Page 95 of Suddenly Beck

‘Yes, he,’ I say bravely, even though my stomach is shaking, and my hands are trembling, I fist them tightly and stand a little straighter staring at him defiantly. ‘I’m gay, and I’ve met a man I love more than anything or anyone.’ I swallow tightly. ‘I hope he loves me too, although I’m not sure if he does, he’s a little mad at me right now.’

‘He’s not mad at you,’ a familiar voice rumbles from the side entrance to the kitchen, and I turn toward that warm voice like a flower turning toward the sun. I can feel the cold, icy gaze of my father drilling into my back, but all my focus is on Beck. He came back to me. He came to find me, and that’s all that matters. He crosses the small distance between us, cupping my face, his expression soft and tender. ‘I do love you.’ He tells me sincerely, and my stomach clenches at his soft heartfelt admission. There’s so much I want to say but not like this, not in front of my father.

‘This is Beck,’ I turn and introduce him, as he takes my hand and squeezes it reassuringly. ‘He’s my…’

‘Boyfriend,’ he finishes for me as he glances at my father. ‘Mr Elliott.’ He holds out his hand. ‘I’m Nat’s boyfriend.’

My father looks down at Beck’s hand like he has leprosy, and Beck drops it to his side, his expression unconcerned.

‘I’ve spent my whole life trying to live up to your expectations,’ I tell my father. ‘Wanting you to be proud of me, wanting you to love me and blaming you because I was so unhappy, but part of that’s on me. I should have been honest, and I wasn’t. I should’ve told you how I felt, but I didn’t. So, I’m telling you now, I’m gay, I’m in love, and for the first time in my life, I’m really happy, and as my father I would hope that you can, if not be happy for me, at least accept me as I am.’

He stares at me silently; the disgust clear in his pale blue gaze as the silence stretches out between us endlessly.

‘Say something,’ I whisper.

‘You’re no son of mine,’ he says coldly, and without another word, he turns his back on me and walks out of the kitchen.

I’m not surprised, but the sting of the rejection burns hot and bright. A painful sense of loss, even as I feel the relief that it’s over, and I finally have some sort of closure. I’m not even aware of the tears rolling down my cheeks until Beck wipes them away gently.

‘I’m sorry, baby.’ He rests his forehead against my temple. ‘I’m so sorry, but it’s his loss.’

I turn to him slowly, blinking back the tears. ‘Beck.’ My voice cracks painfully. ‘I should have told you about Grace, but it’s not…’

‘I heard.’ Beck cups my face tenderly. ‘I’m sorry too, I should have let you explain. I shouldn’t have stormed off like an idiot.’ He brushes my lip softly with the pad of his thumb. ‘I’m so in love with you, Nat,’ he whispers. ‘That the thought of losing you nearly broke me.’

‘I was never leaving you, you have to believe that,’ I tell him fiercely.

‘I do believe it.’ He reaches up and tucks a lock of hair behind my ear as he traces the stubble at my jaw.

‘Grace and my father are my past. I didn’t know it at the time, but from the moment I got on that train, I was leaving that life and coming to find you.’ I lean my forehead against his and breathe him in.

‘Nat,’ he breathes heavily. ‘You’re everything to me.’

I pull back far enough to look into those warm comforting hazel eyes, and I know there can’t be any more secrets between us. ‘Beck, there’s something else I should tell you.’ I draw in a deep breath. ‘It’s about Sully’s.’

‘Nat, I know.’ He toys with my hair affectionately.

‘What?’ I frown in confusion.

‘I know that you put nearly all your money into saving my dad’s restaurant and that you could still lose everything.’

‘How did you find out?’

‘Ryan was eavesdropping.’ Beck smiles.

‘No, I wasn’t,’ a muffled voice comes from behind the crack in the door.

Beck sniggers softly before sobering, his gaze serious. ‘You didn’t have to do that, Nat.’

‘I know, but I wanted to,’ I tell him honestly.

‘Why?’

‘Because.’ I blow out a breath trying to find the words to explain. ‘The money doesn’t mean anything. I’ve had money all my life and I was miserable. Coming here, to the bay... meeting you and Mel and everyone. I can’t even begin to make you understand what you all mean me, but most importantly... I did it for you.’

‘Nat,’ he whispers.

‘I know how much you loved your dad, and how sad it makes you that he’s gone. I didn’t want you to lose that last piece of him.’