Page 44 of Suddenly Beck

‘So... you’ve seriously never…’ I leave the sentence hanging as I shake my head, unable to comprehend how he’s gone so long denying who he is. ‘How have you coped?’

He lifts his right hand and gives it a little wave with a flushed laugh. ‘It’s not so bad, you kind of get used to it. Why do you think I have this lean build? I run… a lot… take cold showers.’ He counts them off on his fingers. ‘…watch gardening programs.’

‘Gardening programs? I choke back a laugh

‘Sure.’ He grins. ‘Nothing like some twat in tweed reciting the Latin names of shrubs to kill a boner.’

‘To kill a Boner,’ I snort in amusement. ‘Sounds like a literary classic.’

‘One of the most underrated Agatha Christie mysteries.’ He nods.

I laugh loudly and it releases some of the tension in my body.

‘That’s why I left,’ Nat says quietly after a moment. ‘It wasn’t ever just about sex. Once I left home and got my own place, I could have gone to an anonymous club or even paid for it, I suppose, but it seemed so sordid, and I wanted…’

‘You wanted the connection,’ I say quietly.

‘Yeah,’ he whispers. ‘I wanted to matter. I wanted it to be special.’

‘Nat,’ I breathe aching for him.

But he steps back and grins. ‘But that’s what I love about this place,’ he says enthusiastically, and my brain struggles to keep up.

‘What?’

‘I’m free here.’ He spreads his arms wide. ‘Here, there’s no more lying, there’s no more pretending. Here I can shout it from the roof tops.’ I watch with a smile as he turns toward the ocean. ‘I AM GAY!’ he yells at the top of his voice.

‘Sweetheart, I’m pretty sure they can hear you all the way in Truro.’

‘Dance with me, Beck,’ he laughs happily as he spins in a circle, and I’m utterly entranced by him. ‘Dance with me in the moonlight, or better still we should get naked and go skinny dipping.’

He reaches for the bottom of his shirt, and I dash forward and grab him.

‘Not sure that’s a good idea while you’re under the influence, unless you really do want me to have to save you again.’ I grin.

He spins in my arms wrapping his arms around my neck, and I stumble back, my heel catching an uneven mound of sand as we both topple to the ground.

‘Whoops,’ Nat laughs as I roll him over pinning him beneath me. The laughter dying in his throat as he feels my painful erection pressing up against him.

He moans and rocks his hips against me, setting every nerve in my body on fire. I can feel the steel ridge of his cock bulging in his jeans, rubbing against my dick, and fuck, he feels huge. My mouth is watering, and I want to taste him so badly. I’m desperate to slide down his body, pop the buttons on his jeans and swallow his cock. I want to watch the pleasure move across his face as I make him come so hard he loses his mind, he deserves nothing less.

‘Beck,’ my name on his lips is a plea and a promise. He’s like the original sin sent to tempt me. He’s the fucking brightest, shiniest apple, and Christ, do I want a bite. ‘Beck, please,’ he whispers, sliding his warm hands down to my hips and pulling me into him, grinding against me, the pressure a sweet agony. ‘I want you. I want you to be my first,’ he pants softly. ‘I want you inside me so badly.’

‘Nat,’ I gasp hoarsely as I try to pull away. I’m trying so hard to do the right thing and not take advantage. He deserves more than a drunken shag that he’ll barely remember in the morning.

The good angel on my shoulder is telling me to pull back, to take him home and let him sleep it off, but unfortunately, my libido is currently trying to punch my angel unconscious.

‘No,’ Nat moans, letting go of my hips and sliding his hands into my hair, gripping tightly as he rolls his hips against me, and I swear to God I almost see stars. Who knew having your hair pulled was so fucking sexy. One guy tried it with me before and I hated it, but with Nat, it makes me want to sink my teeth into him and bite hard.

‘Kiss me,’ he breathes pulling me closer.

My lips almost graze his when I pull back sharply. ‘No,’ I breathe hard. ‘Not like this, not when you’re drunk.’

His head falls back against the sand, and he closes his eyes. ‘Beck,’ he exhales slowly. ‘Everything’s spinning.’

‘Come on, Nat.’ I stroke his face softly. ‘Let’s get you home.’ But I know he doesn’t hear me, his grip has already loosened as he passes out.

‘Fuck my life,’ I whisper on a breathless laugh, knowing damn well I now have to carry him back up the fucking hill.