Page 23 of Sunrises & Salvation
HUNTER
A clean break between me and Adam would have been easier if I hadn’t pushed our boundaries this morning. He was still sleeping, and I was already cuddled up to his side; it shouldn’t have been bad to put my head on his chest. I could have blamed it on seeking out comfort while I was sleeping.
It was a lie, though, and that’s my instinct now. To lie. To protect me, to protect Danielle, and even in a messed-up way, to protect Adam. I don’t want to cause the downfall of their relationship just because I’m desperate for attention.
That’s all this is, I’m needy for someone to look at me and choose me. Someone who goes out of their way to pick me. And that’s not Adam. It can’t be Adam, because he already chose Danielle.
I can’t believe I asked him if he would break up with Danielle. What right did I have to do that? Danielle is my friend, and she doesn’t know that I want them to break up so I can have Adam to myself.
I shouldn’t be attracted to him; we have nothing in common. He’s rich, smart, and straight. All I would be for him is an experiment, a curiosity he needs to get out of his system before he graduates college and he and Danielle get married. And have three kids with a white picket fence.
I’m going to go on my date with Thomas tomorrow night and forget everything about Adam. Adam who? Danielle’s boyfriend. That’s all he will be known as from this moment on.
“You okay?” Adam asks, and I’m startled out of my internal turmoil.
I glance up, and he’s looking at me with furrowed brows through the rearview mirror. His left eye looks darker today than usual, or maybe it’s the fact that I’ve seen it up close enough to be able to notice the two different colors. I bet Danielle has noticed it too.
Not helping.
I clear my throat and nod my head. “Yeah, fine. Just tired.”
“Do you want to stop somewhere and get coffee? There’s a good coffee shop in the next town we go through.”
We’re still about an hour away from campus, so how would he know that?
“I looked it up before we left, different coffee shops along the way just in case you needed to stop.” My heart thumps loudly in my chest. In case I needed to stop.
“Oh, okay. Sure. Okay.” I mentally facepalm because I turn into a bumbling idiot when I’m trying to prove that his presence doesn’t affect me.
Danielle is asleep in the front seat with her headphones tucked into her ears and an eye mask covering her eyes. She has no idea the hurricane passing through me, all due to her boyfriend.
Adam swiftly takes the next exit and maneuvers through the early morning traffic to pull into an overcrowded coffee shop. The drive-through line is wrapped around the building, and there are no parking spots in the lot.
“We can go somewhere else,” I offer while Adam makes another loop around the parking lot. He shakes his head, the stubborn jerk.
Finally, a car backs out, and Adam pulls into the spot. I keep a chuckle from bursting free at the thought of another car swooping in and stealing it before Adam has a chance. That would be karma, right?
I get out of the back and stretch my legs, letting the afternoon heat wash over me. Danielle gets out of the car, and we follow behind Adam while he leads us into the busy coffee shop.
“They’re supposed to have some of the best coffee,” he remarks, holding the door open for me and Danielle. The flood of cool air causes goosebumps to break out on my arms. Adam rubs my arms with his palms briskly, and I glare at him over my shoulder. He shrugs his shoulders like there’s no problem.
Danielle is ahead of us, getting in line.
“Knock it off,” I hiss at him, trying to school my features the closer I get to Danielle.
She’s scanning the menu, and the electric music coming from the speakers is a nice reprieve from the hard metal we’ve been listening to since we left my parents’ house.
Adam gets in front of me and Danielle while we’re still skimming the menu.
“Can I get a water bottle, and he’ll take an iced lavender oat milk latte. Danielle, what do you want?” Danielle rattles off her order while I stare at Adam in shock.
“I’ll wait in the car,” I say. Looking at Danielle, I add, “Can you grab my drink for me?”
“I’ll get it for you. Are you okay, Collins?”
I nod and go out to wait by the car.
I sip my coffee and watch as the highway and trees fly by, letting the audiobook in my ears soothe me until I feel in control again.
When we finally get back to campus, my legs are coiled tight from being tucked under my body while I rested my head against the window. I must have dozed off at some point, and for that I’m grateful.
Adam parks in the same lot as we left from, and the memory of his awful words to me before we departed flashes in my mind. Do I seriously think someone can change that fast? That’s not possible, no matter how good someone’s intentions truly are.
Getting out, I wait patiently, tapping my foot while Adam drags out every single bag. Leaving mine for last.
“I’ll walk you to your dorm, Danielle,” I offer, extending my hand to grab one of her bags.
“I’ll help, too, it’s only fair.” I fake a smile toward Adam, but Danielle doesn’t notice the tension between us as she leads us to her dorm. It’s closer to my dormitory than Adam’s.
As soon as we get Danielle’s stuff in her room, I’m off to my own personal hell with my roommate. The delusion that I could be truly happy is fading away the more that reality sets in.
“Thank you both so much,” Danielle says when we finally get all of her bags lugged up the stairs. She hugs Adam, and then me.
“You’re welcome, Danielle. You coming over tomorrow after class? Brit and Zoey are coming to study.” Danielle looks at me, quirking her eyebrows, and I quickly shake my head no.
“Yeah, I guess I’ll come.”
“Don’t sound so enthusiastic.” Adam rolls his eyes and starts to leave. “I’ll walk you to your dorm, Collins. Can’t be too careful.”
He cannot be serious right now. But the way he’s staring at me and holding the door open, he is. I can’t look at Danielle as I’m leaving, worried that she’ll see the guilt on my face.
The walk back to my dorm is worse than the one to Danielle’s, because the entire time, I’m seething and calling Adam every derogatory name in my head.
And that just proves how much he’s gotten under my skin because I never think badly about people, or cuss.
That’s not who I am. I’m the nice guy who always makes sure everyone is taken care of, because if I’m at least a little bit useful, people will want to keep me around.
People don’t want to keep around negative energy. Somehow, Adam is the only person who can bring it out of me.
“This is far enough,” I state when we stop in front of my dormitory.
Turning on my heels, I level Adam with a look that would turn him to ash on the spot if I were a superhero.
Or a villain. I think I prefer villain in this instance.
Squaring my shoulders, I build the confidence to set our boundaries again, since it seems like he conveniently has forgotten.
“Can I come up to your room?” he asks me gently, reaching out with his hand and intertwining his fingers with mine. I try to snatch them away from his grasp, but he holds on tighter. “Please, Collins.”
“No! Last night was a fluke. You have a girlfriend, Adam. I shouldn’t have to keep reminding you of that.”
“I don’t need you reminding me, I just need you to give me a chance.” I shake my head, pulling my hand back to my body, and his hand follows, loosening his grip on my hand and resting it on my hip. “We can do this at whatever pace you need, I promise.” His voice is soft and sensual.
“No, Adam.”
“Hunter…” He trails off, and it’s the first time I’ve heard my name on his lips since move-in day. It sends a shock through my system. That’s the only reason I lean into his touch, letting his thumb trail underneath the hem of my T-shirt.
“Not in my room, I have a roommate. He’s kinda…”
“An asshole?” I nod.
“Come to my room? Just for tonight?”
I don’t speak, and I’m not sure if I’m in charge of my body and my mind at this point. But as I wrap my hand back in his and let him lead me to his room, I feel myself sink into him one more time. Just for tonight.