorns her body, artfully pinned to keep all her private parts private, but the flash of skin with every sway of the fabric screams temptation. Coupled with the sheen of gold glitter covering her body, she looks beautiful.
I’m hit with imposter syndrome, staring at her in all her beauty while I stand next to her boyfriend, whom I confessed my love to last week.
Something we’ve both pushed under the rug, and I refuse to let the hurt from that take root.
Not tonight. Not when I’m already struggling with everything else.
“You look so hot,” she screams in my ear, the smell of alcohol assaulting my nose.
I chance a look at Adam, and he’s staring at me, not at her, with a hint of amazement in his eyes. My cheeks flame.
She’s right, he mouths, his smile wide.
“So do you,” I say, wrapping my hands around her and pulling her into a hug.
Adam pats my shoulder and puts his arm around Danielle as well.
“Cute throuple,” Zoey says, her arm around Brittany’s back as they join the fold of our group.
“The cutest,” Brittany agrees, smiling at us, even though it doesn’t fully meet her eyes. I lower my gaze, my guilty conscience rearing its ugly head.
Danielle breaks the hug and grabs my hand, dragging me into the kitchen. Red cups full of beer line the counter, and behind that is a bowl of liquid full of mixed fruit the color of swamp water with a ladle hanging precariously off the rim.
This whole thing looks like my worst nightmare.
“Drink?” Danielle asks, waving her hand across the cups.
“Water?” She rolls her eyes and laughs loudly, the alcohol making its way through her system quickly.
Or maybe she’s been here awhile, because she sways as she walks to the stainless-steel fridge, opening one of the front doors and pulling two bottles of water out. Handing one to me and one to Adam.
She leads us through the crowd and out the back door, the spacious yard before us lined with fairy lights across the top of the gates. It’s quieter out here, with people separated into small groups while they sip their warm beer and talk about whatever it is that people talk about at parties.
She sits down on the grass, crossing her legs underneath her. “Sit by me,” she says, pouting out her bottom lip. I cut my eyes to Adam, and he’s squatting down to sit on the ground as well, leaving enough room between him and Danielle for me.
Brittany and Zoey join us.
Then a few more people.
And now the circle has almost tripled in size, the conversation cutting across the gap in the center. Danielle is laughing loudly beside me at something the person on the other side of her is saying.
“Having fun yet?” Adam asks me, his smile hesitant.
“So much,” I respond sarcastically. My body is tense, and my brain is working through the abundance of stories floating around, trying to focus on all of them at once but still not understanding anything.
“The more you take, the more you leave behind.”
“Footsteps. Seriously, you don’t have any better riddles? I’m pretty sure Angie has already used that one,” he groans, but his smile is bright in the dark night.
“Okay, Mr. Smarty Pants,” he taunts, leaning back on his hands. The loose fabric of his costume shirt falls open more, until I can see the top of his hip bone poking out from under his skin. I want to bite it. To leave the indentation from my teeth behind as a subtle show of him belonging to me.
“Did you know…” I try to think of a fun fact, but my mind is blanking. “It’s illegal to take naked pictures before noon on Sunday in Arizona?”
His laugh bursts out of him, loud enough to halt the conversation of people around us as they stare at him, all with different levels of confusion.
“How do you know that, Collins? Tried to take a good nude?” He waggles his eyebrows, and I shove him sideways. He falls over easily because he’s still laughing way too hard at me.
When his laughter dies down and everyone goes back to their conversations, he heaves a deep breath.
“We’ll be in Arizona next month for the ski trip after finals, I’ll be expecting some pictures.
After noon, of course.” He winks his darker eye at me and turns his attention back to the grass, picking the blades one by one.
“We should play spin the bottle!” someone shouts, the words slurred, and every other drunk person in the group agrees enthusiastically.
A bottle is produced, and the people across from me and Adam are arguing about who should go first, the person who suggested the game or the person who got the bottle.
“Just kiss each other and move on!” Danielle says, lifting her red solo cup in the air and slightly sloshing some of the liquid onto my lap. I glance down at the wet spot, watching as it seeps through the fabric.
“Great,” I mumble under my breath, rubbing my hand across it quickly to make it not look like I peed my pants.
“Here.” Adam maneuvers out of his shirt carefully, leaving his upper body bare and placing the soft fabric in my lap. We share a smile.
One by one, every person takes turns, spinning the bottle and kissing whoever ends up on the end where the bottle cap was.
Adam’s turn comes, and I watch the bottle spin round and round until it stops on a random girl five people down. She squeals loudly and comes over, smacking a loud kiss on his mouth and crawling back to her seat.
The flare of jealousy in my stomach is unwarranted. She doesn’t know that the love of his life is sitting right beside him, and his girlfriend on the other side. Maybe everyone will be so drunk that come tomorrow, no one will be able to remember the daggers I glared into the girl’s head.
I pull the bottle close to me, the cool glass heavy in my hand, and spin it, watching the bottle point to each person, until it slowly stops.
In front of Adam.
My throat clicks as I swallow, looking nervously around at the group. They’re waiting patiently, probably wondering what the heck my problem is, and why I’m not just leaning over and pressing a kiss to his mouth like everyone else.
My heart pounds in my chest, and my mouth is dry.
“It’s just a kiss, Hunter,” he says gently, leaning toward me. My eyes widen as I watch him gain momentum closer and closer until…
His soft lips meet mine in a tender kiss, no tongue or teeth, just the two of us.
For a moment, I pretend that this is real. That we’re out in public, holding hands and calling each other boyfriend, and it’s not a big deal if we kiss. Heck, it’s expected of us.
Wolf whistles break me out of my stupor, and I jerk back.
Danielle isn’t paying enough attention to watch me silently profess my love for her boyfriend. She takes her turn and kisses whoever it lands on. But my thoughts are still on the kiss Adam and I shared. In public. In front of people, and there were no repercussions.
The rest of the night, I sit with my heart in my throat, waiting for something to smite me out of existence. But it never comes.
And as Adam and I go back to his dorm room and fall into bed together, wrapped in each other’s arms, I feel unstoppable.